blog intro! birdie aka callherbirdie
hi! i'm birdie, otherwise known as callherbirdie. i've been writing and posting music since 2021, but i only recently started doing music with vocals.

Kiana Khansmith


JBB: An Artblog!
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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@callherbirdie
blog intro! birdie aka callherbirdie
hi! i'm birdie, otherwise known as callherbirdie. i've been writing and posting music since 2021, but i only recently started doing music with vocals.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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original poem, by me.
i told myself i was done with love poetry, but here i am again.
when i was younger, used to have a recurring dream about a parallel universe where i had a husband and two children.
i've never wanted children, not once in my life - but i loved my family. i loved these children. they were here and they were mine, and there was nothing i could do about it.
they could always sense when i was about to wake up. they'd beg me not to leave them, they cried and clung to me like their lives depended on it.
"it's dark when you're not here."
i'd always wake up in tears; torn away from a loving family i had never had, and had never wanted - but i cried, still feeling their hands desperately clinging to mine.
i have not had that dream in a long time now. i still don't want kids, but i miss my children. I don't remember what my husband looked like.
but then i met you.
you wanted children, a family. things i wasn't interested in, things i could never give you. i knew we would never work.
but suddenly i found myself bargaining, bargaining for any excuse to stay by your side - maybe i could be a mom. maybe just one kid, if we adopt. two if we're financially well-off. i started thinking about baby names.
i knew i was just kidding myself. things ended exactly as i expected them to. this is exactly how my life was always supposed to be.
but when i walk past the diapers in the supermarket, or the little baby onesies in the department store, i'm hit with visions of the life i could have had if i had chosen you.
a life i had never thought possible, the kind of life i thought i wasn't allowed to have.
i know it's just wishful thinking, but i sometimes can't help but wonder what things would have been like if things were different. if our life together would be anything like the life that flashes before my eyes when i see children playing in the park with their families.
i think about my husband in that parallel universe, and i wonder if he looked anything like you. i wonder if i will ever see my family again.
i miss you. i miss the life i was never going to have. i bury it all in an unmarked grave in my mind along with the promises i couldn't bring myself to make, and the children.
one boy and one girl. twins. they looked nothing like me. it didn't matter, maybe none of it does. there are too many nightmares now for me to be able to reach them.
Intro cutscene for my new RPG Maker project currently in production - "Another Place: A World Without You"!
"Another Place: A World Without You" is an otome dating sim JRPG hybrid with multiple love interests and branching routes/multiple endings depending on who you choose to romance!
the only time i can truly be honest about how i feel is when i'm singing about it on a piano. i do art to make others feel the things that
big news! I am now selling my music on Bandcamp for $1 a track. you're welcome to pay more if you wish, but the price stays at $1!
I will be slowly uploading my entire discography over the coming months, as well as uploading my tracks to YouTube. I may or may not also make a Tiktok to promote my music!
in spite of this, Soundcloud will continue to be my most frequently updated platform - but I will try harder to accommodate those who don't use it going forward!
https://on.soundcloud.com/1fqOuItVzkogihloMY
You can also buy some of my piano sheet music on Ko-fi or tip me!
I've opened a shop. Come take a look!

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
the only time i can truly be honest about how i feel is when i'm singing about it on a piano, or writing about it in a poem. i mainly write
song for when love is so atrocious that you feel like the main character in a slasher fic
just realized that this fits perfectly with slashfic by dorian comics lol. maybe i should play it
the only time i can truly be honest about how i feel is when i'm singing about it on a piano, or writing about it in a poem. i mainly write
song for when love is so atrocious that you feel like the main character in a slasher fic
the only time i can truly be honest about how i feel is when i'm singing about it on a piano, or writing about it in a poem. i mainly write
Another attempt at bedroom pop! hopefully I fixed the vocals.
trying out a new genre
trying out bedroom pop for the first time
Hey, wanna make music? Yeah? Got a buncha money? No? Well that's perfectly fine, check this free stuff out:
Vital - A powerful wavetable synth, my personal favorite VST synth, very easy to figure out creating new synth sounds, with the help of the plenty of tutorials that are out there for the plug-in. (There are paid versions but they are completely unnecessary to get 99% of the features of the plug-in.)
Synth1 - A classic piece of synthesizer software.
Pendulate - An interesting, chaotic synth that you can make weird little sounds with.
Native Instruments' free plug-ins - Various cool VSTs, including the Komplete Start pack.
The Free Orchestra - A set of orchestral instruments for Kontakt Player (see previous link).
BBC Symphony Orchestra Discover - More orchestral stuff! This one has its own player so you don't have to download a separate VST to use it if you don't want to.
Magical 8bit Plug - A chiptune plug-in, intended for producing sounds like that of 8-bit systems like the NES and Master System.
Genny - A synth VST made to emulate the soundchip of the Sega Genesis/Mega Drive.
MT Power Drum Kit - A nice rock n' roll style drum kit plug-in.
This guy's weird VST collection - 6.4 gigabytes of weird VSTs, including some you might know, like Delay Lama and MeowSynth!
sforzando - A free player for soundfont files.
Musical Artifacts - A resource I mainly use to find soundfonts, on which you can find other various things as well.
Kilohearts Essentials - 30 effect VSTs including reverb, delay, compression, pitch shifting, transient shaping, ring modulation, phase distortion, and more.
Xfer's freeware VSTs - Exactly what it says on the tin, including the one and only OTT compressor.
Illformed - The good ol' dblue Glitch 1.3, Crusher, Stretch, and TapeStop.
Hysteresis and Fracture - Two interesting glitch effects, one being a delay and the other being a buffer.
Codec - A cool digital audio degradation effect.
Le Phonk - A slick distortion plug-in.
MAIM - An effect that mimics the sound of MP3 compression.
Soundly Shape it and Place it - One is simply an equalizer VST, the other is an effect that emulates a speaker (ex: a radio) and a space (ex: a cave).
Fresh Air - An effect that adds high end information to your sounds, to provide brightness.
ValhallaSupermassive - A combo reverb and delay plug-in that sounds quite big.
UnplugRed - A collection of various interesting VSTs, most of which have free versions.
Chowdhury DSP - I can't personally speak for all of these but their tape model effect is great for some lo-fi style effects.
TAL-Chorus-LX - A thick sounding chorus, good for "retro" sounds too.
Polyverse Wider - A great effect for widening sounds up, really simple too with only two controls.
Freesound - A good audio file resource, mainly for foley recordings.
Cymbatics Dubstep Starter Pack - A little sample pack with some good drum and synth samples.
fishmonger drum kit - A pack of samples from the album 'fishmonger' by Underscores!
WangleLine's sample packs - Free samples put out by my awesome mutual WangleLine!
aaand I might as well include this set of drums I made a while back :P
As for DAWs, it's been a long while since I've used anything other than FL Studio (not counting Audacity, which I still occasionally use for specific purposes), which, while being the only one I can directly recommend, is paid. However, I've heard good things about Reaper which has a "free trial" that you can technically use forever, akin to WinRAR. Additionally, I've also heard some good things about Waveform Free.
Personally I use Bandlab - which is free, browser-based, and has a mobile app! the mobile app has occasional ads, but I'm willing to forgive this because it has cloud storage so I can easily transition between devices to work on my compositions continuously. the only major downside i've encountered is that you need an active internet connection to save your work.
The resources listed here are probably better than Bandlab in a lot of ways, but I really value portability/ease of use and the ability to compose from anywhere (assuming I have internet). I can't tell you the amount of times inspiration has struck me while grocery shopping with my family or while eating at a restaurant. One of my favorite songs I've ever written was when I was eating KBBQ with my parents lol.
Recently I've taken to converting my midi files using MuseScore to make sheet music for my songs, the process is kind of janky and involves a lot of hand editing and adjusting note by note because stuff like key signatures and accidentals don't transfer very well.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Sometimes I remember I've been making music for a long time, for the same reasons, and I have to remix a song I wrote in middle school
(here's the "original," written for piano, transcribed from an old Finale Notepad file)
I think I might've actually relaxed today (loop this tune like I've been doing for the last half hour or something)
it's just been like this lately
can i just say something. I really love songs that are just absurdly long.
I was thinking about it recently... in the era of music we're in, where streaming has become this all-important thing and for a song to become popular it needs to Go Viral. I've noticed that song shave become a lot shorter because of that... because you have to base everything around the 10-second clip that's gonna go viral, because you have to put your effort into making 10 songs of 2 minutes each so that you can hike up those streaming numbers, so you can become Famous and get Money.
And then you have like, artists who are gonna put their whole soul into a 15, 16 minute long song. Artists who have an idea going throughout that entire runtime and develop it so beautifully that making it shorter is just doing it a disservice. Artists who make songs with multiple sections (even though it would probably be way more profitable to split each section into its own song). Like for them it's not about the money. it's about what they're trying to say with this song. And their insistence that it has to be told in this specific way. They're doing it because they love it and you can tell how much they love it in each second.
I love it so much. I love long songs.
I miss the days of long songs! These days the average song I write is 5-7 minutes, and that's me trying to keep things concise lol. I don't know how some songs can fit into 2 and a half minutes.
When I first started writing music during the pandemic my songs were 2-3 minutes, but now that I have a better idea of what I'm doing I find that I have a lot more to "say" in each song. Ultimately I value preserving the artistry/authenticity of the work over going viral/making a profit.
Still, being disabled and having no source of income is a drag, so I have to find other ways to compensate. On top of all that I also suck at managing a social media presence :/ so I've had a lot of trouble getting my work out there and networking with other musicians.
Also, side note, I remember seeing a song teaser go semi-viral and I loved it, but all the posts always showed the same 15 seconds - and when it released, the whole song ended up being totally different from what I expected. That 15 second clip was the most polished part of the song.
I think another aspect to this whole thing is that social media and the algorithm has ruined our attention spans and our ability to enjoy long form content in general.
Honestly I think it's a really sad progression to go down
i'm an "in every timeline" kind of person. the only time i can truly be honest about how i feel is when i'm singing about it on a piano, or
making ambient rain remixes of my music! will be adding to the playlist as I go along and will turn it into a compilation once i'm finished.
perfect for spooky DnD campaigns, music to fall asleep to, or ambient noise to have in the background while working!

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
TW: suicide implications
three different versions of the song I wrote for suicide prevention month last year, based on my own experiences!
it's about calling someone to say goodbye when you're contemplating and about to attempt suicide, but no one ever picks up.
song i'm currently working on! been sick recently and lost my voice, so i spent three days producing the instrumentals for this track.
i've also been sprucing up my social media profiles with new bios/descriptions/banner art, and have also spent the past three days updating my old album art.
for the past 4 years i've just been using old art i had lying around as placeholders for my cover art, but now i am working on giving each song a unique cover!
on top of this, i've taken the time to update the titles of some of my earlier work to better reflect my current identity as an artist.
i will be posting some of my favorite cover arts on here when i get the chance, but so far i've already completed about 20.
once i'm feeling better and get my voice back i'll be posting a new version of this song with vocals!