Floating through space

It took him a while to work out why he was seeing this memory; why this was even a memory he had. But the sound of tires screeching, metal crashing and glass shattering bought him to his senses. Something clicked in his head and then he was running. 

Running faster then he’d ever run in his life because it couldn’t be true. The thought in his head couldn’t be right.

This wasn’t a memory he had wanted to get back; not now he could remember it all so clearly. The blonde wanted to stop running, to turn around and run right back into his new little life where he didn’t remember this moment. But he couldn’t and it was too late now. 

The front of the car was pushed in, metal bending to make a zig-zaged line as smoke billowed out from the engine. He heard a scream from inside the car, hands banging on the un-shattered glass; trying to get out, but it wasn’t working. Callum couldn’t move, he was frozen to where he stood and watched in horror as the flames began.

Slow at first, like lighting a candle during a power cut; watching as the flames latched on to the cotton and began to eat away at the wax. But now it was metal and glass and flesh. 

He closed his eyes tightly; trying to block out what he was seeing in front of him. It wasn’t real. It couldn’t be real. They couldn’t be- 

He cut off his own thoughts. Callum knew what was happening; knew the amount of truth and reality of this memory. Because he could remember it now. Everything seemed so clear his head; the layer of fog finally lifting to reveal the burning remains of his life beneath it. 

From his left he heard a sharp in take of breathe that made him open his eyes. A six month  younger version of himself stood with his eyes wide in horror at the scene. Callum watched as he tried to step forward, tripping over his own feet as the flames grew to high and the explosion took him off guard. He could see the tears starting in his blue eyes and knew what was coming next. 

‘NO!’

One simple word; that’s all the 15 year old could manage to shout. Every emotion seemed to find it’s way in to that one word. Picking himself up he tried to move forward again but couldn’t. As thought some unknown force was stopping him. But still he tried, pushing and pushing against his own invisible barrier. 

But Callum has seen enough now; he didn’t want to see his younger self struggle on till he collapsed to the floor surrounded by a haze of purple smoke and guilt. Callum didn’t want to see his mothers head lolling to the side from inside the car; her eyes still open and full of fear. 

He turned with his eyes closed just as his younger self was consumed in the purple mist; taking away his own memories of his life unknowingly. 

Callum understood what had happened now; and so wished he didn’t. 

-

It was still light when he opened his eyes again; but now he was crouched down on the floor outside a cabin, his legs pulled up to his chest and his hand covering his ears as tears fell from his eyes. Someone was stood in front of him looking concerned; but nothing registered in his head. Not their face, not the sound of his name has someone called out to him, not the confused looks he received as he ran through camp. 

Out. He had to get out. He had to get away. There was too much kindness in this place. Too much kindness he didn’t deserve. 

It was his fault. Callum knew it was his fault. If only he’d stayed at the house like he said he would. If he hadn’t been out; if they had not had to come and pick him up they wouldn’t have crashed; they wouldn’t be dead. 

Every breath he took hurt, his chest aching for air that he wasn’t letting it have; his legs gave away and he crashed into a tree. Feeling the roughness of the bark against his skin as he slid down it; his knees resting on the ground as he heaved in deep breathes. 

All he could see was fire. The car burning. The smoke in the air. Her face. 

Callum didn’t know what he was going to do as he sat down with his back against a tree and the sky growing dark above him. He wasn’t even sure where he was. Not that it mattered to him anymore as he curled up; watching as the light of day turned to night. He should have been in that car as well.