{Insert SomethingWittyHere}

Mistook the couch as your palm and thought this was the tiniest sweater in the world

one time i was making potato soup and i needed broth for it but i was out of broth. but in my dog food cabinet there was a carton of chicken broth that i had bought for my dog. now the box did say HUMAN GRADE and the ingredients were just bog standard chicken broth. it did say something about joint health for dogs on there. but the ingredients were normal. i even compared the ingredients list to some normal person broth and they were the same. so i did put dog broth in that soup and it did taste completely normal. but i did use the dog broth.

genuinely I'm so sick of people wanting all fiction to be ethical. can we all just get a little gross with it. the point of fiction is that it's not real. we can be unethical in fiction; same goes with being perverted with fiction, being unrealistic with fiction, and being grotesque with fiction. not all fiction has to be ethical, not every character has to be ethical, and that's okay. can we stop with the puritanism. be gross. be unrealistic. be whatever. if I don't like it it's not my business as long as we're all clear that its fictional.

one time I was lucid dreaming and I asked the Jennifer Coolidge figure in my dream how do i tell if something in a dream is real or not and she said. It’s only real if they charge your card. best answer ever

can I reblog this a million times

Everyone can reblog it: you, me, and all our followers.

Was trying to make a joke about TV writing to my friend the other day and had to pause and go "...does the phrase 'surf dracula' mean anything to you?"

image description: tweet by @/topherflorence, reading: back in the day if u did a tv show called surf dracula you'd see that fool surfing every week in new adventures but in the streaming era the entire 1st season gotta be a long ass flashback to how he got the surfboard until you finally get to see him surf for 5 min in the finale /end description

My grandma’s on and off again boyfriend that she cheated on grandpa with died today.

RIP to Nana’s side piece. Though they never married, Grandpa died in September and she brought his long term competition to Thanksgiving that year.

Grandma and Grandpa had a shotgun wedding when Grandma was 19. Grandpa went off to Vietnam which left her, a severely mentally young mother, alone. Never heard a complaint about her side piece Jeff. He seemed to make her happy and for that I salute him.

My grandmother broke up w my grandfather through a letter and he just pretended to have never read it. They got married and had three kids.

You don't remember my old url....? O-oh.. no its fine. I said its fine! Don't... don't touch me.

*trips while I'm running away and you get a panty shot*

Huh

Can you believe they tried to monetize this shit

Ok I'll go fuck myself

rediscovered the pleasure of reading physical books so now i cant look at a screen too much bcos its an instrument of the devil and the electronic book will damn our souls for all eternity

Both are great if you have an e reader. Otherwise yeah reading on a phone or normal tablet is lesser imo

the electronic book will damn us all! the only way to reach heaven is to die snorting mold on old flee market books! nothing else will do!

one person's "ugghh this trope is so overdone" is another person's "oooooohohohohohohohoho"

What a lovely little post you have here! *Drinks up its wordjuice to add it to my lexicon like some form of Vernacula*

*Sinks my teeth into your vocabillaries*