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fanfic that have reread at least three times and have changed me as a person
Fire Lily by EtherealBeing
A Love Song from the Deep by MadameButtButt
The Night We Met by majjale
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Regardless of how wronged and hurt you are, regardless how much of a horrible piece of shit the other person is being, you still should not say bigoted things about them.
Bigotry is not a more advanced degree of insults that stings more, it's a reinforcement of the framework where certain marginalized traits are inferior. This is not about you and that person. This is about the society you live in.
are we going to start acknowledging that cancel culture does not work on oppressors and has thus created a system of impossible morality which makes people stagnant and fearful instead of empathetic and productive members of society. and those under the most scrutiny for moral purity are most often the victims of the so called cancelable offense
You don’t have to admit you have an open wound if you close the wound before anyone sees it, yknow? but the fucking problem is people do nothing but talk about how much they hate open wounds around you and it’s like buddy I’m trying to close the thing before you see it. and then they get out the wound salt “just in case” like okay great. now there’s wound salt in my open wound that you keep saying you hate and don’t want to see. give me some fucking breathing room to close the wound then damn……… but they already know about the wound because you’ve been trying to close it for years. they weren’t speaking in hypotheticals. they know. and yuuuup there’s more wound salt
I can practically SMELL the religious psychosis. Leave me alone
I miss my best friend. The repeating prayers stopped when he showed up.
All the tics are slowly coming back and I'm scared. I can't do anything without reciting the prayers and washing my hands. And there's the stupid mouth thing. I can't do this again. Please don't make me do this again. I'm alone again. I can't do it alone. It won't stop. I can't focus because every I'm interrupted. I can't make it stop. I need it to stop. It's been years. It doesn't matter anymore to anyone that knows about it. It still hurts. I'm scared. Please. I know I'm not good. I know I don't deserve to be healed. That this is my punishment. That it won't stop until I kill myself. Because this is my punishment for avoiding hell. I'll go. I promise I will. Just let me have a little withe longer with him. Please. I can be good. I'll try harder than I ever have. I'm sorry. Please. Don't let this happen again. It's so hard on everyone else. I can't do this to them. Please don't let it happen again. I know I've been bad. I don't deserve to be free, but they do. They all do. They don't deserve to be punished for my sins. Please. Just give me one person willing to hold my hand while I do it. I'll endure, like every time before. I won't survive it, but please just give me a friend. I need my best friend and he's not here. I keep looking for him. I'm out every night, calling for him and he won't answer. They always leave. He promised he'd stay. Not because I deserve it, but because he loves me. I have to believe that or I'm going to die. It has to be true or it is going to kill me. Please. Don't let it be like last time. Please don't make me naive and foolish. I just want my best friend. Selfishly. Because when he's all I can think about, my mind isn't that scary. Thinking of him was the only thing that's helped me manage this and now, thinking of him hurts. Thinking just hurts. Because I've become a monster to everyone around us. I'm alone. I can't fight against the thoughts with anything he said anymore because it just hurts. I can't say my mind lies about us being unlovable or meant to be alone, because every promise and proof of love and care I use to have hurts. It's not his fault. It isn't. It wasn't something he could promise and we knew that. I know he's just a call away. I don't want to bother him. Not with this. He's going to think its stupid. Everyone else will think it's stupid. It'll be the kitchen and the car all over again. Please don't make me do this again. Not now when my suffering isn't enough. I'm never sick enough. This is going to kill me. Maybe I should just stop fighting it. Give in and take communion. Pray the rosary and go back to confessional. Maybe I should return to the house of our lord father and lay down. Lay down and die on the church floor I have chosen. My home church doesn't even know my name anymore. I'll be a blank plac. No flowers. I don't need them. Maybe the only way to find peace is go down to where I belong. Free everyone from this endless cycle I subject us to. Free him. Because I haven't been good. I've disappointed him. He doesn't want me anymore. He shouldn't have to. Maybe this keeps happening because I never learn. I am not supposed to make it out alive. I was supposed to die at 15 as a youth group leader. A pillar in our church. When I could pray for those who asked. I could have died a good kid. Happily, and without knowing that the pitt of every person that dragged me down there, is waiting for me to join them. In a choir of screams right beside them. I won't ever get to see him. And I think that's the last kindness I can offer him. I'm sorry. I love you. I'm sorry that you had to suffer it. Know I'll miss you. But this is all I can take. I am tired. It's time to go back to the house of my lord father. Who I love above all else and has watched me fail every blessing he has granted me. I am sorry
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The weirdest form of forcemasc I have ever experienced, was when I didn't pass at all, very fem presenting, and still being called slurs cause they thought it was the other way around
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