Fish Factory

(quick note, I'm gonna be using the words Text Adventure and Interactive Fiction pretty interchangeably here. Technically that's not perfectly accurate, they are technically different things, but I don't care to explain the difference Just roll with it.)

So

Do you like weird short stories told through unconventional mediums? That's most of what Interactive Fiction is

You like story based video games but hate the finicky combat? Congrats, there is literally no combat skill required beyond the ability to type "hit guard with crowbar"

Blind or visually impaired? Since these games are (with a few exceptions) entirely text based, they work great with a screen reader!

Sick of profit motivated AAA titles with no creative integrity? Well, these games are almost always produced by a single nerd (usually a horrid amalgamation of computer geek and literature geek) with no budget and no responsibilities of the product they're making. And they're usually not paid, since these games are free. Text Adventure is a labour of love, and in most games you can feel the care and effort the creator has put into the game.

Sick of spending $20-70 on a video game? Lucky you, I've been playing TA for years and I have not spent a cent in doing so (Fallen Londen will try to make you pay. But Fallen Londen sucks and is run by bigots. Fuck Fallen London.) Games are either available free on a browser, or as free, small downloadable files (most of which can be played using the Parchment Interpreter)

Wish you read more, but reliant on the quick dopamine of digital media? Well now you can read while also being an active participant in the narrative.

Bad at puzzles? Me too! Games from the 80s and 90s, as well as more famous newer games, have walkthroughs and hints easily available online. Newer games tend to either have a "hint" command, or come with a walkthrough file.

Do you like weird surrealist horror? Well there's... A lot of it.

Okay, but where do I start?

So there are two types of text adventure. The one you might be more accustomed to, and which sees more modern use, is called Hypertext Interactive Fiction. The other is called Parser Interactive Fiction, it's generally seen in older games, as well as games that are larger, feature more puzzles, or involve more exploration.

Hypertext games

Basically, the game will give you a scenario, and then a list of options (hypertext links) to click on to decide what to do next. These are usually more beginner friendly since you don't need to fiddle around with parsers, but personally I find them a bit limiting. Nonetheless, if you're new to Text Adventure, they're a good place to start.

Some of my favourites hypertext games (summaries in green)

My Father's Long, Long Legs is an interactive horror story about family, unease, and loss. Really more of a story than a game, but still good. Very nice use of sound. It does have some visual aspects, so this one might not work with screen readers

Scene Kid Simulator is pretty much what it says on the tin. A cute, nostalgic, coming-of-age slice of life story from the POV of a 2000s scene preteen. Nothing special, but a fun time.

The Uncle Who Works at Nintendo is a strange, unconventional, witty, and heartfelt horror game. Your friend has an uncle who he says works for Nintendo. You're about to meet him, or so he says. A fun and spooky look at childhood, childhood friendships, and childhood lies.

16 Ways to Kill a Vampire at McDonald's is... A joy to play. The name says it all honestly. Witty, charming, tense, engaging, and emotional when it wants to be. I actually found this one through a lucky Tumblr Blaze, which makes sense since this is perfectly suited to Tumblr sensibilities. This one has more puzzle aspects than most hypertext games, but it's still relatively easy and beginner friendly. You're a vampire hunter. It's your night off, and you go to McDonald's. But there's something wrong with the customer sitting beside you...

Toadstools is a game about hunting mushrooms. You have trespassed in a national park and you are wandering blindly through the woods looking for rare fungi. Good luck :)

Parser games

Okay these fuckers are where I really get excited. These games have the classic flashing cursor line where you input text like "go north", "search bookshelf", or "kiss my husband", and the game's rudimentary AI parses your input to decide what happens next. These are my favourites. They really allow you the feeling of exploring the game world, immerse you in the protagonist and the story, using just text on a screen and simple inputs. This does make them considerably more difficult, since a) you need to decide the right way to phrase what you want to do, otherwise it won't work, and b) more possibilities means more chances to mess up and miss things. Unlike video games, your cursor won't light up when you see something important, you'll have to search stuff and work things out on your own But, in my opinion, it is so, so worth it. Summaries in red

The first text adventure game I ever played was One Eye Open. It's an extremely graphic and gory medical horror game (although I would consider it tasteful medical horror, in that it never derives horror from medical procedures, disability, or ooOoHh gross scary sick people) You play as a volunteer test subject for a medical research facility, having to unravel the mystery of the hospital's bloody past. It's good. It's fun. It's tense. It has some really dumb mechanics. Don't play if you're sensitive to descriptions of gore, death, or corpses. This one doesn't have a walkthrough, but I've played it enough times to know the puzzles by heart, DM me if you need help.

Anchorhead is possibly my favourite piece of interactive fiction I've ever played. It's incredible. You play as a newlywed woman, moving to the small seaside town of Anchorhead after your husband Michael inherited a mansion from some distant relatives. There's something wrong with the town though. There's definitely something wrong with your husband's mysterious ancestors. And you're starting to think that there might be something strange happening to Michael. Get ready for some wonderfully atmospheric and immersive Lovecraftian horror, action sequences that are incredibly vibrant for Text Adventure, and a super compelling mystery that the game lets you work out on your own. The puzzles here are hard. I'm not gonna lie, I used a walkthrough at several points during this game. But my god it's worth it. Big massive huge content warning here for mentions of incest, sexual assault, and pedophilia. Not in excess, and nothing explicit, but it will be mentioned as part of the story.

Little Blue Men is a short, strange, sci-fi-ish horror-ish comedy-ish game by the same author as Anchorhead, though the two games are wildly different. You are an office worker. Cope with it. Take The Stanley Parable, Stella Firma, and Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, mash 'em together, and you have Little Blue Men. It's bizarre. It's evocative. It's pretty darn good.

Coloratura is a strangely beautiful sci-fi story. You're a weird little alien blob. You've been separated from your home and are trapped aboard a human spaceship. You need to get home, need to make the humans understand in the only ways you can: color and song.

Slouching Towards Bedlam is a brilliant little steampunk game about language, choice, cults, Armageddon, and triangles. This game has multiple endings. It's neat in that none of the endings are really "good" or "bad". Rather, you need to decide where you stand, and act in the way you think is best.

The Lurking Horror is the grandparent of horror interactive fiction, released in the late 80s. You're a tech student in university. Something more than electricity is powering the school's computers. Find it, but don't die along the way. Besides the comically archaic descriptions of computers, this game doesn't feel all that dated. It's tricky, puzzle-heavy, and charmingly surreal. (Fun fact, this game and another old TA game called Zork inspired the "darkness kills you" mechanic which would later be popularized in Don't Starve!)

Nine Lives is a very short, very weird, very cartoony game where you play a cat that is very bad at staying alive. Cw for non-graphic but repeated cat death.

Spider and Web is one of the most ingenious uses of Text Adventure as a medium I've ever seen. It's famous for having one of, if not the singular best puzzles in video game history. It's tense, it's fast-paced, it introduces you to mechanics slowly and then lets you test them out on your own. I won't spoil too much, but you play as a very badass spy, reliving your brilliant heist during an interrogation. This game even features a character destined to be a Tumblr Sexyman. It really has it all.

[Nobunaga] Boss…!

[Machi] This is because you’re..dense.

[Shizuku] That’s right. Boss is unexpectedly dense.

[Pakunoda] Yeah. If I don't bring it to him, he'll definitely miss out on his meals.

[Kortopi] He’s also greedy.

[Machi] Rather than greedy, he’s kind of possessive, isn’t he? That time I accidentally ate his pudding. After that, for two or three days, every time he saw me he said "pudding… my pudding…"

[Shizuku] Ah! The same thing happened to me too.

[Machi] Such a mild stalker, that guy.

[Pakunoda] But that part of him is cute.

[Nobunaga] That’s because you coddle him all the time, Paku. He’s always gonna be like that.

[Kortopi] Discipline is important.

[Pakunoda] Discipline..? He’s not a dog.

[Machi] If he were a dog, he would just come back on his own.

[Shizuku] Way better than boss, huh.

[Pakunoda] No way… Boss doesn’t need to be taken out for walks, nor does he wet himself.

[Nobunaga] Paku, you’re not making him look any better.

[Kortopi] More like dragging him through the mud.

[Shizuku] Ah! They’re here!

[Phinks] Explain the situation.

[Shizuku] In my case, it was almond jelly.

[Phinks] Huh?

[Feitan] What talk about?

[Machi] We’re talking about Paku coddling the boss too much, which makes him become more like a possessive stalker.

[Shalnark] I'm having trouble following all this.

[Nobunaga] In short, it's about how Boss sulks when Machi accidentally ate his pudding, and when Shizuku accidentally ate his almond jelly.

[Feitan] Straight up.

[Phinks] I get what you guys are saying. Back then, I had eaten his Azuki bar, then he stood by my bedside for three days and three nights.

[Machi] You too, Phinks?!

[Shizuku] I see that you have also been victimized by his unexpected side!

[Phinks] Why is the LEADER of the Phantom Troupe that upset over an ice cream in the first place? While he has us at his beck and call at all times.

[Shalnark] Well, that can’t be helped since we're his subordinates, but over an ice cream..? That’s kinda petty.

[Phinks] I know right?

[Pakunoda] Well, Boss is a person who likes ice cream!

[Kortopi] Pudding and Jelly-

[Pakunoda] Those too.

[Machi] That’s why I call him spoiled.

[Nobunaga] He cherry-picks the good stuff after al.

[Feitan] That, I understand. Boss the type to order from the secret menu at a sushi restaurant.

[Shalnark] Now that you mention it, he never eats the crust of a bread, right?

[Machi] That time, he ate only about five centimeters of the middle of a watermelon that had been split in half.

[Kortopi] Who only eats the strawberries on a shortcake?

[Shizuku] Ah. One time he snatched my food that I left out to eat last.

[Pakunoda] That also happened to me…

[Phinks] Not to mention he only ate the burnt rice of a stone-grilled bibimbap.

[Machi] Jeez. Our Boss is really hopeless, huh.

...

[Chrollo] I have no value as a hostage.

════════ End of track ════════

TL Notes & Commentary:

I've seen some people say "Chrollo eats pudding like a pig" which is half true. Kortopi called him 意地汚い, meaning "greedy, gluttonous, and piggy-like." More on how he hogs his food, less on how he eats it.

The almond jelly is 杏仁豆腐. A jellied dessert made of apricot kernel milk, agar, and sugar.

Machi actually says 粘着質ストーカ. 粘着 literally means “sticky”, so he’s really clingy and persistent. I think Machi is so done with danchou, hence the choice of words.