Certified Yapper

Cdrama led by Zhang Linghe (张凌赫) and Tian Xiwei (田曦薇)

Main tropes: marriage of convenience, fake identity

Thoughts, Opinions, and Incoherent Rambles

!!Spoilers and long text ahead!!

I just noticed that Shane starts massaging his fingers through Ilya’s curls 🥺

ohmygod that balled up posture with his 600 pillows around him while facetiming is the cutest thing ever 😭

Crying into your situationships arms and then pounding him so hard all the blankets on the hotel bed end up on the floor is wild 😮

Thoughts, Opinions, and Incoherent Rambles

[Episodes 4-6]

*Spoilers and a lot of yapping ahead, HR psychosis running rampant - this is so long - don’t take anything I say too seriously, this is all in good fun*

Link to Part 1

1x04 Rose

Ilya partying it up and then the scene cuts to Shane reading in bed, I said oh I’m sure

Shane in glasses supremacy

Actual hockey?🤨 No actually, doggy style😳

(We need to circle back b/c those glasses have me in a ch0kehold, we’re only 5 min into the ep)

“You want to get me pregnant too?” Shane😮‍💨 you’re lucky hockey players are so heteronormative (sarcasm) b/c you almost just outed yourself as a bottom to Hayden with that line

[In Russian] “It’s so fucking boring I almost fell into a coma.” he says while his eyes are GLUED to the TV

GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY 🤠🐎

“Ginger ale cold enough?” yeah so he bought it recently just for Shane 🥹

The post-nut clarity hit Shane like a gd truck

“Does that mean too white?” (Clock ittt 🤏)

Shane looks shattered after Yuna tells him lying isn’t like him/who he is

Ilya out here fists clenched, toes stubbed

(only 4 SOG in one period is abysmal - everybody in boston fighting demons not just Ilya - but hey at least the montreal goalie got a shut out)

🎶all the things she said🎶

Turning to the dance floor in dread

The strobe lights were a paid actor

Shane followed Rose up those stairs like he was being held at 🔫 point

Staring directly into the camera is crazyyy

1x05 I’ll Believe in Anything

Man in the Crease pod being Scott’s biggest opp yet again

Someone get Shane a massager, this man is so tense

Flashback montage, whateverr *ugly sobbing*

Rose #1 ally, what a queen

[In Russian] “You know he’s gorgeous. And you know he’s good.” clock it Svetlanaaa 🤏

Ilya’s so enamoured with Shane that he can’t help but call him pretty even when he thinks Shane’s about to end their situationship

🥹🥹 Actually obsessed with us getting to see silly, carefree Ilya who messes around with his friends and is amazing with children 🦈

*helmet kiss*

(The way the first time I watched the show I was so entranced by the actors’ performances that I did not realize that the sunset was a screen)

“Would you want to be, if we could?”

Crying into your situationships arms and then pounding him so hard all the blankets on the hotel bed end up on the floor is wild 😮

ohmygod that balled up posture with his 600 pillows around him while facetiming is the cutest thing ever 😭

Ilya’s family is truly the worst☝️🙂‍↕️ (but not Irina, never Irina)

[In Russian] “Who puts food in your mouth and c*ke up your nose?” absolutely read him to filth

The concept of calling your little brother a slur and then wiping your tears and leaving like you’re the victim (if Alexei has no haters, I’m 💀)

Soul-wrenching, 5 page monologue 🫡

WYCTMCTS

High Shane is just him without anxiety fr

Episode 3 was necessary so that you’re invested in the Skip kiss on the ice

Shane was g@gged- not like that

1x06 The Cottage

“It’s exhausting. It’s a nonstop effort. And it’s also really, really lonely.” (Scott Hunter haters stay away from mee)

Shane being so anxious and then sounding so incredulous the second Ilya gets into the car 😭

Ilya styled his damn hair before getting on that plane to Ottawa and Shane put on a button-up instead of comfy sweats when he knew he’d be driving for 4 hours

Shane is so playful and goofy when he’s comfy

Ilya who used to be the biggest playboy getting jealous over Shane’s singular (1) public relationship LOL (don’t dish it out if you can’t take it!)

“By accident. She accidentally swallowed a whole bottle of pills.” the line delivery - the ‘lack of emotion’ that feels sooo bitter b/c he’s been forced to call it an accident for so long

I just noticed that Shane starts massaging his fingers through Ilya’s curls 🥺

“I won’t touch you.” Liar, liar pants on fire 🥵

D3@th glare immediately followed by tearing up

Shane Hollander overthinking final boss

Shane deserved to hear Ilya say ily first (I love Ilya and his character development, but I’m willing to 💀 on this hill)

He’s IN the cookie, and he still wants it so bad the greedy b@stard (affectionate)

“She would’ve loved you. Like I love you.” oH 😭

From too scared to share any affection with Shane (“We didn’t even kiss.”) to the most loving, supportive partner - Ilya Rozanov thank you for letting your walls down 🥹

“I forgive you, Mom. I love you.”

“We just want… a future, I don’t know.” (Why have I never seen anyone talk about this lineee 🥺)

Boyfriendsss

Thoughts, Opinions, and Incoherent Rambles

*Spoilers and a lot of yapping ahead*

1x01 Rookies

The face Yuna makes when the white man says he’s 🙌thrilled🙌 that Shane is Asian… yea girl I had the same expression (I still experience micro-aggressions like that to this day so 😃)

“I am the world’s biggest Metros fan. It’s part of how I came to feel Canadian. My dad would sit us down in the living room Saturday nights…” - Yuna Hollander

As the child of Asian immigrants (I’m talking about myself not Shane) this quote makes me feel sooo many things at once 🥹

Shane almost wearing a suit and tie (way too overboard 😆) for him and Ilya’s first hook up and settling on sweats only for Ilya to arrive dressed up like he’s about to go on a first date

Scott Hunter clocked that shit since “1221.”

“Next time?😍😍😍” - Shane Hollander put those heart eyes away (no don’t actually)

1x02 Olympians

These mfers were already gone for each other by 2011 (3 years before they had sex for the first time, literally lost the idgaf war before it begannn)

“I don’t know. Maybe twice?” It’s the punctuation for me

And I saw that soft ass smile Rozanov, the only one you’re fooling is yourself 🤭

Ilya checks in with Shane 4 times during their first time together (consent is sexy)

Seeing Ilya’s father’s dementia in a show not tell way is actually so gut wrenching, it makes my stomach sink watching it (I mean this as a compliment, it’s a great scene)

I actually really like the change from the book to have Svetlana be Ilya’s childhood friend

Shane’s face while watching Ilya hoist the cup dnafjeowjbsbfkforj (speechless.)

(In Russian) “For you, Mom.” I might as well be a vase that’s been dropped on the floor with how shattered I am

Shane looks like a kicked puppy in that bathroom oh my godd

I didn’t notice the first time I saw this ep, but Shane looks devastated (in a bad way) right after they finish😞 ⬅️ Ilya didn’t ask Shane if he was okay once the whole time, poor man’s having whiplash with this treatment

“We didn’t even kiss.” And now we’re all crying in the (Vegas) club

1x03 Hunter

Man in the Crease pod absolutely tearing Scott a new ahole 😭😭

Not to be too thirsty (who am I kidding) but i spilled my tea looking at those abs

Meet cute but it’s me debating the difference between spree k!llers and serial k!llers with the guy who makes my smoothies

Shane 0.1 seconds before “You’re starting to sound like him.” ☺️

0.1 seconds after 😨

5 seconds later “You're a f*cking p*ssy! Go home!” 😾

Scott not being able to contain himself when he realized Kip was there when he got home from practice 🥲

Alexa play “Dirty Little Secret” by The All-American Rejects

- Caleb Widogast

“I keep him safe so he can get better and stronger and achieve great things.”

- Nott the Brave

Merlin 3x10

Thoughts, Opinions, and Incoherent Rambles

Links: S1 Ramble, S2 Rambles, S3 Rambles

we couldn’t have gotten a steamer for Gwen’s dress? especially when the the shot is focused on the dress🤨 oh well

Merlin and Gwen’s friendship is so wholesome☺️

some commotion for the pink dress!!!!

i just realized that the women in the show never ride side saddle

some lovely Arthur x Gwen development🥰 interrupted by Uther🤮

ah the infamous “you couldn’t keep a secret if your life depended on it” scene

the parents (merthur) are fightinggg

nooo Gwen you’re going to make me cry😞

Uther’s raging classism👹

i love Merlin’s complete confidence in his abilities (yes it’s also arrogance, but i love it nonetheless)

how many times did B. James and C. Morgan burst out laughing at the funny voice the latter did for Dragoon the Great

“Your eyes, we’ve met somewhere before” excuse me?😭

so they set up that you’d only be able to tell it’s Merlin if you knew him extremely well with Gaius

and then have Arthur immediately recognize his eyes?!

alright then!😃

this… this is the first time Merlin’s been able to stand in front of Uther and absolutely tear him a new one

i know that sh*t felt good

So Robert’s had that notch in his ear since he was a child…

What if someone found out Mecha Man Astral’s identity, and went after his son?

What if it was such a “near miss” that it took a chunk of Robert’s ear?

Merlin 3x09

Thoughts, opinions, and incoherent rambles

Links: S1 ramble, S2 rambles, S3 rambles

CGI JUMPSCARE what the helly is that manticore design👹

Gaslight, Gaius, Girlboss, Gatekeep💅 has made a return

“I feel we’ve been given a second chance” ohh💔

why the hell did the manticore sound like it was climaxing when Alice took its venom😧

i like the insinuation that Geoffrey falls asleep at his desk in the library every night😆

Gaius turning on Merlin immediately is lowkey not believable, when has Merlin ever lied about magic shit

it’s S3 why is Arthur still using people as target practice😐

Gaius spent the last 20+ years keeping Uther alive above all else and suddenly it’s okay that he’s been poisoned because his bae is the one who did it lmfao

the show doesn’t explain the manticore’s motivations for killing Uther besides the implied, ‘all magic users and creatures want the king of Camelot 💀’

even though i gave Gaius so much shit in this ramble, i do feel bad for him

i wish that him and Alice could’ve had a long happy life together

Merlin 3x08

Thoughts, opinions, and incoherent rambles

Links: S1 ramble, S2 rambles, S3 rambles

despite me putting censoring asterisks absolutely everywhere, last ep’s rambles were still blocked from the feed, so if you’re interested - here it is

for a kingdom that despises magic, that’s one whimsical ass way to decide a quest🤨

i want to root for Arthur x Gwen, but they’ve got to actually build the relationship up, why is the show only giving us crumbs🫠

yay Gwaine’s back🎉🍾

Professor Flitwick what are you doing here? 🪄(Warwick Davis cameo)

the three powerpuff girls, Courage, Strength, and Magic

*ungodly screeching noises* “That sounded like three pheasants.” “At least.”😭

wyverns… with 4 legs… interesting design choice

Arthur’s been absolutely going through it, but his ungrateful ass is undeserving of Merlin and Gwaine’s help this ep

regardless, it’s really cute that despite Gwaine and Arthur not getting along, they start working together semi-efficiently the second Merlin might be in danger

yet another mf putting pressure on Merlin to save the world alone ong this man cannot catch a break😒

Merlin looks at Arthur😍 ➡️ Gwaine looks at Merlin🤨

Merlin 3x07

Thoughts, opinions, and incoherent rambles

Links: S1 rambles, S2 rambles, S3 rambles

Truly, I’ve had to censor this post a ridiculous amount, and I think it’s still blocked from the regular feed🫠

Ah yes, the ancient 6th century k*dnapping technique: the chl*roform towel🤩

In all seriousness, poor Gwen😭

“Let’s have you, Lazy Daisy~” 🌼

Episode’s writing has Arthur acting denser than platinum in one scene and then sharp-witted the next, what in the world🫠

It’s one thing to erase all progress Arthur has regarding his views on magic at the end of every episode and another thing entirely to flip flop his character between back-to-back scenes

(I am not blaming the actors for the writing inconsistencies)

The return of Morgana’s c*nty purple gown💅

LOL why was that scene radiating awkward s*xual tension between Morgana and Merlin of all pairs😅

“More beans, anyone?”🫘

Morgana’s horse is the same one they had play the unicorn in S2 isn’t it lol

Got genuinely jump scared by that skelly🙂‍↕️

Those stones smashing Morgause in the face… how is home girl not 💀 or at least severely c*ncussed😅

Oooh that lip bite was smexy🫦

Didn’t even mention him earlier but the strained relationship between Elyan and Gwen was the most compelling part of the episode imo

Book 1 of The Crimson Moth Duology

by Kristen Ciccarelli

Thoughts, opinions, and incoherent rambles

TW: This novel delves into topics such as parental ab*se and SA which are mentioned in this review

*Spoilers ahead*

Merlin 3x06

Thoughts, opinions, and incoherent rambles

Links: S1 rambles, S2 rambles, S3 rambles

Not Arthur mouthing “wtf” in the background😭

Princess Elena said fuck propriety, and I’m here for it

comedic aspects aside, Elena’s actually quite a relatable character

she’s just out here doing her best and trying to make her father happy

what Gaius wishes he could say to Grunhilda: 🗣️🤺 “Back, woman! I said back!”

faith, trust, and pixie dust🧚‍♀️✨👹

i’m both surprised and unsurprised that Arthur was more emotional than Gwen during their discussion

Gwen knew at the back of her mind that it was impossible

but Arthur as the one in power couldn’t really fathom that it wouldn’t be his choice before now

Arthur: “You have no idea what it’s like to have a destiny you can’t escape.”

Merlin 3x05

Thoughts, opinions, and incoherent rambles

Links: S1 rambles, S2 rambles, S3 rambles

Arthur, Merlin, you guys are in a life or 💀 situation, stop your sarcastic flirting

Merlin *looking for the fucks he has left to give* 🔎

Arthur *also looking for the fucks Merlin has left to give* 🔍

Merlin: Gaius these visions suck 😓

Gaius: you’re lucky asf, don’t you know 🗣️

Gaslight, Gaius, Girlboss, Gatekeep 💅

as the saying goes, one often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it

Uther Pendragon, biggest hypocrite in all the lands 👹

my live reaction to Uther breaking down to Merlin of all people 😲

kind of with Kilgharrah on this one, mb ✋🤚

wouldn’t it have honestly been better if Merlin let Morgana 💀 as a beloved sister, friend, and daughter