it’s my birthday week and i’m really hoping i can get through it without anyone remembering bc that will just stress me out more

something very strange and unusual happened to me last night and i was ready to submit to it

ever since i kinda stopped having any sexual desire at all i feel like ive gained this ability to appreciate people’s appearances so much more in purely an aesthetic and artistic way like i catch myself admiring people so much more on the daily

why does it feel totally justified to take a hit of your cart or vape while walking outside but doing it while walking inside on a treadmill seems like addict behavior (i still do it)

my back is killing me from the drive hoping this walk will help to regulate my body a bit after a ton of stress and difference in routine

this is the first time in a LONG time i am actually needing to put effort into getting my 10k steps later in the day bc i was in the car for 4 hours. definitely much later than i care to push back my dinner and bedtime but i don’t wanna lose my 10k+ streak of like 40-50 days

i literally feel so awful rn but at least i’m finally home

i would be a lot more expressive with fashion if i didn’t have so many texture issues

i wanna hit my vape but my mouth is dry asf and i need water first and that’s kinda annoying but i don’t wanna have an unsatisfying hit and honestly im sure a lot of people can relate to that moment occurring often

people definitely assume i’m a lot less attentive to detail as i am like yes it’s selective but when im aware im AWARE yes i did just see you do that but no you will never know it

there’s many people in my life that are very near and dear to me and i have the desire to do so much for them… but my need to avoid confrontation and discomfort will always overpower that and i never express it. so to them im just a blank face that doesn’t care about anything or anyone but themselves. and i understand that completely

does anyone else eat in a really awkward way? i’m so hyper aware of dropping food on myself or being messy in anyway (im very naturally clumsy and it happens a lot more than it should) i was looking around at how natural everyone looks while eating this weekend and it seems so normal but when i do it i feel like my eyes are too wide my movements are too robotic and my clumsyness somehow always comes through in some way. not to mention i feel incredible uncomfortable and unable to focus on anything else the entire time.

you tell someone you stayed sober as something you’re proud of and want to feel good about and they respond “i mean you can have one and be alright” like bro what in the read the fucking room is going on rn

my stomach feels violently ill and it was probably that fucking pizza x not having much else x being severely dehydrated

today may result in psychosis. only time shall tell

time to face the battle of navigating breakfast (timing, ingredients, measuring, etc…) amongst 9 other people whilst having to be joyful and present