heaven knows.

Juliet; i just had a lady bitch me out because I had the audacity to not serve her 17 year old a long island ice tea on the course  Juliet: Dear lord I need the worlds biggest drink or fattest blunt.  Juliet: Please tell me your free tonight

calvin: how many ounces is the world’s biggest drink

calvin: and can it be shared with minors on the golf course

Location: Employee Lounge.

“Hey,” Gio looked over from where he was topping off his coffee with a nip of whiskey. “You got plans tonight?”

C: tennis question

C: are the skirts a requirement? i've been really trying to work on my serve but the brisk breeze blowing up my hairy legs is wildly distracting

location : the valet station

“For a minute I almost forgot what an arse you are.” His expression dead serious, his tone gave him away as he pulled out the Bud Light and slid it across the counter. “I can deal with the boring drinks as long as my company isn’t boring too.” It was supposed to be a compliment — Calvin was one of the more interesting people around the country club, coming from a rock and roll playing biker that stuck out like a sore thumb. But he couldn’t leave a compliment well enough alone. “Guess I’m shit out of luck with you, huh?”

“that’s kind of endearing that you were able to forget, no matter how fleeting the moment was.” calvin smirked, the upturned corners of his lips an unlikely sight but a right of passage to some. “i’ll try to entertain as much as possible but unfortunately i left my clown shoes in my room.”  he shrugged. sometimes it was exhausting for him to be the person that he was. someone that people were so enchanted by, so naturally drawn too yet they feared him just the same. “you know what they say about guys with big feet. it’s a legacy as hard to fill as my big clown shoes. i’m just so naturally disappointing.”

E: noooo you have to eat actual food! that's not good for you anyway, let alone a red bull on an empty stomach?

E: i'm bringing you something, what do you want?

C: some people are picky eaters, this is my version of that

C: you could bring me another red bull

          with a scrunch of his nose, link represented the doubt emoji in the point five seconds it took for his friend to interrupt himself with a sharp shooter, the golf ball that proceeded to fly high in the air not enough for link to distract his prying thoughts away from what he figured calvin was bound to say — cumin, obviously. love in the form of cumin.  ❛ dude, don’t bring math or graphs into this. if you wanna slap down some cold hard facts about golfers & their lost balls, take it up with tiger woods’ ex-wife. i’m sure she’d have a lot to say about how much these sleezeheads get laid & have fun outside of their cookie cutter marriage, ❜  he argued, indulging calvin in his sidebar before they were both back on the same track. at least, the track link was willing to ride on. something reminiscent to a side street, rather than a main highway, as though link was going out of his way to go out of the way of what calvin was implying.  ❛ i think you’re mistaking my “sabotage” for something else … ❜  he veered off, lips then upturning into a tense smile when he continued with ( albeit twinged with sarcasm ),  ❛ is this about when we “made out”. yknow, last week?? when i pulled a scott pilgrim on you & said ‘i gotta pee on you’ before i like, booked it to the bathroom to hide?? is that it?? ‘cause yeah, i remember all of that, maxfield. thanks for lookin’ out & reminding me to never take my clothes off again. ❜

E: well aren't you a charmer 😊

E: no no no, you're squidward, i'm spongebob

E: but i could swing by if you'd like some company!! what do you want for lunch?

C: nah, just know what you wanna hear.

C: i can carve out an hour or two, just don't tell the chef

“whatever you made for table 12, i want that. might have been the most beautiful i’ve ever laid eyes on, truly.” that was one of the things that she had always enjoyed about working in a country club, the food was better than most places. the wealthy clientele only expected the best, and that’s certainly what they got at the end of it. she wouldn’t be able to afford it otherwise, so at least she could pretend for a moment that she did. “well my personality thanks you dearly,” she grinned. “he’s got the right idea about you. but no, he’s actually scary. he yelled at me once because i had stepped into the kitchen for a literal second, and that’s why i can only talk to you through the confines of this window. it’s a tragedy, really.”

        ON SOME NIGHTS, when she didn’t want to go home, shelly stayed at work to ‘ ensure everything was in working order. ‘ code word for being antsy and fucking about. it wasn’t completely unheard of, she had the keys to the gate and she did clean up if she thought of it ( which wasn’t often ) so she thought she was justified as long as this didn’t end in a crime scene. and did she sometimes let her friends hang out, too ? yeah. sue her. she’s actually cleaning tonight, running the net through the pool when she hears a familiar voice. her head tilts up, squinting to see through the darkness. ‘ hey, loser, ‘ she replies, affectionately, her face stretching into a smile. ‘ are you bribing me, maxfield ? ‘ she asks, faux offended, eyeing him then the bag. as if on cue, her stomach rumbles and she drops the shtick, reaching out and making a grabbing gesture for the bag through the fence, then goes to unlock it. ‘ ugh, i’m so fucking hungry, i haven’t gotten dinner yet, gimme, ‘ she muses, as she lets him in. ‘ don’t skinny dip. don’t run. and if you crack your head open, i am not cleaning that up. ‘ 

          luckily for calvin, link’s thoughts went straight toward this kid’s a fan of the cult classic too?? instead of regarding the other as a theatre nerd, the curly haired boy’s fascination with all things movies & television naturally skewing him away from the fact that broadway existed. which was why he rolled his eyes & brushed his friend off, not denying that he’d used heather chandler’s famous quote one too many times while being scared from the side or behind.  ❛ okayokay, guess we’re not sugarcoating that, ❜  he said in reference to calvin’s suggestion, his line of sight dropping down to the ball in the other’s hand before he was swiftly looking back up.  ❛ y’know i’d never refuse a beer — ‘specially if you’re buying. so … ❜  he shrugged, acting casual.  ❛ i promise to be the best non-date you’ll have tonight. or if this is a major wingman alert, i can be that too, bud. ❜

*

      “ THE DUMPSTER IS THAT WAY, calvin, ” lu retorts as she places the weights back in their place, convinced the entire ordeal of their breakup was still totally, completely, not at all her fault. “ any reason you’re stinking up the room with your neanderthal libido ? ‘cause if you’re just here to perpetuate your disgusting objectification onto my clients, then you can very much go fuck off. ”

Lennon grasped her chest in full feign of disdain, “Oh now I’m going to cry Calvin. That one. After all these years really was the last straw good going.” she quivered her lip. “You know I can’t believe you even still work here if you hate it so much. Trust me seeing you smug face every summer hasn’t been the highlight of my life so how about we just avoid each-other at all cost like we’ve been? Deal.” she said firmly. Her blood starting to boil. Lennon was usually so sweet and kind to the staff but something about him just made her want to blow a gasket. Maybe it was his smug face or the cockiness but it just amplified her mood. It wasn’t even like there was on incident that set this feud off no enemy origin story to tell. “Yes actually your presence about a good 100 miles from me.” she sighed in frustrated. “Wow drinking on the job too? God you-” she let out a huffy breath. “Maybe I shouldn’t even eat this.” she held up the container. “Knowing you it’s probably poison?” 

char: yk i didn't really notice and i'm not gonna dig in the garbage but given this place, i'd bet on it

char: it'll be late... you can get a cart that late?

cal: leave the dumpster diving for the dishwashers. you know, mine looks for rib bones to suck the marrow off of

“Do tally marks instead of names, there’s a lot of ways around this, Calvin. Don’t you listen to murder podcasts?” Everyone had to have a favorite there. Hand reached out to swat at him, “Stop it, go outside or something.” Get out of my sight in other words. “We can’t get another complaint.” It’d been a while since the last noise complaint or what have you, probably since their last party. “What’s wrong with a Chelsea? It’s a cute name- Ugh, Calvin! That makes it sound like I was watching.” Shudder ran down her spine, that was not the kind of reputation she wanted. “What? Did you just make cheating sound like a public service? Only you would think that, Calvin, only you. No, I’m not going to bring anyone home, actually. I’m not going to give you the chance to poke fun.”

“no, serial killer romanticists are the new crazy cat ladies. like it used to be ‘people suck, the only person i like is my cat’ but now since that’s cheugy, people have graduated to ‘i can tell you everything about jack the ripper but i can’t tell you what i had for breakfast yesterday’. it’ll be a cringey interest in the years to come.” he explained simple because his cynicism couldn’t just let people like things,  he had to find something wrong with everything. but in the same way he’s speaking, he puffed. his cigarette with. the mere intent to piss the girl off. “are you gonna tell? it’s just one cigarette. the second hand smoke won’t kill you. not now, anyways. eventually.  but at that point, something else will take you in conjunction with the smoke from this butt.”  

“Choosing abstinence would mean obtaining from sex, and that’s certainly not what I’ve been doing this week. Just as Rose,” Esme corrected, pointing the end of her celery stick in his direction from her perch on the kitchen counter. Their relationship status was technically non-existent, but that didn’t stop Esme from crawling into her bed at night when giving the chance. “Check back in a week. I might knock you clear out of the running by Friday night, bodies and plumber calls.”

“Who’s the lucky person, hm? Someone from work? Or wait - a member from the club?” They egged on, arching their eyebrow in his direction. “That Bachelor party that played 18 holes on Monday was full of 10’s. Please tell me it was one of them.”