BRILLIANT TURMOIL

This picture isn’t mine either.

Because I’ve been lucky to #wfh for a month

And I think reflection is important

I thin this is a place spot for it

But now my break is over

For the past 8 months, I’ve been in two serious relationships - one with my boyfriend and one with my girlfriend. And honestly, I’m exhausted.

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The relationship between my boyfriend and I has gotten better and better, but that’s just not enough to make up for my other relationship. It’s toxic. She’s jealous of him, and that’s the least of it.

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8 months later and I’m exhausted. I’m beat and I’m tired. The last year of this degree was nothing compared to my relationship with my girlfriend. She slowly sucked the life out of me, and trust me - I tried not to let that happen! We were stuck together more than a married couple.

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I journalled, I contemplated, I talked to my coaches and mentors. I pre-paved, I manifested, I worked on being strong around people who want you to be down at their vibration instead. But I just couldn’t keep it up.

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At 7 months I snapped, and she reacted in the way we all knew she would - an overreaction. The snap wasn’t worth dealing with her reaction, and her reaction made bringing issues up not worthwhile. So I started again. I continued to keep the peace, continued to make jokes and light of the situation.

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I entertained negativity, unnecessary and exesssive outbursts of anger, racism, complaints, and criticisms towards my own life, the decisions I made, the way I acted, and who I was.

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And now, I can’t help but to feel resentment. I have given so much to make sure this relationship was “okay”, and maybe that was the wrong approach. Maybe I should have snapped earlier or thrown criticisms back, but I still think that would’ve been unfair. I did my best to lead by example, but some people just don’t recognize others behaviours as an example.

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This is what is comes down to: she is who she is. It is obvious now that she’s not someone who is a positive influence in my life. I can’t change her - I don’t want to change her, I just want space.

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I can’t resent her, because I am responsible for how I feel. I am responsible for letting her affect me, or being strong and resourceful enough to overcome the way she makes me feel.

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