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@burnt-bitch
to love someone is firstly to confess: i'm prepared to be devastated by you.

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Leila Chatti, from "Postcard from Gone"
regarding the rĂśttgen pietĂ , elle emerson
âWhat can you know about a person? They shift in the light. You canât light up all sides at once. Add a second light and you get a second darkness,â
â Richard Siken, from Portrait of Fryderyk in Shifting Light; War of the Foxes, 2015
â Natalie Diaz, Manhattan Is a Lenape Word

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âI sleep. I dream. I make up things that I would never say. I say them very quietly.â
â Richard Siken

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Immoral Tales (Walerian Borowczyk, 1974)
richard siken , dirty valentine
âSome years ago, I was stuck on a crosstown bus in New York City during rush hour. Traffic was barely moving. The bus was filled with cold, tired people who were deeply irritatedâwith one another; with the rainy, sleety weather; with the world itself. Two men barked at each other about a shove that might or might not have been intentional. A pregnant woman got on, and nobody offered her a seat. Rage was in the air; no mercy would be found here.
But as the bus approached Seventh Avenue, the driver got on the intercom. âFolks,â he said, âI know youâve had a rough day and youâre frustrated. I canât do anything about the weather or traffic, but hereâs what I can do. As each one of you gets off the bus, I will reach out my hand to you. As you walk by, drop your troubles into the palm of my hand, okay? Donât take your problems home to your families tonightâjust leave âem with me. My route goes right by the Hudson River, and when I drive by there later, Iâll open the window and throw your troubles in the water. Sound good?â
It was as if a spell had lifted. Everyone burst out laughing. Faces gleamed with surprised delight. People whoâd been pretending for the past hour not to notice each otherâs existence were suddenly grinning at each other like, is this guy serious?
Oh, he was serious.
At the next stopâjust as promisedâthe driver reached out his hand, palm up, and waited. One by one, all the exiting commuters placed their hand just above his and mimed the gesture of dropping something into his palm. Some people laughed as they did this, some teared upâbut everyone did it. The driver repeated the same lovely ritual at the next stop, too. And the next. All the way to the river.
We live in a hard world, my friends. Sometimes itâs extra difficult to be a human being. Sometimes you have a bad day. Sometimes you have a bad day that lasts for several years. You struggle and fail. You lose jobs, money, friends, faith, and love. You witness horrible events unfolding in the news, and you become fearful and withdrawn. There are times when everything seems cloaked in darkness. You long for the light but donât know where to find it.
But what if you are the light? What if youâre the very agent of illumination that a dark situation begs for?
Thatâs what this bus driver taught meâthat anyone can be the light, at any moment. This guy wasnât some big power player. He wasnât a spiritual leader. He wasnât some media-savvy âinfluencer.â He was a bus driverâone of societyâs most invisible workers. But he possessed real power, and he used it beautifully for our benefit.
When life feels especially grim, or when I feel particularly powerless in the face of the worldâs troubles, I think of this man and ask myself, What can I do, right now, to be the light? Of course, I canât personally end all wars, or solve global warming, or transform vexing people into entirely different creatures. I definitely canât control traffic. But I do have some influence on everyone I brush up against, even if we never speak or learn each otherâs name. How we behave matters because within human society everything is contagiousâsadness and anger, yes, but also patience and generosity. Which means we all have more influence than we realize.
No matter who you are, or where you are, or how mundane or tough your situation may seem, I believe you can illuminate your world. In fact, I believe this is the only way the world will ever be illuminatedâone bright act of grace at a time, all the way to the river.â
âElizabeth Gilbert
âWhat is necessary, after all, is only this: solitude, vast inner solitude. To walk inside yourself and meet no one for hoursâthat is what you must be able to attain.â
â Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

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