Pura Vida

My heart is in anguish and it yearns and I don’t know how to get it to shut the fuck up.

My birth control is the thing that regulates my emotions and goddamn am I hot mess without it.

I’m the hardest working person I know. Too bad no one else sees it.

I have issues and I hate myself for them. I'm emotionally overbearing on literally everyone including myself. And I miss not having to explain myself but just having my best friend know what's wrong and what to say and I just...I really really don't like who I am right now.

When my heart hurts, it bleeds. And I can't do anything. I have no control. And somehow it's always my fault that I'm in this space. I'm not strong enough. I'm not patient enough. And those are the things that I struggle with the most. And any time I feel I've made any kind of progress. I get spat on and told no progress was made. My heart hurts. And it's bleeding. And it's my fault. And I wish God didn't give me these thoughts or heartaches. Sometimes I wish I wasn't even born man. I literally would save everyone a fuck ton of trouble and time. More importantly I wouldn't even be here to have to feel these things. I hate my emotions. I hate my feelings. They have only ever been and will always be, an inconvenience to everyone including myself.