star

After your first encounter, and many more after that, Sephiroth soon grows into a prominent figure in your life. Little by little, he carved his own home in your heart. He stayed in your mind for more times than you would like to meet. Every night you lay in your mother’s garden, listening to his stories about his work as a Soldier, listening to the newfound information he had acquired during his moments away on missions. You hated those missions since every time he got into one, you weren’t able to see him for days on end. He tried to send you letters to make up for it, but they couldn’t make up for the days lost without his hand holding yours. 

You know you will always be his little secret. For Shinra had forbidden him to leave the building, especially late at night, without any precautions. Even as he tries to convince you that he doesn’t care about that specific rule, you can’t help but feel like Shinra would be the biggest challenge in your relationship with the man. You know you can only truly be with him once he lets go of his past with Shinra, but you couldn’t ask that of him. He has a life out of you, and he shouldn’t tie himself down to just you, even if you would love him to. For you have dedicated a huge chunk of your life to him, is it really so selfish to expect the same?

That’s why, when he suddenly came to you, with tears painting his pale face, you knew something was about to change forever. He hugged you tightly seconds after arriving, pushing you to the ground with how intensely he hugged you. He buried his face in your shoulder, his usually straight figure shaking as he cried in your arms. You wrapped your hands around his back, drawing shapes into his skin to soothe him.

“Are you alright? What troubles you, my love?” You asked him gently, careful not to cause him more pain. 

“Angeal is dead,” he began, his tone shaky, and he almost choked on his own tears. You squeezed him tighter. You knew of Angeal and Genesis, of the friends he had during his time in Shinra. “And Genesis is gone. I have lost them, my love.” 

“Sephiroth,” you called his name. Sephiroth pulled away momentarily, just enough to gaze into your eyes. His cheeks are red, and his eyes too. In general, he looked horrible, and it thorns you apart to see him like this. Your thumb went to wipe the remaining tears sticking in the corner of his eyes. “You need to leave Shinra. I fear that if you stay for too long, you’ll end up just like them.”

Sephiroth visibly flinched at your suggestion, shifting his gaze away from you. “Please, my love,” you insisted. Your fingers clasped around his, gripping them tightly. “It’s dangerous. And they bring you no good. Don’t you always say that you want to leave eventually? You can’t imagine a life being under Shinra’s command forever? I’m not asking you to leave for me, but please do it for yourself. Look at what they’ve done to Genesis and Angeal.”

Sephiroth sighed, shaking his head. “You’re right,” he muttered, finally coming to a conclusion. You can feel his hand squeezing yours. “The next mission would be my last. And after that…”

He trails off, gazing back into your eyes. His hand reached up to stroke your cheek, brushing away the strands of hair covering your face. He has a resolute look in his eyes, along with fiery confidence. “...perhaps we can stay together? I would hate to be alone, and I would hate to leave you as well. We shall find some place safe to live, preferably outside of Midgar.”

You nodded in agreement. 

A few days later, he left for his last mission with the promise of coming back home to you. He visited your mother’s house before he left, a kiss on the back of your hand before he joined his fellow Soldiers on the mission. He said the mission would last for a few days, and after that, he would submit a letter of resignation from Shinra. You were so happy back then, hugging him tightly and wishing for his safety. You even tucked a flower into the strap on his chest. 

“A farewell gift,” you said with a smile, your face beaming with love. “Although it’s not forever, just for now. We’ll be together again soon, Sephiroth. I’ll be waiting here.”

You were certain Sephiroth was the one. You were certain a life of happiness would await you and him at the end of the tunnel. Fate couldn’t have been more cruel when it pulled him away from you forcefully, leaving you with a gaping hole in your heart. A few days after the mission, the day he was meant to come back, shocking news reached your ears. 

Sephiroth shakes his head slowly, not having enough energy to do anything else. “I’m not tired yet,” he responded firmly. “I’m okay. Don’t worry.”

She sighs, as if his words of assurance aren’t good enough to soothe her troubling mind. Her fingers moved down from his hair to his face, touching the cold, ragged skin of his cheek, pulling him up so their gazes could meet. He’s always awestruck whenever he looks at her—so beautiful, so endearing. His heart rate increases just at the sight of her. “I can always tell when you lie.”

He raises his eyebrows, his own arms tightening around her in a gentle embrace. “How so?”

“Well, you always have this look on your face when you lie.” Her finger touches the space between his eyebrows, smoothing its crease. “See? You frown a bit. It’s noticeable.”

He shakes his head. “Only you notice such a little quirk of mine, my flower. No one else does.” He smiles at her, his warmest smile, one he reserves for her and only her. “Either way, I still want to stay awake. Why don’t you sleep first?”

She clicks her tongue in slight annoyance. Although he knows she’s not actually annoyed by him and the gesture is merely a sign of dislike towards his endearing stubbornness, his heart still jumps at the sound. “I can’t sleep until you do too; you know this.” She flicks his forehead with her fingers, and he hisses in response. ”You always shift under the cover when you’re awake once in a while. I’m a light sleeper, your movements wake me up.”

He chuckles. “Forgive me, my flower.” His hand reaches to hold hers, leaving a kiss on the back of it. He doesn’t let it go, instead placing her opened palm on his cheek, as if the thought of losing her touch terrifies him. His hunger for her is truly despicable and that becomes his biggest sin as a man. “I’ll try to stay quiet for you.”

If Sephiroth’s stubbornness is bad, then hers is much worse. He wonders if it was their similarities that attracted him to her. “You’ll complain to me for your lack of sleep tomorrow, oh I just know of it!” she mutters in a high-pitched voice, something he recognized as a sign of irritation. He sighs at her remarks, burying his head deeper into her chest. “You won’t be focused on your missions tomorrow if you do, then Hojo would blame me for being a distraction for you. He always does, he’s insufferable!”

Sephiroth frowns at the mention of that name. He hates how the name sounds in her voice. Although the way she says it clearly holds a hint of disdain, he still would prefer if she didn’t mention that name at all. “Does he now?” he asks. “What did he say to you then? I was not informed about this.”

Her eyes widen for a fragment of a moment, he knows this as a sign of surprise, his question must’ve rendered her speechless. "I-" She cuts her words immediately, looking away from him. Ah, so she wasn’t supposed to tell him this. Does Hojo put her up to this? “It’s just that… he thinks I’m a bad influence for you since you’ve been too distracted to love me rather than fighting for the war. You know how it is.”

A pang of pain stabs through his chest. How could one ever say something so cruel to her? She was never a distraction; she was far from that. As a matter of fact, her influence has been nothing but the best, filling his otherwise lonely void of life with blooming lilies. He loves her deeply for this, and to hear such words given to her, he just couldn’t accept it.

“That’s not true at all, my flower,” he insists, his gaze sharp on her, yet the edges are soft. “You were never a distraction or a bad influence for me. I appreciate you dearly. You trust me, don’t you? What Hojo said was nothing but blasphemy towards your name.” She paid no heed to his words, not because she lacked care but because she feared he would do something she did not desire. His relationship with his rumored-to-be father has never been good, they’re like water and oil, they can never combine. The space separating them is one full of mistrust and judgment, of painful expectations, and half-ass lies. Sephiroth can never make peace with him even if it was his heart’s desire, for the man is long gone in his deranged journey towards reaching the one thing humanity should not. Hojo is a madman and Sephiroth refused to succumb to such an unspeakable fate. She does not want him to either.

“I’m fine. It does not bother me in the slightest. I know how he is,” she tries to assure him, but even Sephiroth is no fool. He can sense the lies dripping off her rose-tainted lips, yet he keeps them to himself for now. “All I need now is for you to rest. You’ve had a long and tedious day. Without sleep, you’ll only cause more harm to yourself the next morning.” “I don’t need to sleep as much as you do. You should know this by now. My work performance won’t change even if I stay awake all night.” He had done this multiple times. On days when his insomnia would attack him the most, on days where closing his eyes was just a useless attempt to seek solace in his loneliness.

“It’s not healthy for you,” she retorts. Her lips formed a thin line—signs of worry. She’s worried for him. How can somebody be so kind as to worry about his well-being? Sephiroth is not a regular person; that is one thing he has established for himself since he was a child. He has always been different, with the voices in the back of his head screaming the same word over and over again. Sephiroth is not human. Love is only meant for humans; worry and care are only meant for humans; he’s no human; they’re not meant for him. There’s a sense of guilt clouding his mind and stabbing his heart every time she insists that he deserves something greater than what she could offer him. In truth, he thinks he deserves nothing at all. “SOLDIER or not, we all need our sleep. You’ll get more energy by sleeping, as long as the hours are enough for you and not too much. What if you get tired on tomorrow’s mission and an enemy sees it? They can use this as your weakness, you can get hurt easily, you can—" Sephiroth cuts her off with a hum, which causes her annoyance to increase even more. She’s not one to make petty threats to get her wishes, but in terms of him and his unreasonable sleeping schedule, she has no choice but to do so. “If you sleep now, I’ll cook your favorite food tomorrow.”

He shakes his head. “Seriously?” He nuzzles his nose into her chest. “How many times have you done this?”

She huffs. “Too much, I suppose. I need to come up with something new.” She thinks for a few seconds, conjuring up new ideas that might be able to persuade him to agree to her wishes. “How about… if you sleep now, I’ll make sure to wake up early tomorrow to see you off.”

Sephiroth smiles teasingly. “Are you sure you’re capable of doing that? You’re not an early bird, my flower.” Sephiroth’s words crumbled all of her other arguments to back her up. She frowns, knowing that he’s indeed telling the truth. No matter how many times she has tried to wake up earlier in the morning so she can help him before he goes off to do his duties, she has never succeeded so far. Sephiroth would always accidentally wake her up when he kissed her forehead, whispering a few words of goodbye before tucking her back to sleep in the comfort of their shared room, only to awaken a few hours later, her heart clenching in annoyance once she realized that she wasn’t able to see him before he went off for work.

She nods, this time she will succeed. “I’m sure. I can do it this time,” she insists. Sepiroth merely chuckles at this, shaking his head as if the thought of her doing something he deems to be impossible is amusing to him.

Was this Lesser Lord Kusanali’s doing? Is this the punishment you have to endure as the result of the long-lasting unfaithfulness toward the archons you’ve held for so long? Whatever this is, sulking under the roof of the Akademiya is not going to help you one bit. But then again, you would rather not get your clothes soaked.

Perhaps you can ask Kaveh for help.

The reminder of the lovely blond architect has put your mind at ease. Perhaps Kaveh has decided to bring an umbrella before he leaves this morning, or even if he didn’t, then you can at least have someone to sit around with while waiting for the rain to stop.

The walk to the House of Daena isn’t something to fret about. In a few minutes, you can already see the door leading to the inside of the enormous library. Sometimes you wonder how many kinds of books are available in there. You love reading as much as the rest of the students do, but even you know there are still hundreds of books whose covers you haven’t marked with your fingers. Still, reading is an essential need for a student, even if it manages to tire you one of these days.

But just to your luck, you couldn’t spot the familiar lock of blond hair upon entering the place. You’ve even asked some people around if they have seen Kaveh in the past hours, but most of them were too enamored by the contents of their books to notice anyone around. Plus, judging by the thick papers of each book they hold, it would be safe to assume they have been enamored for at least the whole day. You might’ve felt sorry for their workloads if it weren’t for the stacks of paper that have been untouched for days, just laying around on your own table at home.

"I thought you left an hour ago."

Great, just great. How can this day be any worse than this? Surely it cannot.

Kaveh has said a lot of things about Alhaitham. The most dominant words to describe the seemingly harmful man are arrogance and pride. You’re not someone who judges people so quickly just by what others think about them. But Alhaitham is a special case. Being in the same Darshan as the man isn’t helping your resentment towards him either.

"It started to rain a while ago. I had to take care of some stuff before I leave, and suddenly I noticed the water drops," you explained coldly, never once looking at him. You busy yourself once again with scanning the room, looking for someone to save you from the horrible disaster you’re about to encounter.

"You didn’t bring an umbrella?" he asks of you, and your brain starts forming the conclusion that Alhaitham is very dense at noticing your looks of hatred towards him. He’s always been like this, even since the first day you mocked him bluntly in front of his own face. "Are you looking for Kaveh?"

Dense, but not stupid. "I was, but I couldn’t find him. Do you know where he is?" You may as well ask him now that he’s more than willing to start a conversation with you. The feeling is not mutual, however.

"He went home early to finish some of his deadlines. You know how he is." Classic Kaveh and his stupid tendencies toward procrastination. "I can take you to him if you want. He’s my roommate after all."

"I didn’t bring my umbrella this morning," you answered him with a polite smile, as polite as you could muster. "It’s fine, I’ll wait here until the rain stops."

"That won’t do." You finally looked over at him for the first time since he first talked to you. You can see his brows furrowing with the determined gaze he throws at you. Oh no, this is never a good sign. "I can’t let you wait here for the rest of the day. Who knows when the rain will finally come to an end? I insist you let me take you home since I’ve brought an umbrella with me."

"No, it’s okay." You insist on having him back.

"No, please. Let me help you just this once." He’s a very persistent man, but you’re as stubborn as a rock.

"You don’t have to pretend to care like this," you said. "I know you would rather go home by yourself, and frankly, so do I. Please just let me stay here. I have some unfinished works that need to be done here anyways, and there are some books that I need to read."

Alhaitham drops his cool facade, and you swear you can see a stroke of disappointment painting his face. "Is it the essay from the lecture last week? I’ve already finished mine; perhaps I can help you with that."

He’s infuriating. "I’ve told you, it’s alright, Alhaitham. I would feel indebted to you if you offered me such a favor. I need not have that; I’m capable of doing it by myself."

Before you can walk away from him, however, he decided to win the pointless argument you two have going on. "I’ve been holding the books that you require for the essay. I even asked for an extended period for borrowing the books. I know you know as well that the Akasha Terminal might not offer you information as good as the old books here do. So, I’m afraid staying here any longer would give you no satisfying result at the end of the day unless you reconsider my offer."

You take a deep breath. "How much do I need to pay for you to give me the books, then?"

"Zero mora and a few minutes of your time." His answer makes your blood boil.

Truthfully, when you first met Alhaitham, you didn’t think that any hatred would come between the two of you. He’s a well-educated person, and so are you. With enough time and process, you both might even be able to be friends because your brains work perfectly for each other. And you both did get along at first. Alhaitham’s brain completed yours, as yours did to him. Until the first result for the monthly exam came in.

You were in second place, and honestly, at that time, you were fine with it. Life doesn’t have to be a competition; as long as you get a good score, you’re more than happy with your result. That was until Alhaitham told you about his score. You knew Alhaitham quite well at that time, so it didn’t surprise you that he had managed to score first on the rankings. You were about to give him a congratulatory note when he started to compare his results with yours. Ending the day with broken pride, you decided to stay away from Alhaitham from now on. It angered you more when he approached you the next day, not knowing that his words from the day before had managed to hurt you more than he realized. When you told him about this, however, he answered with an unbothered reply that sounded like he did mean to hurt your feelings after all.

It was such a shame that you even used to admire him so much during the short period of time you both bound yourselves into a friendly relationship. If it wasn’t for Kaveh, you might’ve avoided the man like a plague the moment you decided to end things with him.

"Why do you want to be with me so badly? This isn’t the first time you’ve done this, you know? I’ve told you many times I don’t want to be associated with you anymore." He flinched at your words.

Alhaitham nods after a beat. He doesn’t look like he likes the decision you’ve made, but he can’t do anything about it. "I’ll leave once you tell me why you’ve been avoiding me for months now. Did I do something wrong to you?"

With all your might, you hold yourself back from groaning in annoyance. Is he playing with you right now? How could he not know? "Because you’re arrogant and too prideful for my liking. Remember that one time you bragging about your score being higher than mine? Or that time you literally shoved your achievements in my face?"

"Huh?" He seems to be deep in thought, perhaps calculating his next words to minimize the damage he could’ve brought to this conversation. "You don’t like it when I do that?"

"I don’t what?" Now you’re just as confused as ever.

"I wasn’t familiar with the concept of relationships that much; the only strong relationship that I’ve had is the one with my grandmother," he begins. "I’ve had friends before, but none I can call a close friend. Kaveh is another example of a failed result of me trying to befriend someone, though it’s mostly his fault for having such an insufferable personality. But then there’s you. We clicked almost instantly, and perhaps you’re the only person I can tolerate. Your company is actually quite enjoyable for me, and I wish I could spend more time with you. What I’m trying to say is that the bragging I’ve been doing to you was an attempt to impress you."

"Impress me?"

"Yes, impress you. But it seems like it’s not as effective as I thought it would be." You think? " There was this one book that I read once, when you were still talking to me, that spoke about how to get closer to someone. At that time, I needed help since I loved what we had, and I would do anything to keep it that way. I was afraid that my upbringing might cause a strain in our newfound relationship, so I read the book until the very last page. One of the passages said that people like it when you’re proud of yourself and confident of your own talents. So I did so to you, but now that I think about it, I overdid it a bit."

This man is ridiculous. "I agree, you did overdo it. I tried to tolerate it once, but after it happened again, I figured being friends with you would only cause the both of us pain. I don’t want to compete with my own friend." He sighs at your words. "But, I do realize that I should’ve told you about what I felt. Instead of just running away from you, I should’ve said something to fix it. I won’t stand here to lie and say that I’ve never liked your company as well."

With carefully threaded words and a calculative mood on his side, he raised his arms to reach yours, and you accepted him. "I’m truly sorry. I never knew my words would bring you such pain. I should’ve been more careful about how I acted around the people I loved."

The people, who what?

Alhaitham is quick to notice your distressed expression. "Forgive me. You don’t have to say anything right away, and you can even reject my advances now if you want. I won’t force you to reciprocate the feelings I have for you, but I can’t keep it within me if we want to try to at least be friends again. I've really missed you, and if you want, we can try to salvage our broken relationship. I care not what you think of me after this; I ask nothing but your forgiveness."

He said it so simply that you wouldn’t feel your stomach doing a flip and your heart being stabbed by thousands of swords just by hearing his words. In truth, your feelings for Alhaitham have always been more than just friendship since the very beginning. The man is undeniably handsome, and his intelligence has only made him more attractive in your eyes. Perhaps that is why the hatred you feel for him runs deeper than the hatred you would’ve felt if he were merely a friend. To witness the scholar confess himself before you is indeed another thing. But even then, you tried to compose yourself, even with the raging tide inside of you.

"You’re saying that you have had feelings for me all along?" You laugh as he sighs in embarrassment. "You’re quite adorable, you know. I’m surprised you didn’t tell me about this way earlier; it seems like you’re not as stupid as I thought."

"I’m not stupid. Just inexperienced," he defends himself, but smiles along when his eyes catch your own. "You’ve hurt me too, you know. I may have the most faults, but you aren’t innocent either."

"Hm, you’re right. I’m sorry. And for the record, your feelings are definitely reciprocated," you said. "We’re both so stupid."

Alhaitham then tugs at your hands, trying to drag you away with him. "Now that that’s settled, I assume you won’t mind me walking you home then?" You notice the way he looks away from you in an attempt to hide his blush. But still, you agreed to his request happily.

"As long as you promised to show me the book you mentioned earlier later. I’m curious now that you’ve brought it up."