Generosity, both a curse and a blessing. I was raised to give because giving was never viewed as something unwanted. My parents always told me to be more considerate towards my brother, continuously giving him the last piece of cake, letting him win an argument, and at times doing his errands for him. I was built up thinking that the more I give, the better I’ll be as a person. I was too young and naive, never knowing what’ll do to myself later on. In school I’d always join volunteer clubs, consistently lending a hand to my peers. I tried so hard, trying to satisfy everyone’s needs, never putting my own first. And people will think, what’s wrong with being selfless? There’s nothing wrong with being humanitarian, but everything has its limit. I gave too much of my time and effort to the people I cared for. In friendship, I’d always put my friends before school, trying to keep a consistent balance between the two. I’d spend countless hours, creating something I know my friends would enjoy. I baked for their birthdays, I made them videos for their laughter, and even packed them lunch, in hopes to see a smile appear on their faces. Nobody told me to stop, nobody told me it’s okay, you’ve done enough. So there I was the girl that would cross the ocean for my friends when they wouldn’t even cross a puddle for me. They always accepted my kindness, taking it for granted. And of course, deep in my heart I always hoped that when my turn comes, they would do the same for me, yet I was wrong, thinking that would happen for years. Until those friends who I’ve cherished so dearly left me. I was confused, asking myself if I’ve done something wrong. It hit me, I wasn’t the problem, I never was, it was always them. They had the easy end of the friendship, unfailingly getting want they want. Like a servant, I fed them too much of my love and compassion, filled them up to the rim and so they got full, satisfied with what I’ve given them, packed up their stuff and left. In a way, I was glad they left me. I was able to learn a lot from the heartbreak. That sometimes it’s okay to be generous to me, that sometimes it’s okay if not everybody is happy, and that it’s okay to let things go. Although too much generosity had its toll on my relationships, I will never stop being generous. Because I know a small kind gesture can heal someone else’s pain and brighten their days. It’s just that through life, you’ll have to figure out who’s worth your kindness and generosity and who’s just taking advantage of it.
gracieabrams
theartofmadeline
andulkaphoto
germansingergirl
amandla
