love like lightning

I wish it lived up to your vision, Anon! Vegas is a little weird, gender-wise, in that people go there to gawk but also to feel risqué so I feel like there's generally more staring but less escalation when I'm running around the Strip. Our first time there, I'll never forget, we were high off our asses on edibles and trying to escape Caesar Palace when some guy called out to us urgently, "Hey! Boys!" The night I met Mariah, an usher greeted us with an effusive, "Right this way, divas!" I think because it's so hospitality-focused, a lot of people have been trained to gender extravagantly, so I just try to lean on into the mystery at this point! I've gotten more heat in recent trips when using the men's room, but others in our party didn't seem to have that issue so it must be something special about me.

Vegas feels painfully straight to me - even the gays are often rocking cargo shorts & visors - but the gays working retail and hospitality always swarm to us, and going with our own gaggle of gay-ass transsexuals has been fun with numbers in our side and surprisingly little bullshit.

Hey, favorite Anon ever! This is tricky because I know nothing about you & your interests/budget/vices of choice, otherwise I'd crank out a whole custom itinerary - so feel free to reach out if you wanna talk more specifically.

That said, the best thing about Vegas is that you can have an unforgettable time without a lot of planning. The city is designed to cater to your every appetite, so you can find fantastic food, booze, and flashy sights at any hour. Despite going like ten times, I've never made it truly off the Strip, so all my recs are gonna be based there. The first time we went to Vegas, we just stumbled around the Strip wide-eyed and didn't know which hotel we were in half the time, which was a blast - so if you spend most of your trip just strolling and doing whatever catches your eye, you'll be doing it right!

That said, here are some of my very favorite Vegas spots, from free stuff to shit worth splurging on:

Stroll by the Bellagio Fountains at night & say hey to my dear departed Gwen Stefani, whose ashes are now part of the sublime spectacle.

While you're there, dip into Bellagio and check out the seasonal display in the Conservatory on your way to Guerlain. It's the US flagship store and you can smell things there that you'd have to go abroad to try otherwise! If you are very lucky you may encounter Eric Dykes, Beauty Ambassador who can assess your vibe and choose the perfect rare fragrance to suit you. Even if not, you can walk out smelling like a million bucks without spending a cent.

There are tons of free attractions all over the Strip, if you luck out on timing or Google ahead. Some of my favs include the volcano outside Hard Rock née Mirage (which we once watched erupting while vaping with our Volcano, 10/10 recommend!), the surreal Lake of Dreams puppetry experience at the Wynn, and the bizarre animatronic Fall of Atlantis at Caesars Palace, although the rainstorm in the middle of the Miracle Mile mall is kind of amazing too.

Don't miss the Venetian! Easily one of the most captivating hotels I've ever been inside, with the painted sunset ceilings and gondoliers serenading patrons as they sail past the Skechers store. Several of my favorite restaurants are here (cannoli at Carlo's bakery and pizza at Grimaldi's are hard to beat!), and the window-shopping is primo. I can't wait to stay there when we see Kylie in January!!

Other hotels I highly recommend strolling through: the Luxor (the world's only death-themed casino, with inclinators that go diagonally and are hella fun to ride on molly!), Caesars Palace (the epitome of elevated kitcsh), the Cromwell smells divine, the Wynn is fucking gorgeous & has the world's best buffet.

Maybe you're feeling frilly & extravagant? Go to the Chandelier Bar at the Cosmopolitan, take the stairs up to Level 1.5, and order the verbena (don't even bother checking the menu, it's not on there). There's a Szechuan button flower you chew that'll take your taste buds on a ride. Absolutely overpriced but if having a disorienting experience in the middle of an enormous, opulent chandelier sounds like a vibe to you, enjoy!

I'm honestly a sucker for all the little hidden spots in Cosmo, from the Ghost Donkey bar to the secret Ski Lodge (where you can toast tableside s'mores using a camp pot!), and even their less-hidden restaurants include some true gems. I am literally obsessed with the Henry (late night/breakfast spot with dank-ass hashbrowns and the most delicious doughnuts I've ever put in my mouth), and if you wanna celebrate a special occasion, the "Italian-American psychedelic" Superfrico has some of the best food & hottest tunes in Vegas! (And if you book a reservation, you can also get discount tix to OPM, their Cirque-style show that was pretty sick!)

If a spa day is your kinda thing, Qua at Caesars is the most over-the-top and dreamy option I'm aware of. You can buy a day pass if you just want to spend the day soaking & steaming, and they have these heated stone loungers that I swear made me feel more relaxed than I ever have in my life, even stone-cold sober.

If I had my way, I swear Yardbird @ the Venetian would be my last meal. If you wanna splurge for something delicious, filling, and utterly spirit-soothing, this is my can't-miss. Chicken & watermelon & waffles and one side per person, absolutely can't go wrong. Order the strawberry-peach cobbler when your food arrives for a hot & crispy interactive dessert!

I could go on all day, so please feel free to ask for more specific recommendations as it's nice to focus on something besides all the shitty things happening around me right now!

I never knew Mariah’s resung remixes were the result of David Morales trying to shrug off a life changing gig.