Caledine

Hey there!! 🔆

My name’s Caledine and i’m a writer on tumblr (obv). I like writing that’s got a lot of emotional depth, and i’ve had this blog for about 2 years?? but never became an active poster. i’d like to change that now. If you have ideas — put them in my asks PLEASE i have none 😭🙏… This post will update as time goes on.

Things you’ll find on my blog:

Writing prompts

Whump ( could be triggering !!)

Random words of wisdom ( questionable 😨)

Hero & Villain universes

Team whump ( I write a shit ton of Leader whump and team whump )

Fantasy ideas ( I’m a DM what did you expect?)

Dynamics and tropes

Oc stuff

Fan fiction (occasionally but my ao3 covers that)

Poetry

Art

And much much more c:<

Things you won’t find on my blog:

Smut

Pro shipping

uhhh can’t think of much but just use your common sense

Master List:

Waffle / Real talk :

Self worth,

How old were you when you realised you liked whump?

Why i vanished…

Oc character building tasks/ Questions :

Part 1

Whump writing:

Leader whumpee , Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

Forgotten birthday (Leader whump), Part 2, Part 3 , Part 4

Whump prompts:

A twist on Hanahaki disease

Fictional Disease - Mirror meltdown syndrome

Avian whumpees

Mercury poisoning

Team whump ( types of whumpees + prompts)

Team whump = Leader whump

The Dulling of Whumpees

i need leader to get some proper comfort, poor guy 🎂

(also just saw the poll & “leader’s next birthday is also missed” would make for a super mean au 🤭)

Sooooo new part is out 👀👀

Part 4

<—Part 3

“ Let me get this straight. You think something's wrong with you?” Second asked, trying to make sense of the situation. Leader nodded fervently, pushing his fists into his eyes. Leader forced another breath into his lungs. He wasn’t doing anyone any good if he wasn’t breathing. He didn’t know why he had to consciously choose to do something so simple.

Second sat down cross legged and blinked back at the door. Then he nodded, “ Ok, we can figure this out together, what do you think is wrong? Like what does your gut say?” Leader frowned pulling his knees up to his chest and blinked at the floor. Second sighed, “ Leader please.”

“Did I do something wrong?” Leader asked quietly, “ Like… to the team I… I feel like I did something wrong and you don’t like me anymore. None of you and I’m trying to do better. I swear I just don’t know what I did so I'm trying to do more of everything.” His voice wobbled and trailed off into the quiet hall. Second stared at him, his brows furrowed in genuine desperate confusion. “ Leader you haven’t done anything. Nothing at all. We aren’t mad at you we were just worried and confused because you’ve been so distant and—“

“Then why did you punish me?!” Leader yelled desperately. His voice echoed out into the narrow hallway, raw and broken. Second flinched back slightly at the sudden shouting. Leader was soft spoken and he never yelled. Not under fire, not when he broke bones and not when he was angry.

But now, he was a trembling mess struggling to stay upright, chest heaving as tears finally spilled out, hot and uncontrollable. Leader pushed Second’s arms off him and pushed himself back towards the wall trying desperately to breathe through the sudden burst of sobs that had possessed him. “ If I did something wrong— If I had done something you guys could’ve told me— I would’ve changed, I would’ve been better! I would’ve done so much but you guys didn’t even tell me what I did— If I was too slow or messed up a mission I would’ve corrected myself and been better but you guys won’t even—“ He choked on another sob, struggling to get breaths in.

“I would’ve fixed it— I try so hard for you guys— so so hard cause I care so much and you guys just— you guys— you all just—“ He cut himself off with a desperate gasp scrambling further back against the wall. He brought his arms up to his face and wiped furiously. Second just sat bewildered.

“ It was on the calendar !! It was right there in the kitchen with the squiggly red balloons and you all saw it— you all—“ He cried and buried his face in his arms clinging to himself till his knuckles went white.“ It was my birthday! My first one with you guys because I spent my last one on that stupid placement on my own and none of you said anything! You said I was appalling and gave me all the paperwork and called me selfish and you all left me the fucking dishes and went to the pub and it’s just not — it’s not fair!” Second sat frozen still and the blood drained from his face as the realisation hit him like a sledge hammer.

“ And so I tried so hard to be better because you guys were all ignoring it and it hurt so much— so maybe I could have a stupid birthday and everyone would stop being so angry at me.” Leader hiccuped, choking so badly Second though he might throw up. “ I didn’t want much. I just wanted to be celebrated cause everyone gets it too but for some reason I’M NOT ALLOWED and— hell I would’ve settled for a cupcake or a card, a store bought one, I'm not that needy. I would’ve even settled for a wish. It's two words, it doesn't take that much effort… It really really doesn’t I just wanted something—“ He squeaked his eyes shut pressing his hands to his temples as if to crush the rancid thoughts that had infiltrated his head the last week.

“And then tonight, I saw the cake for Medic and I was so vile.” He whispered fresh shame scalding his chest. “ And I was just sitting there so ridiculously jealous of Medic because this was proof you guys could all do it and this was on purpose and I was feeling so horrible because I was wishing it was all for me instead of her even though she deserves it and I was thinking horrible things about my own team because maybe— Just maybe I wanted someone to care about me for five minutes. God I hated her and wanted to tear apart that stupid cake and I hate myself for even thinking about it. I hate it—” Leader curled up small, pulling his knees closer and sobbing into them, completely spent from yelling.

Silence fell over the hallway in a thick, suffocating wave. Second felt like he’d been kicked in the chest at discovering not only how badly the team had failed Leader but at the agonising logic that had been clouding his judgement for the past week while the team had been utterly blind to it. He took a moment to compose himself and gain his bearings.

They hadn’t punished him, not on purpose. They had just been selfish, oblivious and blind. And in their ignorance and the horrible habit the team had gained at snapping at each other had gargantuan toll on their captain's wellbeing.

God. What had they done?

Second swallowed down the guilt that had silenced him for so long and shuffled forward on his knees sitting down in front of Leader, ignoring how he tried to shuffle back. If Leader had been any closer to the wall, he'd be touching it’s atoms. “ Leader, hey look at me. Please look at me”, he cringed at his own voice cracking. His usual blunt and calm tone had simply vanished. Leader just kept sobbing curling up smaller covering his ears to try get away from the harsh reality he’d just laid out. Second didn’t wait for permission.

He gently wrapped his own hands around Leader’s wrists and pulled them back. Leader tugged back weakly but Second held them firmly to ground him. Leader peeked over his knees with teary eyes. “Look at me. We weren’t trying to punish you. We’re idiots. Complete and utter buffoons.” He said gently, trying to keep all traces of emotion out of his voice. Leader shook his head denying it and Second shook his head right back. “We are complete blind, self absorbed idiots. We didn’t ignore your birthday to teach you a lesson or to ‘put you in your place’” Just saying it like that made him feel sick. “ We forgot. It’s all our fault. We forgot your birthday because we’re stupid and we didn’t pay attention and it’s all our fault.” He explained. Leader just stared at him.

“So.. it wasn’t on purpose?” He whispered. He shuddered slightly. Second shook his head, “ No! God ,no, Leader” He pulled Leader forward by his hands and closed the distance. Leader froze slightly as Second wrapped his arms around him and buried his face into Leader’s hair. And then the last of his reserves crumbled and he clung to Second like a life line. All the bitterness, all the exhaustion and shame and confusion melted down into shuddering sobs.

“You never have to prove your worth to us. You do so much, Leader. You do too much. We all screwed up— I screwed up. You did nothing wrong. We’re not mad, ok? We care so much about you ” And Leader just couldn’t believe it. Everything he wanted ,right here, was given to him and he just didn’t know what to do. He was wrong. He’d never been so happy to be wrong.

i hope this isn’t off putting i just really like that story and am so glad you continued my heart couldn’t take the hurt without the comfort

I really liked your story with the leader and (not) his birthday cake. Would you be willing to write a third part? It was so sad and Leader really needs some comfort.

I wonder…

Forgotten birthday (Part 3)

<—Part 2 Part 4—>

Leader was hit hard enough with emotion he felt concussed . He didn't remember when but all of a sudden he couldn’t breathe and all he could do was gasp and shudder as Second blinked at him in utter disbelief.

He knew was making a fool of himself. But at this moment he was dazed enough to struggle to string that together.

His world tilted sideways and he crashed into the wall trying desperately to stay upright. That seemed to snap Second back into the moment, “ Shit— Leader— Hey! ” Second tried to lower Leader to the ground gently to which Leader’s knees gave out, sending both of them crashing to the floor. Pain radiated up Leader’s knees as he tried to regain his balance but he ended up veering forwards and pressed his eyes into Second’s shoulder. He gasped again. Desperate. Why couldn’t he breathe?

His head felt so empty and he couldn’t stop his fingers from tangling into Second’s sleeves. “ Leader, come on, look at me, what's happening? Take a breath, I need you to explain to me what’s going on— Do I need to get Medic?” Second tried to keep Leader sat up and rubbed a hand over the side of his ribs trying to coerce a breath. Leader desperately shook his head. He couldn’t ruin Medic’s birthday any more than he had. He was causing a scene. He knew it. Second should be inside with Medic and spending time with her cause she deserved it so much more than — Second cut off his stream of thought with a more urgent pat on Leader’s side, “Leader. Focus, come on man. Take a breath. You’re scaring me. Breathe in, forget about what I said, yeah? I just need you breathing right now. We’ll deal with everything else later, ok?”

Leader tried to stop shaking so badly and breathe. He could see black spots invading his vision. Second rubbed at his side rhythmically trying to get Leader to take a breath. He managed a choked breath. Second rubbed circles into his back, “That’s it keep going, it’s ok i’m right here, the entire teams inside they don’t need us right now take all the time you need.” Leader pulled back reeling, he blinked up at Second trying to choke down air. “ ‘m sorry” he rasped, caving his shoulders in. He wished he could disappear. He heard muffled laughter from inside.

Leader didn’t know why but tears sprung to his eyes while he tried his best to swipe them with his sleeve. This was going horribly. If only he could calm down enough to explain— god why was he being so goddamn difficult? Second was right like always. He leaned away from him and pressed his back against the wall and tried to count his own breaths. In. Out. Second hovered crouched in front of him, rubbing his arms and trying to whisper words of encouragement. He knew he didn’t deserve this why— why—

“Leader, look at me.” Second commanded, his voice lost its edge and became uncharacteristically quiet. Leader blinked up at him, eyes stinging. “ I know. I know I've been on your ass all week about the reports and paperwork and efficiency. Is that what this is about? Do you think I'm actually mad at you?” Leader reached desperately to cover his face and the burning shame that pulsed under his skin. Second grabbed both wrists firmly and held them between the two of them and took a deep breath. He just searched the Leader's eyes desperate to unveil even a small truth to point him in the right direction. Leader shook his head, lies dripped off his tongue naturally , “ I’m fine. I overheated inside, that's all we can go back in.” He mumbled voice cracking slightly. Second’s eyes narrowed sharply, “We both know that’s not true. This.. that was not overheating.” He shook his head and blinked trying to gather words.

“ If something is making you feel this way or… Or you feel like you’ve done something to deserve this week where you’ve done ridiculous hours you’d tell someone right? Come on spit it out, what was it? You let someone get hurt ? Miss a deadline?” He tried to make sense of it. Second blinked looking for any confirmation but Leader just swallowed dryly. Leader breathed out shakily, “ I don’t know what’s wrong with me and I can't figure out how to fix it.”