justin’s personal blog

this account is for my personal/non-fandom stuff and swimming stuff!

warning: lots of vents. probably getting quite personal. lol

BYF

please don’t spread hate, especially not here. this is supposed to be a comfortable place for me to write things!!!!!!!! not ur mean place. Bye please try to DNI if you are under 16, unless we are close friends already. i discuss darker topics sometimes. my other DNIs are listed on my strawpage on my main yes, this is a semi-vent blog. don't like it, block the tags as needed. (listed below) i am not the same person i once was, and for the better.

i’m changing the interface here bc i’m Obsessed with pierce the veil rn but hi guys! <3

umm i’m so tired today and i feel so paranoid.

theres this girl i see every day (we cross paths usually) who loves ptv with me, her name’s ella, but my friend brooke does Not like ella. why? because she thinks ella is bad news and also a whore

but fuck ella is hot and i think shes just so cool. brooke has been acting so odd lately anyway, i dont know if i can really trust her. also like. brooke told me these 2 girls were shittalking someone in the showers after practice(one of which is an ex-friend who bullied and sexually harassed me during a travel meet, the other is a girl i consider a close friend) and brooke thinks it was me. but when i asked for more info she withheld it from me?? im not even sure why. idk man :/

anyways. today im binge listening to afftd and i have a little meeting before practice tonight but its nothing major. our coach is at the OTC in colorado with some of the ↓18 futures qualifiers, so we have a sub-in. its mike but chris might be there and i LOVE chris! hes my fellow ptv fan 😁

anyways. ill try 2 post here more but no promises

venting.

within the past WEEK, i’ve:

—been sexually and psychologically harassed by people i thought were my friends; now dealing with legal shit

—suffered victim to homophobic bullying by, once again, people i thought were my friends

—had to deal with the fact that the u.s bombed iran?? hello?? i nearly forgot about that??

—lost my favorite character and was dissatisfied with the s3 ending (it’s growing on me, but i’m mourning gihun as if he were a real person)

—am maybe going through a bpd AND/OR depressive episode? i can’t tell, but a lot of things have added up and i’m boiling over.

—have been reminded that my grandpa is dying in the hospital right now

a part of me wishes i’d died in september now.

i can’t eat properly. everything hurts.

sangihun afterlife was helping me cope but now people are being rude abt it on fucktter hellsite. i’mprobably going thru an episode or smth atm but it just hurts more because i have religious trauma rooted into my family and having them be happy in the afterlife, which is inherently religious, instead of left to suffer for all of eternity, is comforting to me.

me:

practice has been so hard lately but i’ve been lowkey cooking so i’m happy

we did like 7k today (which doesn’t sound like a lot but i’m a sprint/mid-D swimmer so it’s a lot for me and my personal training style)