( * egotistic.

          “  can  i  come  and  watch?  ”  he  inquired,  playing  along  with  a  somewhat  morbid  statement.  ace  liked  not  having  any  taboos  or  restrictions  when  it  came  to  conversing  and  hanging  out  with  the  other,  making  it  a  bit  easier  to  be  his  true  self  unapologetically.  not  that  he  was  often  sorry  about  that  —  he  liked  to  think  that  he  was  a  decent  guy  under  all  those  layers  of  flirting,  fighting,  and  being  an  overall  annoying  idiot.  “  i  dunno.  do  i  look  like  i spend  my  nights  googling  shark  facts  and  whether  they  are  in  florida?  ”  though  as  fun  as  swimming  with  sharks  sounded,  ace  wasn’t  fond  of  the  idea  of  losing  a  limb  either.  it’d  also  mean  losing  his  position  in  the  band  and  his  job  if  he  had  one  less  of  an  arm  all  of  a  sudden.  when  byeol  responded  rather  aggressively  albeit  in  a  joking  manner,  ace  feigned  a  swoon  as  he  finally  jumped  off  the  stool,  looking  down  to  his  stained  white  shirt.  it  wasn’t  a  wise  decision  to  wear  clothing  of  that  color  to  work,  but  he  didn’t  mind  it  all  that  much  —  not  even  enough  to  change  out  of  it.  “  aw,  you  promise?  ”  ace  grinned,  elated  that  she’d  agreed  to  keep  him  company.  most  of  his  best  moments  were  spent  with  byeol  because  of  their  idiotic  yet  brilliant  ideas.

(( * — yoo byeol — an aesthetic ;;

“it’s not your fault that i didn’t let you be there for me,” sunni quickly spoke with a saddened tone. “i mean, people view me as this always upbeat and doesn’t give a fuck about anything kind of person. i’m always having fun, going with the flow, and it’s just this imagine i’ve created that, when something actually happens, and it ruins that image? i’m afraid it’ll ruin how people see me, and maybe they won’t really like me anymore. which is so fucking stupid, and i know that, but it’s all i’ve got.” she quickly realized how much baggage she actually had weighing her down, and byeol barely even scratched the surface of what all that baggage was. how was she supposed to tell her about her mom? her ex? her mistake? her feelings. there was so much to talk about, she had no idea where to even begin. it was hard watching byeol try to force a weak smile upon her lips, and it made sunni realize just how much she missed her genuine and warm smiles that always made her smile too. you never truly know what you have with someone until it’s gone. “yeah, we should be honest,” she agreed with a small nod. “but it’s…a long story, and i don’t really even know where to begin but, if you don’t mind me invading your home for the millionth time and telling you the story of my shitty life, then i’d be happy to let you in, fully.” sunni reached her hand out to grab the others, soon walking the two toward the other’s familiar couch and making themselves comfortable. her heart was racing out of control with how nervous she felt. this was the second time she’d be letting down her walls for someone, and after the recent events of letting someone in, only to watch them leave, it didn’t help the situation at all. yet, there was a strange amount of trust she had in byeol, which is why she seemed more willing to get this over with than anything else. 

her gaze travelled down to her fingers as the fidget in her lap, her bottom lip sinking between her teeth as she wondered where the hell she should even start. “byeol, i…okay, so i like you, like a lot.” her eyes finally lifted to meet the other’s gaze, a small blush now hinting at her cheeks as she just realized to admitting to feelings she thought she’d never tell the other. “i’ve always had this crush on you that i just never acted on cause i was so deep into my ‘fuck feelings’ rampage, and i just honestly thought that you’d never feel the same way anyways, so what was the point, y’know? we had a genuine friendship, and we were both down for getting physical, but it seemed we were both okay with just keeping it there, and i didn’t wanna ruin that between us. i thought that’s just how it was supposed to be between you and i, and that i’d get over these feelings eventually. so when pj came into the picture, and when he started to show his feelings for me, i figured that was my sign to move on to someone else, though honestly that’s a whole other story in itself. the short version is that it didn’t work out. we both wanted different things, some harsh words were thrown around, he left, and i was heartbroken. i was so deep into my own thoughts and feelings that i was too embarrassed to let people see me this way, and that’s why i left for awhile. i just…i was too scared to let everyone see this raw and broken side of me, and i figured i could just fix things on my own and come back and be the same sunni everyone seems to enjoy more than this emotional piece of shit, y’know?” 

she hadn’t even realized the tears that started to sting the corner of her eyes, suddenly feeling very stupid for getting so emotional about the whole thing all over again. her gaze shifts away from byeol for a moment as she tries to dap the corner of her eyes to make them stop. “i just drove until i couldn’t drive anymore. i stopped for gas a few times, and ended up on some beach in south carolina. i felt so stupid, because i should have just told you from the beginning how i felt, because maybe things could have been different, but i always seem to fall for the toxic ones. the ones that make me feel so good at first, and then just rip my heart out like it’s nothing. i just ignore all the good people because a part of me genuinely thinks i don’t deserve to be with someone. like, falling in love, or whatever, it just isn’t meant for everyone, i guess. maybe i’m just a part of the unlucky few who just gets with everyone in town and that’s the only form of love i’m willing to accept. i dunno, i just…i’m lost, in all honesty. i’m tired of pushing people away, but i’m tired of opening up and then shit hits the fan. i don’t know how to cope with my emotions, and i feel like i’m nothing but a burden to everyone and should just go back to my old self cause everything just seemed so much more simpler.” she let out a small chuckle as she felt a few tears stain her cheek, quickly wiping them away and shaking her head. “like i said, it’s complicated. there’s a lot more to my past that explains why i feel the way i do, but i won’t bore you with those details.” her gaze finally lifts back to the female beside her as her shoulders shrug for a brief moment. “just know that i care about you, more than you know. i’m sorry it’s taken me so long to admit it, but you’ve always been special to me, and if you don’t feel the same, then i understand.”  

     “it’s because some of them don’t want to see past that. i do. i might be a hypocrite, though... -- i didn’t let you see me at my worst, either. but, i think i am willing to do that, whenever something bad happens to me again, i will make sure to let you know -- i trust you, a fucking lot,” this might not have been something sunni wanted to hear at the moment, but byeol felt like it just needed to be said. ever since they both started opening up to each other, she had never let the other woman see her vulnerable side, just some parts of it. it was a weakness, and byeol knew it should have never been considered as such, but with growing up around hardened criminals had taught her to never show anything on the surface, burying it so far down for no one else to see. she was aware that this could have backfired in any time soon, but she never knew any better. “--- what i’m saying is that you don’t have to pretend that you’re doing fine when you’re with me, when we both know it’s not the truth -- i can’t offer much support, but i will do my best to always be there for you, even if i won’t exactly know how to help. i know it’s hard to deal with things on your own, and i know it’s hard to be so honest about it, as well...” byeol trailed off, letting sunni speak. even if it was still somewhat hard to show it on surface level, she couldn’t help but feel her heart breaking. if she had known how much the other was struggling earlier, she wouldn’t hesitate to reach out to her and be there whenever she needed someone the most. with a one, quick nod of her head, she complied and walked over to the couch, immediately sitting down. her intuition was telling her this was going to be a long night filled with confessions and anything else that came along with it. she didn’t mind. 

     out goes the heartbreak, and in comes the heartache. she could tell how hard was it for sunni to admit something so important, and yet... she still did it. in all honesty, byeol had no idea that it was how going to happen so soon, or at all, even. a part of her felt relieved that she wasn’t the only one that buried their feelings for one another, the other just wanted to run. this is what she was getting for being an emotionally reserved person, for never allowing herself to let anyone in. she doesn’t even know how this woman managed to sneak past the metaphorical walls she had built in order to protect herself from getting hurt again. but she did. she had found herself a place in her heart, and byeol couldn’t be mad at that, even if she tried. she wished she could have said something on the matter, that she feels the same and there was no need to feel terrified, but at this point, she believed that it was better to stay silent and listen. they had time. it could wait. when pj came around, she felt like she had already lost. and in a way, she was right. even if she didn’t act on it, byeol knew that there was no point in trying to achieve something that didn’t seem plausible right from the start, as if he was a sign, telling her that she needed to stop, and move on from something that had no chance of happening in any time soon, or at all. once the mention of harsh words being thrown around was up in the air, she clenched her fists and shook her head ever so fondly -- who in their right mind would have the guts to say something so vile to a person that clearly did not deserve it ?? sure, it was mutual. there was no need to push the knife even further, aiming to adding more pain to that, though. pushing past the breaking point should have never been an option for one to consider. maybe if she was sober, she wouldn’t be as silently furious, but she digresses. it’s not something someone should be dealing with alone, no matter the fact that they might think otherwise.

          rules.  who  followed  rules  nowadays?  at  one  point  or  another,  everyone  always  breaks  them;  it  was  better  to  be  predictable  in  that  sense  and  not  set  up  any  high  expectations  for  other  people.  except  for  when  it  came  to  byeol  —  they  both  anticipated  each  other  to  do  something  that  was  against  the  commands.  ace  drawled  out  a  lazy  smile  as  he  continued  to  take  drags  of  his  cigarette,  letting  the  smoke  evaporate  in  the  direction  of  the  girl  on  purpose.  he  was  childish.  sue  him.  “  do  you  now?  ”  he  raised  an  eyebrow,  but  didn’t  question  it.  “  i’m  sure  whatever  it  is,  time  with  me  is  more  important.  ”  HELL,  even  if  it  was  her  own  wedding  —  though  he  had  a  hard  time  imagining  byeol  in  that  setting  —  the  man  still  would  have  at  least  made  an  attempt  to  drag  her  out  somewhere  with  him.  through  thick  and  thin  applied  to  the  pair  too.  “  i  know  and  i  would  have,  ”  he  admitted,  laughing  as  the  butt  of  his  cigarette  fell  to  the  ground  just  to  meet  the  sole  of  his  boot.  “  pools  are  not  fun.  if  there’s  no  risk  of  drowning  or  being  bitten  by  a  shark,  i  don’t  want  it.  ”  it  wasn’t  particulary  true;  while  ace  didn’t  have  many  fears,  he  wasn’t  all  that  adventurous.  he  just  played  it  up  more  often  than  necessary.  looking  out  the  garage  to  observe  the  weather  again,  he  grinned,  adding:  “  not  much  to  do  in  the  rain  anyway.  you’re  coming  with.  ”

sunni felt a little relief that the other seemed to like the flowers, at least a little bit. it was clear, though, that the gift just wasn’t as important to byeol as something else, and that’s what confused sunni more than anything. “of course,” she smiled softly, her eyes glancing at the bouquet before settling back on the other female and following her further into the apartment. it was the other’s next question that through sunni for a loop. why? it was almost like the word itself echoed so loudly around them that the whole apartment was going to collapse with ease. it left her speechless for a moment as she eyed the other, almost annoyed that she would even ask such a question. the more byeol explained herself, the more worried sunni became. where was she getting these ideas from, exactly? sure, she had distanced their physical relationship due to someone else, but she thought their friendship was getting better…wasn’t it? or was sunni just making everything more complicated? jesus, even thinking about all of this was making her own head grow fuzzy with why exactly she was here. was her outfit giving off the wrong impression? yes, any time she came to visit byeol, she always dressed up for the other in the finest outfits, because she loved showing byeol the very best sides of herself. sure, she always came over with one goal in mind, but things were quickly changing. while it was a nice bonus to land in the others bed, it was slowly becoming something she didn’t have to have each time she paid the other female a visit. but it seems sunni wasn’t really doing a good job at showing that, was she?

the longer byeol spoke, the more sunni wanted to stop her. she began to shake her head, almost as if that action would speak louder than any words that slipped past her lips. when the other seemed like she was done speaking, sunni quickly walked over to her and pulled byeol into a hug, one that was strong and needing, hoping that maybe the other would simply let her have this moment to have both their minds relax for a moment. “byeol, i will never leave you,” sunni began with a small whisper before pulling herself back just a little, yet remaining as close as byeol would let her be. “i didn’t mean to worry you so much, honestly. i know it was stupid of me to just up and leave without telling everyone, but i’m not really the smartest person, like, ever when it comes to my emotions. i just…i got burned really badly by someone, and my first thought was to just leave for awhile. but i was gonna come back,” she pushed this sentence a bit harder than the rest, hoping byeol would believe her and trust her that she would never just permanently leave everyone like that. “you’re incredibly important to me, byeol. more than i probably let you know, and i’m sorry for that. again, i’m literally the worst when it comes to opening up about my emotions,” she chuckles again while pushing some of her hair back behind one ear. her brown hues soak up the other females features for a moment, her hand almost wanting to reach out and just hold her, whether it was just her cheek or her whole body, she just wanted to hold onto byeol for a little bit longer. “to answer your earlier question, i came here to see you because i miss you, a lot, but…i almost feel like i don’t have a right to miss you as much as i do. it’s…complicated, to say the least.” 

     maybe she shouldn’t have asked such a hard-hitting question, maybe she shouldn’t have spoken up, at all. wasn’t communication one of the most important parts of one’s so-called friendship ?? or... literally any interpersonal connection, ever ?? curse her confusion, laced with the fake sense of boldness, really. she just wanted to know the reason behind the other’s sudden reappearance in her life. it might have only been just a week, but it surely felt that they haven’t been honest with each other for much, much longer. it seemed as though, it was about time they swore to be upfront and as open as they are both willing to get. again. while this might have been a quite hard concept for byeol to grasp, she thought she was still doing a good job at it; despite sunni now knowing basically everything there was to know about her, she still held hope for the things to get better. after all, not everyone gets to see how big of a mess the mechanic truly was and still doesn’t leave as many did before. how come she still stuck around ?? the world may never know. at this point, she swore she was not going to question it for any longer, but after all that’s been going on, byeol just can’t help but think there’s a much bigger, metaphorical box to open. she would not be surprised if there was something else happening, but... it wasn’t her decision to make. it never will be.

creating imaginary scenarios in ones head was never a good idea. for one, she imagined that byeol would open the door and of course be surprised by the bundle of flowers sunni had gotten for her. she would smile and maybe stutter a quick thank you and ushering sunni inside. they’d hug, she’d apologize, and their night would play out in a way she only hoped would bring them closer together. that’s how it was supposed to go, right? that’s what sunni was hoping for, at least. so when byeol opened the door and looked extremely confused, it only caused sunni to mimic the same reaction. worry began to settle deeply upon her features, wondering if maybe she had gone a little too overboard with the flowers. after all, she did up and leave palm beach without a word and only told her sisters that she was even leaving in the first place. it was understandable that not all her friends were simply going to forgive her for such a thing, only she had been super lucky in most of them understanding so far. maybe this just proved how much byeol cared about the other, right? if she was so confused and so upset to see the other standing in front of her like nothing happened, maybe it was because she couldn’t help but be worried sick about the girl. at least, that’s the logic sunni wanted to believe in. sunni shifted her body to stand more sideways to the front door, just so she wouldn’t have to keep looking over the flowers to talk to the other. “n-no, of course i didn’t get the wrong address, byeol,” she spoke with a small chuckle. “i came to see you and, just, um…i stopped by and got you some flowers cause i hoped, maybe you’d like them and…i’m sorry.” 

sunni wasn’t sure if she should even try to step into the other’s place, but she figured since byeol took a step back, it was now or never, and these flowers were getting heavy at this point. she took a few steps instead and quickly sat the vase of flowers down on a nearby table, her heart now racing uncontrollably as she was more nervous that byeol was gonna start yelling at her or telling her to get out. “the flowers are a bit much, aren’t they? i just, uh, kind of wanted to go out all for you. if you hate them, or don’t want them, you can just…throw them away? or take some scissors and cut them up in a fight of rage? cause lowkey, i’ve done that before, really helps that that aggression out.” she tired to give a small chuckle in hopes to lighten the atmosphere a bit, worried that maybe she was reading this situation all wrong and now she couldn’t even stop talking and making herself look more stupid than she probably already did. “i should have called first, or something, before just coming on over. i mean, at least after just…ditching and ignoring everyone. i didn’t mean to push everyone out, but i, um, was just really in my head and had to get away. but i wanna make it up to you, if you’ll let me? i’ll even tell you everything, cause you’ve always been someone i know i can open up to if need be but…” sunni shook her head and let out another nervous chuckle. “i’m just gonna shut up and stop talking now, so…yeah, just, i’m sorry.” 

     ah, yes. the flowers. it was a nice touch, but it wasn’t the first thing that came to her mind when she was thinking about a gift. for her, sunni’s presence was a gift of its own. she wouldn’t say anything, though. a ( questionably ) friendly gesture to ease byeol’s nerves; it didn’t seem like it was working, but she could appreciate the fact that the other woman went out of her way to even think of getting her something. she could attempt to smile, but it would only fall flat, as always. instead, she just shook her head ever so gently and closed the door once sunni was inside, “i like the flowers. a lot, actually.” a useless piece of information to fill up the room and replace the awkward tension that’s clearly been building up ever since she saw her. if that didn’t work, then well... she would have to try doing something else. “--- and, uh... thank you. for the roses,” and for coming back too, but some things were better left unsaid. if she couldn’t tell by her expression already, then there was no use in airing it everything out. the simple shift in byeol’s mood, a sigh of relief once she stepped further back inside her own apartment. this place might have been deemed ‘the chaos den’ a couple of times before, but she would lie if she didn’t admit that it was making her feel safe, at home. 

jax: you right …… jax: byeol for president ??🤩 jax: tell me how the two tumblr indie queens have never collabed jax: are they friends ??? is this like a …. hipster cinematic universe ? jax: dreams don’t make sense don’t @ me jax: yeah ? it’d give him a run for his money SDLKJF jax: let them suffer jax: i’d be safe as long as i’m not president oop

@byeolyoo // sunni wasn’t sure why she was so nervous to see byeol, but she was. it was almost like a part of her didn’t deserve to see someone she used to crush on, or maybe still did, after all she’s done. there was no telling all the mixed signals she as probably projecting onto the other. one minute she couldn’t keep her hands off of the other female, and the next, she was almost friend zoning her. though sunni knew she wasn’t ready for anything more than what she had with byeol, nor did she even deserve it, she still couldn’t stop herself from at least doing something a bitter sweeter than normal. instead of texting the other that she was back in town, sunni figured a nice little surprise visit might be just what the two needed. any time she went to visit the other female, she couldn’t stop herself from getting a little dolled up, slipping on gorgeous, backless red dress and wearing a nice lip color to match. letting her hair fall in loose curls around her, she stopped by the nearest flower shop and picked up the biggest red roses bouquet she could find. only the best for the best, right? after paying for the flowers, and even for a beautiful vase to put them in, she gently placed the bouquet in her passenger seat like it was her own child. she even strapped the seatbelt around the vase just to make sure it was safe and secure, before she made her way over to the others house. 

what if byeol wasn’t even home? should she at least just leave the flowers in front of her door and just leave? should she call her just to make sure? fuck, what if she had someone else over and didn’t even notice sunni was even gone to begin with? “relax,” sunni breathed under her breath. “you’re freaking out over nothing.” she tried to listen to some music to easy her mind, but all she could focus on was trying to push past the speed limit as much as possible just to get to the others place faster. thankfully the other’s place was finally in view, and before sunni knew it, she was placing the car in park and grabbing the beautiful bouquet of roses from the passenger door. after she walked up to the door and placed a few knocks, she held the roses up to hide her face from view, only speaking when she noticed the light began to seep from the inside as the door swung open. “yes, i have a special delivery for a queen byeol?” sunni tilted her head out from behind the flowers with a cheeky smile, “hey beautiful. did you miss me?”

     drinking alone was never a good thing -- hangovers were terrible, but that wasn’t even the worst part of it all. it was the guilt byeol felt the morning after, the fact that she had promised angela to not indulge this much, and keep herself clean. was this considered a betrayal ?? a broken promise ?? it’s not that she had any other choice; it was a slow day, and the events of the entire month have been this exhausting weight on her shoulders. she had to do something to relieve the pain, as selfish it sounded. perhaps she should have stopped at one, or two drinks, but... that clearly did not happen. she could only thank anyone who was up there for making her run out of the alcoholic beverage of the night. adding to the fact that she was not only under the influence, byeol was also lazy, which... was not the best combination. it had always made her grumpy, and even more unresponsive to any outside forces. watching yet another serial killer documentary, and focusing to the best of her ability wasn’t something she wanted to spend all her free time doing, and yet... here she was, with her back resting comfortably on the pillows of her couch. to be completely honest, it was just a background noise, something to drown out her never-ending worries and any feelings, ever. was it working ?? she couldn’t tell... maybe it was a good thing, after all.