Livin' La Vida Loca

The walls were wood and the seating area was pressed against windows at the front of the building. Lightbulbs hung from the ceiling, casting a yellow glow across the tables that had tiny tea candles as centerpieces. 

Reyna’s first week with them was arduous. Him, KayKay, or Ash would often wake up to the sound of her retching into the toilet. After most meals, the same would happen and he’d hold her hair in his grasp while his other hand rubbed up and down her bony shoulders. She wasn’t as hesitant to eat in the third week as she was in the first and he felt pride in her for that. 

She was listening to what Sierra was saying to her left as she chewed with her hand covering her mouth. Calum was a stranger to every word that was being said but he smiled appropriately when Reyna did, less at the audible content.

“You’re staring mate,” Michael muttered quietly beside him before taking another bite out of his sandwich.

Calum straightened and cleared his throat of nothing, “Just zoning out is all.” 

Michael made a disbelieving choking sound and pushed all the food in his mouth to one side before mumbling, "You've always been a shit liar, haven't ya'?"

The dark-haired boy simply dismissed him with a shake of his head and went back to spinning a green plastic food basket on the table with his hand. He tried to listen in on the conversation between the rest of the group, but context clues didn't get him very far so he opted for sitting confusedly while 'zoning out'.

He thought about what they could all do together for the next three weeks that the band was in New York for. Although not much had happened passed their first real night in the city, the time had flown by much too fast. Minutes and hours didn't make a difference to their schedules as they were just patiently waiting for their next interview to swing around. 

"She seems a lot happier," Michael spoke again.

Calum shot his eyes up to look at the girl across from him that Michael acted as though wasn't in earshot. She was laughing with Sierra about something and her attention was fully taken by it, her eyes glinting with interest and her body leaned toward Sierra to show she was listening. 

"You're the least inconspicuous man I've ever met," Calum warned. Even with the tumultuous babble going on around the table, Michael's voice could still carry its own attention.

"And you're the most?" Michael exclaimed. "Mate, you've been ogling her all morning!"

Calum didn't fight back with a reply, he only lowered his eyes to the basket on the table to avoid drawing attention from the girl in question. She was wearing a gray halter top with dark high-waisted jeans that complimented her frame. Calum was having trouble not staring at her chest, which was pretty adequate considering how small she was in every other area, and he couldn't help but admire her.

The dark hair that framed her face and washed down her body kept him lured in with earnestness and curiosity that he didn't often feel. He was more than content with staring if it meant that he got to occasionally witness the rare toothy-grin she seldom gave.

"Hi, sorry." Calum raised his head to the left where the shy face instantly matched the shy voice. 

A girl around their age stood with her phone clasped tightly in her hand–so tight that her knuckles were reddened ivory–and bright red cheeks. She gave all of them a polite smile and remained silent, watching everyone watch her with an almost fearful demeanor as though she would crumble under the intensity of being in the same room as them. 

"Hello!" Michael greeted and gave a small wave. This prompted her to continue as if it was the final bit of reassurance that she wasn't imagining them being there, "I just wanted to say I'm a huge fan of you guys."

Ashton let out an adoring whine and he stood up to give her a full-body hug. "That's so sweet. Thank you so much!"

"You guys are my heroes if that doesn't sound too pathetic." She laughed. 

"Not at all. What's your name, love?" 

"Adrianne," The silver-haired girl responded. "Sierra, I'm also a huge fan. KayKay and Crystal, you both are so gorgeous." 

The three girls beamed brightly up at her and responded with 'thank you's'. 

"I'm sorry, I don't know your name." Adrianne set her sights on Reyna who was looking the other way until she realized she was being talked to.

"Oh, sorry. I'm Reyna." The raven-haired girl smiled politely and gave a small wave. Her twisting to look at the girl was dorky and awkward and Calum smiled slightly at her expense.

"Are you-" Adrianne trailed off and glanced between the two that sat at the table nearest to her.

"I'm just a friend of the band," Reyna answered quickly. Calum couldn't tell if her urgency was out of dismissive disgust or her being non-confrontational, but he preferred the latter. He'd feel soul-crushing embarrassment if it was due to the fact that she couldn't see him like that, although not a part of him could blame her.

“Ah, well. In that case, it’s so good to meet you too!” Adrianne giggled. Calum furrowed his eyebrows and pondered what case would possibly make it unpleasant to meet Reyna. In the midst of a burning orphanage or in an armed bank robbery wouldn't be pleasant, but the condition of their relationship couldn't possibly change where on the scale of 'good' meeting her was.

It wasn't uncommon for fans to show Calum more attention than the rest of his band. His relationship status being rather dormant like a dead mouse in some shed somewhere for nearly three years while his mates all had their person had, by default, left fewer options for everyone. Calum smiled politely at Adrianne as she spoke to the group, all the while looking at him with a hunger that left little to the imagination. 

By the time the silver-haired girl had said goodbye and left the bagel shop, she had successfully slid a piece of paper with ten digits scribbled neatly across it in a not-so muted manner. The scrawl had obviously taken some time, every number formed uniformly to the one prior, and Calum studied it as the conversation ensued around him, none of the boys commenting on it as they left quick glances to Reyna who, much to his chagrin, looked entirely unbothered.

"You gonna call her?" 

Calum's gaze trailed over Reyna smoothly, who was leaning with her elbows on the table and her chin in her palms as she grinned at him teasingly, and quirked an eyebrow in an almost challenging manner, "What's it to you, kid?"

"Just tired of watching you brood all the time. It's quite sad, like one of those shelter commercials. The only thing missing is the violin." 

Calum stared at her with a chest that felt tight, the feeling like the excitement that was so uncontainable that he couldn't help but grin and tighten his throat to suppress a pathetic squeal that he would never be able to live down. All because she grinned at him with a brightness that emphasized her attention to the obvious irony she tried to highlight. 

"Spend a lot of time watchin' me brood?" He replied easily, picking up his coffee and nursing it as he waited on her reply.

"So you aren't denying it?" Reyna confirmed, artfully evading his question. She straightened her back, "Maybe you should call her. It might be good for you."

Calum narrowed his eyes in mock contemplation and looked at the plants lining the wall to his left. It was a predicament in that he could almost say with a profound stoic certainty that what was definitely good for him was already hardly three feet across from him and shared a bed with him more than once, smiling at him like the Cheshire cat in triumph at his wordlessness. He wanted to prove her wrong and dispel her idea that she had, in fact, conjured the remedy to his "brooding", but he just couldn't disprove her and risk extinguishing the glint in her eyes as she peered at him expectantly. So he said nothing, letting her believe that he had some feigned interest in the silver-haired Adrianne, and finished his coffee.

--------

She often felt inextensible guilt late into the night. Reyna knew that as Calum laid beside her facing the closet wall he could feel the bed shake as her body shook with sobs. He was sleeping, this she knew by his soft snores that mixed with her sharp intakes of breath as she tried to calm herself down. 

She always tried to hold it in, save these moments for when she was alone in the shower and the water slapping onto the tiles could scream above her whimpers, drowning them out so they couldn't act as an inconvenience to anyone else. Less than half of the time she was successful. Nights like these were the ones that drudged up the most guilt. 

The sky was clear and the moon danced on the windows of buildings outside, waltzing in time with the city lights. Everything down below was an orderly chaos, people meandered on the sidewalks in the city that never sleeps chasing the nightlife. It was beautiful chaos that never failed to make her breathing ragged. 

The guilt that Aaron couldn't see the sky because he was in a prison cell ate away any appreciation she could have of its beauty. The realization that she had let it drag on for so long and doing jackshit to help herself made her heart heavy. She had missed out on the best years of her life, she feared, for a man who did nothing but hurt her. 

Guilt for what she went through. Guilt for what she was putting Calum through. She knew by his slight intake of breath when she had unsuccessfully wallowed silently. His reaction was always the same bittersweet ritual. He'd stretch his limbs out and yawn, before turning over and reaching his long arms around her waist, pulling her back into his chest. He'd snuggle his face into the crook of her neck, his breath fanning over the expanse of her shoulder and collarbones delicately, warming her cold frame endearingly. 

His whispers of reassurance only made her cry harder every time. With a gravelly voice, he'd reassure that he was there and that she wasn't going through the night alone. All of these moments brought her the realization that if he was any other person on the planet, she wouldn't be capable of this type of catharsis. 

But he was Calum. He was Calum and his arms were what she desperately needed in times like these to keep her from falling apart. 

They shifted, her face burying into his bare chest and him wrapped around her shaking shoulders, pulling her impossibly closer. The pair selfishly, unbeknownst to the other, breathed each other in and Calum's fingers clenched the fabric of her clothes.

"I hate how you have to hold me like I might blow away," she whispered, voice hoarse and tired. 

His muscles tensed and he groped her frame tighter to him. Reyna knew it was cruel to put him through this. He was a busy man who barely got enough sleep as it was prior to when she kept him awake at night worrying over her feeble sobs that didn't seem to dissipate with how many weeks went by. She thought of how unfair it was for him to have to endure the pain with her when he had nothing to do with it. She imagined his thoughts as griping and irritated, impatiently waiting for her to get over it.

What she couldn't imagine was how his heart felt possibly heavier than hers at the knowledge that his hold on her that was vice-like wasn't to keep her there with him but to go with her when she did. Not once had he ever hushed her cries, he just rubbed her back and urged her to let everything she could out in hopes that it would get her closer to falling asleep with a smile. 

--------

She had been ugly crying for what felt like hours until she finally put herself together enough to sit up in the bed that she had only slept in once. The type of cry where your mouth was open but no sound came out, a full breath being impossible to get and you settled for small gasps.

Her closet was still bare and the apartment felt like a communal hotel room that you could share with complete strangers. Almost like uberpool, she somehow trusted them not to murder her until she got to her destination, wherever that destination was for her, even though she couldn't say she entirely minded the brutal prospect of being killed in her sleep at that very moment.

Her throat was dry and scratchy and as she dried her tears and eventually managed to space out her breaths, she stood from her bed and walked to the door. Maybe the fact that her eyes were swollen to a point nearly comparable to anaphylaxis–or because her brain felt hollow–she didn't notice the white light spilling into her room from under the crack in the door.

Calum stood in the bathroom, conveniently placed directly across the hall, and was fiddling with the bandages on his face. When he heard her door open, he looked at her in surprise before it quickly was squashed with concern and apprehension.

He didn't ask what she knew he was itching to and that small act of decency saved her from wanting to pull her own hair out. 'Are you okay' was always the most idiotic thing that had ever come out of Aaron's mouth after she had been crying. He was a lot dumber than he looked and Reyna was grateful Calum wasn't the same way.

"Did I wake you?" He asked instead, as though the light she hadn't noticed under the door had been such a burden, as though her face wasn't red, tear-stained, and raw.

She stared at him like he was a cartoon character brought to life and maybe it was the lack of sleep that left her emotionally limited, but she couldn't hold back the amused giggle that left her lips. His question was an attempt to take the weight off of her, this sweet man who didn't know anything about her was so in tune with her simply because she was human, the complexity of which wasn't that much of an enigma at all.

Her emotional well was dry. The kind of exhaustion she felt was manic, the type that released the wrong emotion in the least opportune setting simply because there weren't any other banks of emotions to draw from. 

"Just needed some water," her voice sounded like absolute hell. "Would you like help?"

His fingers were too large to properly grasp the edges of the bandages on his face. They were lifting enough to need to be trimmed, but not enough that it would be an easy task to do by himself. Not that it was easy to do in the first place, her knowing about it all too well. 

"I-" Calum started, opening and closing his mouth like a guppy and fiddling with the bandage on his face some more until he gave up, sighing and facing her. "That would be great, actually."

She gave him a soft smile and approached him, studying the butterflies across his face to see what she was working with. 

"Can you sit on the toilet?" She requested as she started the tap to wash her hands. He was a fair bit taller than her–fair being inconsiderate as he towered over her like an ent–and she had no premeditated intentions on poking his eyes out with the bulky kitchen scissors. 

The proximity had her holding her breath as she moved to in between his legs. Her hand cradled his face as she gently motioned for him to look up slightly and she fiddled gently with the white bandages that were a stark contrast to his brown skin. 

"You've been crying." 

It wasn't a question, only a bleak observation that had her clearing her throat awkwardly.

"Yeah," she reached for the scissors on the counter and gently peeled back the highest one, "You sanitized these, right?"

He gave her a soft small and reached for the isopropyl on the counter, shaking it in confirmation. 

"Good." She whispered and got to work maneuvering around his wounds.

The silence between them was deafening and the only thing that broke it was the snipping of the scissors. He sat with his eyes closed and his head leaned back, giving her an opportunity to really look at him without being fearful of making uncouth eye contact. She frowned at the sight of the green and blue mixing with yellow in his face and the gash underneath the bandages. It was a conscious effort to keep her touch on his light as she didn't want to cause him any unnecessary pain. 

Nearing the last bandage, she noticed the small moles on his cheek that created their own miniature constellation, ensuring that his face was as unique as it could possibly be. She watched as his Adam's apple bobbed and clipped the last straggling bandage before letting out a breath and stepping away. 

When he opened his brown eyes that had a million hues he met her gaze before she quickly looked away and down to the floor. She didn't want to get lost studying the flecks of color in them or compare their warmth to the piercing green that she was accustomed to. It didn't feel right to her and she felt sick as her mind wandered back to Aaron.

"You'll be good to take them off tomorrow night or the next morning if you move a lot in your sleep. They look like they're healing pretty well." She turned on the tap again and washed the scissors and her hands.

"Where'd you learn to do this stuff?" His curiosity was ever so present and Reyna looked at him as he stood, reveling briefly at the way his hair curled around his ears and at the way his broad shoulders moved forward.

She allowed herself to think fondly of them with a small smile, a comparison to the entire year and a half before "My parents." 

The air was heavier somehow. His body language faced her fully while his mind seemed to be somewhere else, the brown irises swimming with contemplation. She wanted to know what was running through his head: what warranted the silence that came after she mentioned her parents that seemed so distant from her now. They were fading memoirs now. Her mother's short, yet demanding stature with black hair and bangs made her look years younger than her father who looked like her exact opposite. Tall, fair-skinned, with eyes that were green and gray and blue.

"Thank you," he spoke with a tone barely louder than the quiet, holding her gaze in the mirror with an expression of sincerity. 

"It's really the least I can do."

And he would hear her say this an uncountable amount of times, but he'd never tire of it.

--------

Reyna wasn't very much of a drinker. Occasionally, she would open a bottle of wine or dig the tequila out from under the sink, hidden with Lysol bottles, dish soap that doubled as hand soap, and extra ninety-nine cent sponges. The tequila was always saved for particularly difficult nights and it was in such an inconspicuous place because it was one of the three things she had all to herself. Books and the cleaning supplies were the other two as Aaron would be sooner caught actually attending his NA meetings before he would go anywhere near either of those. 

Her first paycheck wasn't huge by any means, but Reyna was proud of it. After putting over half of it in the fund to pay Calum back–which she was afraid she'd never be able to fully achieve–and buying four new books, she also invested in four bottles of wine.

That purchase is what brought her to the kitchen floor at three in the morning, her and KayKay wine drunk and spewing out nonsense stories that had them in that weirdly satisfying limbo somewhere between crying and laughing. 

Reyna barely had self-control when it came to sweet things that she could actually ingest and being sat next to a bowl of cookie dough for five minutes because they had forgotten to preheat the oven was a serious test of her willpower. 

KayKay, being the wise person she was, suggested that they were celebrating, which didn't require abstinence of any kind, and took the first pinch of cookie dough. That brave first step had Reyna cracking and she indulged herself.

"My dad and I used to bake all the time. His favorite was a tiramisu." KayKay giggled and took another sip, cringing at the taste.

"Was it good?" Reyna inquired while swirling her own drink in the cheap wine glasses she had bought for this occasion.

"God no." KayKay chuckled. "It was awful every time and he couldn't seem to get it right. As a chef? He was an absolute power to be reckoned with. Not so much as a baker." The girl smiled fondly. 

"Well, this cookie dough is fucking fantastic so I think we pass as semi-decent bakers," Reyna offered and grabbed a piece of the dough before popping it into her mouth. Not ever being great at proving her point, she gagged when it settled on her tongue. "Not so incredible when mixed with wine."

KayKay cackled at Reyna's facial features all scrunched up and pug-like. Leaning her head against the cupboard, Reyna smiled fondly at the girl who had completely lost it, drunken giggles stumbling from between her cherry lips and eyes screwed shut tightly.

For the first time in a while, she felt fortuitous. The girl next to her was one of the most incredible people she had ever met. Her mind weaved entire stories and poems that were art forms in and of itself, but the pieces she expressed were in a new realm. Reyna was lucky enough to be next to her and sharing space with her, it was only a plus that she was able to actually talk to her and discover more. Her kindness amounted to surpassing astronomically and she was the person that Reyna could consider a friend.

Wonders truly do never cease, Reyna thought.

“Yanno, I dated this guy before Ashton,” KayKay recovered and snatched more cookie dough from the bowl, “I depended on him for absolutely everything and I always felt so guilty about it. My parents raised me to be self-sufficient, but I somehow managed to erase their hard work because of this one guy.”

Reyna nodded along, the story sounding hauntingly familiar, “I knew he wasn’t right for me but I wanted him to be so desperately that I stayed. It caused a huge rift between me and my parents. They weren’t angry or anything, just the most disappointed in me that I’ve ever seen them, and that was somehow so much worse.

“I eventually broke up with him nearly a year after everything and started to reconnect with mom and dad, and then dad got sick.” She poured herself another glass full of wine, finishing off her bottle and taking a large gulp before she continued.

“I hate myself a little less every day, but I can’t help but think about how much time I wasted. Ashton got to meet him before- I just wish it was when he was at his best.” Reyna wrapped her arms around the girl, reveling in an inexplicable way that she was softly smiling while recalling something so terrible. Maybe it was the wine.

“I hate that you had to go through that,” Reyna whispered in her hair. 

“Me too. I realized how much I hated depending on a man for happiness and so did my dad, but at one point my dad was that man. He never hurt me and I know I hurt him, but I think dependability can be miraculous if it’s done with the right person at the right time.” KayKay’s smile continued to beam and Reyna knew who she was thinking of without a word needing to be said. 

“You guys are good for each other.” The prodigious condition of their relationship was enviable. They were two souls that just clicked, and although Reyna was too cynical to believe in soulmates, they were the closest exemplar.

“How do you feel about Cal?” 

Reyna was silent and wide-eyed for a moment, suddenly coming to the realization that she hadn’t drunk as much liquid courage as the other girl had, and threw her head back to finish off her wine before pouring another glass.

“He’s one of the best men I’ve ever met,” she paused and drank more, “And I’m lucky that he sees me as a friend, at least I hope he does.”

“He likes you a lot more than that.” 

Reyna shook her head in disbelief. There was absolutely no chance in hell that the man who was more physically appealing than a sculpted god had any interest in her. He was intelligent and witty, and those two things don’t bode well when paired with her. Only broken boys liked broken girls, the ones that sold drugs in alleyways and had multiple black hoodies but only a few pairs of pants. “We’re just friends.”

“No, Rey. Cal and I are just friends. You and I are just friends–"

"Really? I was starting to get my hopes up."

KayKay ignores her comment with an unamused stare, "He doesn’t look at me the way he constantly gawks at you. He doesn’t care about me like he cares about you.” She sat up on her knees with newfound energy, grabbing another ball of cookie dough. “Look, I’ve been around Calum long enough to know when he’s interested in someone. He has never treated anyone the way he treats you. Trust me, Ash and I have tried to set him up with our friends and he just isn’t- it never clicks.”

Reyna stared at the girl and recounted everything she said. She could certainly feel the wine kicking in as her face felt like it was on fire. Mind swirling with speeding thoughts, all of them going on different tangents as she tried to get a grip.

Calum liking her was like winning the Powerball lottery. Not only was his affection more than she could ask for in a single lifetime, but it was also next to impossible to win. She had a better chance of being struck by lightning or having a grand piano dropped on her head, both of which had a larger probability than Calum liking her more than a friend. Wanting what every young heart sought after, she wanted something beautiful to find her beautiful, but she didn't think that something was Calum.

“Alright, I’m gonna put these into balls before we don’t have any dough left to make actual cookies.” Reyna quickly evacuated herself from the hardwood floor and got to work.

Less than half the dough was left so it made about six cookies, which she would be lying if she said she wasn't disappointed. She placed them in the oven, her current state making her overly cautious about burning herself, and set a timer. Looking at the girl on the floor with pity, Reyna wobbled over to where KayKay was leaning against the cupboard with her eyes closed. 

"You hanging in there?" Reyna smiled sympathetically, finding humor in the blissed-out smile adorning her lips.

She burst into a fit of drunken giggles before opening her eyes into a squint and Reyna knew at that point how insanely drunk she actually was. "I'm amazing."

Reyna smiled and crouched in front of her–albeit, very haphazardly– and placed her hands on KayKay's knees. "Wanna eat these in the morning? It could be a good hangover snack, plus I think we should get you to bed." Hoping to coax the overly happy girl within reason.

"No, I'm having so much fun." She protested petulantly. 

"So am I," Reyna stood and got a glass out of the cupboard and filled it with water before crouching down again, "I have tomorrow and the day after off, we can have more fun then."

"But it's fun now," whinging and throwing her head back in childish refusal, her head came in contact with the cabinet and she mewled a pathetic 'ow'. Reyna watched and cringed knowing it would only add to her headache in the morning.

"Okay, but if you go to sleep you can cuddle with Ashton." Bribing her drunk friend wasn't something she was proud of but she doubted she would remember it anyway. She practically basked that moral gray area.

"You're evil." KayKay narrowed her already-narrowed eyes at her. 

"But I'm never wrong. Let's get you to the bathroom to brush your teeth and then get you to bed." Reyna coaxed.

The girl on the floor sighed and closed her eyes in preparation for hauling herself off the floor. 

Before long, KayKay breathed and reached her hand out to grasp the countertop but instead grabbed on to the end of the extra baking sheets Reyna had taken out of the oven. Under KayKay's weighted grasp, the pans flipped and, much to Reyna's horror landed on the floor with a loud smack.

"Shit." KayKay groaned at the noise. 

In a drunkenly panicked frenzy, Reyna scurried to pick up the pan lying on the floor facedown hopelessly. The damage had already been done, that much being obvious by the curly-haired boy who stood in the hallway entrance shortly after with his eyes squinted sleepily at the bright kitchen lights.

Reyna could feel her cheeks flush, adding on to the rosiness that was elicited from the alcohol. "Sorry," she fumbled with her eyebrows pinched together and hair stuck to her chapstick-coated lips as she held the pan to her chest apologetically, "Were we– we can– did we wake you? Stupid question. We were just– Sorry. Sorry." Reyna stammered pathetically. 

"Are you sorry about something? I really couldn't tell." Calum jested, walking further into the kitchen.

Reyna said nothing and did even less than that, holding her breath anxiously as she watched him with blurry eyes. His hair was all over the place, having become his signature look after he slept on it damp from taking a shower just before bed, and his toned torso was on full display for her to eat up like she was starved. She was disappointed that his legs were hidden beneath sweats–the ones she borrowed her second night there– and she had to admit that they looked much better on him. 

"Jesus, KayKay," the boy chuckled as he rounded the counter and took in the disheveled girl on the floor, "Need some help?"

"I'm literally fine," KayKay grumbled and attempted to stand and nearly fell right back onto her ass. Reyna placed the pan on the counter, holding out her arms to support her friend before looking at Calum, "Would you? She needs to brush her teeth first." 

He, of course, obliged, helping her down the hall and into the bathroom before flicking on the light and putting toothpaste on her toothbrush for her. Reyna remained in the kitchen making piss-poor attempts at grasping onto her cognitive abilities. She stayed in the middle of the floor and sighed out the breath she held, her attraction for the man down the hall increasing like her blood-alcohol levels. 

Pushing her crude thoughts to the back of her mind, she grabbed a glass from the cupboard and filled it with water before trekking down the hall and meeting the two by KayKay and Ashton's bedroom door. "Drink this, please."

KayKay groaned but acquiesced, grasping the glass and taking small sips. Reyna abandoned them again to grab acetaminophen from the bathroom cabinet and forcing her to take it. Sending her to bed was the easy part, all Reyna had to do was take the glass and open the door, although she watched her until she was safely tucked into Ashton's side.

When she shut the door, she turned to find Calum's gaze fixed on her. She gave him a weird look as she tried desperately to decipher what the look in his eyes meant. His earthy hues held something she'd never seen and instead of staring to figure it out, she took a mental screenshot before walking passed him into the kitchen. 

He followed her at a distance, her aware of his piercing gaze digging into her back as she cleaned up the wine glasses and bottles from the floor. When she finally turned, he was much closer than she thought he'd be. Bathed in white light, he did nothing but stare at her from beside the fridge with that impossible-to-understand look in his eye.

"Have fun?" He quirked an eyebrow at her and gestured to the bottle of wine with only a few swigs left in it. 

"I did," she felt her face heat up under his scrutiny, "Although I'm sure we're both going to be paying for it tomorrow." 

It bothered her how he could be so silent, yet speak so loudly with his body language and facial expressions. She was getting better at speaking his language, but at that moment in time when her head was waltzing with the alcohol in her veins, she hadn't a clue what his smirks and glances meant. 

He moved closer, "You seem to be less of a lightweight than I thought."

Her mouth fell open in mock offense and a gasp escaped her, "I'll have you know that I can hold my alcohol really well. At least I'm good at pretending like I can."

Calum smiled and leaned his lower back up against the counter comfortably, an action that had Reyna pouting as the surface easily was level with her waist. His eyes flickered to her pouting lips briefly before dragging back up to hold her gaze steadily, "Kind of wishing you weren't drunk right now."

Reyna cocked her head and grasped her bottle of wine. Putting the cork back into the bottle was never her strong suit and she rarely ever needed to practice that skill since she typically opted for just finishing the bottle, "I'm not drunk, just a little inebriated."

Calum laughed, "Using synonyms won't soften the fact that you're pretty fucked up." He grabbed the neck of the bottle she held close to her for leverage, causing her to look at him once again. 

She was desperately trying and desperately failing to avoid all contact with his chocolate orbs but like a magnet, she was stuck in them. Calum worked the cork back into the wine bottle with ease and she admired the way the muscles in his forearms flexed and relaxed at the motion. "Why?" 

He didn't answer until he put the bottle into the fridge and let out a breath. "Don't worry about it, Rey. It just slipped out."

"You can't just say that," She whined childishly, her features forming into another pout. "It makes me wonder about it more. Tell me."

"No," Calum shook his head, "Let's just go to bed."

"Drunk me is even more persistent than sober me so we're going to be here until you tell me." Reyna placed her hands on the counter behind her and jumped up onto it. She swung her legs casually and peered around the room, pretending not to care that he was staring at her with narrowed and amused eyes. 

"Not a chance," Calum spoke and stood in front of her with his arms out to her, "Let's go."

"Not a chance."

"Reyna," he rolled his eyes in feigned annoyance at her mocking him in a purposely shitty Australian accent. The small amused grin that played on his full lips betrayed him, and Reyna couldn’t help but bite hers to fight back her own smile, "I'm tired." He closed the distance between them, nearly standing in between her legs. 

"Absolutely nothing is stopping you from going to bed," slipped from her mouth, while what she was really thinking was something along the lines of, 'Holy fuck this man is breathtaking.' 

She admired him through her lashes as he towered over her. His height was a small detail that intimidated her at first, but it soon turned into one of the things she found impossibly sexually appealing about him. His face had since healed and left his skin smoothly flawless. The scruff that dusted along his jaw had excitement bubbling in her stomach as she waited in anticipation for him to say something. 

His thick eyebrows were in a straight line as he concentrated on her face in deep contemplation, “You really want to know?” 

She swore that his eyes flickered to her lips for a second before flashing back to her eyes. Reyna held her breath, her head spinning from both the alcohol and his proximity to her. His cologne was comforting and familiar, relaxing her effortlessly. She nodded wordlessly.

This time, she knew she hadn’t imagined his gaze flicker to her lips as he held it there for a moment, bringing his hand up to cup her cheek gently. His hand was colder than her flushed face, but somehow still managed to send heat coursing through her entire body. Three of his fingers grazed her neck because of how large they were, sending a sensation like electricity to her heart that was beating wildly in her throat. 

She parted her lips as he leaned in closer to her, his nose brushing against hers and his bated breath fanning over her face, “Because I really want to fucking kiss you right now.”

If Reyna held her breath any longer she would pass out. Physically, Calum was an Adonis that had her invariably captivated. What piqued her otherwise repressed deeper attraction to him was his mind; capable of writing lyrics straight from his heart onto a page and caring about perfect strangers, not once taking into consideration what he would get out of it. 

Her brown eyes met his before she looked down at his lips, then back up again. She thought it had to be some sick joke; somehow cameras would appear out of the cupboards and she’ll have been crowned the most gullible woman to ever walk the earth. 

"I want you to kiss me.” 

“You’re drunk,” he breathed, making no attempt to widen the gap between them.

Reyna chewed on the inside of her cheek and contemplated how to get this idiot to kiss her already. She appreciated his self-control and his chivalry that usually made her like him even more, but in that moment it was difficult for her not to throw her head back in frustration.

She knew by the way his eyes skipped between hers that were drinking him up and her lips that he was skeptical. Worry was indisputably formed in the crease of his brow and his nervous gnawing on his bottom lip. He was worried that she wouldn’t remember it or that she would regret it. 

She wished more than anything that he could hear her thoughts, how they raced rampantly with fantasies of him in her head. She wished he could be in her head so he could feel the electricity that his hand on her cheek brought, or the security she felt of being trapped in between his body and the counter. The feeling she had was unforgettable and something she had never felt before.

 “I’ve wanted you to kiss me.”

His face scrunched up into a happy grin, genuinely relieved by her admittance. Her hands smoothed up his chest and onto his shoulders, one moving to the nape of his neck and pulling his face closer to hers until she finally-finally-felt his pillowy lips on hers. Neither of them moved, testing the waters that had her skin alight. 

She was the first to pull him impossibly closer and they moved their lips together. The need to breathe was shoved to the back of their minds and he placed the hand that stabilized him on her waist, gently rubbing her side over her shirt.

Loud fireworks popped off in her head, feeling fuzzy like the smoke that’s left behind in the air. Her legs acted on their own accord as her knees pulled him to her, fervently savoring the feeling of having him like this. 

The world was forgotten, so she felt, and all she could sense was him. Her being so deep in the treacherous waters had her nearly jumping out of her skin and clinging to him with a squeal when the timer on the oven bulldozed the moment they were having. Calum laughed and snaked both of his muscular arms around her waist and hugged her to him. 

She breathed heavily and laid her forehead on his chest, reveling in the rhythmic rise and fall that assured her that she had actually just kissed him. 

When the caramel-skinned girl was nowhere to be found, he jumped out of bed and traipsed to the kitchen to find her but, much to his dismay, he only saw his two friends looking at him with unreadable expressions. "You look like you got absolutely smashed last night," Ashton spoke, forking more food into his mouth. Calum said nothing and stumbled to the sink to place the empty glass down, wincing slightly at the noise it made. "Where's Reyn' at?" Calum dished himself some pancakes before sitting down beside Ashton at the island. His two friends were staring at him wordlessly like he was completely git, in which they wouldn't be absolutely wrong. "She went to work. She got the job, did she not tell you?" KayKay shifted her gaze from Calum to Ashton and gave him a look that the tan boy couldn't decipher. Her words were short and they had Calum feeling like a teenager who stayed out past his curfew. He had no idea Reyna had gotten the job and he felt irritated that she hadn't said anything to him. It was lost on him as to why he was kept out of the loop when he had made it evident that he cared. "No, she didn't," Calum spoke shortly, knowing his annoyance was clear. "It's not like you gave her much of a chance, mate." Ashton easily defended the girl. "You were gone all day yesterday and we all know what you were doing judging by the battle scars." Ashton nodding his head toward Calum made him furrow his eyebrows in confusion before he looked down at his chest. Hickies and scratch marks covered the expanse of his skin. Bluish-purplish marks everywhere with lines of red as an accent. "But we didn't…" Calum trailed off cluelessly. He wracked his brain for any recollection of what had happened between him getting smashed with his friends and him leaving the bar. He remembered pieces of the night like a jigsaw that he couldn't put together correctly. "You and Reyna didn't, no. Mate, I've got no idea who you were with last night. How pissed did you get?" Calum didn't answer his question. Instead, he felt his stomach turn as he desperately tried to remember the events of the night before. Dizzying images flashed behind his eyelids, fuzzy and blurred memories that had him racing down the hall and into the bathroom to throw up the glass of water he had drunk. He heaved into the porcelain bowl as everything started playing like a movie reel in his throbbing head. The quality was shit though, and Calum could hardly see what happened. He recalled the feeling of warm hands tearing his shirt off of him and lips attaching to his that tasted like some fruity drink. What he could see was a blonde girl writhing beneath him with her head thrown back into the pillows, and he heaved stomach acid into the toilet again. Nothing was vivid until he remembered stumbling through the door to the apartment and eventually into Reyna's room. Her dark hair against the white of her sheets was ethereal to him and she seemed to glow on her own without the help of the city lights, and her asking him to stay set a fire in his stomach. He was completely pissed, but the way she tensed in his arms shortly after he kissed her head had him screaming at himself mentally with regret for crossing that boundary. It took him the better half of an hour to drag himself off of the bathroom floor, flush his mess, and brush his teeth. His head throbbed and his ears rang at every sound. He got his shirt from Reyna's room in a pitiful attempt to cover the damage he had already displayed. KayKay and Ashton were curled on the couch staring at their phones when he finally reemerged into the room. There's nothing that he could think of to say. His best friends' disappointment was clear enough to him without them having to voice it out loud and, quite frankly, he wasn’t sure he could handle hearing it. "I put your pancakes in the fridge. The syrup is still on the counter. You should definitely eat something." The dark-haired girl offered the mess of a boy a soft smile before turning back to her phone and leaning her head on Ash's shoulder. Calum nodded even though he knew she wasn't paying attention to him anymore. Shuffling to the refrigerator, he retrieved his breakfast and sat back at the counter. The air was filled with unspoken tension that may have just been on his side of things but still made him uncomfortable nonetheless. "These are delicious, thank you, Kay," Calum mumbled through a mouthful of pancakes. He hated the silence that was as thick as smog. It made him think of the person he couldn't get out of his head. "I didn't make them, Reyna did." The knife in his heart twisted and the silence returned to the room, nearly suffocating him as he continued to eat. She wouldn't leave his mess of a brain and maybe when he stopped fighting it things would be okay.

---------

Seeing her home was strange. Reyna had been staying with Calum for three days before she was finally allowed to go back to her apartment and retrieve what she needed, not being allowed to stay since their rent was overdue and the landlord wanted to "cut his losses" instead of taking a risk with more drug paraphernalia. Calum thought it was unfair of him to make that call considering that the neighbor a few doors over had a syringe by the door accompanied by pornographic moans that were loud enough for the complexes a few streets over to hear. Reyna confirmed that it was a daily ritual. He could whinge all he wanted but the truth was that a part of him was happy that she had to stay with him in the least weird way possible. Within the three days she was staying with them, he had grown more perplexed by her. There were small habits she had and a different kind of humor that he never had seen in L.A. and that kept him curious about her. Calum wanted to delve deeper into who she was, and if that meant she would have to be evicted from her apartment and relocated into his temporary one so be it. He was selfish like that. His curiosity for her only grew when he took in the place she called home. The blinds were drawn and only a bit of light peaked through, a small detail that seemed less like a characteristic of her but more of her prat of an ex-boyfriend. At the same time, it seemed very much like her. Closed off at moments but, in others, open enough to see what made her tick. She disappeared down a slim hallway to where he assumed was her bedroom. Calum stood in the living room taking in the beer bottles and a to-go box sat messily scattered on the table in front of the couch. Each side of the musty green furniture had end tables, one being neat and supporting a lamp and a coaster, the other having used napkins, candy wrappers, plastic bags, and tobacco cans haphazardly scattered on top and underneath it. Calum didn't have to think too hard on which side was Reyna's. The rest of the room had minimal furniture and the only memento was the fist-sized hole in the wall. He wondered about how it got there and thought of asking Reyna. He was also afraid that he wouldn't want to hear her answer. Deciding that he had seen everything there was to see he followed to where Reyna had disappeared. She had a camo duffle bag placed on the end of the queen-sized bed where she stuffed clothes from her drawers into. There wasn't much and Calum noticed that camo didn't seem very much like her at all. Again, his eyes wandered from wall to wall, taking in the starkness of it all. A few miscellaneous items were strewn about on the top of one of the dressers, along with a bookcase in the corner that was full of novels on all of the shelves except one. There were picture frames and little trinkets on it and Calum inched forward with curiosity. The first of three frames held a picture of Reyna and a very fluffy looking dog. She was smiling widely down at it while it licked her chin with seemingly the same enthusiasm. Her hair was shorter in that picture, just below her jawline, and he couldn't help but feel like it fit her just as well as her waist-length curls did now. She looked beautiful either way. The one on the right was a picture of Aaron with the same dog, except Aaron's smile was much less smile-inducing and the dog looked elsewhere, seemingly distracted. It was the frame in the middle that caught Calum's attention. Reyna stood beside Aaron with a smile as large as life on her face. Her dimples protruded adorably and a lavender dress hung on her frame, clinging to all of the right places and making her look like a queen. Aaron's hand was wrapped around her waist while she clung onto him with adoration. Calum couldn't believe that Aaron had seen her look so breathtaking and still chose to treat her the way he did. Either the man had the world's supply of self-control or he was an absolute whacka, and Calum decided to go with the latter. Reyna cleared her throat from beside him and his gaze landed on her. He noticed that she had gotten thinner since then and the photo and her hair was much longer, meaning it must have been longer than a year or so since it had been taken. "That was at his sister's wedding. It was a really good day." Her voice was reminiscent and she stared with nostalgia. "You looked beautiful," Calum concluded and she snapped her eyes to him in mild surprise, her lips parting slightly as her wild eyes stared at him curiously. "I think you should take this one with you, as a keepsake." He didn't reach for the photo in the middle, but the one beside it instead. He didn't want to suggest keeping anything that might remind her of the tosser. She smiled as he handed the frame to her and was silent for a spell. "Her name was Duchess. The best dog I had ever owned and my best friend for the longest time." Calum watched as she stared at the photo in her hand. Neither of them said a word until she placed the duffel that was on her shoulder on the ground, unzipped it, and placed the frame inside of it. "Shall we?" Reyna asked with a smile that showed a surprising amount of confidence. Calum gently took the bag off of her shoulder and placed it over his own before she could protest. He gave her a look with raised eyebrows, daring her to complain. She petulantly huffed before walking toward the door with a slight shake of her head. Calum couldn't help the chuckle and the smile that spread across his face when she stopped suddenly, whispering a quiet 'wait' before she darted back to the bookshelf. She stood on her tiptoes and reached a book off of the top shelf, just barely reaching it with her fingertips, before running back to Calum's side after she had it safely clutched to her chest. "Okay, I'm ready."

--------

Calum furrowed his eyebrows and looked to the man who had a friendly smile on his face and was staring after the girl who had disappeared into the crowd. "I wasn't-"

"It's okay. Really, it is." The man spoke. His gaze landed on Calum and he motioned with his head toward a table against the far wall that became visible as the sea of people parted momentarily. "He's a right prick if you ask me. A girl like that deserves much better. What's your poison?"

"A round of tequila for my table," Calum answered easily. He allowed himself to break his gaze away from the girl long enough to make sure the barkeep heard him before he let it wander right back to her. He took in the guy next to her, his hair messily ran through, and he paid no mind to the girl who sat beside him. She was staring at the ceiling wistfully with an expression that let him know she was in another world of her own entirely. 

------

The same despondency he saw that night was present as she stormed out of the police station. It was an aura that radiated off of her so strongly that he could feel it half a world away.

"Reyna, wait!" He called after her. He stared at her illuminated form as she stopped on the pavement and threw her head back in exasperation. The skirt she was wearing must have had her freezing in the chilly night air and he wished he could have talked to her inside of the police station where it was warm, even if she did look incredible in the pale lighting.

"What exactly am I waiting for, Calum?" His heart twisted in his chest as she turned to look at him. Her brown eyes were glazed over with tears that reflected the full moon and the thickness in her throat when she spoke made guilt creep into him.

She paced on the pavement and rubbed her hands up and down her chilled arms. Her gaze was trained on the floor and her bottom lip was tucked between her teeth. All he could do was watch her. He could only stay silent as she traipsed back and forth in front of him because he knew that there was nothing he could say to her that would make it better. He had tried to help her before, but it ended up hurting her by the looks of it.

"Aaron's getting locked away and he was my only chance. I don't even have a home to go back to." His eyebrows raised in question after those words left her mouth. He knew she wasn't angry at him and that she was more panicked than anything else as she nervously paced, but the remorse he felt couldn't have been stopped.

He had already told the police everything that had happened before he talked to Reyna. He didn't leave out the details and the cops didn't fail to question her about the way her boyfriend grabbed her. He had expected her to lie and tell them that Calum had started the fight, but she told the truth even when it must have felt impossible to do so.

He wasn't there for her statement, but he assumed that it didn't work out in Aaron's favor since he wasn't the one leaving the station with her. Instead, it was Calum, a complete stranger to her, and a boy who couldn't stop worrying about her. "Why wouldn't you be able to go home?"

The initial look she gave him made him feel as though he uttered the dumbest question he could have possibly ever asked, but she softened her features and sat on the sidewalk, placing her face in her hands. Her body shook with every deep exhale and he sat beside her, keeping a fair distance between them.

He could see Ashton's rental parked in the closest spot to the station, the black SUV being the only one in the lot. His best friend gave him a questioning look accompanied by a thumbs up, which Calum returned with one finger, signaling that he needed a moment. 

"Aaron got into drugs a little while back." Reyna's voice came out as a sigh. "When they asked me if he had abused me, I wasn't going to lie. I always promised myself that if I ever ended up here because of him I'd tell them everything. I didn't think I'd actually do it."

She shivered and wrapped her arms around herself tighter. The shirt she wore was black and short sleeved and it couldn't possibly be offering her already thin body much warmth. In a quick motion, Calum shrugged the leather that laid across his shoulders off and draped it over her small frame. Taking her by surprise, he could see the hesitance in her glazed over eyes that looked at him in slight alarm, before she gave a halfhearted smile and muttered a 'thank you'. He noticed the dimples that poked out at the small action and couldn't get them out of his head for the rest of the night. 

"He did drugs?" Calum found himself questioning out loud. He instantly regretted it and watched her face for any kind of reaction, but she only offered him a gentle nod that he wouldn't have seen if he wasn't studying her profile so intensely. Calum had never been the type to ask stupid or forward questions, always preferring to speak only when necessary. She had his tongue responding impulsively and he cursed himself for it. 

"He didn't when I first met him, but he hit a low and got into them a bit ago."

"I'm sorry." He found himself apologizing. 

"It's not your fault. They charged him with aggravated assault and domestic abuse and that gave him a hefty fine and at least two-hundred days. I panicked though." Her small hands reached up and gripped the lapels of his jacket that nearly swallowed her whole. She wrapped it around herself tighter and Calum couldn't help but be thankful that he had left it in Ash's car.

"I ended up telling them about the drugs, both the using and the dealing. I was being stupid and selfish by trying to buy myself more time, but now the one place I had to stay is a crime scene that I can't go back to. Talk about karma."

Reyna's eyes held tiredness that Calum had never seen before. He had been all around the world and had seen millions of faces. His own bandmates sometimes went nights without rest, but he had never seen this type of pure exhaustion. Her eyes were debilitated and it left Calum with the feeling of wanting to swaddle her and never let another person hurt her ever again. 

He often over-analyzed his emotions and allowed his thoughts to run rampant in an attempt to figure out why he was feeling the way he was. Sitting for hours in a police station made him come to the realization that his justification for wanting to protect the doe-eyed girl couldn't be pinpointed. Hundreds of reasons swam through his head. 

She reminded him of his sister with her demeanor and her poise. A little more insecure, she was young and vulnerable and the prick she just so happened to love had no qualms with taking advantage of her. He had heard stories of fans who had gone through abuse and it saddened him terribly. Witnessing it happening to someone–even a complete stranger– gave him the same feeling. This girl had his mind spiraling because there was just something else that had him reeling.

"You deserve to put yourself first for once. It's the absolute least you deserve after everything he put you through, and I don't even know the half of it." He could see the gears spinning behind her brown eyes that were as dark as the night sky they sat under. And just like the sky, her gentle beauty illuminated the darkness and put the full moon above them to shame. Her lips that were full and just as chapped as his rolled into her mouth, making the dimples–that he couldn't stop himself from adoring–reappear.

"Who am I to think that what I've been through was bad? I don't feel qualified enough to differentiate between the two, seeing that I'm now homeless. Aaron was nothing compared to this feeling."

Calum was so hyper-focused on her that the parking lot fell into blackness and the only thing he could see was her, like when you stare at a point for so long that the peripheral melts away. He tried to think of something to say, but the truth was that he had nothing. There wasn't a way for him to sympathize with her because he could never comprehend what she was feeling. He wanted nothing more than to help her, seeing as he felt partly responsible. This internal warfare between thought and his lust to give her an easy solution had him running his hands through his matted curls as he ruled different solutions out. The only thought that made it to the real world and slipped past his lips was one that had her lips parting in shock, rightfully so, since he didn't even fully process what he said before he said it.

"You can stay with me."

------

It always kept her up at night. Her mind was as sporadic as New York traffic. It was unpredictable and stressful, even dangerous at times. The moment she began realizing that the plotline of her life made no sense to her was about a week into her living in apartment 1100 on the eleventh floor of one of the most esteemed complexes in New York City. For a while, she thought she had been following the arc of the story and that she understood it. Suddenly, the genre had changed and she couldn't piece together the individual passages of her story in a way that would make sense.

It wasn't making any sense, how she was wearing her single business-casual blouse, the one that she had been able to retrieve from her old house with only a few other articles of clothing and personal items, and was going into a job interview in a little over an hour. 

She was sitting by the window with a cup of black coffee in her hand as she watched the maze race below. The bustle put her mind at ease only slightly as she recognized that it wasn't just her who felt like the world was spinning faster than she could keep up with as people bumped into one another. Her inconsequential thoughts were interrupted as the other girl who lived in the apartment walked into the kitchen. 

The footsteps startled Reyna at first before she gave KayKay a warm smile and was lucky enough to receive a sleepy one back. "Good morning. I made a pot of coffee and some scrambled eggs with bacon. The bacon might have cooled off a bit, so you might need to toss it in the microwave." She watched as the half-asleep girl stumbled around the kitchen for a mug and wordlessly poured herself some coffee. KayKay added some creamer to her brew before she shuffled toward the window and wrapped her arms around Reyna. 

The motion was a bit difficult as the taller girl had to maneuver her hand out of the large fluffy blanket that was wrapped around her shoulders while also not spilling either of their coffees, but she eventually succeeded. Her gesture had Reyna tense before she relaxed under her arm and returned it with a grin. She wasn't anywhere close to being accustomed to human touch so frequently, but she had already come a long way from when she had first arrived.

"You're the best. How did you sleep?" KayKay brought the mug to her lips and nursed the coffee, wincing slightly as it scalded her tongue. "Better," came Reyna's reply. "I fell asleep at around two this time."

"Three," KayKay replied smugly and blew on her coffee, peering over the rim of her mug. The shorter girl sat on the couch that was behind her and curled her legs to her chest while the other girl joined her. Reyna's eyebrows were furrowed as she looked at KayKay questioningly, receiving a giggle before she answered, "I heard Calum's door shut and looked at the time. It was 2:53."

Reyna had to bite her lip in an attempt to hide the blush that crept up her neck and threatened to expose her embarrassment. 

"It's okay. I'm glad he has someone like you and vice versa. He's been more himself lately, more talkative and goofy. It's nice." She couldn't help but smile at that. It made her feel better knowing she wasn't an unbearable burden on them.  While she had been continuously tackling tasks around the apartment, it never felt like she could repay them fully.

The sound of a door closing made both girls whip their attention to the hallway where Ashton appeared and followed the same path KayKay did. Instead of looking sleepy, the Aussie had a bounce in his step as he uncovered the pan on the stove to reveal the eggs that were still steaming. "Eggs!" 

Reyna giggled at his little cheer and KayKay rolled her eyes, not even attempting to mask the smile that showed her adoration for the boy. "Thank you, Reyna. Kay doesn't even cook for me so you're officially my favorite."

"Do you want me to pull up on your ass?" KayKay threatened, but her laughter in between broke her character as she looked over the back of the couch at him, whimsical humor shining in her irises. "Can't say I'm too scared of you, Princess." 

That was all it took for KayKay to hand her mug swiftly to Reyna before she leaped over the couch and started for the kitchen, the blanket forgotten. Ashton let out a shrill scream and burst into a fit of giggles as he ran around the island. Reyna watched the happy couple in amusement, laughing when KayKay finally cornered him and attacked his sides with her fingers. 

She was caught up in how adorable they were and found herself wondering if Aaron had ever made her soul dance like that. She had her doubts that they ever looked so carefree and in love, the stress of simply living made them not enjoy the little moments they got to spend with another. Upon Ashton's arrival, any trace of tiredness was erased from KayKay and replaced with excitement. It was just seeing Aaron that made Reyna's shoulders slump with the weight he brought with him every time.

There was a time–one that she had the faintest memory of–where Aaron would wrap his arms around her and fill her heart with that warmth and sense of safety that only a significant other could give. It was a feeling that was irreplaceable and she grew a craving for it, especially in the early hours of the morning when Aaron still hadn't come home.

Again, it felt impossible for her to read her own plot. She had gone from silent nights crying into the stained cotton of her pillowcase–stained by Aaron when he had fallen asleep with chew in his mouth–to sitting on a stormy gray couch, which was easily more expensive than her monthly rent, watching two people who were madly and unapologetically in love playfully threaten each other. It felt like she had skipped a few chapters in between then and now.

"You still made us eggs, huh?" 

Reyna allowed her gaze to turn to the hallway. She found Calum standing there, leaned up against the wall, watching her with a jovial glint in his chocolate-covered eyes, no doubt having seen her watching the couple like a romcom. "I was gonna shoot for pancakes this time, but I didn't want to be late." At this, she glanced down at the watch on her left wrist to ensure she still had time to travel down the street for her interview at a cafe. "I forgot that was today."

He let his voice trail off and beamed almost proudly at her. His gaze was heavy on her, but warming and she nearly found herself missing it when Ashton knocked the bowl of fruit that was on the counter in to sink due to his antics. Calum's attention shot to the kitchen at the sound, allowing Reyna to take in his side profile. 

She stared at the curvature of his puffy lips and his defined jawline and admired him silently. She couldn't help the thought that his messy curls were adorable as they sat as a mop of tangles on his head. His skin was smooth and even, the sign of any creases erased after allowing himself to recharge. The only signs that showed that the man in front of her was, in fact, human–she sometimes doubted this– were the dark areas under his eyes that she secretly hoped weren't because of them and their late-night conversations.

"I nearly did, too."

When she spoke he looked back at her and pushed off the wall to walk further into the living room and plop beside her onto the couch. "I'm certain pancakes have eggs in them, too." He pointed, going back to their previous conversation. 

"That's why you make them eggless. I just need to find a decent recipe and I can finally find out what everyone is raving about."

Calum gaped at her. "You've never had pancakes?" 

She shook her head and bit her lip trying to suppress a laugh at his astonishment. "Trust me, Calum. I'm a pancake virgin."

----

The breeze from the door shifted Reyna's hair slightly as Ashton pushed it open. Room 1100 was at the end of the hall and the temperature of their room felt just right as opposed to the gates of hell she was used to at home when she lived with Aaron. Making no move to actually enter their temporary home, she stayed in the hallway as the blonde boy flicked on the lights and a soft white glow washed over the entry.

It was so much to take in. Simply the elevator ride up had her in awe, the lobby looking like a palace, and just the entryway looked as large as her entire house. The white walls, black wooden flooring, marble counters, fake fireplace, and the contemporary look of it all had her jaw unhinged.

What immediately called to her was the massive window that displayed the expanse of the city. The sun was rising and the sky was the darkest shade of pink and purple with the lights from the city accompanying it with the same fascination as fireflies. 

That night, she slept in the guestroom with the door ajar, afraid of being too confined, and woke up at ten to the smell of food and the sound of glass plates colliding with one another. Giving herself a few more minutes in bed, it took a few moments to process everything. 

The room she was in looked as refined as the rest of the place. The white cotton sheets were cool against her skin and nearly swallowed her whole with their fluffiness. There were fake plants on the bedside tables and a wardrobe big enough for all of her clothes, multiplied by three. The window to her right allowed her to take in the city in all of its glory in the daylight and it left her momentarily breathless. 

She tugged the sleeping shirt that Calum had given her down and pulled up the sweatpants, tightening the drawstring, and wandering to the kitchen. The clamoring had since died down and she crept in quietly, not saying anything as she waited for any of the three to notice her presence. 

The only other girl in the apartment, KayKay, was the first to notice her and she gave a small wave with one hand and covered her mouth with the other as she chewed. Reyna gave a closed-mouth smile and stayed uncomfortably by the hallway she just emerged from. 

"Hey, girl! How did you sleep?" Her greeting had the two boys who were sitting across from her pause their conversation and look toward Reyna.

She felt weird, like an exhibit with a rare wild animal that had everyone perplexed and awestruck. She ran her hand up and down her forearm, a nervous tick she wasn't aware she had, and cleared her throat before answering. "It was good. Thank you, guys." 

Her short responses had the dark-haired boy fill with sympathy again. Calum was mindful in his own right and he noticed how foreign and out of place the girl seemed to feel. She looked at him briefly as she answered and took in his messy curls, tighter than the ones the night before and still wet from his shower, and how soft his features looked even with the battle scars scattering his face. 

"I made extra eggs for you. There are some hash browns as well." Calum formed his own greeting. He stood from his seat on the island and walked around into the kitchen, grabbing a plate from the cupboard drawer and dishing the hash browns onto it. 

"Oh, no. You don't have to do that. I'll figure something out." Reyna quickly replied and walked further into the kitchen. 

Calum stopped his movements and looked at her with amusement playing on his busted lip, "You're being ridiculous. It's the least I can do."

She felt astounded by how he thought the very least he had done was make her breakfast and she almost laughed at the idea. Reyna felt tremendous guilt wash over her, hating how they had gone so far out of their way for her. Even with these thoughts, the sparkle that was apparent in his brown eyes at her protest had her easily complying. 

"Thank you," Reyna bit back her protest and lowered her eyes to the ground. "But hash browns and eggs aren't the only things you've done for me."

"No idea what you're talking about," his smirk was ever-so-present in his voice. "We've only just met, roomie."

She thought back to last night's – or early this morning– conversation in the car. While the city lights sped by, her apologies tumbled out of her mouth easily. Calum settled her by telling her not to mention it, to literally forget it happened and to pretend that they only just met in the car. It was silly because her gratitude would always fight to show itself, but the last thing she wanted was to push anything.

He finished dishing the hashbrowns and moved to start dishing the eggs when she reached out and lightly touched his forearm to stop him. He was warm and her fingers felt tingly at the contact, electricity shooting up her arm and into her chest like a dagger.

"Wait," she said softly. "I'm allergic to eggs."

At her confession, Calum's jaw dropped as though she had spilled the inconceivable secret to life. To her right, she heard Ashton gasp and whisper an incredulous 'what' and it had her grinning in her own soft amusement. 

"How the hell‐ eggs are my favorite. I don't understand." Calum muttered and dropped the spatula back into the pan.

"Good to know, I just can't eat them, roomie." She played along in honest enjoyment. 

Calum stood silent for a little while longer until he dramatically pulled open a drawer and dug out a fork, handing the plate of hash browns to her with the bemused look still on his face. 

"Guys," Calum looked at KayKay and Ashton who had grins on their faces stretched from ear to ear. "We're roommates with a deprived soul."

Reyna laughed at his theatrics. She laughed, and it was a sound that Calum could listen to on repeat for days. It was a sound that he replayed as he watched her smile up at him shyly. 

--------

She felt elated as her feet hit the cobble outside of the cafe. The sky above was a gray that gave a warning to her about the downpour that began the moment she stepped out, but the excitement in her heart overpowered the minor inconvenience. Reyna raced through the street, each of her steps making a splash, and weaved through the people who had their hoods covering their heads and their arms wrapped tightly around themselves. 

She must have muttered a million apologies before she reached the apartment complex and took the stairs two at a time up to the eleventh floor. To say she was out of shape would be an understatement, but her excitement only had her winded as she reached the door to the apartment.

When she swung it open, she jogged into the living room with a smile on her face and was greeted by KayKay and Ashton sat cuddled close on the couch. Her entering had their head snapping to her direction and Ashton paused their show. 

She didn't have to say anything before KayKay stood up and walked toward her. "You got it, didn't you?" 

Reyna grinned from ear to ear and nodded enthusiastically, jumping up and down in excitement. KayKay let out a happy squeal and pulled the wet girl into a bone-crushing hug. 

"That's amazing, Reyna," Ashton spoke and joined the two girls. He joined them in their hug and Reyna could have sworn that she had never felt happier. 

The feeling of having a job was indescribable. It came with a sense of independence and freedom that she had never felt before. Reyna was able to start providing for herself and the feeling was like a breath of fresh air after being held underwater for too long.

"Thank you guys so much." Reyna pulled away and looked at them both endearingly. "I couldn't have done it without you."

"What are you talking about? This was all you, babe." KayKay reprimanded supportively. "You're gonna be the hottest barista ever to live."

Reyna rolled her eyes at that and looked around the apartment. After everything she had accomplished, she still felt dependent since there was only one person she wanted to share it with. 

Little did she know that as her eyes wandered down the hallway to look at the door at the end of it, Ashton was watching her knowingly. "He went out with a friend. He should be back tonight, though." He answered. 

Reyna bit her lip in thought and felt the slightest bit of disappointment at the news of the brunette being gone. She was looking forward to his reaction and was disheartened that she would have to wait even longer.

"Do you want to finish the movie with us? We can even restart it since we're only twenty minutes in." KayKay offered with a smile and gestured toward the comfy couch piled with blankets.

The offer was tempting, but all Reyna wanted to do was to peel off her wet clothes and shower. "I think I need to have a quick shower, but thank you. I seriously can't thank you enough."

Her quick shower turned into a long one. The initial adrenaline and excitement that drove her to climb eleven flights of stairs was long gone and now she was sat on the floor of the shower with her back pressed against the black tiles, allowing the scalding hot water to wash over her. Tears mixed with the water and her whimpers were muffled by the sound of the water hitting the floor like a downpour. 

She missed him. In some sick and twisted way, she wished that Aaron could have seen her get her first job in three years. She wished that he could have been happy for her and would have celebrated her success instead of loathing every second that she relished in it.

She missed her parents, too. She wondered how her mother was fairing and she wondered if her father ever thought about her, even in passing. Reyna hoped that when he passed by the photo frames that used to call home on the table by the front door on his way to work that he would think of her and wonder how she was doing instead of feeling the undoubted disappointment she knew he felt.

Her throat felt tight and her chest was twisting and churning into knots as she struggled to take deep breaths. Barrel-chested, she felt as though a full breath was impossible as the panic and sadness raced through her. She missed them.

Dragging herself off of the shower floor was harder than she anticipated, the mental motivation being nonexistent, and it felt like she was Atlas carrying the world upon her shoulders. Her bedroom was a lot colder than the steamed-up bathroom and she wasn't unaware of the goosebumps that prickled her skin as she entered and tucked herself immediately into the sheets.

The feeling was numb and the air around her felt stale. Despite being ecstatic about finally being independent, it terrified her to be so alone. The people she had in her life were temporary keystones to her life that she would always be grateful for, but thinking about them inevitably leaving made her heart wrench indescribably. 

She wasn't allowing herself to get attached, or so she thought. Every time she ventured into the kitchen for water at four in the morning and found Ashton and KayKay curled on the couch made her happy. The nights her and Calum spent talking on that same couch or in one of their rooms helped her understand her purpose in life a little better than she did before. 

Reyna cherished the late nights, the little yawns that showed he was ready for bed. She would argue with him that he needed sleep, and he would argue that her feelings were more important. She desperately missed his gentle reassurances as her body shook with tremors, gasps that filled the little pockets of silence in her lonely room.

It wasn't until two in the morning that she heard the front door open and close. She heard his messy steps meander down the hallway and the sound of his door shutting a little too loud for a sober man. She was left wondering for a spell, mere minutes passed and she felt herself drifting into sleep. Her body was numb and she hadn't moved for hours, even when she heard his door open again and his messy steps stumble to her own.

The sound of her door handle jiggling made her jump only a bit and she listened intently as she heard his footsteps enter her room. He thought he was quiet as he approached her bed, that much was obvious by his slow steps. She kept her eyes closed as she felt the bed beside her dip, a cold hand resting on her bare shoulder. 

His sigh broke the weighted silence and she smelled toothpaste on his breath that fanned over her. "Sleep well, pretty girl. Dream good things."

She nearly smiled at his quiet whisper that was so endearing. The infliction in his words was way off, solidifying the fact that he was absolutely smashed.

Calum removed his hand and moved to get up, but she instantly craved his touch like a magnet and darted her hand out to grasp his wrist, opening her eyes slowly. "Stay."

She missed his touch and his warmth. His voice had only been there to greet her in the morning, but he was missing in action all day and it gave her withdrawals in the form of racing thoughts. 

The drunken smile that spread across his face almost made it worth it. The way he shed off the t-shirt from his back hotly and crawled under her covers, bringing her to his warm chest to hear his rapid heart rate beating under her ear set off fireworks in her stomach. She had missed his presence, much less his embrace and felt like a junkie finally getting her fix, ecstasy in the form of tingling goosebumps littering her skin.

It was all almost worth the wait. She breathed in deeply to inhale the unique smell that could only be described as him, but was instead greeted with a flowery scent. It couldn't be mistaken. It was everything he wasn't. It was soft when the calluses on his fingers weren't and it replaced the safety with contempt.

She opened her eyes when he pressed a kiss to her forehead and she could make out the hickies that littered his chest thanks to the city lights peeking through the window. She shut them and let out a solemn breath, pushing the thoughts of jealousy to the back of her mind and instead cuddled closer to him. He was there, and instead of regretting not reveling in the feeling later when he was long gone, she studied the way his body clung to hers. 

He needed to feel like a man, and if her not having a career was what would make him happy, it was a sacrifice that she was more than willing to make. That same sacrifice made her father and mother's disgruntlement grow until they eventually stopped checking in altogether. She never blamed them for it. They worked relentlessly to provide her with a future that she traded in for a man they didn't believe was worthy of her love. Never would she blame them for having higher hopes for her than domesticity.

The second swing was trying to make him a better man, the man she loved before he became who he was now. It was easy for her to see that through all of her efforts, she still didn't do enough. When the bills were tight, which they always were, her nights were spent across the hall babysitting the neighbor’s kid for money. It wasn't difficult to slip out of his arms at night, his drunken snores never faltered as she shut their bedroom door and crossed the hall. Reyna would hide the bills that they didn't have money for and pay them in secret, him never remembering when things were due made it easy. It was easy for her to lie to herself and say she preferred it like that.

Keeping him distracted was how she tried to combat his stress, but that never worked as he would just get frustrated with her and reach for the Jack on the counter instead of the soft skin on her waist. Reyna tried her best to get him into counseling, but she was never convincing enough to make him actually go. In the beginning, she felt hope in his promise to seek help. She could see it in his eyes that he saw what he was becoming. The drugs reminded him of his father in a way that scared him at first until he eventually found comfort in that familiarity. The two misses made her accept the defeat and take accountability. 

In the back of her mind as she recounted those thoughts she was aware of Lori staring at her with the empathetic eyes of a woman who just wanted the truth. The question Reyna had to answer was simple: Who started the fight and why? 

That question was met with her silence, her eyes glossed over as she stared at her hands and thought about how she never wanted to end up here. No matter how violent and irrational Aaron got, she would never have gone to the authorities. It made her feel sick seeing him shoved into the back of a police cab with chains around his wrists. 

"Honey, I know it's hard to talk about situations like this. We just want to make sure that we have the facts straight. Nothing bad is going to happen to you." Reyna let her brown eyes snap to Lori's. She was sure that they must have been swimming with satirical amusement. Bad things had already happened to her, she wasn't scared for herself. There was only apprehension for Aaron in her mind. "Can I see him?" 

The officer let out a breath that was exasperated and melancholic but was perceived by the brown-eyed girl as thoughtful. "I'm not sure that's a good idea. Mr. Deming is still very intoxicated and we're having trouble getting him to cooperate." 

"I can make him calm down," Reyna spoke quickly and looked into her eyes, pleadingly. "Please just let me see him. Let me talk to him first and I'll give you my statement." 

The woman looked at her with a sad resolution, one that made the younger girl's stomach churn in an almost guilty way, before she said that she would speak to some people and see what she could do. Reyna knew her hands were tied. It was an investigation of aggravated assault that everyone knew– they'd have to be daft not to– who was guilty of initiating it.

She had ridden to the station in the back of the last cop car at the scene. They had only left to the station after an ambulance had come to take care of the boy who had helped her and was nearly beaten to a pulp as a consequence. The only battle scars Aaron adorned were the light scratches on his cheek from being pushed against the brick wall.

Lori came back with a small smile on her face, one that she knew was for her benefit. The older woman didn't bother to sit down and she only walked to the table and leaned against it lightly. "They said that you can see him when they finish questioning him a little." Reyna locked her gaze with her and breathed a breath of relief. "Thank you so much."

She needed to see him. It felt like a monster was digging its nails into her heart and squeezing it tighter with every minute that passed. She needed to talk to him because it didn't make her feel good knowing that he was angry and in pain without her. "In the meantime, the other boy arrived only a few minutes ago and finished his statement. He's a lot more cooperative than your frie-."

"He's my boyfriend." Reyna's lips spat out before she could think and she gave Lori an apologetic look immediately after, to which she just smiled halfheartedly, the sad look still in her eyes. "Would you like to speak with Mr. Hood while we wait? It'll be a little while." 

Reyna thought about her question. At first, she nearly scoffed at the mention of the boy who was the reason for them being here in the first place. Her wanting to talk with him felt asinine to her, she was too emotionally high strung that she felt almost irritated at the thought of him. The logical part of her took a little too long to kick in, but when it did, she acquiesced. She wanted to ask him why.

The hallways that she was led through matched the cold concrete theme of the room she was just in. The bright lights above that reflected off the gray floor and into her eyes, marking her head throb slightly. It was like every jail in every movie ever, living up to every stereotype. Even a box of doughnuts laid next to the coffee and snacks in the breakroom they passed by. 

The room that Hood, it dawned on her that she didn't know his first name yet, didn't surprise her when it was identical to hers. Even the frigid cold that hit her when she stepped inside of it was the same, making her hair stand on end. The boy was sat in the metal chair and had his head leaned back, his eyes were closed, and his Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed. When the door opened he looked at her with an unreadable expression and, upon seeing his face in the light, she let out a breath and her jaw fell open.

It was adorned with butterfly bandages over a particularly deep cut on his brow bone, not deep enough to need stitches, but too deep to just leave it be. The white bandages contrasted the dark purple and maroon red bruising that formed across his cheeks and his left eye. Seeing him made the feeling of sickness come back up again. She was absolutely speechless, drinking him in. "I'll come and check on you two in five minutes."

It was a kind sentiment, but both of the people left in the room knew there would be people listening on the other side of the two-way mirror. The door shut and the silence that followed was deafening. Neither of them spoke as they just stared at each other. Her eyes swam with shock and worry while he held a curiosity that she hadn't ever seen before.

"I'm sorry." Finally tearing her eyes away from his face and forcing them to look at the ground, she walked to the chair opposite of him and sat down. When her eyes met him again, he had his eyebrows furrowed. "What do you have to be sorry for?"

He had an accent that she hadn't noticed before and it intrigued her as to why a boy all the way from Australia was at the Clubs. She didn't ask though and replied quietly. "For everything. For getting you stuck in jail at 2 in the morning and for your–well…"

"My face that looks like tenderized steak?" He joked, but it failed to bring any humor out of her as she continued to gawk at his injuries with guilt. "Trust me. Out of everyone, you're the last one who needs to be apologizing."

A look of incredulity spread across her tired face. "Have you seen yourself? None of this would have happened if it wasn't for me and I'm so goddamn sorry." 

"You didn't start any of what happened. I wish I could give you credit for this number babe, but that goes to your boyfriend." He had a playful smirk on his face as he tried to make light of the situation. His valiant effort was admirable, but it was wasted on her. "Don't call me babe." 

"What else am I supposed to call you?" He questioned softly. The tone in his voice took her by surprise with its comforting inflection. He didn't want to fight with her, and that attempt to not escalate and aggravate her any further wasn't something she was used to. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped at you."

Her apology formed a frown that etched itself between his eyebrows and he leaned forward in his chair with his fingers laced together on the table in front of him. "You don't have to apologize, I understand that you're going through something right now. I'm Calum." He spoke so easily that it could put her mind at ease if she let it. Of course, she wouldn't. 

"Reyna." She held her hand out to him and the small smile was brought back to his face as he shook it, holding her gaze warmly. They lingered for a moment, her pulling away first and clearing her throat awkwardly and looking back at her chipped nail polish from the 99 cent store. "Reyna, why were you at the club? You didn't seem like you wanted to be there."

The way his voice spoke her name made a warmth run through her body. "We go there every weekend so he can unwind." She answered easily. "Why did you follow us into the alleyway?"

It was a question she had been asking herself since it happened and it had her head reeling. "I saw you earlier in the night and you looked... uncomfortable. I looked over when his hand– and you pushed him off and left the table. The look in his eyes when he watched you leave and how he ran after you would've made any person worried."

It embarrassed her that he saw their entire exchange. A stranger watching her boyfriend force his hand up her skirt made her cheeks turn pink in mortification, even though she knew that wasn't the largest take-away from his explanation. "Any person wouldn't have followed us outside, though. Why did you involve yourself in something that didn't concern you?"

Calum inhaled deeply through his busted lips and straightened his back before replying easily. "I have a sister and a mother. The thought of a man treating them the way your boyfriend was treating you makes me feel sick to my stomach. You looked so scared, and no one could have stopped me from following you out that door to at least see if you were alright. And you weren't."

His admittance and his reasoning left her in awe. She swallowed thickly and looked at her lap, fiddling with the ring on her index finger. Her heart was beating a thousand beats per minute in her throat as she processed what he had said. This complete stranger cared about her wellbeing because he cared about people and that brought a feeling into her heart that she couldn't explain. It also brought tears to her eyes. "Fucking hell." 

She covered her face with her hands as more tears grew in her eyes. In one word, the feeling she felt was overwhelmed. Exhaustion and worry made her mind chatter with 'what ifs' and she just desperately wanted everything to stop. She wanted to breathe, and Calum's admittance that her relationship was obviously toxic just by a few glances from across a dance floor made her tears fall harder. Not knowing why she always looked the other way when he would throw words like daggers at her, Reyna wanted him to change. The love she had for Aaron left her so vulnerable that standing up for herself against him wasn't an option. She wanted to stand with him, and if that meant against herself, then so be it.

The hand that was suddenly placed comfortingly on her shoulder startled her and she pried her eyes open to see the curly-haired boy standing over her. "Come here," he whispered softly and tugged her hand so she was standing before he wrapped his arms around her. Her muscles hardened under the foreign feeling of someone who wasn't her boyfriend embracing her, although it would have been foreign if it had been Aaron too. 

It took what seemed like minutes for her to melt slightly under Calum's hold. He was relentless and his embrace that stayed around her until she accepted it made her heart wrench even more. It wasn't demanding in any way, only an affection that let her know that she could be vulnerable in front of him. Affection was something that she hadn't had in over a year. She had forgotten what it felt like to just be held, comforted in the way she desperately needed. 

Her arms wound around his muscular back and she sobbed loudly into his chest. The tears that stained his shirt celebrated in waves that wracked her body. She never allowed herself to cry over the things that happened to her and Calum was forced to bear witness to the flood that finally broke free onto his dress shirt. 

"I'm sorry." She sobbed again and her arms wrapped around him tighter. "I know you don't want me to apologize, but I have to because he won't. He's gotten violent before, but never that bad. Never to someone we didn't know."

His hands rubbed up and down her back rhythmically in an attempt to soothe her. It worked as she felt the goosebumps deflate under his warm fingers. "It's okay, Reyna. You're safe and you're going to get the justice you deserve."

Like a bucket of cold water was poured over her, his words instantly made her tense and she pulled away from him. The cold that hung in the air wrapped itself around her again as she looked up at him with wide eyes. "You can't press charges."

"What do you mean?" He was looking at her quizzically as if he genuinely couldn't comprehend what she had said. She knew it was confusing because it confused her. There was a part of her that wanted to get Aaron out of her life, but a much stronger part of her felt like she couldn't live without him. "You can't do that. Please. I need him, Calum."

"Listen, I know it's hard to be in a situation like this, but he can't just walk away from thi-" He didn't understand and he never would. That was okay with her because he didn't have to. He didn't need to try and make sense of the absurdity of it all, nor did he need to be some knight in shining armor that would pull her out of her mess. "You don't understand. I don't have a job and I can't get one quick enough to pay the bills. He's literally all I have, Calum. No one else."

Saying it out loud sounded insane to her. It wasn't lost on her that Aaron put her into this position. He constructed walls around her in the form of a cage that only he had a key to. He had her exactly where he wanted her, and she soon learned to find comfort in it. Over-dependency always irked her when she was younger and she found it ridiculous that people could be comfortable in entirely relying on their significant other. Aaron held a flame in his hand and she was scared of fire. He easily backed her into that corner and, before she could even realize it, her independence was stripped away. The thought of having it back terrified her. "Reyna…"

"No, Calum. I appreciate what you did for me and you'll never have any idea how grateful I am for it. I just need you– I'm begging you– to let this go." Salty tears rolled down her face and he peered down at her with the softest eyes she had ever seen. He wasn't pitying her and she could see that as he breathed out a sigh and bit his lower lip.

With his lower lip tucked in between his teeth, he looked away from her and ran his hand through his tangled black curls. She watched his back wearily, gauging his reaction as the muscles tensed against the fabric of his shirt. He paced back and forth, torturing her as she anticipated his reply. "I can't." 

"What?" She breathed. When he turned to her the answer to her question was clear by the remorse in his chiseled and bruised features. He neared her and placed his arms on her shoulders. "I can't do that. I know that where he has you feels permanent, but he doesn't just get to walk away from what he did. I'm not just talking about what he did to me, mostly to you."

"He hasn't done anything to me!" She lied in denial. The disbelief that danced across Calum's face let her know that he saw right through the lie and that he didn't believe a word of it. "It's just the way he is. He gets angry sometimes and I just have to wait until he calms down."

"Reyna, him being that way just because he has always been is bullshit and you know that. I don't know you very well– at all actually– but when I saw you tonight in the bar I saw a girl who knew she deserved better." Her teary brown eyes looked into his that were filled with frustration and a fit of anger that, for the first time in years, she wasn't afraid of because it didn't feel directed at her. "That's why you didn't let him touch you the way he wanted."

It was true and even she, blind as can be, could see that. Aaron didn't give her the life he promised her when she was nineteen and stupid enough to believe that blindly following the boy she was certain was her soulmate was the only option that ended with her being happy. Happiness had once been Aaron. Any future with him in it was the one she wanted, but never did she account for what would happen if the Aaron she loved didn't exist anymore. He was a shell of a broken man, too far gone for her to help. She knew that in the back of her mind, somewhere hidden in the attic behind dusty boxes filled with her forgotten aspirations, memories with him that were good. They were good at one point.

That point was long gone, though. Any trace of the life she had envisioned with him was gone, but she couldn't accept it. Somewhere beneath all the rubble was the man she loved and she wanted to find him and pull him out, only failing to account for the fact that she only loved an idea and not an actual man. "Why didn't you fight back?"

The boy with curly hair, a cracked lip, a face coated in bruises, and a white shirt, that surprisingly had no blood on it, looked at her with comforting dark brown eyes. It overwhelmed her, how much light she saw in them. His hands that planted on her shoulders softly were warming and soothing. "I'm not a violent person to begin with and I wasn't going to do that in front of you."

He bit his lip and winced slightly as it stung his cut. The white light that washed over him made him look pale and she could see the bags under his eyes. It must have been nearing 4 in the morning by then and it was showing on his tired face. She was certain it was even more apparent in hers. His words made her heart pound in her chest with a sense of adoration that she ignored.

The metal door opened and scratched the floor loudly as Lori stepped through with the soft smile that never seemed to leave her face. Reyna watched her take in her and Calum, the space that situated itself between them was only slight and Calum's large hands were still situated on her small shoulders. "Mr. Deming has given his statement and you can see him now." Reyna nodded vigorously and sniffled, pressing the backs of her hands into her eyes to wipe the tears that had yet to fall. Looking at Calum, she smiled at him softly. "I'm sorry again, Calum. I really am."

-----

His hands sat on splayed on the cool metal table with cuffs still around his wrists. The skin that poked out from beneath the metal was red and rubbed raw from his relentless drunken struggling, the alcohol undoubtedly numbing him from the pain. The sunken green eyes that stared at her were a stranger's, but the face was still Aaron's and that gave her comfort. "Have you given your statement yet?"

The iciness that laced his voice chilled her heart and the erratic twitching he exhibited made her anxious. "Not yet. I'm set to give mine after Calum's."

"Calum?" He scoffed and looked away from her to glare at the wall. His eyes leaving her nervous frame allowed her to take a deep breath from the break of his cold gaze. "Is that the little pussy's name?"

She winced at his insult and stayed silent. Reyna knew that any reply she gave would be sadly insufficient to him. "What, are you guys best friends now? Are you gonna make him miserable too?"

His head turned to look at her and she looked at her hands before he could meet her gaze. Aaron's words stung her, but she knew what she was walking into when the metal door opened. Of course, he was going to be angry and would need to get it out. "You know I wouldn't-"

"Do I? From your behavior last night, it seems that I don't know you that well at all, doesn't it."

"I'm on your side, Aaron," Reyna spoke softly. She watched his jaw clench and unclench along with his fist before he released a sigh and flattened his palms on the table. His gaze softened like clockwork. "I know, baby. I'm just tired, and after you tell them that he started it we can go home."

He seemed sincere and genuine like he was capable of apologizing without actually uttering 'I'm sorry'. It seemed as though he hadn't thought it out though, as all of the evidence pointed toward him. Reyna would've believed him and she desperately wanted to, but she knew him. She knew that his tone softening and the use of the pet name that made her cringe was because of the police officers standing outside of the room and watching from the transparent side of the glass. "Aaron…"

When her voice trailed off softly he sighed and stood up. It surprised her when he came to her side of the table and fell to his knees in front of her, taking her face gently in his hands and looking deeply into her eyes. "I'll love you until the day I die, remember?"

It had been months since he touched her so tenderly and it had her heart pounding in her chest. His confession had her speechless and she stared at him, mulling his words over in her mind. His fingers were rough against her cheeks and she wanted to pull back, but she stayed where she was and stared at him. His gaze was soft but held a warning in them that she didn't miss. As he pulled her head down and placed his lips to her forehead, she gripped his wrist and closed her eyes as tears stung them. "I remember. I love you too. So fucking much."

The bartender's attention finally landed on her and he gave her a small nod as a greeting. "The usual?"

"Yes, please." She smiled politely. It wasn't that surprising that Chris had remembered what Aaron got every time considering the club was small and on the outskirts of Mott Haven. It was located in the dodgy part of the dodgiest part of New York, only locals were brave enough to get intoxicated there or tourists who didn't know any better.

It still left her feeling uneasy. The idea that the bartender could pick her face out of hundreds because of how many times she had come there wasn't something she would brag about. Raging alcoholism wasn't something she wanted to flaunt.

Chris slid the single glass full of whiskey and ice over to her and she couldn't help but notice the slight hesitance as he did so. Nevertheless, he watched her pick up the glass without complaint, only offering her the smallest of crooked-yellow-toothed smiles and shouting over the loud music, "Let me know if you need anything." His offer had an edge to it and she noticed the way it was open-ended. She couldn't help but wonder if he was talking about more than just refills on alcohol.

She thanked him and left the bar, wandering back toward her table, the sound of her heels inaudible over the chaotic music and voices mixing together. Aaron sat in a high booth against the wall as he talked to his friend who was sat across from him and she couldn't help the thought that crossed her mind of just turning around and walking out of the establishment.

She hated it. In fact, she was certain that there wasn't anything she hated more than the rambunctious drilling of noise into her brain. She just wanted a single moment of quiet. Instead, she sat down at their table and slid Aaron his whiskey who, not tearing his gaze away from his friend, continued to tell the story about how he got suckered out of a job because he was caucasian and affirmative action had gotten too out of hand.

She knew that in the deepest parts of him, buried beneath his ego, he knew that he wasn't anywhere near being qualified for where he applied. He never was. This was just his way of compensating. He had dropped out of high school, a fact that she didn't know until later, and he had never sought out a GED or any higher education. The road seemed like a dead end to her, but she loved him enough to stick around. Of course, his friend agreed with him, that inclusivity was a plague and that it was ripping jobs away from hardworking "Americans". Whatever the hell that meant. She even saw his friend look over at her with narrowed eyes, to which she just looked away.

Her mother was from the Philippines and immigrated to the United States, in which becoming the head of nursing at NewYork-Presbyterian made her fall in love with the whitest and most Scottish doctor there. Reyna's own caramel skin was mixed with white, but if there was one thing she knew it was the fact that her immigrant mother took nothing from David Thomas, the man with more DUI'S than he could count.

The night continued like this. After he had finished his drink, she would get him– and eventually his racist friend– another. And another. And another. It was a cycle that continued even after the two men were slurring their controversial and offensive words together. This is how it had been for quite some time. She stared out at the sea of bodies dancing and groping one another and her heart yearned for her younger days. The days where she would be dancing along to the music she didn't know a single word to with Aaron whose hands gripped her waist tightly, almost as if he never wanted to let her go.

-----

The sun had gone down and the street lights immediately switched on, illuminating their path as they walked down the sidewalk to the bar that Aaron had promised was worth visiting. He had a portable speaker in his hand and ABBA's album "Arrival" made her dance to the rhythm.

She turned and walked backward while looking fondly at the boy in front of her. He had a boyish grin on his face as he watched her swing her hips and put her arms over her head during the chorus, dancing wildly but making adoration flood his green irises that looked forest-like in the dim lighting.

He wanted to make her eighteenth birthday memorable and he had told her that a club with friends was the only way to go. He knew the people who owned the place so she could get in easily. Truthfully, she didn't mind what they did, just as long as she got to do it with him. They had been dating for a little over seven months and she knew she was head over heels for him. He made her feel special and pretty, something she wasn't used to easily turning into something she craved.

Only from him. She only wanted his eyes on her because they were the only ones that mattered. She only wanted his hands on her, and it seemed that he read her mind as he gripped her hips and pressed her against the brick wall of one of the many rundown buildings they were walking past.

The sudden motion knocked the breath out of her in the best way, and it didn't stop the warmth from flooding her body as he pressed his forehead against hers. "I'll love you until the day I die, you know that right?" She was breathless and in shock at his confession before a large smile covered her face and she squinted her eyes happily, brushing her nose with his and returning his words with a kiss.

------

Instead of his hands on her hips, she felt one on her upper thigh. The callouses on his index and middle fingers from opening cans rubbed the exposed skin where the hem of her short skirt ended and she tensed as they trailed higher. Not granting him a reaction, she stared into the sea of people. All of them seemed to be having the time of their lives, except a curly-haired boy who was sat at a long table with a group of seven other people.

His eyes were already on her and the corner of his lips upturned slightly, giving her a small smile that she returned before looking back at the table in front of her. She fiddled with the rings on her fingers as she pretended to listen to the conversation that the two men next to her were having. She was great at playing the act by now. She shifted in her seat in discomfort when Aaron's right hand on her thigh pushed her skirt up farther and got dangerously close to her lace-covered center.

Public displays made her uncomfortable. Holding hands was an act that she could only tolerate in small doses and Aaron was well-aware of that fact. It certainly didn't mean he respected it. She breathed out a sigh before her hand found his and gently pushed it lower to rest on the skin just above her knee cap.

The muscles in his arms tensed and in the corner of her eye, she watched his jaw set into a hard line, the fingers on her thigh digging in more intensely. He glanced at her and she could see his eyes were filled with annoyance and malice, the whiskey further igniting his already short fuse.

She felt his hand trail north again, this time more aggressively and quicker, landing harshly on her core. The chill she felt run up her spine had her standing from the table abruptly, Aaron's hand falling out of her lap and onto the seat that she sat in previously.

"I have to use the restroom." She lied and quickly wandered away from the table to the back of the club where the bathrooms were. Weaving her way through sweaty bodies, she hastily made for the alley exit door instead and sighed contentedly at the cold air hitting her flushed body.

Pressing her back against the wall, she leaned forward and balled her dark hair up on top of her head, reveling in the feeling of the cool air hitting the hot newly exposed skin. Reyna leveled her breathing as best she could and focused on the relief of being out of the bar and finally breathing air that wasn't contaminated with body odor.

She couldn't help but jump when the metal door swung open and smacked against the brick behind it. It closed on itself as Aaron's shoes appeared in front of her, her brown eyes focused on the cobble beneath her feet, and now his tattered sneakers that he had owned since she first met him. The idea was scary and the anticipation was worse when she thought of looking up at the man she loved. It always was frightening, making eye contact with a man that she sometimes had trouble recognizing. She did it anyway, and when her eyes met his she could instantly see the single emotion that raced through them. Her mind remembered the very first time he stood before her like he was then, shoulders squared, eyes in angry slits and jaw clenched menacingly.

-----

Reaching the door to their apartment, she knocked with her foot and waited patiently for Aaron to open it. Minutes had to have past before she gave up, realizing that he was still at work, before setting the groceries down on the floor and digging out her own key. She made quick work of the lock out of habit and opened the door before she picked up the paper bags and walking into her home. The lights were on and she furrowed her eyebrows at it, knowing that the electric bill was expensive and knowing that Aaron would be annoyed at her if he found out.

She could have sworn that she shut them off, knowing that she had left well before sunset and there wasn't any need for lights then. Perplexed, she placed the groceries on the counter and trailed the way to their bedroom, noticing the door was open and the bathroom light was on. "Aar?"

She called out his nickname softly as she came closer to the bathroom, the door ajar enough to let the light flood out, but not enough to see inside. A part of her wished she didn't when looking back on her finding her boyfriend on his knees in front of the porcelain toilet, a dollar bill rolled into a straw and him snorting powder off of the closed lid.

Her mouth fell open as she watched him breathe it in as easily as air and as though his life depended on it. "What the hell?" Her voice came out shaky and incredulous as she looked at the man whose head snapped toward her, eyes wide and red.

"Rey? What are you doing back so early?" He quickly stood to his feet, the dollar he threw on the seat of the barely-there remnants of the drug he was snorting unrolled itself a little before rolling to the floor. He stumbled toward her in shock, him tripping over one of his feet and her backing away from him and into their bedroom.

When she didn't answer right away, too shocked for anything to come out as a sentence, he asked her again in a less soft tone. "What the hell are you doing back so early?" It was more of an accusation instead of a question. It was as though this wasn't their home, it wasn't the same one they had been sharing for a year now. The room she backed into seemed as foreign as the man that stood in front of her.

"What the hell were you just doing, Aaron?" She looked past his frame at the dollar bill on the floor and toilet lid, trying to process everything at once. "I asked you a question first." He stalked toward her and stood in front of her, his tall frame towering over her petite one.

She looked at his bloodshot eyes, his pupils were the size of dimes and shifted from her eyes to the bedside table, to the door, and back to her. He wasn't recognizable like this, with his body language unreadable as he fidgeted and clenched and unclenched his fists by his side. The man she knew and loved was only ever irritated. He had never been so paranoid and skittish.

"I only went to the grocery store." She answered him and looked at him with eyes that were just as wide as his. "It hasn't ever taken more than an hour. You're supposed to be at work and instead, I find you– I come home to this?" Her voice broke and her eyes pricked with tears.

There was a part of her that remembered trying to work out what she was feeling in that moment when she realized it was a mixture of everything. She felt betrayed and was distraught at the idea of him doing drugs as hard as what she assumed to be cocaine, much less doing it in their home. A large part of her felt anger and resentment at how he would even fathom the idea. She also acknowledged how much love she felt for him, but it was masked with a heavy blanket of disappointment and only showcased itself in the form of the wetness spilling out of her eyes and onto her cheeks.

"You're not going to tell anyone, right? You wouldn't." She gave him an incredulous look, said nothing all the while overspilling with rage and walked past him into the bathroom with him hot on her heels. Her eyes landed on the plastic bag by the toilet and she walked toward it, ripping off a piece of tissue paper and wrapping her hand with it before picking the baggy up.

"Wh–what are you doing?" His voice came out frantic and shaky with mock brevity failing to disguise his paranoia. "I'm throwing this shit away." She spoke as she began lifting the toilet seat up.

"No!" His voice range loudly, much louder than either of them had been speaking before, and his hands grasped at her wrists, pulling them away from the toilet and making the lid slam back down harshly. The baggy with white substance was ripped out of her hand and he grasped it tightly. Hiding it behind his back, he raised his other hand up with caution. "You can't do that. I spent so much on this."

She couldn't help the exhale of breath that escaped her lips at his words. It was a breath of utter shock. "Are you fucking kidding me? We can't have that shit in our house, Aaron." She reached for it again and he backed away, his hand that was raised pushed her chest and she stumbled backward slightly before she regained her balance.

"Did you just push me?" Her own voice was wavering now and she barely recognized. It seemed that everything surrounding her was foreign. The man she had loved for almost two years was a complete stranger in her eyes as his body trembled and shielded the bag of white powder like it was his most prized possession. "I didn't mean to, okay? You just can't throw this away. It's not yours to dispose of and this shit is expensive."

She scoffed at him and walked toward him again. Standing in front of him, her hand bravely reached to the one he had behind his back to try and grab it again. Her fingers shook out of fear of what would happen if anyone found out that it was in their house. She was trembling out of panic. "Do you hear yourself right now?" She interrogated him in a voice that was higher than what was normal, an inflection that showed how baffling his words were.

"Just give it to me, Aaron." She extended her arm further felt her fingertips graze the wrist that was holding the illegal substance. "I said no!" His voice was loud. He had never shouted at her before. In fact, he was the most levelheaded one in their relationship more often than not. His voice was loud, but the contact of his hand wrapped tightly around her throat and the cold of the pale yellow tiles of their bathroom wall coming in harsh contact with the back of her head and knocking the air from her lungs was even louder.

Her hands flew up to his wrist and her eyes widened at him, the tears that had gathered once again threatened to fall. "I said no. That's your fucking problem. You never listen." His grip got tighter and his glare bore into her soul. She couldn't find the green eyes that brought her comfort and warmth. The blackness engulfed every sliver of green as he gripped her impossibly tighter, before dropping his hand. She fell to the floor as he stalked out of the bathroom and she heard the front door slam seconds after.

----

"What the fuck was that?" His tone wasn't anything new, but it never failed to send chills up her back and onto her neck, before washing back down again in a waterfall of discomfort and emotional agony. Reyna trained her sad brown eyes on the cobble again, scared to hold eye contact in fear of the clash between malice and vulnerability.

"We're in public. It just didn't feel appropriate." She hated how small she sounded. She hated how small he made her feel, so small to the point where her shoulders still hunched and her arms hugged herself tightly. The bruise in the mark of a handprint was still visible on her wrist, but it was fading and she chose that as the silver lining. "You think I give a damn how you feel."

It wasn't a question he wanted her to answer and she knew that. The wind sang through the streets, avoiding the alleyway they were stood in as if to give them some unwanted privacy. It whistled along and paid no mind. She wished it would just sweep her away with it. "You do what I want you to do."

Aaron stepped closer to her and forced her body straight, his fingers, on one hand, gripped her cheeks harshly while the other pinched her clothed and most intimate place. He was a great pine in a forest of cherry trees. Everyone surrounding her withered away come the cold, even Reyna herself, and he remained standing tall, just as daunting as he was in the summer. He never went away.

"Hey man, why don't you let her go and step back?" Reyna never heard the door open, but she heard it shut and she certainly heard the voice that accompanied it.

Aaron's hand that was grabbing her face stayed defiantly in place. Her gaze snapped to the curly-haired boy who had just stepped out of the same door she had not too long ago and she felt Aaron tense in front of her. "Who the fuck are you?"

The boy shrugged his shoulders and stepped closer to the pair, his white dress shirt's sleeves were rolled up to his forearms that stretched the fabric because of the muscles there. He didn't seem scared in the slightest as he placed a hand on Aaron's shoulder and pushed him backward lightly, forcing the hand that gripped Reyna's face to fall away. She took a deep breath, gasping for air that she didn't know she needed so badly. Her hands shook as she pulled her skirt down and rubbed the ache in her cheeks.

"Why the fuck should I listen to a punk like you?" Aaron spoke in disbelief, glancing up and down the black-haired boy's body indignantly. He was a few inches taller than Aaron, allowing him to tower above his 5"9 frame intimidatingly. His broad shoulders were squared and his head was held high as he stepped in front of Reyna and stood in between the couple. "You shouldn't have to listen to me. She spelled it out for you, mate."

Aaron stomped closer and gave the boy a hard shove, sending him stumbling backward and nearly hitting the girl pressed against the wall, but he caught his balance before their bodies made contact. Nevertheless, the motion had the boy's cologne invading her senses. "I don't know who the hell you are, but I suggest you go back inside before I beat the living hell out of you."

He ran a tattooed hand through his curls, three letters briefly disappearing in the black, before he coolly and collectively responded, "I'm fine out here, thanks." Reyna was frozen in place. She could only see half of Aaron's features that were so blatantly painted with rage and the stranger's back in front of her. "I do suggest that you go back inside before you start something you regret."

He snapped. There were always certain trigger words or actions that made Aaron see red. When his vision flooded with it, there was no way he would be able to see reason. Nights of hers would be spent trying to pull him out of the darkness that so fully enveloped him to no avail. Simply as if a switch flipped, her caution was ignored and he'd escalate until he was shouting at her. By then, she would be too frightened to respond and would remain quiet, staring at the hole in the wall that his fist made months before while his voice pierced her eardrums and poisoned her consciousness with his venom.

The hit that landed on the curly-haired boys' jaw sent him shifting back into the bricks of the bar. She sidestepped away to avoid his large body colliding with hers and watched Aaron advance toward him. The stranger kept his hands bravely at his sides as Aaron's attached to the collars of his shirt. "Who the fuck do you think you are, kid?"

He coolly spoke and it took Reyna by surprise at how calm and collected he was. She was used to outbursts and violence and force, but she wasn't accustomed to passive level-headedness. "Just a kid who watched you sexually harass this woman on two separate occasions."

The question of why this boy had followed them outside never arose in her mind. Mainly focused on the present moment, she never thought that anyone– let alone the boy who smiled at her from across the dance floor– had seen Aaron get handsy with her as though she was a doll that one could do with as they pleased. She was embarrassed, but most of all she felt scared for the boy who didn't cower from Aaron's intense glare. He was a fool who didn't know what her boyfriend was capable of, she decided.

"She's my girlfriend, you dumb fuck. I get to do what I want with her." Aaron seethed through gritted teeth. Reyna watched fearfully from the sidelines as the stranger's stoic expression faltered for just a moment, his eyebrows furrowing in response. "She's a human being who clearly isn't interested in what you're trying to offer her."

Aaron's left fist collided with his chiseled jaw and everything after happened quickly. The dark crowned boy shifted under Aaron's arms and got out of his hold, only to wrap each of his wrists behind his back and press him into the wall with a hard enough impact to leave scratches across Aaron's cheeks. The stranger stood behind him and used his body to pin Aaron's front to the wall. "When I let you go, you're going to go back into the bar, get your things, and get the hell out of here. Is that clear?"

"Who the hell do you think yo–" Aaron's words were interrupted with a groan as the stranger used his body weight to press his face into the wall harder, adding to the pain that flooded the angry green eyes that Reyna was so afraid to look into.

"Is that clear?" Every word was emphasized and articulated in a way that made it impossible to misinterpret what he said. Aaron released only a grunt before the boy let him go, slowly turning to the girl who stood a few meters away at a safe distance. She noticed the way his eyes softened when they met hers, widened in fright.

Whether or not he was expecting what was coming was unclear to her, but she gasped and covered her mouth with her hand as Aaron jumped him from behind. The two men fell to the ground, Aaron on top and releasing punch after punch to the boy's face. She let out a shrill scream, feeling completely incapable of stopping her boyfriend's onslaught of punches. Her heart was beating in her throat and she couldn't breathe, wanting and willing everything in her to help the boy she didn't know.

He never fought back. He laid on the ground and took every drunken hit, his hands at his sides the entire time. By the relentless way Aaron delivered the hits, she knew that he thought he was winning.

It ended as soon as it started, blood spilling out of the nose of the boy on the ground and two tall men pulling Aaron away and pinning his arms against the wall. A girl kneeled beside the boy on the cobble, her bare knees paying no mind to the surface as she looked him over. Soon enough, the only things Reyna could see were the flashing blue and red lights of a police car, illuminating the alleyway in a dizzying glow as officers ran to the scene, shackling her boyfriend in cuffs and stuffing him in the back of the police car

When her eyes took in the sight of Calum tucking his black t-shirt into his stormy gray dress pants before he untucked it again and anxiously pulled on the hem of the fabric, she couldn't help the small smile that grew on her full lips.

A black mess of curls fell onto his forehead as his eyebrows got lost in them, furrowed in frustration at his appearance. "I think I need to change. I'm too underdressed."

She admired him from the entrance to their bathroom and bit her lip to mask her not-so-subtle smirk. His muscular biceps stretched the fabric of his short-sleeved shirt and the lack of sleeves showed off his tattoos that he had beautifully littered across the caramelized skin of his left arm. She noticed the way his jaw clenched and unclenched itself, briefly defining his jawline even more than it was normally. The veins in his hands and forearms were dilated because of his nerves and she couldn't help but drink him up.

His eyes flickered to hers in the reflection of the mirror and she snapped out of her daydream to sarcastically look down at her own attire. "I think I'm overdressed."

Her—his, but hardly anymore—gray sweatpants hung low on her hips and her Pink Floyd t-shirt covered the expanse of her skin above her navel. The maroon beanie situated on her head contained her black wavy hair and the makeup she wore was light and neutral.

"Want to swap?" She joked lightly and brought her head back up to meet his gaze. His own appeared to be running along her body before snapping back up to her eyes, filled with a warmth that was reserved entirely for her. She had no inkling of how she possessed his every thought, but she was adamant about convincing him just how much he meant to her.

"I'm being serious, should I put on that red dress shirt we bought?" As if a switch flipped, he went back to his anxious demeanor. His shoulders became noticeably stiff and rigid and the unconscious action lured her in. She picked up the necklace that laid on the counter and approached him, placing a hand on his broad shoulder, lightly guiding him to face her. She stood on her tippy toes and placed the chain around his neck, clasping it in the front and sliding the clasp to the back, out of sight.

"You look absolutely breathtaking, Cal. You always do and I promise they will love you." The huff of air he released fanned across her face and she could smell the mint of his toothpaste, the scent engulfing her.

"What if they think I'm not taking this seriously— us seriously?" His brow remained furrowed and the action created wrinkles in the space between his eyebrows that she just wanted to smooth away.

"Calum." She spoke sternly and placed her hands on his shoulders, slowly dragging them down his chest and wrapping around his waist as she craned her neck to look up at him and speak. "Once they see how well you treat me and how I really like you, they'll not be able to keep themselves from falling in love with you too. You're a likable person, Cal."

The way his name slipped so easily off of her tongue and passed between her perfectly parted lips noticeably relieved some of the tension he held. She warmed as his large hands found her hips and pulled her a little closer, enough to have them mere centimeters from one another.

"Are you sure you don't want me in anything else?" There was a sense of finality in his words that brought a smile to her face. She knew she had successfully convinced him that the way he was in the moment was perfect in her eyes, and her eyes were typically the only ones he ever cared to appease. He trusted that her taste in regards to him was more accurate than anyone else's seeing as she knew him better than anyone else ever could.

"What I really want you in is absolutely nothing, but a reliable source tells me that won't make for a good first impression so I suppose we need to settle for this shirt." Her fingers trailed teasingly up and down his defined back and she could feel the muscles contract underneath the fabric directly below her hand. His grip on her hips tightened and he pulled her in the rest of the way so their fronts were pressed against one another.

"I love you, Calum. They will too." She reassured him for what she hoped would be the final time before she pressed her lips to his full ones.

In hindsight, she should have laughed at the thought that their moment in the bathroom would have been the final time she would have to reassure him. It was a naive moment of wishful thinking that she recalled as she reached over the center console to grab his large hand and place her lips against the tattoo in the bend between his forefinger and thumb.

She felt the nervous sweat from his palms in hers and she smiled at how him being nervous showed that he cared for her. If she was just a plaything he was having fun with, like the months before they called off their arrangement and made an official relationship out of whatever they had, he wouldn't be sweating bullets and gnawing his plump lips raw. If it was just physical, like her insecurities often feared, then he wouldn't check his reflection in the rearview mirror at nearly every stoplight.

His nervousness didn’t stop her from admiring every centimeter of his side profile. His clenched jaw and how squishable his cheeks looked even from her view of him reminded her of the night that everything shifted between them. His eyebrows held the same furrow that they did that night.

_____

"What are you doing here, Calum? It's like four in the— Fuck, are you crying?" Her eyes squinted at the brightly lit hallway and focused on the man in front of her.

He, in his drenched clothing from the heavy relentless rain outside, brushed passed her and walked into her apartment without a word. She shut the door and twisted the lock before she followed him into her living room where he stood in front of the window and watched the rain drown the city below.

"Calum, what's wrong?" She approached him like a wounded animal. Her voice was as soft as she could muster and her steps were even softer until she reached him and placed a hand on his shoulder, wincing slightly as his muscles tensed under her. 

It was a reaction that he never had with her, him usually melting into her touch and all signs of tension leaving his body. She had never received the opposite, and it caught her by surprise. She removed her hand and kept a fair distance away from him, something inside of her sensing his unspoken hostility.

"I broke things off with her." He muttered so lowly that she had to take a moment to process his words to make sure she heard him right.

"Oh." She spoke. The mention of the woman that was the reason for her bed being cold for the past six months made her heart fall. "I'm sorry to hear that."

"It's whatever." He rumbled. The vibrations from his chest reverberated to meet her ears and its lowness sent chills up her back. This type of despondency was a side to him that she rarely ever saw, usually only after a hard day in the studio, and she would only see it until he had his way with her and relieved his tension. She was grateful that she got to bear witness to it at all, him hardly ever openly voicing his feelings to anyone else.

"You showed up at my front door with tears in your eyes. It's obvious that it’s not nothing." She tried again and grew a bit braver as she cautiously stepped in front of him in hopes of getting him to look at her. The glossiness of the tears that welled in his eyes reflected the lights from the city that he was transfixed and so keen on distracting himself with.

"She was cheating on me when we were on tour. Did him again this morning and Ash heard. He thought it was me." His teeth sunk into his lip as a sharp pain of sympathy shot straight to her heart. The shortness of his sentences had her noticing the way his voice trembled and how he had trouble filling his lungs entirely up.

"She's a fucking idiot, Cal." Truth be told, she had her suspicions and she had never liked the girl. Being a close friend to the boys and her best friend being Crystal, she was around a lot when the two were around each other. Ashton had told her that the lingering gazes the blonde girl gave to Luke were just her looking into something to find a problem that didn't exist. She had believed him because it made perfect sense at the time, considering she had drunkenly shouted into Ashton’s ear at a party her feelings for the curly-crowned boy.

An idiot could see that the feelings she had for one of her closest friends were more than just physical and platonic. The only idiot that was blind to it was the one she was standing in front of. It was the broken one who seemed to be in shambles because of the same girl that she had been jealous of for the past 6 months.

"Maybe that's me." He shook his head and blinked, the metal of his rings clinking together as he brought his hands to his face and rubbed his eyes roughly.

"It's not. I promise you." The shorter girl stepped in and placed both hands on his wrists to pull them away from his eyes. "You can have any girl or guy anytime you want, Cal. You just need to learn how to pick 'em."

"That's the thing. I don't want just any girl, I want someone who loves me." His eyes trained on the floor in front of him.

I love you, her heart wanted to scream. She wanted so desperately to endure his pain for him. She wanted to hold him and tell him it was going to be okay, but she knew that if the roles were reversed, she’d feel guilty about being in someone else’s arms after just leaving another’s. She knew that she couldn't.

"That's not a problem either. You're so sweet and so kind that people can't help falling in love with you." She reassured and replaced her hands onto his shoulders, the ones she loved to run her hands over. Caution thrown to the wind, she just wanted to touch him so he would know he wasn’t alone. His shoulders were always the best place for that as she was able to feel every intake of breath and every shudder he choked out as he slowly withdrew from her. The black haired girl found herself once again despising her polar opposite for getting between her and the guy she was desperately in love with.

"Then why can't I find it?" He responded bitterly.

She let out a breathy laugh and smiled only slightly as she pondered his question. "Maybe because the girls you choose to spend your time and effort on are immature and shallow", is what she desperately wanted to say, but she didn't want to add to his pervasive suffering by letting him blame himself even more than he already was.

"I think you just look in the wrong places. I'm not entirely sure anyone at our age is ready to take things seriously. We're all still dumb kids chasing the thrill and we don't know a good thing from a bad one. No one does, really. Who's to say what's good and bad."

The first time that night, his eyes met hers and he seemed to have searched them for some kind of answer. The look in his eyes had her holding her breath as she waited for his reply.

"Are you?" He interrogated her, making her eyebrows furrow in confusion. She waited for him to continue, but he just held her gaze silently. "I'm not sure what you mean—".

"Are you ready— willing to take things seriously?" She stiffened at his words and attempted to decipher them in the way he wanted her to. She wasn't ready to give herself that strain of false hope.

"I think I've always been ready. I've just been waiting for someone to be ready too."

"Do you want to know what the only thing she said in defense of herself when I confronted her?" He changed the topic, or so it seemed. She let out a breath of relief laced with disappointment as she nodded her head. She wanted to know what he had to get off of his chest, even though it would potentially hurt her. She knew that he had loved her more than life itself and, although every time she saw or thought about them together her heart dropped into her stomach, she still wanted him to be open with her.

"She said that it was only fair that she got to fuck him since I was in love with someone else." His voice was dejected, not sounding like he rejected the idea and she once again found her mind cloud with the green monster that insisted on rearing its ugly head when it came to Calum. "In a way she was right. She may have physically cheated, but I-”

“You were loyal and loving and there when she needed you to be. You were perfectly you, Cal. Don’t sell yourself short and certainly don't blame yourself. If all of the men in the world were half as good as you, it would be a much better world to live in.” She was never one to cut him off because she knew well that he hardly spoke about his emotions, to begin with. What she also knew was that she couldn’t sit there and listen to him blame himself. She couldn’t sit there and listen to his mind race about how he must have deserved it. She couldn’t sit there and let him believe it.

His eyes held onto hers in a brief embrace, clinging onto her words and mulling them over one by one before they welled with tears and he closed them tightly, biting his lip while one ran down his face. He let out a shaky breath and that action alone had her enclosing her arms around his shoulders and running her hands through the tight curls at the nape of his neck.

It killed her that the man that she had been loving for years was in shambles before her. It wouldn't have hurt this bad, she thought, if she had just voiced her feelings so maybe he could have admitted that he felt the same. If he hadn't though, then any form of contact would have fallen apart between them and he wouldn't have anyone to hold him the way she was now.

The comfort she gave him was more than she would ever know. His tears soaked into her skin and the whines and sobs that escaped his lips had a safe place to land in the crook of her neck. His heart was pounding against her chest and she felt her own lurch. If hers could just join his, maybe he wouldn't be so broken and so lonely. She could live without it if that meant making him a happier man.

"I can't blame her because she was so fucking right." The words came out in a croak and she wouldn't have registered that the sound was different from his sobs if he hadn't had his face pressed into her neck.

"She wasn't, Calum. You never acted on your feelings and she did. You're not the bad guy here and whatever feelings you may or may not have for someone else didn't give her some unspoken hall pass to do that to you." The firmness in her voice never wavered as she rubbed down his back and pulled him impossibly closer to her, attempting to make her heart embrace his.

"I did act on my feelings for her. A shit ton of times." He repented.

"Was it when you two were together?"

"Before, but the feelings never went away. Not for a second." She shook her head at him even though she knew he wouldn't be able to see the action.

"You're still not the bad guy here."

"Aren't I though?" His broad arms unwound from her waist and were replaced with his hands as he held her at an arm's length away, his big brown eyes searched hers until he grew tired of waiting for the realization to hit her. "She said that it wouldn't matter that she left. She said it wouldn't matter that she slept with another guy because I would just go running back to the girl like I always do– like I've always done."

"You didn't though." She pointed out, rubbing her hands up and down his biceps that were littered in goosebumps. His clothes were still wet and she had felt it soak through her sleepwear and cool her bare skin underneath it. "That's just yet another thing she was wrong about."

He gave a halfhearted smile, only one corner of his lips twitching upwards and displaying a dimple. His watery eyes softened and he chuckled. "She's not wrong because I'm here, with you."

When he murmured the last two words her heart stilled. The breath she was in the middle of exhaling was captured in her throat and all she could do was stare at him like a wax figure.

His hands cupped her cheeks and his thumbs gently caressed them as she replayed his sentence over and over again inside her head. She was searching for a trick, a grand prank where cameras would come out from behind the curtains and the sofa and everyone could laugh it off like it had never happened. She had a decent enough poker face to pretend like she had known all along. That moment never came. "It's you. It's always been you."