Resonate With Me

15 years. That’s how long I have been in remission for. I am trying to choose my words to convey exactly what that means to me. I was given another shot at life, but there are times when I feel like I have squandered that away as well. There were many things I wanted to have accomplished by now, but they haven’t happened yet. Instead, I have had to adjust my expectations of myself, since I’m a…

I don’t believe in the usual “new years resolution” nonsense. I have found that it’s not for me. I really tried for years to have that mindset. The positive outlook on a fresh year, leaving behind all the troubles of the previous one. I liked the thought of walking away from all those big thoughts and feelings, suppressing them like they never happened in the first place. Yeah. Right. Ask me how…

It has been a while since I actually posted something in here. It’s not for lack of trying, or time, or any of those everyday essentials. Instead, it has to do with my own mindset and believing that I have nothing to contribute to this world. Who will actually read these words? I tend to end up shouting into the void and not even getting an echo back in reply. I’ve been in my head a lot, and…

Honesty. I don’t know who I have been trying to fool. Myself, or everyone else around me. I don’t know exactly where to start or where I am supposed to be going in life. I turned 40 this year, and I suppose that magical number has made me pause and take a good, hard look at my life. Is this really where I expected myself to be all those years ago? I don’t know how to answer that. I never…

Somehow, against all odds, I have made it to the end of another year. If you’re reading this, that means you have too. That is an accomplishment, considering the chaotic state of the world surrounding us. I’d say getting to this point in time is something pretty remarkable. I’m taking whatever little wins I can right now. This has been one hell of a year. Every new year comes with unlimited…

So. It’s nearly the end of September. September. Seriously. Where have the days gone? I find myself perplexed about this current situation. I am no farther along than I was this time last year, in fact, I may be more behind in the grand scheme of things. That’s what I am still trying to figure out for myself. Is it odd that I have no sense of time or reason? That the fleeting seasons are one…

Fresh starts and old dreams collide. Perhaps this is the right time. #WritingCommunity #Blogging

Things just feel different these days. I can’t quite put my finger on it, there is something in the air. A lightness that has been missing, something out there to grasp onto, and bring back to life. It’s as though the past few months, perhaps even longer, are finally finding some peace of mind. Instead of constantly clawing away at my insides, trying to escape, they are slumbering. It may be…

What happens when you lose yourself to the fog? #WritingCommunity #Blogging

This week has been one of the longest, hellish weeks I’ve had in a while (and that’s saying something). Lately, it feels as though chaos is permanently attached to me no matter where I go. When things are finally feeling right with the world, there is always something that comes along and knocks me back on my ass. It’s exhausting, and I’m not sure how I can keep myself from crawling into a hole…

Are the best parts yet to come? Or have they already come and gone? #WritingCommunity #blog

Oh, look. Here we are in another month, another year, another day. And so on and so forth. Do I have my ‘act’ together? Is there a big difference between now and who I was a year ago? I don’t know if I have the answer to that question. I’d like to think that I have progressed in mind, body, and soul, but maybe I am just bullshitting myself. It’s easy to do that, especially when you have all…

Here's to a new year! May it be your best one yet. #WritingCommunity #Blog

Wouldn’t it be lovely if at the stroke of midnight on New Year’s that all the problems, strife, and conundrums would reset and there would be a clean slate to work from? A new beginning is made possible by putting up with one catastrophe after another when in reality it doesn’t end in the blink of an eye, it carries over into the new year. Making glaring accusations of trying to leave those “hard…

I'm stuck in my head again. Waiting for the world to end. #WritingCommunity #blog #amwriting

I have no steam. No get up and go. Nothing is able to propel me up this impossibly steep hill. I try to recollect myself and salvage the energy that has seeped away into the nothingness, but it has a mind of its own. Powerless to fight, it overwhelms me and I have to relinquish any type of control I thought I had. Living with Chronic Fatigue isn’t always predictable either. There are days when I…

Keep writing. Don't let the voices win. #WritingCommunity #blog #amwriting

Have you ever been so inspired by an idea that it’s constantly gnawing at the back of your mind until you’re able to find some way to release it? It consumes you until you are able to put pen to paper, or fingers to the keyboard. These are the ideas that keep striking me at random, and when I try to put words to my thoughts, it never seems to do them justice. It has become a frustrating and…

Maybe the odds ARE in our favour. #amwriting #blog #WritingCommunity

My mind is going off on a constant, rapid succession of thoughts. There are ideas dancing in my head, so many well-meaning and possible steps in a different direction. That’s usually how it is though, most of the time those ideas never see the light of day. I want to change that and actually DO something. Be something. Anything. I’m done with the walls closing in on me and now feels like the…

Summer listlessness, take me away. #WritingCommunity #Blog

I don’t know whether I am coming or going these days. There are some days that leave me questioning if I am losing my position in life or my direction. It feels as though I am constantly on the verge of going over the edge, freefalling into the abyss of my own making. When I type that, it makes me sound so melodramatic. I am not one to overshare my circumstances with those I am closest to, so I…

Is this all there is? Am I enough? I just don't know anymore. #amwriting #WritingCommunity #blog

It’s been a little while. Not as long as my last hiatus mind you, but it’s been well over a month. Looking back at the hellish landscape that I just came from, I’m thankful that it’s almost over. There has been an over abundance of time to think and reflect, which isn’t always a positive situation to be in. The spiral has begun, but it won’t be the end all be all this time. Just restless thoughts…

One small step is all it takes. #WritingCommunity #Blog #amwriting

I try not to plan too far ahead. Instead, I have learned to measure my life in moments, minutes really. Expectations are lower, and there is little room for disappointment when ideas or grand schemes don’t turn out quite the way it was initially envisioned. This is what many call “rolling with the punches”, and it used to sound so barbaric to me, why would anyone want to do that? Why not have a…

Nothing is ever as it seems. #Blogging #Blog #WritingCommunity

This month I am struggling with keeping my proverbial shit together. My faculties are not as sharp as I wish they were and I find myself idling and lost in thought more often than not. Why DID I come into the kitchen? I knew it was for something important, but finding out the answer almost seems like a lost cause. The brain fog has been front and center and there is no way to see past it right…