all for myself

“I know you’re what? What is it? Fucking say it!” He shoved at his chest again, still glaring up at him. Amycus let out a frustrated shout as he stormed away from Barty back to the arm chair and shoved at it, though not moving it very much. “Fuck you! You can’t even fucking call yourself gay!”

“Why the FUCK do you deserve him more than I do?” He snapped, now getting teary eyed once more. He scrubbed at his eyes with the back of his hands. Amycus’s emotions were going back and forth between anger and sadness. He really didn’t know what he should be feelings; it felt like a bit of everything was rushing through him. “What’s the fucking point anyway?”

Amycus’s anger turned back to Barty, a teary scowl shot his way. “Always fucking, pretending your not a huge god damn queer. For WHAT? You think your dads going to fucking pay any more attention to you? He doesn’t fucking CARE ABOUT YOU BARTY!”

Barty had crossed the room before he could even reconsider his next actions. His terror had morphed into anger at the older man’s accusations, and he got up close in the other’s face as he shoved him back forcefully, “Shut the fuck up, Amycus!” Amycus’ words about his father hit too close to home, and rather than think about them for too long, he continued to go on the offensive, intent on hurting the other as much as he had been hurt himself.

Amycus stood up again, balling his hands into fists. “Yeah, we did shit. And you know what else me and Rab did? Fucking TALKED to each other about it!” He was so damn frustrated. Amycus went up to Barty and grabbed him by the shirt, shoving him back as hard as he could manage. “Don’t fucking play stupid with me!” He snapped.

“You wouldn’t fucking call yourself gay if it would save your damn LIFE! I’m not fucking stupid! I know you’re fucking Rabastan-you’re the stupid, fucking goddamn REASON he broke up with me!” He went after Barty again, grabbing his shirt and twisting his hand in the fabric to get a tighter grip. He shoved Barty back against the wall, glaring up at him.

“You’d fucking throw him under the bus faster than you’d admit to being with him. Huh? Aren’t I fucking right?” He shook the taller boy by his shirt.

Barty eyes Amycus wearily as he stood up, and took a few steps back as the older man crossed the room and headed straight towards him. His efforts proved fruitless, however, as his back hit the wall, trapping him between it and the enraged Amycus.

Amycus let out a harsh sigh and wiped at his teary eyes again, still scowling at Barty. “You’re fucking kidding me, right? Yes, we were fucking dating-What else, do we fucking call it? You don’t FUCK your best friend, Barty.” Amycus was already upset, but he just couldn’t understand sometimes how dense Barty was.

He watched Barty pick up the pillows, but didn’t say anything about it. He was still fucking mad. This was Barty’s fault; and Rabastan’s fault too. Both of them! “He didn’t even fuckin’ tell you, though did he? Of course, he didn’t tell you. Because I’m such a FUCK UP.” Amycus went right on back to crying and rubbing at his eyes.

“Gods-And he just, just. FUCK YOU!” He snapped at Barty, slamming his fists on the couch, “You don’t even fucking CARE about him and you get to have him!”

Amycus’ frustration was becoming increasingly clear with each passing moment, and Barty was desperately searching for an out. He knew how the older man got when he was upset, and he very much did not feel comfortable being on the receiving end of the other’s outburst. Barty frowned as Amycus claimed that of course he and Rabastan had been dating, as if it had been so obvious. What bothered him, though, was the math didn’t add up, and his reasoning that best mates didn’t fuck wasn’t particularly sound either. “Amycus, we...” He instead elected to trail off instead of finishing his sentence, figuring that reminding the other of their own history was not the smartest path to pursue at the moment.

Amycus kicked at his coffee table, muttering curse words under his breathe as it hurt his foot. Likely he deserved it, kicking a table with no shoes on. The man stormed over to the couch and started pulling the throw pillows off of it and chucking them at the ground, still in an absolute fit. It was a couple minutes before he sat on the couch again, elbows on his knees and holding his head.

“I didn’t, I  didn’t fucking do ANYTHING. I didn’t do shit, and he just. He doesn’t wanna be around me, and I didn’t do anything wrong.” His anger was fading by now, turning into sadness. Amycus rubbed at his eyes with the back of one of his hands as he started tearing up.

He shot a glare up at Barty, still teary eyed. “We were dating for six fucking YEARS, Barty. And you just…” Amycus kept rubbing at his eyes, now distraught, “It’s not fucking FAIR…”

Barty watched the older man nervously, and flinched as he threw the pillows to the ground, knowing from experience that it could easily escalate into much worse. However, what he wasn’t expecting was for the blond to collapse onto the couch moments later, hugging his knees to his chest, looking absolutely defeated. He certainly didn’t know how to respond to what he said next.

Amycus let out a frustrated sigh as he sat up a bit more in his chair. He grimaced towards Barty as the other approached, leaning away in his seat as a hand was touching him. Not now, no. Normally Amycus would be fine with this but right now he didn’t want Barty touching him. “Stop it.” He muttered and pushed Barty’s hand away.

When Barty spoke Amycus bit down on his tongue for a moment before actually shoving Barty, “Yeah, fuck him, right? I’m not a fucking idiot Barty. FUCK!” Amycus stood up now, balling his hands into fists.

“He doesn’t have a single fucking piece, piece of-Fucking, Remorse in his whole body. God DAMNIT!” Amycus just wanted to break something. He was just so damn angry, he wanted to just tear something apart. For a brief moment the fire flared up with his anger. “He can, can just. Take a whole fucking. SIX YEARS-And make it, make-IT didn’t mean SHIT to him!” The fire flared up again, burning a bright blue for a few moments longer than before.

“Oi!” Barty protested as Amycus pushed him away, “What the fuck, Amycus?” His stomach dropped as the older boy snapped in reply, and considering Amycus’ wording, it occurred to him that perhaps the other did know exactly what he and Rabastan had been up to these past few days.

Amycus snorted and scowled at Barty when he tried to make light of the situation. He did’t know the worst of it. “Best mates, yeah? He can go fuck himself. If he didn’t mean it he’s got sick sense of humor, that’s what he’s got.” Gently he pushed Hal off of his lap as he knew as he got more and more mad he’d probably accidentally hurt the dog. Hal woofed quietly but walked off regardless, heading back to Amy’s room to lay in his bed.

Looking off towards the fireplace Amycus crossed his arms. He was still kind of cold. “He just–FUCK!” He snapped out the curse word and scowled at the floor. It was hard to contain his anger. Before he’d felt confused and hurt, and now he was just upset over it all. What the fuck was so much better about Barty? Amycus shot a glare to the other boy.

He knew Barty; he knew what he was like about his sexuality. What, a boyfriend in the closet was better than one who didn’t say ‘i love you’? He was so mad about that. Why did that have to make Rab so upset? Amycus didn’t mean to do it; he just had trouble thinking about other people’s feelings. He wasn’t mean to Rab, did whatever he wanted to do. Amycus dug his nails into his arms. “He’s a fucking, stupid dick face, motherfucking IDIOT!”

Amycus was getting visibly upset now, and Barty’s good mood was fading fast as the other boy’s tantrum grew. He had no idea what Rabastan had done, but knew that whatever it was, it wasn’t worth the other boy being this upset about it. “Merlin, Amycus, calm down.” The blond stood up and crossed the room to sit next to his friend, hesitantly reaching out to pat the other on the back.

Hal snorted and hopped back down off the couch when Barty shoved him away. The dog looked back with sad eyes, but slowly walked over to Amycus nonetheless. The dog put it’s top half onto the armchair Amycus was sitting on, and Amy scratched the dog behind it’s ears as it half laid on his lap and half stood on the ground. Amycus watched Barty fix his collar in a flustered way, staring him down after seeing the bruises all over his neck.

He didn’t say anything about it in the moment but he was still kind of mad. Rabastan wasn’t taking any of this hard at all, was he? Jerkoff.  “Hal is just trying to be nice. He likes you.” Amycus defended his dog as he continued to pet it, Hal now laying his head in Amy’s lap as well. What a good dog.

“My week was shitty because my dad’s a fuckin’ bag of dicks-And Rabastan was a fucking shithead to me the other day. Alecto hasn’t been letting me drink and it’s fucking bullshit.” Amycus let out an exagerrated sigh after speaking, still petting the dog in his lap. Honestly, he was mostly bitter over the breakup; his father was always a pain in the ass. Alecto was doing him good, not letting himself drink into a coma, but it still made him mad as hell he couldn’t.

He could feel Amycus’ stare, but still avoided eye contact as Hal retreated from him. Instead, he eyed Hal, who had returned to Amycus to look back on him with sad eyes. Barty felt slightly guilty for pushing the dog away for a split second, but chalked up the remorse as a side-effect of the pure bliss he’d been experiencing for the past 24 hours.