Cakemagic

I like my friend so much you all have no idea how much i feel like I won the lottery just knowing her

Yall dont get it I asked why she liked me and she listed things about my character and personality, and about how I talk and how passionate I am about the things I love and how my brain works and for once it feels like someone likes me for who i am and not for what i provide

*has several debilitating disorders* idk maybe i'm just lazy

hr says we gotta start doing kissing girls training

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take figures out of their boxes btw. sew patches on your favorite jacket. go to bed with your favorite plushes. wear the pants you usually save for special occasions. draw something cool on your wall. put a sticker on your laptop. dye your hair and pierce your lips. glass is meant to break, metal is meant to rust. items are meant to be used. that's how the world knows that somebody loved them.

digital selfharm is real. do NOT check up on that ex-partner/ex-friend. do NOT reread those old messages/conversations that you know will hurt your feelings all over again or that will otherwise make you feel like shit. do NOT block evade to see if you’re being talked about. inhale. exhale. let it pass and you’ll be better for it.

got annoyed and then I remembered my beautiful wife "block button"

it's crazy how everyone shares my opinion in the entire world🌎 ignore my suspiciously large blocklist wife . she's just pregnant.

she's pregnant 🤰 and you're blocked 🚫

i’m a sucker for deep talks, i wanna know what makes you, you

halo lore is so fucking funny to me. all it really needed to be was 'youre john halo and youre a badass space marine that doesnt afraid of anything' but instead youre a war orphan created by the space CIA to be a robo-pinkerton to put down galactic worker revolts, but luckily whole hordes of you were created right in time for the most evil alien empire to ever exist to make first contact with us by nuking a planet to glass

also, the evil alien empire isnt doing this because theyre evil, their trio of space popes asked an ancient sacred AI what the fuck humans were and the ai was like 'oh those are ants that god loves more than you' and the popes immediately decided the only way to keep their cushy jobs and big dumb hats was to annihilate the human race. it almost worked, too! luckily, one of the robo-pinkertons is so freakishly lucky an AI noticed the statistical anomalies surrounding him and took him in as her favorite little meow meow and now they have a toxic co-dependent relationship and are going to nuke alien new york

lets hang out in the botanical gardens so we can be cute and sneeze and sneeze and sneeze and sneeze and sneeze