CERTAIN DARK THINGS

lay me down in a bed of violets sing a prayer, a hymn of spring. and in the end, i close my eyes and sigh blue like sunsets laying down to rest.

how lovely, your night sky-- the shine of your soul,  i feel my heart catch, breathless, full of starry sighs. this pain, a heaviness in the center of me. i curl around it, let your darkness cradle me. i am weightless. lost. then i find you. oh, how i find you.

do you ever get tired of being you? i’m tired of being me. tired of waiting for something to be set free

i am burning, standing on a pyre. how odd, how alone.  forest fires start with just one, life burns and then regrows-- will i be a new me, when the old me is gone?

our souls at night, are alive, but they tremble like shaking leaves in the fall afternoon. today, i feel like rain-- the barely forgotten storm looming at the edges of the room. i call you home, i call me gone. i call this over too soon.

sometimes when i am trembling at night, i think of leaving my room, drifting over to yours,  mama’s -- so i could say hello and not feel so alone.  but i lay here now. because i am thousands of miles and more than a whisper away.  i lay here and tremble. 

in days, i wait for the night at night, i wait for the day, all day, i wait and wait, watching days pass by. i grow older. i am alone. it is all too hard. 

you make me beautiful, you fill in the white spaces with colors i’ve never known.  i think of the carving of this heart in my chest, it feels warm -- i’m gonna wait for the sun that you rise within me.