mery chrysler

Do I look like I’m in any position to be giving dating advice? My longest relationship since my daughter’s mom has been three weeks. 

...Anyway, yeah, I heard about this girl. If she can keep up with him like he says she can, she’s a keeper. And from what he says, she does more than keep up. 

My advice, I guess, is in the words of the great Ru Paul, don’t fuck it up.

@ofckaiden @akhanisms

I don’t know. Anyone want a date with a weirdo Google worker with a 6-year-old child and way too many polo shirts? Because that’s what I’m offering here.

I’m going to exclude family because otherwise I’d say either Alice or Kaiden and you’d all whine and roll your eyes.

Probably Margo? Or Isla? Or... okay wow, I need friends, thank you for this wake up call.

@ofckaiden @ofcmargos @iislc

I did! Sort of. My ex had her for Christmas Eve and Christmas morning, but I got to have her that afternoon until Boxing Day. 

We went shopping at the Eaton Centre in Toronto which was such a mistake, it was insane, but I put her on my shoulders and we navigated the crowds. She loved it. Said it was like a zoo but for people. 

We went past the Apple Store and she told me all her friends have iPhones but she got a Google Pixel and now all her friends want them. Proudest moment of my life, even though I still think it’s ridiculous for a six year old to have a smartphone.

...I miss her so much.

“ exactly, like being a baby and crying is in their nature.. i can’t let alexia cry, i just feel bad. baby cuddles are the absolute best.” she commented. “ awh, she sounds like a total sweetheart. do you get to see her often?”

“Alexia, that’s a beautiful name. Just make sure if you get an Amazon Echo you change it to answer to Echo instead of Alexa, because that could be a nightmare every time you talk to your kid,” he laughed. “Although, I do have to recommend the Google Home, if only because I worked on it,” he smirked.

time skip !

“and like, what i don’t get is.. why are strawberries…called strawberries. ya’ know? are you supposed to eat thenm with a straw? what came first straws or.. strawberries? straw is a weird word.” he giggles, leaning back in his seat. “strawww.” he says to himself before giggling like a fool. “aye, gimme another one this shits weak.” he says to cealan reaching for his third brownie but the table seemed.. alot further away than it actually was 

Caelan snorted, laughing for so long he almost forgot the joke. “It’s a weird word because of your weirdo accent, you weirdo,” he laughed. “Stroooooooohhhh,” he mimicked, “No, no, no, no, what’s fucking... weirder? Is PINEAPPLE. How does that even.... what?” he giggled, watching Chance almost smack his face on the table trying to get another brownie.

she rolls her eyes, “oh shut up.” calean was her friend. one of her best friends, and margo didn’t have many. he reminds her of her dad… and elvie in a way. two of the most important men in her life. caelan just felt like home without even trying. she chuckles, “a djinn doesn’t count as a ghost, i don’t think.” she shrugs. “but i’ll bring that up in our next meeting for sure. we look for anything that isn’t ya’ know.. real.” she teases. margo laughs as he walks away and comes back. "there’s 24 hours in a day, i’m sure you could find time to squeeze in a tinder date.” she says playfully. “googler. that’s such a stupid name!” she chimes the same thing she’d always say when he said the term. she scoffs, “please, unlike you i’m doing.. other things that late at night.” she replies, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively. “oh! i got another. i wish.. caelan would buy me lunch this afternoon.” 

“It’s like a spirit... or a demon? Scary, apparently. I used to be good friends with a Muslim girl and she wouldn’t watch Aladdin. Which, I don’t blame her, it’s kinda racist, but it’s hardly scary, except for the fucking sand tiger that rises from the desert like who dares disturb my slumber? Best songs of all the classic Disney movies I think, though. ...What were we talking about?” he smiled. Having a six-year-old meant he had strong opinions on Disney films.

“Oh yeah? And what would my tinder bio say. ‘Awkward teen dad turned prodigy turned Googler seeks to get laid because his Ghost Hunter best friend told him to’?” he laughed. “I don’t know. If the right person comes along, she’ll come along, right?”

“look at my face and ask me again. i’m ready. this better not be underwhelming.” 

He did as she asked, looking, very seriously, into her eyes. He kept a straight face as best he could as he solemnly said. “Empty beer cans.”

Breaking into a smile, he said “It’s pretty much treasure, we could turn these in and get like three whole dollars.”

“right? i feel like they’re in the vip section of heaven… or hell. whichever,” she joked with a laugh. “plus we’d make it onto another wikipedia page, which is always fun. you know how some people want to be the person with the most pictures in the yearbook? i want the most wikipedia pages,” she told him, having just decided on that new goal right then and there. she playfully rolled her eyes, “i’m not that tiny,” she said, puffing out her chest and leaning up on her toes for good measure, “see?” she asked as if it had dramatically changed her appearance. she shrugged her shoulders, “assertive, bitch, two sides of the same coin,” she said. she was more than used to being called the latter term, it rarely affected her anymore. isla was relieved when the bag didn’t actually explode, but his expression caused her to look on with confusion, “what?” she asked, leaning over and seeing that it was in fact a bag of toys. she couldn’t help but laugh at how strange it was, “is this like in the santa clause where if you put on the suit you become him? but with the bag instead? you get the bag, you become santa? i just can’t imagine you with a long, white beard.”

“There’s a song I like that says ‘I wanna go to heaven for the weather, but hell for the company’,” he laughed. “Oh, you can absolutely do it, I believe in you. Wikipedia is like the yearbook of the world. We’ll make it so every word of your bio page links to another related page,” he smirked.

“Still tiny,” he whispered, with a smile. He scrunched his nose up at the term, still. If anybody ever called his daughter a bitch  - which they would, it was inevitable for women - he would break his no-violence-ever rule. “Nah, if you’re a bitch, it’s for no reason. If you’re mean for fun, then that’s not cool. I just think you’re... loyal. Protective. A bit stubborn, maybe,” he smirked.

“Oh shit, if I don’t become Santa now I’m going to be so disappointed,” he laughed. He pulled out a Barbie with pink hair. “Look it’s you, if you were a white girl. ...Not as cute.”

Hmm... it’s either ketchup chips, or my daughter. A toss-up.

@ofcmargos

ღ for an affectionate text

I think maybe I like you so much because you remind me of my kid. She’s a sassy little brat too, and I love her to death. I miss her a bit less when I’m with you.