『 oliver jackson-cohen. thirty-two. cis man. he/him. 』 oh heavens, is that ARCHIE CALLAGHAN from MAIN STREET i see roaming around mapleview? minnie may’s always calling them -BLUNT & -STOIC. i happen to think they’re not that bad! they’re a pretty cool MORTICIAN and every time i’ve seen them, they’ve always been +EMPATHETIC & +DEPENDABLE. i hope i see them around again! @mapleviewstarters​

Grinning softly at the compliment, Stef pushes the box containing Archie’s cupcake towards him, nodding his head. “I’m good, just getting the house ready for Christmas and all that. I’m pretty sure the twins are more into wrapping paper than their actual gifts, but I still got a couple of things for them from Santa.” He replies, shrugging his shoulders. “You doing alright? Besides being busy, apparently.” 

archie is more than happy to accept the box and he immediately opens it, taking a bite from the sweet treat as he says with a mouthful, “i don’t think i’m gonna bother decorating upstairs,” referring to his apartment above the funeral home. “it just seems a bit of a waste when it’s just me and it’s pretty sad to be on your own looking at a christmas tree with nothing underneath it.” he gives a small chuckle even though there was a slight pain beneath it. christmas really wasn’t the same anymore. “oh, the wee bairns must be so excited,” he says before taking another bite from the cake, “what did you get for them?” archie shrugs his shoulders as the question is turned to himself. “yeah, i’m doing ok -- i’m glad to be busy, really. christmas is still a hard season for me to deal with after everything from back home, so i’m glad to be working.”

Maybe it was a little strange to be bringing baked goods to Archie’s place of business, but Stef had already picked up the sweets and was on his way. He figured they could go outside and eat them if it was weird to inside, but he also figured nobody disliked a surprise cupcake! Stepping inside, he looks around for the blonde, giving him a little wave once he spots him. “Hey! I hope you don’t mind me dropping by. I, uh, brought cupcakes.”

@callaghvn​

if there was one way to secure archie’s heart then it was through food of any kind, but especially the sweet variety. he’d always had a sweet tooth ever since he was a kid and even now, he was often scolded by others for the sheer amount of sugar that was poured into his tea and coffee. hearing the bell to the door go, archie’s eyes lit up (if anything just to have someone to talk to that could actually respond back to him) and upon seeing stef’s face, the man breaks out into a grin as he welcomes him inside. “you brought me cake?!” archie places a hand to his heart, “and this is why you are one of my favourite humans.” he chuckles softly, gesturing the man over. “it’s always a pleasure to see you anyway. how have you been doing? i feel i’ve been so busy these past couple of weeks now that flu season has kicked in, i’ve barely had a chance to catch up with anybody.”

𝐀 𝐑𝐎𝐋𝐋 𝐎𝐅 𝐎𝐂𝐄𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐂 𝐇𝐔𝐄𝐒 𝐀𝐒 𝐇𝐄 𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐒 𝐓𝐎 𝐀𝐑𝐂𝐇𝐈𝐄 𝐆𝐈𝐕𝐄 𝐇𝐈𝐌 𝐀 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐘 𝐁𝐘 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐘 𝐎𝐅 𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐇𝐄 𝐃𝐎𝐄𝐒 ———— truly it didn’t matter , there was still bodies where he sleeper : dead bodies at that . ❝ it’s still ducking creepy if you tell me . ❞ if there was anyone who was hard headed and stubborn out of the two of of them , it was definitely ryder. ❝ it’s funny that you are actually getting laid more than I am , since I came here I have had no action and to be honest , it’s kind of fucking depressing . ❞ he says playing with the rim of the coffee cup before him . ❝ the fact that you are only going to see some shit go down , is exactly why you are my friend . ❞ he says with a small smile ❝ I’ve been back for two days and can you believe my father hasn’t even called me , I had breakfast with mom today at the country club and rocco picked me up the night I got here and we had a few drinks but nothing from my dad , sometimes I think he pretends I don’t exist which doesn’t matter cause I do the same to him . ❞a lie. the only thing that ryder ever wanted was to get his fathers attention and yet it was never welcomed .

“i’m getting laid because i’m pretty,” archie shrugged, fluttering his eyelashes at the other man, “and you know, i’ve always said if you wanna try it then i’ll ease you in nicely.” the younger gave ryder a playful wink, a joke of course because despite being an irritating bastard half the time, archie understood boundaries. “also, i get laid because i drop my standards considerably when i’m desperate. a toxic trait, if you will. but sometimes, you just need to push their face down into the pillow and you can imagine it’s ryan reynolds or something.” archie tossed his cigarette butt to the floor as they neared the cafe entrance, he could practically smell the bacon already and he was dying for something hearty and greasy to keep him going for the day. “is it worth you reaching out first?” he then suggested as he pushed open the door to the cafe, “i mean, maybe he’s waiting for you to say something so that’s why he isn’t.”

“hm …” pursing her lips in thought, arya, they cock their head to the side, considering the question. “lights should be fine, I think. just as long as you don’t put one of those huge, inflatable snowmen out front. that might be a bit over the line.” 

“you know, a few people have genuinely suggested i put a snowman out front and i’m glad someone else finally agrees it would be a terrible idea,” archie chuckles softly, shaking his head. “i just feel like i need to do my bit on main street, y’know? everybody else is getting their decorations out for their shops and then i’m just this big moody building. granted, it is a funeral home but i dunno, i still think death is fascinating and should be celebrated rather than all miserable and stuff.”

𝐒𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄𝐒 𝐇𝐄 𝐃𝐈𝐃 𝐖𝐎𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑 𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐃𝐑𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐎 𝐃𝐎 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐒 ——- it’s not that he didn’t respect what he did but he did but to actually live somewhere , where various dead people were . it just wasn’t who he was ❝ well at least a giant fucking snowman would deflect everyone from the fact that your literally in a place where a bunch of people have fucking died —— how do you ever get laid ? ❞ he inquired the other with a quirk of his brow ❝ I don’t give a fuck about tinsel , I’m honestly intrigued , are like the people you fuck with into this tutor of freaky shit ? ❞ he wondered once more and rolled his eyes at his response to rebekahs birthday ❝ callaghan , don’t play with me. I have enough with my dad being so proud of his adoptive kids , he’s so far up roccos ass that he doesn’t even know he’s been cheating rosalia , this whole time and rebekah is using again —— I just won’t be able to deal with the whole perfect kids routine , listen I’ll buy you a damn male stripper if I have to , I don’t usually say please but I’m saying it , kind of . come on just go . ❞

“alright, well clearly you never listen to what i actually do because they don’t die here,” archie explained, rolling his eyes, “i pick them up when they’re already dead! then i bring ‘em back here, shove them in the freezer nicely until they get chucked in the oven or i drain their blood out and make them look alive again.” he spoke so nonchalantly but there was a wicked grin on his face as he wiggled his brows to the man, knowing that he sounded like a complete psychopath but anything to rile ryder up all the more. “aye, i mean, a lot of the men i sleep with don’t really care because they’re thinking with their cock rather than their brain. i think it’s after the fact when i tell them to leave and they have to walk downstairs alone, that’s when they get creeped out and it hits them that they just shagged a scottish bloke above a giant freezer stacked with cadavers.” he explained with a shrug. the man rolled his eyes, popping a cigarette between his lips before sighing out a cloud of smoke, “alright, alright. i’ll be there but only because it sounds like this is going to end up like some fuckin’ jerry springer shit and there’s not a chance i’ll miss that. i swear, the more i hear about your family, the more i’m glad i’m not in it and i mean that with a lot of love.”

𝐑𝐘𝐃𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐔𝐑𝐑𝐎𝐖𝐄𝐃 𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐁𝐑𝐎𝐖𝐒 𝐀𝐒 𝐇𝐄 𝐋𝐎𝐎𝐊𝐄𝐃 𝐀𝐓 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐁𝐋𝐎𝐍𝐃𝐄 𝐁𝐄𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐄 𝐇𝐈𝐌  —— sometimes he did wonder what went through the man’s brain  ❝ you do realize you are not funny , right ?  ❞ he inquired with a tilt of his head as he mentions that bit about the ghost’s , it’s not that ryder was scared or anything but he did choose to believe in the after-life.  giving up he lets a sigh escape his lips ❝ have you seen those big ass blow up christmas things , maybe you can buy one of those , my mom has a discount at the store , you know how she has her christmas party every year , they love whenever she goes . talking about parties are you coming to my sisters birthday bash because if i have to drink alone and have a whole rebekah day , i think i will literally shoot myself .  ❞

“i’m not funny, i’m hilarious,” the scot retorted with a playful wiggle of his brows. he couldn’t help it, archie had always been one to push another’s buttons and he liked to wind the other up. “oh, because a giant fucking snowman flappin’ about is really gonna set the mood right,” archie laughed, “but i might take up that discount for some lights and tinsel. that’s christmassy, right? tinsel?” he shrugged. he’d never been one to do much decorating, in the past it had been his ex that was the christmas fanatic and archie would sit back and let him go wild. it was easier that way. “when is it again? i’m sure i can make an appearance, although i will be trying to find somebody to go home with. at this point, even if you have a fit older uncle or whatever that’ll be there then i’ll take it.”

𝗢𝗣𝗘𝗡  𝗧𝗢:  𝗮𝗻𝘆𝗼𝗻𝗲. 𝗟𝗢𝗖𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡:  𝘀𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗻  𝗯𝗲𝗮𝗻  𝗰𝗼𝗳𝗳𝗲𝗲  𝘀𝗵𝗼𝗽.  @mapleviewstarters​

     IT’S  CROWDED  TODAY  AS  YESI  sits  in  the  coffee  shop,  bag  neatly  placed  on  the  seat  opposite  of  her,  as  if  she’s  not  aware  that  all  other  seats  are  occupied.  she’s  deep  into  reading  a  book  when  something  catches  her  attention  out  of  the  corner  of  her  eye  —  a  new  visitor,  looking  awfully  lost  as  they  try  to  scout  out  an  empty  seat.  yeseul  contemplates  for  a  second  whether  she  should  or  shouldn’t  move  her  bag,  but  kindness  gets  the  best  of  her  in  the  end  and  she  removes  it,  now  leaving  the  seat  vacant.  still,  she  says  nothing,  offers  nothing,  and  looks  away.  if  they  want  it,  they’ll  ask.

he’s been rushing around like a madman all day; work was steadily growing busier as flu season was beginning and with minimal staff in the home (it was a small town after all), that meant a lot of the jobs fell on his own shoulders. but today, archie decides he wants to give himself a break and that meant taking twenty minutes to grab a coffee and sit down. or at least, the plan was to sit until he glances around the shop and sees every seat occupied. with a grimace on his face he plans to just leave, but then a girl appears to clock him, silently moving her bag and archie wasn’t one to miss out on an opportunity. he takes the seat and places his coffee cup on the table, giving her a warm smile, “i appreciate it,” he says, “i won’t be long -- just need to sit for a few minutes and get away from work for a wee bit.”

Toni beamed up at the kindly blonde, taking the box and placing it in her buggy. “Thank you so much Archie! You really are always in the right place at the right time.” she said approvingly. One of the unfortunate aspects of teaching in a community for so long was having to attend funerary services of all sorts. Fortunately, she felt she’d developed quite the good working relationship with Archie, whom she went to for advice on how to tackle unique, death related questions that her students have had. “Oh, just my usual fake snow to kick off the holidays unit. Had to use my reserve box last minute on thanksgiving, so I’m scrambling to grab some before it all goes to cookies and other such sweets!” she replied with a shrug and a sigh. His quip about his baking gave Toni cause to scoff and lightly swat at the man’s arm. “Absolutely not! You just so happen to be in the presence of someone who is amazing at baking…break and bake cookies. And that’s if I don’t eat them raw first.” she laughed lightly, “Seriously though, I’d be happy to lend a hand. I’m rather good at following directions, so I could help! Any particular reason you’re wanting to bake this year?”

“you know i try my best,” he chuckled softly as he passed the box over to her. it was always a pleasure to see toni in a friendlier atmosphere, as opposed to the sombre settings they had previously bumped into each other at. but archie was always there to help whenever he could and he loved being able to answer any questions she had, and was always willing to speak to the children personally if it meant easing their minds or comforting them about the topic of death. “wait, you can make fake snow with that?” the man raised a brow, “do you just add water or something and it like, expands? it feels like a science experiment.” he chuckled before giving a playful little ‘ow’ as she whacked his arm. “you’d really teach me though? ‘cause i just wanna be able to do something that is y’know, fuckin’ wholesome and be able to say, yeah i did that.” he shrugged. “my ex always used to give me a hard time about burning things and i figured y’know, this is the one year i wanna prove i can become the gordon ramsay of baking -- or at least, i just want something edible.”

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑 𝐁𝐄𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐄𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐖𝐀𝐒 𝐐𝐔𝐈𝐓𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄 𝐓𝐎 𝐒𝐀𝐘 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐋𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐓 : 𝐍𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑 𝐖𝐎𝐔𝐋𝐃 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐇𝐀𝐕𝐄 𝐂𝐀𝐔𝐆𝐇𝐓 𝐑𝐘𝐃𝐄𝐑 𝐇𝐔𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐓𝐎𝐍 𝐀𝐓 𝐀 𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐆𝐔𝐄  —–  yet here he was . his thumb is scrolling through instagram , entertaining himself as he waits for the other . his brows furrows and he tilts his head to the side slightly ❝ i think you have been spending way too much time in this damn shit hole and you need some damn sunlight in your life . ❞ he meant no animosity towards archie , if anything he admired archie for the work that he did , never in a million years would ryder be able to do what the other does.  ❝ you can put a damn carousel with a dancing elephant and it would still creep me out .  ❞

“i have no choice but to spend too much time here, ry, i live here,” archie rolls his eyes, reaching for his keys in his pocket to lock the front door because one thing he knew was ryder seemed to want to spend as little time as possible in his funeral home and really, archie couldn’t blame him. “so you don’t think a wee snowman in the window would make you want to come and see me more either?” he asks, giving the other a playful little pout before breaking into laughter. “i don’t know why you’re so creeped out though! is it the ghosts? because i promise they’re harmless,” archie teases, drawing a cigarette from his pack to light as the pair of them wandered toward the town. he was starving.

   jillian’s eyes widened at the strange question. “i mean…” the chuckle that escaped her was more of an awkward one than humoured. “i get where you’re coming from, that’s really morbid.” the woman looked at the sign and then back at the other. “yeah, i wouldn’t put them up, unless someone specifically requests it. if you’re going to do that, make it a free add on service. i’ve heard what this business is like with fees and…” she puffed to herself. “…i have no words for that. had a kiss with death and i don’t fancy it. don’t think lights would make a difference…sorry that got dark for a second.” jillian did have the tendency to ramble when she was uncomfortable.

“oh no, i don’t mean for the actual funeral! obviously, if they wanted that during this tme of year then absolutely i would but i just mean in general for the outside of the home, just to make it look a little more comforting to anybody who does have to come in during this season.” archie shrugged. he noted the little comment on the fees and he sighed some because as much as he didn’t agree with what a lot of other homes charged, he wasn’t exempt from it either because he still had to make money somehow. “aye, some places really will charge above and beyond for simple additions but i always try my best to keep it as cost-effective as possible for the family but still be a beautiful send off. it’s always a tough subject to tackle when it comes to finances.” archie chuckled softly, he was used to dark -- all his conversations were pretty much in a similar tone, so it never bothered him. “did you not become more welcoming of mortality, though? i mean, i grew up in this industry so i’ve always accepted and welcomed death but i’ve heard that those who have brushes with it, can often change their perspectives.”

“Oh my god, that’s awful! But also hilarious.” Thea says, unable to hold back the laugh that falls from her lips. “Yellow would be nice. Or white. White twinkly lights are pretty classic, I would say.”  She hums, nodding her head. “Oh, yeah. My daughter was very excited to get all of the Christmas stuff out as soon as we put the Halloween decorations away.” 

“i’m so glad someody appreciates my humour,” archie chuckles, “i think i scare a lot of people off y’know. i mean, a man who works with death every day and then jokes about it -- can’t be someone to invite round for tea.” he was used to it however, ever since he was young and growing up as being the kid whose dad worked with death, a lot of people didn’t want to face it. “white and twinkly, i think i can do that. but oh, of course! your wee one -- she must be so excited! it’s always an exciting time of year for the bairns, isn’t it? you have to show me pictures of your tree, if anything because i need inspiration. last year my christmas tree was a traffic cone with some tinsel on it.”

Rory nods her head at him, she really couldn’t disagree on that. “You’re right. Like I said, those lights look pretty anywhere.” She shrugs while smiling at him. “Sure thing. Anything for you, Arch. Plus, I also still need to pick up some Hanukkah decorations that I already should’ve bought but my head’s been insane lately.” Rory waves a hand around and then motions her head towards the opposite side. “You wanna do this now or what?”

“somethin’ goin’ on?” archie asks softly as she mentions her head, and naturally he’s curious, always wanting to make sure others were doing okay. “yeah, let’s go -- i can close up for a couple of hours, call it an extended lunchbreak.” he chuckles, drawing out his keys from his pocket to lock the front door before hopping down the step. “where do you even buy lights from? just the supermarket or are there special shops? can you tell i never used to decorate my own place back home?”

Tilting his head the other way, Jules took in the building once more; then smiled, as always. “I defer to you. I’m nowhere near an expert in design, especially when it comes to buildings such as this. I typically have no say in the design of the buildings in which I work–normally drab-looking state-funded schools, where my only control is what I can put up on the walls in my own room. It does look pretty the way it is though, so I would say it’s money well-spent.” He rubbed his jaw thoughtfully. “Again–I have no eye for any of this, but I think a good rug is always a great idea. Some people aren’t going to notice the thing they’re walking on, but others might notice those more subtle details. And the lights… If you aren’t sold on some sort of candle in the windows, if you can find some dimmer, warmer-toned string lights, that would be a lovely touch!” Jules grinned wistfully. “Ah, you’ve made me start to look forward to decorating my own place. I’d been living in a flat for so long, it’s exciting, isn’t it?”

“oh trust me, i needed a lot of help with it -- i’m an embalmer by trade so i definitely couldn’t have done it by myself,” archie admitted with a light chuckle, “so you’re a teacher then, i’m assuming? what is it you teach?” he asked, unfolding his arms as he instead chose to lean against the ledge of the home’s window. “that’s it then, i’m sld on the rug, candles and a small string of lights too and hopefully it’ll brighten the place up a little to not be so depressing.” archie chuckled. “it is! back home, christmas was obviously a big thing but it was mainly more about the food and getting pished than decoratin’. over here, some houses you see and it really is like those families from the grinch with the fuckin’ light gun, i swear.” he grinned, “what do you plan on doing for yours?”

“well … i mean you could put some lights up because to me, personally – those lights always give me some kind of comfort and warmth. not sure how other people think about it, though. i wouldn’t put the the colorful ones up though. just the basic ones, those are probably a better choice if you are going to put those lights up,” she advised. 

“that’s what i was thinking too,” archie agreed with a small nod, a hand placing at his hip as he tried to picture what it could look like in his head. “my thoughts are that if you were to lose someone this time of year, it is fuckin’ hard - i mean it’s hard any time of year but this season especially, so if they do have to come to me then i’d want them to feel welcome and comforted instead of just sitting somewhere miserable.” he shrugged. “either white or warm white i think i’ll do, just across the top of the sign and maybe in the window then?”

“yikes…” hardin trails, lips twitching with amusement. “god, why are you the only person that would think of something so sick. i mean, if you’re going to add christmas lights might as well go all out and play music and let the lights alternate.” the male suggests. “tis’ the season, so i mean…you sort of have to. its one of my favorite seasons. so you gotta go all out.”

“it ain’t sick!” archie has to laugh, “i’m blamin’ my dark humour on this one.” he knew it wasn’t to everybody’s taste but it was his way of coping at least. “fuckin’ hell, i’d go out of my mind if i had to listen to elton john or slade on repeat.” the man shudders at the thought of it, shaking his head. “i never took you for a christmas boy. are you gonna go all out this year? i expect an invite to the light show.”

“oh fuck.” that was definitely a tricky scenario, chewing on her bottom lip as her brows furrowed, “i mean maybe don’t do any colorful sort of lights. just like the basic bitch boring regular colored ones. those aren’t like…festive. as long as you don’t have like a big blow up of santa, i think you’re pretty solid.”

“oh no, can you imagine a glarin’ set of rainbow lights all flashing about?” archie chuckled, “and definitely no giant father christmas. that i can also agree on. are you decorating this year or keeping it simple?”