ASPD -> impulsive, angry, domineering, pedantic, self-absorbed -> i never post any art or about good things happening -> i end up posting like the most miserable person alive...
I am super happy with my body! I've been growing facial hair, I like my new smell, and I've had bottom growth!! I feel much confident and more willing to experiment with how I present myself!!
Since moving out, I'm no longer chronically stressed. I've been eating regularly, I'm way more hygienic, I no longer feel so ashamed to accomdate my disabilities, and my emotional dissociation is far less prominent than it was prior.
I've been doing more offline! Since we're not so fatigued and anxious, we've taken up sewing (to mend our clothes), reading (recreationally), cleaning, coding, and drawing of course.
The prognostic of our conditions is very favourable!! Provided we don't give up (based on ableism and finances) we have a general idea of what our conditions actually are and how to effectively manage them. We've been way more thorough when it comes to journaling (for the dissociative condition), figured out we have a sex variation which unveiled a lot of neglected health risks and also lead to realising PMOS was in the mix, and we realised the personality disorder is definitely more generalised than specifically Cluster B (OCPD was an important revelation)!
The writing I did on psychiatric disorders has been super helpful.. Linking bipolarous & dissociative psychosis helped me realise a lot of intrusions were actually due to the dissociative condition the entire time, not schizophrenia; my OCD has seen a *staggering* remission; my childhood has made much more sense since taking antisociality into consideration, and has really validated the severity my childhood traumas...
It's not all good, because liek just the other day I was threatened with hospitalisation and that was very retraumatising... It's been pretty difficult to get things done, and I still have no clue how if I'll be able to make enough money to afford renting.. People tend to not understand why I'm homeless at all, and people are generally not eager to house you... I get pretty constant intrusions and we've been remembering some things that were repressed (like drinking alcohol as a child, more medical abuse... not fun!)
But I would say that I much prefer this over how things were previously. You really don't need a lot to be happy, and I generally enjoy the fact I get to do what I want without people presuming I'm just lazy and not trying my best to address my dysfunctional behaviours.
I really hope I get to live long enough to pay back all the kindness I've received because it's made this a lot easier than having to go to homeless shelters, going unfed, being unsure if people even still like me or my art... I do appreciate everyone who hasn't just given up on me and I like being alive and trans tbh.