athena

on april 24th, i found out my mom died. on may 10th, i found out my other mom died. it was a really fucking hard year. 2025 pulled apart pieces of me i didn't know i could live without. because of this, i have not really been a part of the rpc in about a year, if not basically longer.

so you can imagine my exhaustion when i come back (or attempt to) and start being active in community servers and sandbox sites again while i sort myself out, look through sites, etc... and get links to tea blog posts.

as someone who has taken time away, all i can say is that some folks really take this hobby far too seriously. genuinely if someone is just vaguely annoying, hit them with that trusty ole ignore on discord and keep it pushing. trying to demean and tear one another down over absolutely nothing publicly just overall demeans and tears down the community.

i did a vague pass through on the recent posts and one person was called out for writing self-inserts (cool, don't write with them), another for being bitch (cool, don't write with them), and another for being flaky (cool, don't write with them).

perhaps this is because i am autistic, i'm willing to give that grace, but... why are these community wide issues? why are we posting these things publicly? why are we not venting to our friends, avoiding the people we don't like, and enjoying our little hobby?

i do not see why it is worth cancelling someone over conflicting personalities. i don't understand, i really don't. there isn't anything harmful here. if they are self-inserts and not your type of characters, cool. don't write with them and let them find the people that like those characters. if they're bitchy or flaky, cool. let them find the people who don't mind, while protecting your peace away from them.

i also will admit that i struggle immensely with this because i am a person who is okay with confrontation and believes in communication. when i fuck up (and it's often, i'm human) i want to have those conversations. i want to apologize and move on without bad blood. i try my best to do this. i have people i've had full on rpc brawls with that i'm friends with because of being that kind of person. i have people i've straight up told that after an occurrence i just did not vibe with them and would prefer not to interact, and it was fine because there was no talking shit behind backs or whatever is happening on those sites. we just moved on and away from each other and can co-exist in the rpc with civility because of that honesty.

why are we so afraid to do that? we are we so afraid to say 'this isn't for me, i hope it finds who it is for and stays away from me'? it is okay to not vibe with something, and it's okay to adjust your online hobby accordingly. but why do we need to tell that person as if they are the problem for our discomfort? they are who they are, we are who we are, and if they don't mesh that isn't anyone's fault it just is what it is.

being a part of a community inevitably means being around people we don't like - and that's okay. someone isn't going to like us either! that's okay too. but constantly ripping each other apart over nothing just pulls down the hobby as a whole. the lack of new sites, new codes, new everything is proof of that. the number of people complaining about that and calling the rpc toxic, dying, etc is proof of that.

for the record, i don't think the rpc is dying, but i do think it has changed. i'm not sure if that change is for the better, but i can say that i personally have never felt more isolated from it and i know for a fact that has nothing to do with my hiatus.

i guess this is me issuing a formal request to not talk to me about tea blogs. i just have no desire to interact with something like that. if someone has a problem with me but doesn't have the ability to address that problem to me or off anon, then what problem do they really have? if it was important, they'd stand up and say something. if they have to hide on anon... that says more about them than it does about me. and i have always been here saying 'please talk to me, i am open to conversations - especially conversations where i owe apologies'. i'm down to learn, but growth oftentimes means mistakes. education and second chances are just a human necessity. i'm willing to give those, and asking for that same respect.