hello vonnie
Not today Justin
Today's Document
YOU ARE THE REASON
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@burntoutwords
Today i spoke to my counciller about my rape. That rape that happened when i have 5 and she was 6. The rape that may not be rape at all. But it was the rape where i was locked in her room, tied to her bed. The rape where she pulled down my pants, the one where she went down on me and i begged her to stop. She didnt. I talked about the rape that i never told anyone about, the one i thought was normal for 18 years of my life. It's more hurtful that ever now.
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I want to believe that this is all a dream. The fact that i love you excites and scares me at the same time, but the thought of hurting leaves me wanting to wake up.
Just another (un)forgotten addition.
Oh what i would give to be able to re-connect with my beloved blade. To be weak and let my addiction get the better of me.
You said find a reason to smile
Oh baby i already have
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Everything is getting hard again. Old thoughts are filling my head, especially the ones that tell me i should have killed myself when i had a chance. The ones that want to end the pain, the ones that want to stop crying most nights. And there isn’t a single person i can share these thoughts with, so they sit inside me and they ruin me. They tear me apart, until nothing is left.
~thoughts from nosiddam
Myk, can you please tell me, what does drugs have that i don't? Do the drugs hold you when you couldn't hold yourself like i did? Does the drugs look up to you, defend you, and love you like i did? You blame everyone else for your problems, but can't seem to look within yourself.
Myk, you broke a girl who had built herself up from nothing. You broke a girl who had to work her ass off. You broke a girl who you swore you would love forever, and you left her. You left her crying every night, missing you even though you don't deserve a damn drop of love. Why could you never love us? Why has drugs always been better?
Myk, i have come to the conclusion that you cannot love, you cannot be truthful. You are a selfish, horrible woman. You may be the person who made me, but you will never get the chance to ever watch what i will become.
Myk one day you will be alone. You will feel all the pain you have caused me, and you will be sorry.
Myk, when you come crawling back, i will be gone.
You have the most amazing soul. No one’s will ever compare to yours. You leave me breathless at the thought of you holding me, and aching at the thought of you touching me. My soul searches for yours in every big city crowd, waiting till i can look into those eyes. Those compelling pools of emerald, brown and royal blue with specks of gold. I belong to you Z, and you to me.
Thoughts about you.
“Because wherever I sat—on the deck of a ship or at a street café in Paris or Bangkok—I would be sitting under the same glass bell jar, stewing in my own sour air.”
— Sylvia Plath
“And I let you feed me with lies.” she said. “Knowing that it will kill me afterwards, you see, that’s just me trusting you to pull me up.” she looked at him with the saddest eyes and uttered. “Even if all you ever did was pushed me down.”
Believe me, You said. //ma.c.a
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I drink in your soul like i am consuming a bottle of jack, letting the burning love fill my stomach with warmth, and fill my head with images of what we have become. Of what we could and what we will become.
Thoughts of you.
Go like some sicc as poetry
When i look into your eyes i feel as though i can get lost forever. The intricate swirls of green and brown with a ring of dark blue. Oh how i intoxicated and dizzy they leave me feeling.
Thoughts about you.
2.9.18
People say that addiction gets easier with time. They say that if you quit, you will be fine within a few months.
I call bullshit on this.
It has been one year and two months since the last time i purposely left a scar on myself.
One year and two months since i dragged that shiney sharp thing across my leg.
One year and two months without the thing that made the choking weight of reality feel like a feather.
It has been one year and two months that i have gone without cutting myself.
And i should be proud, right? I’m not. Maybe i would be a little prouder if i didn’t think about it everytime i looked at a sharpener, or knife, or box cutter.
Maybe i would be a little prouder if i didn’t look at my scars wishing i could make new ones.
Maybe i would be a little prouder if i didn’t think about it anytime i got sad or anything bad happened.
People say that addiction gets easier with time. They say that if you quit, you will be fine within a few months.
I call bullshit on this.
Because for one year and two months my addiction is still the only thing that manages to comfort me when i need it.
#poetselixir
You are my life source, your simplest touch is how i make it through a day.
Thoughts about you.
I dream of you in colours that don’t exist.
(Stolen: weheartit.com)
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