Non prefection prefections

Have I done something to upset you?

Because I grew up thinking that I always did something wrong

People in my life are quick make it all about them

So I’m sorry if I talk about myself a lot

I know nothing else

I say I have depression and I really believe I do because the day my grandfather died I wanted nothing more to do then to stay in bed and hide

Like a flick of a light switch inside my mind

Things felt so dark for while

Until I met you

I know it sounds cheesy but it’s really true

The year I met you was right after the worst experience of my life

Things were finally looking up for once

Any bit of confidence or security I had, had was stripped of me

You met me at my weakest point

Sometimes all those memories come flushing back and for a while it all is too much

I cry and can’t breathe once more

I was always told not to cry

So now I believe that my feelings are invalid and I must keep them inside

Until there comes a time I sit inside my own mind and can’t help but cry myself to sleep at night

I’m told have my fathers temper

But when I get overwhelmed

Im told I can’t walk away

I feel suffocated

My head turns fuzzy and my eyes turn watery

I feel trapped

I’m not claustrophobic but In moments like this I feel like I’m being closed in

And I can’t get away fast enough

I start to hyperventilate

I’m told to calm down

And stop overreacting

I wish it was just an over exaggeration

But in this short moment of time