Burgaholic

Currently listening to “Shade” by Trash Boat.

If you would have told me a year ago that I would eventually visit four major cities in Ohio, I would have slapped you in the jaw and called you a liar. But, here we are today and all the prophecies came true. To be completely honest, I’m not even mad about it. In my latest trip, I visited the town of Columbus and I was pleasantly surprised. Since this is the 14th most populous city in the United States, it only makes sense that there are a ton of things to do to keep you occupied. I filled my time by doing what I do best. Eating and drinking. Okay, I did a few other things too, so stop looking at me Swan! One of the first pit stops on this cool Saturday morning was the infamous North Market. If I didn’t have burgers on my brain, this is definitely where I would be stuffing my face. It’s a plethora of local businesses ranging from coffee shops to bakeries, butcheries, craft beer fridges, ice cream counters, and every nationality of food, single served and ready for consumption. A true foodie’s paradise. Naturally, I had to show my dominance at the hot sauce counter by eating the spiciest one they had offer. The crowd ooh’ed and ahh’ed as I easily chomped through a heavily doused tortilla chip. As I walked away, I turned around, put my sunglasses on, and told the crowd “be cool, baby”. That’s when I heard a slow-clap starting, and I knew I had made a great impact on these people’s lives. 

Now as a celebrity, a quick getaway Uber to the happening part of High Street was in order. I needed to wet my pallet with an alcoholic beverage to wrap my head around this new fame, and North High Brewing led me to the promise land. From there, a stroll to Magnolia Thunderpussy seemed like an obvious choice. This super cool record store sells old movie/band posters, shirts/hoodies, and a ton of new and used vinyls. If none of that tickles your tater tots, just go because their name is awesome. Out of the 4 or so breweries that just happened to be in the same direction I was headed in, Hoof Hearted Brewery & Kitchen stole the show. The beers were fantastic, the ambiance was clean and hip, and the merchandise designs were hilariously on point. After all this urban exploring, nothing sounded sexier than a Tiffani ‘Amberger Thiessen. That’s why I headed straight to highly rated, critically acclaimed Pat & Gracie’s. Check it out! 

Pat & Gracie’s is a medium sized restaurant that can crank out some serious grub. The modern combination of stained wood planks and exposed brick on the walls, along with the chalk board beer menu, and no frills vibe could keep me snacking and drinking here for hours. The taps behind the full service bar offer many local options, as well as a few bigger out of state options. P&G’s also has a killer patio for those late morning hangovers when you don’t want to take your sunnies off, but you do want to be sassy and drink 4 to 9 mimosas. There was also a steady flow of patrons leaving and entering, which means the word-bird has flown the coop and successfully delivered the message on how special this place is. I loved how big and open the kitchen was because you can actually see the cooks hustling to make sure all the food comes out hot and in a timely manor. Our waitress, as well as the rest of the staff, seemed very attentive which made our stay all the better. I had a good feeling this meal would be epic, and after a quick glance at the menu I knew that in just a few moments I would be the happiest guy around. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the Chimi Burger.

The Chimi Burger is piled with two smash-cooked all beef patties, Monterrey jack cheese, avocado mousse, caramelized onions, smoked bacon, fried egg, and house made chimichurri sauce. It’s no wonder R.L. Stine is from Columbus, because this burger was scary good. The two smash-cooked patties had the perfect balance of char and spice on the outside and a warm medium cooked inside. The melted Monterrey jack cheese combined with the chimichurri sauce was like my tongue was doing the backstroke in a sea of zesty, tangy gooeyness. For those with a question mark above your head, chimichurri sauce is traditionally made from finely chopped parsley, minced garlic, olive oil, oregano, red pepper flakes, and a dash of vinegar. This version seemed a little creamier which I did not mind at all. The resonating flavor of the smokey bacon made sure that each bite had that salty, savory finish. A fried egg always adds that extra push of golden, earthy tones, which I think rounds a burger out. The real star of this sangwich was the avocado mousse. It had the taste of an avocado, but the texture was smooth and velvety and clung to every corner of my mouth. Now, this was a 10-12 napkin burg, but unlike Bill Clinton, I inhaled this burger in record time. It also paired up perfectly with fresh cut golden crispy fries and a Brass Knuckle Pale Ale from Four String Brewing Co. All in all, this ranks at a solid 4 of 5 burgz and I would definitely chomp on this again.

If you ever find yourself Christopher Columbus’ing in Columbus, Ohio, and you’re Christopher Walken around town, do yourself a flavor your way over to Pat & Gracie’s Kitchen & Tavern for a meal at any time, day or Christopher Knight. I promise you here and now, it’s a million times better than Christopher McDonald’s.

Pat & Gracie’s Kitchen & Tavern

340 E. Gay Street

Columbus, OH 43215

Currently listening to “Bellyache” by Spanish Love Songs.

In a world full of burgers, there’s always a little extra room for barbecue. This is the exactly how I found myself in Kansas City, Missouri. I arrived late on a Saturday morning and my mission was simple. I wanted to leave 18 pounds heavier than when I arrived. I bought a pair of Royal blue sweatpants from the airport gift shop and stuffed the pockets with any napkins I could find on the way out. From the moment I peeled out in my newly rented Hyundai Elantra, I knew my first stop was going to be Joe’s Kansas City, formerly Oklahoma Joe’s. This BBQ shack, which is attached to a gas station, became a state icon in 1996 and has trailblazed the scene ever since. It might not be the oldest rib and brisket joint in KC, but Anthony Bourdain and President Barack Obama love it, and the accolades keep piling up. Now, normally it takes me a good day and a half to recuperate from a huge, smoky meat filled meal, but we can’t stop here. This is fat country. After doing some ultimate touristy sight-seeing, I headed into the downtown area to check out the local beer scene and get my TJ Miller on. Oh wait, I meant the drinking part, not the bomb threat / sexual assault part. I popped into a handful of walking-distance breweries, but my favorite was Casual Animal Brewing. The tasty suds, good tunes, and modern laid back atmosphere help you forget that you’re on your fourth beer and you should probably get some food in your stomach before you stand up wobbling and look like the losing end of a Mortal Kombat dual. FINISH HIM.

I knew that I wanted to sink my fangs deep into a tasty sangwich that would turn any vegetarians heart to stone. I wanted a marriage between a tender, juicy burger and some delicately smoked 'cue. And after all, that mawwiage is wat bwings us togedder tooday. I popped into a hip BBQ joint located towards the southern end of town, pretty close to the Missouri/Kansas border. The drive in led me through a small hilly neighborhood, which I was quite sure was the wrong way. Then, out of nowhere I see a ton of cars in the parking lot of a small shopping center. A whole mess of people were pouring in and out of the front door of a place called Q39, so I knew I had to be in the right place. I thought a reservation for lunch seemed a bit weird, but I’m glad I made one because this place was poppin’! Check it out!

The history behind Q39 is much like any success story that you wish you were a part of. The now-owner, then-head chef, cooked his way through various restaurants, moved to KC, mastered the art of preparing and smoking meats, won a ton of competition awards, and decided to turn his hobby into a full time job and treat all Kansas Citians to a very high caliber of a food. The only thing better than the story is the food itself. The inside has a clean, classy look, with a touch of vintage decor. Both young and old sat elbow to elbow at the bar, all trying to gather the same Sunday Funday vibe. There is a nice little patio for the days the weather wants to Bradly Cooperate, but can be screened in during Alec Baldwinclimate weather too. This monster facility offers multiple rooms for tons of lip smacking patrons like myself, which validates the 900 busy employees I counted. In particular, our waiter was very kind and patient and knew his way around the menu. It didn’t take long for us to see and smell the popular menu items being pumped out from the kitchen, but I was sold and set on getting a burg and a cold brew. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the Burnt End Burger.

The BEB is comprised of an oak-wood-grilled ground brisket/Angus beef blended patty, sliced burnt ends, spicy pickle slaw, and classic barbecue sauce on a brioche bun. With only four ingredients in the burger, it’s pretty clear which one stood out the most. Of course I’m talking about the burnt ends. If you aren’t familiar with the term, burnt ends come from the point of the brisket. When the main part of the brisket is finally ready to come out of the smoker, the fatty end usually gets cut off, sliced, re-spiced, and put back into the smoker to render out the fat and collagen. What’s left is a melt in your mouth chunk of brisket that will quickly convert your taste buds into taste BFFs. The spicy pickle slaw was light, refreshing, and had the perfect amount of vinegar and zing to complement the warm barbecue sauce that was drizzled over the top. The one and only thing that could have upped the experience tenfold, was if I asked for well done burger patty and received a medium cooked patty. Instead, the complete opposite happened. It was spiced nicely, but left every bite with a very dry, chewy mouthfeel. The tender burnt ends and the double extra helping of sauce I doused on top helped the cause, but I still might file this into my “Bummer” folder. Either way, the service was great, the actual BBQ was solid, the french fries were golden crispy, and the cold Brew 39 Amber collab beer from Martin City Brewing was on point. All in all, this slightly just tips the scale to 4 of 4 burgz, and I would gladly come back and try everything else on the menu.

Kansas City will always be one of those places that I think I could go back to visit and never get bored. The food, brews, and active night life left a warm spot in heart, unless I’m actually just having a stroke from all that food I ate? Is that like, a thing though? Either way, I’ll put it simply. Get to Q39 and get your grub on.

Q39

1000 W 39th Street

Kansas City, MO 64111

Currently listening to “Couch” by Triathalon.

Detroit, Michigan. That’s where I ended up. To be completely frank, I wasn’t mad about it. This was my first time visiting this town, and believe it or not, my first time visiting this state as well. It’s been said that Detroit’s decline started in the mid 1900’s after the collapse of the auto industry, multiple riots, and when a city issued 30-day eviction notice for an “urban renewal project” was distributed to hundreds of families. More recently, crime, poverty, the city filing for bankruptcy, and literally anything that has to do with Kid Rock have all been noted as factors of the current economic failure. Call me crazy, but I do think there is a turn of tide coming soon. The Detroit I saw was prowling like a Tiger. Maybe even a Lion. It was hungry for life and wanted to be a part of what the rest of the nation is experiencing. Especially after seeing other thriving neighborhoods throughout the day, my hypothesis was solidified. Hey, even Eight Mile has an Applebee’s on it, but I don’t think Mom’s Spaghetti is on the menu. Oh, and I almost got hit by an evil old lady driving a Town Car while crossing the street by downtown. Maybe they should consider adding cataracts as a contributor to the decline of Detroit population as well.

While visiting, I was able to pop into the Motown Museum where Berry Gordy built his legacy. The tour led us through two of the houses he owned, which were converted into a 24-hour studio because “creativity never sleeps”, which I think is just code for “Stevie Wonder never really knows what time of day it is, so we need to keep the doors unlocked just in case”. It was also super rad because you can actually stand in the studio that recorded the likes of Diana Ross, Smokey Robinson, Marvin Gaye, The Temptations, Jackson 5, Gladys Knight & The Pips, and many more. After the tour, you could easily find me by The Tracks of My Beers because I was posted up at the ever so delicious Motor City Brewing. One sip of their Wolfmoon Pineapple Jalapeno Double IPA had me Dancing In The Streets yelling at every USPS worker in sight. “Please Mr. Postman, deliver this beer to me in Texas!” I would just need to somehow explain to My Girl how much money I spent to get it there. I hope she won’t be Uptight because Everything’s Alright. Anyways, we got the history out of the way, and the first installment of beer guzzling has been checked off the list. The only thing left was to stuff a tasty burg in my face hole, and that’s exactly what I did. It’s from a fun little place called Royale With Cheese. Check it out!

Royale With Cheese, as you might have guessed from the mural in the last photo, is a play off an iconic scene from the classic movie Pulp Fiction. The best news is that the sangwiches here are even better than a Big Kahuna Burger. Royale With Cheese is located in the hip Midtown area. It’s surrounded by shops, breweries, apartments, pubs, restaurants, and a record store. People were outside walking their dogs, chatting, and generally having a good time. So far, so good. As I walked though the front door, I cased the joint. The decor around the restaurant was chic and simple, which means they let the burgers do all the talking. Exposed brick and duct work with a dash of modern light fixtures and tables set the scene while I waited in line. I noticed a lot of the seats were filling up rather quickly from both young and old hungry patrons alike, and I was getting quite anxious. The smell of freshly fried potatoes filled my nose while the sizzling of the griddle filled my ears as I neared the finish line. I was next up to order. This is your big moment, man. Don’t mess this up. I walked up, stared the cashier dead in the eyes and said “Are you down with the clown!? WHOOP WHOOP!” as I set my Faygo on the counter to purchase. She didn’t know what that meant, and honestly, I don’t either. I smiled and ordered what I was really there for and the deed was done. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the Beirut Burger.

The Beirut is a monster burger loaded with an all beef patty, creamy coleslaw, seasoned french fries, Nablus pickles, seasonal tomatoes, cheese fondue, and ketchup. If I had known better, I should have bought 1,000 shares in Bounty’s paper napkin stock because I looked like Dan Aykroyd, post Marshmallow Man explosion, after I was done with this burg. Where do I even begin? The locally sourced chuck beef patty was cooked to a medium well, but not too much stood out flavor wise. The real eye (and mouth) openers were the toppings. The coleslaw added that cool cabbage crunch and provided an earthy garden aspect that every burger needs. It also contained enough oil and vinegar to help soak into the patty, which enhanced the overall flavor while keeping it moist. The creamy cheese fondue brought a unique consistency to game and made sure each bite would become a gooey delight. I loved the seasoned french fries on the burger. It added a crunchy, starchy, comforting element that was a bit unexpected. This next part might sound weird, but hear me out. I’m usually not a ketchup-on-my-burger type of guy, but once the ketchup mixed with the other ingredients I was transported back to my teenage years. It didn’t hit me until I was about half way through, but this burger oddly enough reminded me of a gourmet Big Mac. The pickles and tomato were there. The slaw became the lettuce, and when the ketchup mixed with the cheese fondue it became a thousand island like substance. Once my mind was made up, there was no convincing me otherwise. I paired the Beirut up with some delectable garlic parmesan fries as well. Oh, and that Faygo? More like Fayno. The Juggalos can have that one. All in all, I’m giving out 4 of 5 burgz for this messy, yet delicious experience.

Would I ever see myself coming back to Detroit? Absolutely. It will definitely be during the warmer months of the year, but I was really feeling the vibe and underdog culture. If you ever happen to be in town, promise me you’ll do two things. 1) Visit Royale With Cheese, either for their signature brisket sandwich, or any other killer burg on the list. 2) Walk down the street and grab a coldie at the Old Miami. It’s just divetastic. Cheers!

Royale With Cheese

4163 Cass Avenue

Detroit, MI 48201

Currently listening to “Jumpstarting” by Deer Tick.

A new chapter has been added to my travels abroad and it's got me more excited than 13 year old Burgaholic seeing Porky's for the first time. I just got back from Berlin, Germany and it was everything I wanted it to be, and more. The sights were beautiful, the food was amazing, and the people are extremely warm and welcoming. The city, even though it is capital of Germany and the 5th most populated city in Europe, still has this low-key, industrial, working class vibe. That being said, the nightlife scene is one of craziest ones I have been around. A work hard, party harder ethic displayed at it’s finest. The first night we arrived was a blur, but quite the treat. After a quick power nap, a burger, and a couple of cold German lagers, we bundled up and walked down the street to a really great venue, Bi Nuu, which is located inside the same structure as one of the train station, to see the one and only Deer Tick perform. Among sight seeing and other exploratory missions throughout the week, another main highlight was taking the Bite Berlin food tour. Our host, Sam, was super kind, personable, and knowledgeable with important historical facts and of course, she knew all the best burger joints in town. If you are ever in Berlin, take this tour, but be sure to bring your goggles, helmet, and ear plugs because your taste buds are about to explode. Also, go to The Ramones Museum because it’s super rad.

Before we jump into the only reason you’re here, let me rewind a bit and set the scene for you. The sun was setting over what is left of the Berlin Wall. The weather was a nippy 40 degrees. The water on the Spree was as smooth as glass and perfectly reflected the lights and sounds of the restaurants and bars nearby. People passing by in heavy coats and scarves would come to an immediate stop, in shock, and whisper to each other “Was that extremely young, fit, good looking man that we just walked by THE Burgaholic?!” Why yes. Yes it was. ::Elvis lip:: Thank you very much. The short walk over the Oberbaumbrücke Bridge lead me straight to one of things I had been desiring this whole trip. A restaurant so unique and tiny that you would walk right by it if you weren’t look for it. This is Burgermeister. Check it out!

Burgermeister is one of a kind. They might be known for the best burgers in town by some, but to others they are just known for their crappy building. This is just a joke guys, relax. The whole building used to be a public restroom, which was converted into a small burger kiosk that took off with locals and foreigners alike. That’s right, before there was ketchup and mustard there was fresh butt custard. Before the sautéed mushrooms it was simply the “long wait gush room”. Before bacon and pickles? Makin’ it trickle. But the good news is that either way you look at it, buns were always involved and are still put to good use. It was winter when I visited, so they put a plastic see through tent-like concoction up to block out the rain and cold. At the time, the inside was very crowded, so I somewhat understand those popsicle people sitting outside on the picnic tables just to have a little breathing room. During the summer, it’s all open air which attracts many more hungry Burgerheads. The process is pretty simple. Cross over the street and onto the median where Burgermeister resides. After you have waited in line, and there WILL be a line, walk up to what now looks like an old train caboose and order through the first window with the extremely nice and patient cashier. The menu board is conveniently in front of your face so you don’t look like Winona Ryder after winning a SAG Awards while ordering your meal. Once this task is complete, you hang out and judge people with envious disgust as their number gets called before yours, kind of like when you’re at the DMV. Once your number is blinking on the large scoreboard-like-sign, run up, slide into home, thank the extremely hard working cooks, and scavenger around to try and anywhere to inhale these insane sangwiches. These are the exact procedures I took and I was very successful. Want proof? Ladies and gentlemen, check out the Meister Allen Klassen.

This big MAK was stuffed with two flat top fried beef patties, two slices of cheese, bacon, barbecue sauce, pickled jalapeño, and lettuce in between two delectably soft buns. First off, WOW. Through all my burgers abroad, this one reminded me of a perfectly prepared American burger. Since the meat was pressed into thin patties and fried until crispy charred on the outside and warm and soft on the inside, it was extremely delicate and almost melted in my mouth. The bacon still had a floppiness to it, but it was walking the fine line of becoming crispy and crunchy, which is just the way I like it. This allowed it to tear off easily with each bite and fill your mouth with that salty, porky goodness. The barbecue sauce was a nice touch. Not too smokey, not too sweet, but had the just the right rich balance of the two. You know that I can never get enough jalapeños, so I was a little bummed when I saw they were pickled, but overall it gave off a little spice and complimented every chomp after being combined with all the other ingredients. The real star of this burger was the cheese. Sweet baby Cheesus, I do not know what kind of cheese this was but once it melted, it tasted like my tongue was riding a bacon surfboard, ripping through a 16 foot barrel of liquid cheddar. You know that scene in A Goofy Movie where Bobby Zimmeruski makes the Leaning Tower of Cheeza and slams a handful of cheez whiz in and all over his mouth? Well, add bacon, beef, and barbecue sauce to that, and that was me. TALK TO ME TALK TO ME TALK TO ME BAYBAAYYY! It’s also as if I had a sixth sense, and instead of dead people, I could see the future and I knew this cheese would bring me so much joy. This is why I ordered the cheese fries as well. With a cold German beer to wash it all down with, my worries of the world had temporarily disappeared. Without a doubt, the Meister Allen Klassen is knighted with 5 of 5 burgz.

I love Berlin and I can’t wait until I get the opportunity to come back. Actually you know what? I just might move there. So, whenever you come to visit me in my new habitat, you have to make Burgermeister one of your stops. The line might look discouraging at first, but it moves at a pretty decent rate and you will never forget the time you ate a toilet burger. 

Burgermeister

U1 Schlesisches Tor, Oberbaumstraße 8

10997, Berlin, Germany

Currently listening to “Muted Beatings” by Albert Hammond Jr.

This might sound strange, but deep down inside my body I knew that I hadn't suffered enough from the bitter cold winter. I wanted my nose to inconveniently stream snot all over my clothes. I wanted my teeth to chatter faster than one of those wind up smiling mouths with creepy pink feet. I wanted my ears to feel like they would snap off if one of my icicle fingers even slightly grazed them. This is why I headed straight Cincinnati, Ohio. For the small amount of time I was here, I actually enjoyed this  city. The streets were clean and the people, although almost frozen solid, seemed rather warm and welcoming.

Now, let's go ahead and expose the elephant in the room, which is Cincinnati chili. Growing up in Texas, I learned two things. 1) Don't squat with your spurs on, and 2) Anything other than Texas chili isn't chili. It only took me until this pivotal trip in my young life to understand that this simply isn't true. The chili thing! God, I wish the spur thing wasn't true! (Cue the “Yaaah-hoo-hoo-hooey!” Goofy scream.) Here in Cincy, the chili has a sweet and savory flavor. This of course is all thanks to the cinnamon, nutmeg, allspice, cloves, bay leaf, and unsweetened dark chocolate blended in with your more traditional ingredients like cumin and chili powder. We're not done yet though. Instead of just putting it in a boring old bowl, this chili is ladled on top of spaghetti noodles and topped with a metric ton of grated cheddar cheese, diced onions, and kidney beans. And it's actually REALLY good! Now in all reality, I was really hoping a Cincinnati chili burger was in the cards for my blog, but I had to royally flush that idea. That doesn't even matter anymore though because I found my ace in a hole that served up the queen to my heart. It's a fun little place called Bru Burger Bar. Check it out!

Bru Burger is centrally located downtown and in the heart of the business district. I imagine lunchtime on the week days at this place gets hairier than a half eaten hot dog between couch cushions. The atmosphere of this burger brothel is pretty swanky. The light fixtures are modern and the lighting is dim. This cool ambiance tricks your brain into thinking that you should be sipping an extra dirty vodka martini and listening to smooth jazz. Also while wearing a turtle neck with a blazer. That's important. The layout offers plenty of seats at the bar, which is host to 16 rotating drafts and even more options in bottles. There are also tables of all heights spread throughout the rectangle shaped dining room. On this particular Saturday night, many Cinctonians came to feast on something that was about to blow my mind. After consulting with the super nice waiter and nervously staring at the incredible burger options, I narrowed it down to one. One burger to rule them all. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the Stilton Bleu Cheese Burger.

The SBCB is loaded with a tender half pound all beef patty, pear-bacon jam, fried onions, truffle aioli, and spinach between two buttered and toasted buns. The first thing I want to say is WOW. I'm normally not even a thick patty kind of guy, but I am when it is cooked like this. The healthy helping of pear-bacon jam was my jam. It provided a subtle combination of sweet, salty, and savory. This also, in case you hadn't noticed, took over the role of cheese. How do you eat a burger without cheese? I don't know. But in this scenario, it worked and worked well. And why not incorporate bacon into every single bite of everything? The fried onions added a crunch to every bite and the batter had a delicious peppery zing. The spinach brought in some earthy tones to the burger, which of course is a great compliment to the truffle aioli. The buns were buttered and toasted perfectly and the tasted like they were freshly baked. The fries were hand cut and fried to perfection as well. It’s been a good while since I had been infatuated with every bite of a burger, but now that ship has sailed. Inevitably, I’m the fat, drunk captain carelessly sleeping on the poop deck. It goes without saying, but you know I gotsta. This Bru burg gets 5 of 5 burgz.

Cincinnati seems like a pretty special town with a lot to offer. I can't wait to come back and explore the city when it's not -600 degrees outside. Also, can I just say that Hudy Delight is awesome? Okay, thanks. If you happen to not be from Cincy and find your way downtown, stop at Bru Burger and throw a grenade on your taste buds. If you happen to be from Cincy and you know where I can find a Cincinnati chili burger, please let me know where how and where I can shove that in my face hole. Until next time Burgerheads!

Bru Burger Bar

41 E. 6th Street

Cincinnati, OH 45202

Currently listening to “20 Years From Now” by New Found Glory.

After spending a small chunk of my life in Chicago, this Texas boy slowly became very fond of the Midwest. Actually, while in Wrigleyville they say, my heart grew three sizes that day. Since then, I’ve embraced their cold winters, insane accents, and the fact that inhaling fried cheese curds and pop is simply just a way of life. This newfound glory of adoration lead me straight to Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Coming in, the only thing I knew about this city is that the French missionaries and explorers were coming to Milwaukee as early as the late 1600’s to trade with Native Americans, and it’s actually pronounced “Mill-e-wah-que”, which is Algonquin for “the good land”. Schwing! All jokes aside, Milwaukee is a super fun, sports loving town with a ton to offer. The downtown area is host to many unique restaurants and bars, including one of my favorite place to pop in to eat local cheese and drink local beer, Uber Tap Room & Cheese Bar. Keep in mind, this is all just a stones throw away from the headquarters and brewery of the holy beer mecca, Pabst Blue Ribbon, which definitely deserves a visit of it’s own. After all this day drinking I definitely needed to put something in my stomach, and the only thing that would fit the bill was a burger of epic proportions. After a quick scan of the land, I settled on a popular burger joint called AJ Bombers. Check it out!

Right when you walk into AJ’s you feel the warm, fun, welcoming environment. The walls are covered in aviation décor, which is a nice compliment to the industrial look of the exposed bricks, wooden booths, and painted steel tubing. On this particular Sunday, the game was blaring, the hungry patrons were chattering, and the explosive, crashing sound of bombs filled the room. Okay, I know you’re ripping your hair out and furiously yelling at your screen right now. “WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE THESE BOMBS YOU’RE SPEAKING OF? DID DONALD TRUMPSTER FIRE ALREADY START WWIII WITH ROCKET MAN??”. No. Not yet at least. These signature bombs are what makes this place unique. The bartender fills up these torpedo-like contraptions with peanuts and sends them soaring over to to random tables on a track system, all throughout this multilayered burgatory. Once it reaches the table and hits it’s target, the trap doors on the bottom open up and drop the cargo, sending them through a chute and into a bowl for your peanut eating pleasure. After I had soaked all of this in, I plopped down at the bar and knew I needed something delicious and local to quench my thirst. I settled on Green Bay’s very own Hinterland Maple Bock, which had a rich roasted malt flavor and a subtle hint of maple. It was perfect for the cool weather outside. After a few of those I decided to switch gears, put on my racing gloves, and enter myself into the Day Drinking 500. For longevity, I needed something lighter and cheaper with a bit of pizzazz. Enter Stage Right: The Schlitz Tall Boy. As far as food goes, I had done a bit of research before coming to AJB and I knew exactly what I was in store for. Ladies and gentlemen, I proudly present the Bomber Burger.

They say the Bomber Burger is 100 foot tall and could win a fist fight with King Kong. Just kidding. No one has said that, but I’d be willing to start the rumor. The BB was loaded with a 1/4” pound custom blend of freshly ground beef, American cheese, bacon, lettuce, fresh jalapeno, mayo, and a fried egg, all topped with a jaw dropping (literally) deep fried mushroom / cheese bomber patty, in between two super soft buns. This is by the far the biggest burger that I have ever encountered. After I squashed the burg and unhinged my mouth from my face, I was able to bite into the beast. The first bit of shrapnel I tasted from this explosion of flavor was the bomb itself. This cheese stuffed shroom tasted like every bit of comfort food wrapped into one. Perfectly fried and crunchy on the outside, and a gooey, savory mess on the inside that consisted of portobello, Wisconsin cheddar, and Muenster cheese. The ¼ pound patty was tender and flawlessy seasoned. In Wisconsin, more cheese is always welcomed. The American cheese on top combined with the thinner style patty sends you straight into classic burger nostalgia, combining the best of past and present fun between buns. The bacon added a smokey layer that helped to intensify every bite. The fresh jalapenos are always a must in my book. The snap and the spice have become an old friend of mine that has an almost permanent residency in my mouth house. I might have got a little too carried away when I added the fried egg. It’s always a great addition to any meal, but this burger might as well be playing for FC Barcelona because it was Messi. I think the onion straws as a side weren’t really my favorite, but this insane sangwich and fried cheese curd appetizer are something I am constantly dreaming about. The Bomber Burger is getting air raided with 5 of 5 burgz.

I’m just scaling the tip of the iceberg when it comes to knowing my way around Milwaukee, but I always have a fantastic time while I’m here. I know I’ll be back to try and drink all the PBR in the city, and I know I’ll be back to AJ Bombers to dine like a king. I suggest you do the same!

AJ Bombers

1247 N. Water Street

Milwaukee, WI 53202

Currently listening to “Live Well” by Palace.

With it now being 2018, I have only one New Year's resolution. Okay, I have a couple of them but the most important one is to bring you, the BurgeReader, more hypnotizing burger blogs on a regular basis. The other minor resolutions are to harvest enough egg nog until next winter and lose 15 pounds. Those two clearly cancel each other out but it's my life and I'll ruin it how I damn well please. This particular blog takes me back a few weeks to the lovely Durango, Colorado. Our visit was right before the snow dumped all over the city, but it was brisk enough to wear a jacket and breathe in that sweet, crisp mountain air. Immediately after jumping into the rental car we headed straight to Mesa Verde National Park to explore the ancient cliff dwellings and to find out exactly how these mud people basically wrote Starship's most famous lyric, “We built this city on rocks with holes”. Once we headed back to town, an absolutely necessary stop at Ska Brewing was in order. From the warm and welcoming vibe of the inside, to the scenic view from their top floor, to the early 2000's punk playlist being the soundtrack to every delicious sip of beer, Ska easily became one favorite breweries and I can't wait to come back and visit. Now that I had quenched my thirst, I needed to put some grub in my gut. Keeping the trend alive, we headed over to Steamworks Brewing for a bite to eat and perhaps a sudsy treat or two. Check it out!

Steamworks is quite a large facility, so whether you are here to sit at the lengthy bar and catch the game while tasting some of the newly released brews, or simply just showing up for a horribly planned “surprise” birthday party that someone forgot to make private on Facebook, there is easily enough seating to accommodate. There is also plenty of seating on their patio that overlooks the captivating curves of Mother Nature, which would be a perfect spot to watch the sunset on a cool summer evening. In my opinion, it does feel a bit more like a restaurant than a brewery inside, but that definitely does not stop them from cranking out some righteous suds. The staff was friendly and attentive which made ordering a piece of cake. Although the menu carries a ton of options ranging from soups, salads, and pizza all the way down to New York strip steaks and crab boils, my eyes stopped at the burger section of the menu. Imagine that. I asked our waiter what the most popular burger on the menu was, then I ordered it. I want in. I want that good good. Ladies and gentlemen, here is the Southwest Burger.

The Southwest Burger is a 1/2” lb. grass fed Black Angus Beef patty, chopped hatch green chiles, pepper jack cheese, jalapeño, chipotle aioli, lettuce, tomato, and garlic pickle chips on a brioche bun. Upon first bite, I had to send it back. Something inside the burg was cold. Like, newly-thawed cold. Not too sure which ingredient it was, but homie don't play that game. Instead of remaking a new burger, they decided to throw it in the microwave and serve it back to me with my previous bite taken out of it. Not off too the best start but life goes on. Other than that little faux pas, it was generally a pretty solid burger. The hatch green chiles combined with the jalapeño and chipotle aioli created a smokey, peppery, spicy uniqueness to the burger that is certain to get your nose to run. The pepper jack cheese also added a bit of a creamy kick that rounded the burger out. The crisp lettuce, juicy tomato, and garlic pickle chips helped bring in that classic backyard cheeseburger feel, which was nicely complimented by the super soft brioche bun. The meat was a little under seasoned for my taste, but the toppings guided this ship into a fair burger battle. For me, the star of the show was the side of fries. These bad boys were fried until golden and crispy and won first place in my Unofficial Ranch Dressing Slam Dunk Contest. Overall, I've had better burgers, but I've definitely had worse. The Southwest Burger scores 3 of 5 burgz.

I THINK I would definitely come back by Steamworks for another beer or four, and possibly even give the ole menu another look. In due time though. I now KNOW Durango is a super special city that deserves way more recognition than it gets. It's a ski haven, a tiny beer mecca, and a fun environment for the whole family. I know it will already be too long before I come back for a visit, but I will do my best to not... dodge Durango... anymore! GET IT? Nevermind.

Steamworks Brewing Co.

801 E 2nd Ave,

Durango, CO 81301

Currently listening to “Blood Wet Teeth” by All Pigs Must Die.

This blog will go down in history just like my uncles hip. Metal. This is the blog that I have wanted to do for quite some time now and I'm beyond excited. I finally made it back to my former home, and one of my favorite cities in the United States, Chicago. Home of intense crime rates, crooked cops, and the World Series Champs, the Chicago Cubs. All very odd things to point out, but sometimes the truth hurts. This particular visit was dedicated to a music festival, a Stranger Things pop up bar, craft beer and $3 Makers Mark shots at Delilah's, and insanely tasty burgers. Overall, this registered as a huge success on my What The Hell Am I Doing With My Life'o Meter and I couldn't be more pleased about it. Back when young Burgaholic would roam the streets of Chicago, he quickly learned that Vans and a cheap light leather jacket wouldn't cut it in the freezing winters, deep dish pizza was not just a meal but a lifestyle, and a great hamburger should never be taken for granted. I thought I had chomped my way though the city until a friend of mine introduced me to a restaurant that would forever change my life. Of course I was talking about the one and only Kuma's Corner. Before we dive deep into the circle pit, travel with me to the neighborhood of Avondale and check out the original Kuma's Corner.

Kuma's started in 2005 with one mission. Bring beef and heavy music into the mouths and ears of Chicagoans and visitors alike. Naturally, this turned into a wildfire of success and now they have 5 total locations spread across Illinois and Indiana. Also naturally, the second location's address is 666 W. Diversey Pkwy. Kuma's is just a cool place to be. The inside is dark but has a welcoming vibe. They have televisions playing old classic movies, usually of the horror genre. The patio is breezy and pup friendly and is a perfect place to crush some Old Style on a warm summer day. Kuma's is also proud to be a local grub hub and encourages local business by donating to a rotating charity of the month and only keeping local breweries on their tap list. And they have liquor on tap. Did you hear me? Liquor! On tap! Oh, and did I mention this place is metalhead's sanctuary? From the menu items named after legendary metal bands, to the heavy music playing throughout the restaurant, to the memorabilia and decorations hung on the walls, to the overall tone of the environment, you will overcome with darkness and crave the flesh of murdered bovine. Perhaps even Cattle Decapitation. Your eyes will slowly roll into the back of head, your blood will boil, and you will fill with enough rage to demolish one of these gigantic burgers and at least 3 beers, just like I did. Except it was more like 5 or 6 beers. They also have an insane Burger of the Month, usually named after a touring band that will soon be in town or just put a new album out. After a quick glance at the menu, my decision was easily made. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the Plague Bringer.

The Plague Bringer is piled high with a 10 oz. all beef patty, crushed garlic, house made hot sauce, pepper jack cheese, fresh jalapenos, tortilla strips, roasted garlic mayonnaise, lettuce, tomato, and red onion. This bad boy was packed with flavor. Right off the bat the sound of the crunch from the fresh jalapenos and tortilla strips resonated through the entire building. People were staring at me, covering their ears. Then, all the flavors began to blossom. The combination of garlic, garlic mayo, hot sauce, and melted pepper jack cheese created a whirlwind of creamy, stringy, spicy, gooey delisciousness. The homemade hot sauce isn't one to keep you in the restroom for hours, but the light heat of a buttery cayenne shined through and was perfect for each bite. The combination of the tortilla strips added a comforting flavor that played off the familiar notes of a gourmet crunchy taco. The red onion added a bit of earthy tanginess, and how can you ever go wrong with some lettuce and a thick, juicy tomato? The real star was the quality of beef. It was seasoned and prepared perfectly. It maintained that plump consistency that only a fresh patty has, which in return turned the quality of the whole sangwich up to 11. Once I was about a half way finished, my head started sweating and I had a minute case of snot nose. The heat was catching up to me, but I couldn't stop and I'm glad I didn't. The Plague Bringer easily receives 5 of 5 burgz.

If you are a fan of metal music, new or old, or just love to get your hands messy with a crazy delicious burger, Kuma's Corner is the place for you. One of the best burgers in one of the best cities is only a few pinch harmonics away. Are you listening?

Kuma's Corner

2900 W. Belmont Ave.

Chicago, IL 60618

Currently listening to “Shades” by Alexandra Savior.

Fast forward through time. Not too far though, only like 3 days after Rome. Now we’re in Athens, Greece. Home of the 2004 Summer Olympics, lamb gyros, and Showtime at the Apollo. Now, many years ago.... wait a minute. I am getting word here in my earpiece that I’ve made a terrible mistake. I have to apologize. Apollo the mythological god is from Greece, not the Showtime at the Apollo. It seems I’ve accidentally pulled a Steve Harvey. Regardless, Athens was a beautiful present waiting to be unwrapped. Sure, from the wrapping paper on the outside maybe wasn’t the most bedazzled, but the inside was first class, A+, number one. The sights, views, and people were some of the most humbling in all my journeys.

We started our trip off seeing things that every person needs to see. The changing of the guards at the Parliament House, the Panathenaic Stadium, and the famous Acropolis. If these words don’t register with you, just imagine a bunch of statuesque greek gods, including Brad Pitt as Achilles, laying around in their half constructed, weathered monuments, which were actually built sometime in the 5th century. Now, It’s a given that the views would be breathtaking, but the food in Greece was equally superb. We ended up visiting a restaurant called SMILE two different times, not only because it had some of the most authentic and amazing food that we consumed throughout the whole trip, but we quickly became friends with Connie, the super kind and welcoming owner. Be sure to stop in for a bite if you ever make it over to Athens. Once again, most people were on holiday when we decided to visit, but there were still a good amount of tourists from all over the world looking for that special Greek experience. What caught me off guard the most is the nightlife in Athens. I keep kicking myself because we ended up finding an amazing street full of amazing bars and restaurants on the last night of our visit. We’re talking about Crust, the punk pizza bar, open and exposed lounges blaring indie music, tiki bars, and dark, candlelit bars with a house DJ and cheap booze. Cancel the flight home, honey. I’m staying. 

I had done a bit of research on where to grab a burger and I found one that seems like it would be right up my alley. After a couple of cold Fix beers, it also couldn’t have come at a better time. The lights were getting brighter and the music was getting louder as we walked up to the open air concept burger joint called Hot Hot Burger Bar. I knew this was going to be awesome. Check it out!

Hot Hot is a tiny shop tucked inside the corner of a building on the corner of a street. It’s a walk up and order kind of service, with tables outside that surround the facade. The “inside” is decorated with what seems mostly like American pop culture and rock and roll. The walls were covered in vinyls, guitars, and vintage signs and slangs. Conveniently enough, the table we decided to eat at was Texas punk themed table, equipped with a mural of a cowgirl riding an armadillo who is shredding a nasty solo on the guitar. The menus were comic booked themed, and carried a lot more options than just burgers. Other than the ordering counter and the small room to grab your beer out of the fridge, there is not much to this place. The gentleman at the register was very patient and helpful and knew I was ready to get my burger on. Without further adieu, ladies and gentlemen, this is the Moonshine Burger.

The Moonshine Burger kept it pretty simple, which is what probably made it even more delicious. It was stacked high with a black angus beef patty, sautéed red onion, two slices of white cheddar cheese, tartar sauce, tomato, and rocket salad. There was just a solid vibe with this burger. All the flavors meshed together perfectly and just made it very easy to eat. The red onion provided a bit of that tanginess that left every bite on a high note. The tartar sauce and melted cheese teamed up created a chewy, gooey, roux-ey kind of sauce that pretty much blewey me away. The black angus patty was cooked perfectly on the flat top, and we all know the benefits of thick slice of tomato on a burger. I also liked all my options with the fries because with each meal you can choose out three dipping sauces. I decided to roll with Mexican - Hot, 4 Cheese, and the Bacon Cheddar. None of them, I repeat, NONE of them let me down. Pair that up with a cold Fix and you’ve got yourself a mighty fine meal. Overall, the Moonshine Burger gets 4 of 5 burgz in my book.

I know I have unfinished business in Greece, which means I can’t wait to come back to Athens. If you’re ever in this part of the world, stop by and grab a burger from the super cool burger joint, Hot Hot Burger Bar. Cheers!

Hot Hot Burger Bar

Κολοκοτρώνη 14, Πραξιτέλους 2

Athina 105 61, Greece

Currently listening to “Domesticated Animal” by Queens of the Stone Age.

It happened again. The traveling itch was back and not even aloe vera could help me this time. My mind was set on ancient architecture while my taste buds were set on something to make me cry out a loud “Mama Mia!”. That’s right. I jumped on a plane headed straight to Italy and there was no looking back. Literally. We were in the last row and there was nothing but a wall behind us. I didn’t let that distract me though because I was too busy day dreaming. In my head, the streets were made from bricks of focaccia, the canals were streaming with espresso, and the skyline was filled with leaning towers of pizza. I could not have been more wrong. To be fair, all of those things eventually did end up in my mouth though. 

The wheels finally touch down 13 hours later. After a quick two hour power nap, I was ready to take on the city of Rome. The streets were a little less busy than usual due to most of the city being on holiday, but that still did not stop the tourist from flocking to all the places your eyeballs need to see before you leave. First stop was the Trevi Fountain. It was built in 1762 and it is one of most well known fountains in the world. Aside from it’s stunning beauty and incredible history, it kind of just looks like a fountain. Don’t hate. Next up, the Pantheon. Now we’re talking! This former Roman temple, currently a church, was built between 27 BC and 17 AD. Holy what?! The architecture of this building is pretty insane given the time it was built. The inside has a dome ceiling with a round hole in the center that looks up towards the skies. Definitely one of the coolest stops to visit. Suddenly, the late afternoon hunger monster started growling, so what better way to end the day than a 4 hour Italian food tour? This included aperitifs, deep fried veggies, pizza, wine, pasta, wine, charcuterie boards, beer, gelato, and finally more wine. Now thatsa spicy meataballa! Day 1: Finito!

The next day was spent visiting the Vatican, where I high fived the Pope and we shotgunned a beer together. Then the main attraction (other than my burg, of course) was a night time tour of the one and only Colosseum. The size. The blood shed. The history. It was crazy to imagine that this was the very spot that Russell Crowe fought for his freedom. Needless to say, I WAS entertained. After all this walking around and drinking, I needed to get something in my stomach. Sure, I had all the the classic meals of this country, but I hadn’t stuffed a burger into my mouthhole yet. I was avidly searching the whole trip, only to find out that the place I would want to eat at the most was right next door to our Airbnb. This is Fonzie The Burger’s House, check it out!

Fonzie is more than a middle aged man portraying a 20 year old jukebox kicking high school drop out. It’s also a small burger joint that sits a mile or so southwest of Rome’s city center. As soon as you walk in through the tiny hallway, you get a sensory overload with burgers and fries being made in the kitchen directly to your left. This deems quite distracting while trying to look over the menu or up at any of the walls covered in different pictures and descriptors of everything you’ve always wanted to eat. Theres a fridge full of booze tucked in the corner so you can pick your own poison at any time. I picked up a brew, chose a burg, and rang out with the friendly older cashier. Afterwards, I was sent to a dining room next to the kitchen / ordering area that can hold about 30 people or so. It’s all exposed brick that has been painted and covered in Fonzie memorabilia. It was quiet, and clean, even though there were still a handful of patrons eating. My number was finally called and I could finally get my hands on this long awaited sangwich. 

Ladies and gentlemen, this is the Special Egg 150g. The Special Egg Burger came fully loaded with a 150g (a little more than a 1/4 lb.) all beef patty, a touch of barbecue sauce, cucumber, a fried egg, chili pepper, mayonnaise, lettuce, tomato, and onion all on a white sesame seed bun. Boom! Immediately the creaminess of the egg yolk sets the tone and combines with the mayonnaise and the tender medium cooked patty. The patty seemed to be lightly seasoned, but the true stars were the toppings. The barbecue sauce brings in a smokey, tangy flavor that gave the burger its total well rounded flavor. The tomato, onion, chili pepper, and lettuce were cold and crisp and provided that fresh garden liveliness with a hint of spice that every burger needs. What really took me back was the cucumber. It added a cool, interesting, bright aspect to the burger that brought it to a whole new level of freshness. With some crispy ‘chips’ on the side and a cold Peroni to wash it all down, could this meal have even hit more of a spot? Nah. I don’t think so. This burger from Fonzie’s deserves a solid 4 of 5 burgz. All day long.

Rome was an incredibly charming city with a ton to offer any sort of tourism. In my book, I haven’t even begin to explore what Italy has to offer. There is so much history here that it will make you want to cry into your tiramisu and Che Bello! If you’re around, be sure to do as the Romans do and stop into Fonzie the Burger’s House and grab a totally killer burger. (Thumbs up) Ayyyyyyyyy!

Fonzie the Burger’s House

Via di S. Maria del Pianto, 13

00186 Roma RM, Italy

Currently listening to “Something In The Air” by Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers.

Every once in a while, my hometown of Fort Worth, Texas gets a new restaurant that I get very excited about. When it all boils down to it, us Texans are pretty simple. We like good Mexican food, BBQ, burgers, and steaks. Oh, and beer. How could I forget beer? When I found out a new burger joint landed in the Fort Worth Stockyards, I got excited but nervous. The Stockyards are home to resident chef Tim Love, who owns the Fort Worth staple, and ever so delicious, Love Shack. In my mind, this was pretty much a “one horse town” when it comes to hamburgers. For those of you who have never visited the Stockyards, it’s mainly one street that consists of hotels, bars, boutiques, restaurants, and the rodeo. And one horse. Alright, that horse thing is a lie, but what I’m trying to say is that much like the drinks at the Thirsty Armadillo, the competition is stiff. If you’re ever in the need to get down, turn around, or go to town, the Stockyards are the perfect place to do some boot scootin’. This includes, but is not limited to, cheap beer and some of the best people watching in all of Dallas - Fort Worth. Over the first month or two of business, I had gradually watched the positive feedback of Hooker’s grow into a savage bull of it’s own. Their Yelp and Google reviews skyrocketed overnight. I started seeing pictures of friends dining there, as well as the local newspaper’s food scout raving about quality of these burgs. That’s when I knew I had to quit horsin’ around and give it a whirl. I popped over on a Saturday afternoon to avoid the crowds and really absorb each and every bite of this succulent sangwich. Check out Hooker’s!

Hooker’s is located on Exchange Street, about a block and a half from the main cross way for the Stockyards. It’s an open, airy, wooden constructed building covered in corrugated steel and Texas memorabilia. This is somewhat ironic, only because they are only serving up hot and fresh Oklahoma style burgers. Don’t worry partner, I will tell you all about that here in a bit. Once you have placed your order with the incredibly nice and informational cashier, you can choose to sit at one of the multiple wooden picnic tables on the ground floor, or you can make you way upstairs to the second floor to enjoy a cool breeze and a birds eye view of all the action in the streets below. Hooker’s is all outside sitting, only because here in Texas we are occasionally known for wearing t-shirts during our mid 70′s winters. If you’re feeling frisky, there are a couple of fun boards painted as busty cowgirl waitresses that you can stick you stick your face in and snap a photo with. The hand written menu board has all of your dining options, but if you’re not here for one of their incredible burger, they might challenge you to an old western shoot out, and you will probably loose. Hooker’s is supposed to be that happy place that you walk up to, stop by for a great burg, a cold beer, and carry on to the next saloon. It is exactly that. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the Regular Oklahoma Onion Burger.

Hooker’s Grill pays homage to the classic Oklahoma Onion Burger. The OOB was created sometime in the 1920′s out in Western Oklahoma. This was at a time where hamburger meat cost quite a bit more than an onion, so in order to preserve meat to sell more burgers, they would smash in long strips of white onion as a filler. In return, the onions would caramelize and fry as they were pressed on the flat top, almost injecting a brand new decadent flavor into these thin styled patties. My Oklahoma Onion Burger came stocked with a single Hereford Beef patty, melted American cheese, bacon, jalapeño, pickles, mayonnaise, and yellow mustard. After I took one bite, I was immediately suffering from Stockholm Syndrome. I was in love but I was frightened. Not only was this sangwich contesting with my favorite burger of all time, but there is definitely new battle for the best burger in the Fort Worth Stockyards. With a simple burger like this, all the toppings are just luxuries. Of course the pairing of the jalapeño, bacon, and melted cheese took this roller coaster of flavors for a loopty loop, but the meat truly is the heart sinking, ugly face crying, pupil dilating, giant drop of this hamburger. It’s crispy and fried along the outside, and loaded with flavor on the inside. I paired this quick meal up with with some fresh and hot french fries and a cold Dadgum IPA from Fort Worth’s own, Rahr & Sons Brewing Co. I knew almost immediately, but in case you were wondering, this is getting 5 of 5 burgz in my book.

As if you needed another reason to come and visit the Stockyards, I hope this inspires you to quickly throw a saddle on your pony, pop on your spurs, and giddyup down to one the newest and hottest burger spots in town. Take it from me, a newly converted Hooker. Now, git along little doggy! I said GIT!

Hooker’s Grill

213 W. Exchange St.

Fort Worth, TX 76164

Currently listening to “Numb” by Lost Balloons.

Recently I made the short 5 hour drive over to Tulsa, Oklahoma to hang out for the weekend. I was cocked, stocked, and ready to rock with a trunk full of regular percentage beer to hand out as tokens from the mother land. In case you don’t remember my last post from Oklahoma City, or if you’ve never been to Oklahoma, they don’t allow humans to purchase beer over the alcohol percentage of 3.2 unless it’s warm and in a bought from a liquor store. Consider this is just another notch in their Bible Belt. I did manage to have a great time in Tulsa regardless. We got in touch with our inner hillbilly and investigated the Woody Guthry Museum. Afterwards, we popped over a pretty trendy block with a handful of shops, including the Prairie Artisan Ale brew pub where I sampled some of the fantastic beers I normally can’t bring myself to pay a half a million dollars for a 4 pack. There is also a delicious bakery with desserts and loaves of fresh baked bread that will haunt your nostrils well after you leave. The nightlife scene surprisingly hit a shattering 7.4 on the partying Richter scale and left me quite a bit boozed and broken. I needed something with substance in my stomach, and I needed it quick. Now listen, I would love to act like I randomly stumbled upon an amazing burger place that took me completely by surprise, but the truth is that I did my research before hand and strategically placed my evening outings around this burger joint. And here you thought I was all good looks and no brain. So where is this place you ask? Where did I knowingly stumble upon an amazing burger place that still took me by surprise? It’s called White Flag, check it out!

White Flag is a fun place located in the Blue Dome District that can feed the masses. Though the inside can seat a good 40-50 people, there is also a patio in the back that is the perfect setting for a weekend get together. The inside walls are exposed brick, which put off a relaxed, homey vibe, homie. The bar top seemed to be the hang out on this particular evening, but that did not stop our waitress from being very attentive and help with any questions we had. There is also a small stage located in one of the furthest corners, which I was told ole Woody Guthry himself comes in to play a few ditties a couple nights a week. Just kidding. He’s dead. The table tops are covered with white paper for an easy clean up and also makes you feel like those fancy people that eat at Macaroni Grill. The walls advertise the latest rotating taps, brunch specials, and which nights you can hear live yodeling from a professional or from one of lesser value. The real reason anyone comes here is the food. And after one bite, it’s easy to see why. Guys, get a load of this. This is the Salma Hayek.

The Salma Hayek is loaded with two thin all beef patties, habanero pepper relish, Mexican white cheese, jalapeño candied bacon, and Sriracha mayo on a fresh Phoenix Café bun. Good lord, this thing spicier than the candlelight scene in Desperado. The bacon was cooked impeccably and had just the right amount of crisp to it, all while leaving a sweet and spicy glow to each bite. The Sriracha mayo gave a cool, smooth tang that rounded out the whole sangwich. The Mexican white cheese melted perfectly on top and in between the two perfectly charred patties, which played a huge part in the deep inappropriate moans I was making at the table. The star of the show was the habanero pepper relish. This was the heart of the heat and I couldn’t get enough of that sweet beat. Keep in mind, this was all smashed between two soft-on-the-outside, toasted-on-the-inside buns that were baked just down the street. This burger was right at the the pivotal size between not too big and not too small, which left me feeling full but not like I wanted to roll myself into a blanket of shame and shed tears of defeat with my ugly cry face. The side of giant onion rings were a bit greasy, but had a thick, crunchy batter that complimented the burger to it’s finest. Overall, I was in love with this burger and I wanted to the whole world to know. This easily gets 5 of 5 burgz in my book.

Ladies and germs, whether you live there, visiting, or just driving through the adorable town of Tulsa, get out and explore. Once you’ve done that, immediately go to White Flag for a pint of cold local beer and one of the best burgers in OK, okay?

White Flag Pub & Grub

116 S. Elgin Street

Tulsa, OK 74120

Currently listening to “In Undertow” by Alvvays.

The final chapter to our tiny Euronovela led us to the beautiful city of Prague. What is there to say that hasn’t been said? Just like the last two blogs, everything my eyes glanced at was the new most beautiful thing I have ever seen. The one thing that stands out in all of these older cities is the marriage between old and new. It’s a good marriage, not the Phil Hartman kind. A lot of older building have been compromised by new shops and eateries. Tearing down history so you and your #famsquad can get some the new super lit male rompers just isn’t in the cards. This preserves the integrity of the building, and city, which leaves everyone as happy as a dead pig in the sunshine. One of my favorite memories in Prague was taking a night time jazz riverboat up and down the Vltava, gliding under the luminous Charles Bridge and being in awe of all the ancient chapels and museums on both sides of the river. Of course it was a sight for sore eyes and completely memorable, but even after visiting the Astronomical Clock, the only thing that giant building watch told me was that it was time to eat. I needed to find a burg and find it quick. 

I tried to inform the locals passing by that I was an Award Winning International Burger Blogger and that I would love a good recommendation on where to find one of the best burgers in town, but judging from the look on people’s faces, you would have thought that I had just stepped on their dog and asked for some non appropriate personal favors. From the person, not the dog. This meant that I had to do a little leg work and find a burger all on my own. After a long while of staring at my phone like a tween on vacation with his parents at a pencil museum, I found a place that would suit all my needs. This is Meat & Greet. Check it out!

The inside of Meet & Greet had a wonderful modern feel to it. The painted white brick lined the walls while neon lights and hand written menus added a bit of vintage character. The bar up front was stocked with an espresso machine, beer on tap and in bottles, and a wall of wine or liquor. Pick your poison. This burger boudoir was extremely packed with hungry patrons, which originally led us to sit at the bar top table facing a wall in the back room. I did not have a problem with this by any means, but we eventually were able to pull a Velvet Revolver and Slither our way into a table as a four top had just finished their meal and paid out. This is where the magic began. Our waiter was quick, polite, and had that sadistic type of humor that made me want to crack jokes right along with him. The one thing I was not joking about was the lack of beer and burgers in my mouth. Our waiter highly suggested the deep fried stuffed jalapeños, which immediately gave me a comforting sense of the delicious food and perfect appetizers/sides that we have here at home. Peños: Ordered. Burger: Ordered. Beer: Ordered. Here it is folks, the moment we’ve been waiting for. Ladies and gentlemen, the Luigi Burger.

The Luigi was loaded with a 160g beef patty, Italian cheese Mascari, guanciale, tomato marmalade with cinnamon and cloves, garlic aioli, and rocket. Let’s break this down a bit. The cheese is from a small part of Southern Italy, called Mascari. Guanciale is basically like bacon, only it comes from the pigs cheek. Rocket is simply just the greens, strategically places underneath the patty. Visually, this burger is perfect. The patty was the ideal thickness and had that freshly ground quality to it that made each bite a juicy mouthful. The garlic aioli was slathered all over the inside of the top bun, which packed a big punch and helped out with the overall consistency. I was really hoping for an explosion of mind boggling flavors with the cinnamon and clove infused marmalade, but nothing really stood out to me. Compared to a standard tomato spread, it did have a bit more of a deeper intensity to it, but nothing to write home about. The Guanciale was fatty and delicious, as most baconesque ingredients are, but just a bit too chewy. The bun was bright and fluffy and was no challenge for all the juices Overall, I think this burger barely missed the mark. All the ingredients and ideas were there, but possibly just needed a touch more of salt and a bit more love. The french fries with herbs were perfectly fried and paired wonderfully with the mouth watering jalapeño coriander dipping sauce. Oh, and those Panko fried, Taleggio cheese stuffed jalapeños? Insane in the membrane. Overall, it was a pleasant experience, but the Luigi is getting a 3 of 5 burgz.

I wouldn’t consider this this a negative representation in the world of blogged burgers. The environment, service, drinks, and appetizers were spectacular. I think when kitchens are as busy as Meat & Greet was on this day, some of the finer details get overlooked. I would definitely come back and try every single sangwich on the menu. If you’re ever traveling around the Czech Republic, be sure to Czech this place out. This has been my Prague blog. Thanks for reading.

Meat & Greet Burgerhouse

Senovážné nám. 994/2

10 00 Nové Město, Czechia

Currently listening to “Stained Glass” by Real Estate.

The second stop on our European tour was in Vienna. I slowly started to recognize the trend of incredible beauty in each one of these cities. Whether it was visiting the extremely famous Vienna Opera House, one of the nine thousand museums, or just walking the streets while inhaling baguette wrapped sausages and cups of hot mulled wine, I wanted to break out my Brad Pitt quality German accent a la Inglourious Basterds and embrace my new found home. That’s right. I was ready to live off my 5 pair of underwear and become an official Austrian. Hey, I might even become an insanely famous Austrian food blogger that just started out just lifting hamburgers in America for a living, then become featured in a lot of action food blogs, dangerous military solo mission food blogs, and even a couple alien life form food blogs and gain global stardom. Maybe I’ll even run for governor of Austria and win! Then I’ll have it maid! Wait... I mean made.

In my book, the rule of thumb for traveling is take in as many sights and calories as possible. See a classic 70′s punk band in a small club, check. Eat a wienerschnitzel bigger than my head, check. Although we easily walked over 20 miles a day to see as much as we could, I was ready and wiling to take in this culture with open arms. The one thing I knew I had to get into my open mouth was a killer burg. While strolling the frigid sidewalks I had noticed multiple eateries advertising their burgers, but I just didn’t get that warm and fuzzy bloggy feeling. After a quick talk with my friend, Internet, I realized my destiny was sitting just a few blocks away from the hotel. The sun was setting, and the moon started to rise. The streets slowly started to clear. I could hear the hungry wolves in the distance, snarling, almost waiting to pounce. Then I realized the noises were coming from my stomach and I felt like an idiot because I was the only one hiding behind a dumpster, scared for my life. Dinner was inevitable. 

The hike through the couple of sleepy blocks to get there was short. Most of the shops we passed had just closed. There weren’t too many lights on the outside the building, but GPS said this was the place. As as I opened the door, the air was filled with conversation, laughter, and the clanking of bottles and silverware. This tiny burger mecca was packed full of hungry locals. Before we get too far into detail, check it out!

We were lucky to grab a table as a couple had just got up to leave. It was only 8:00 PM or so, but it seemed as if the party just got started. A waiter quickly visited our table and could tell we were foreigners. He was hands down one of the nicest waiters I think I’ve ever had. He was very polite, welcoming, and informative. He ran through the menu and let us know that if we wanted an alcoholic beverage, it was GYOB. All you had to do is walk your burger loving butt up those little stairs and grab your own beer. Genius. The one note that resonated in my mind was you could add anything to any burger. Our waiter said people come in and add bacon to veggie burger all the time. Since the ingredients of the monthly rotating veggie burger literally blew my mind, I requested to add an freshly ground beef patty to it. And no, I didn’t ask them to freshly grind one just for me, they do that to all their burgers. What kind of monster do you think I am? (Answer: Not a werewolf. See paragraph above.) There was no turning back. Good gracious, burg is bodacious. Ladies and gentlemen, the Winterwickel Burger.

The Winterwickel Burger was a pure masterpiece. It was made up of my added freshly ground beef patty, a cabbage wrapped goat cheese “patty”, steamed pumpkin, seared apple, corn salad leaflets, and dijon mustard stuffed in between a whole wheat bun. I think the intentions of the veggie burger was to be on the healthier side, but I don’t need that kind of negativity in my life. Right away, the first flavor that throws your taste buds in the ring and throws a hard right hook is the goat cheese. Savory, tart, and seductive. The steamed pumpkin added a dense but subtle sweetness to every bite. BOOM. In comes the left hook with the seared apple. It was slightly crunchy but the sweetness had a smokey char essence about it that tied in perfectly with the dijon mustard. The final blow was the actual patty. It was the perfect blend of the scorched, crunchy outside that was seasoned brilliantly, and the tender, fall apart insides cooked to a medium. Towards the end it was a bit messy, but I didn’t mind one bit. With such a different style burger, I decided to switch my sides up a bit as well and go with the coleslaw. It was crunchy and fresh but needed just a hint of salt added. After a few more German style beers we consumed, all seemed right in the world. I am proud to give the Winterwickel a 4 of 5 burgz. 

I know that only spending 2 days in Vienna really isn’t enough time to really do too much. There are too many places to see, people to meet, and burgers to eat. Hopefully it will not be too long before I am able to visit again. If you find yourself in the capital city of Austria, do yourself a flavor and stop by Die Burgermacher. You will be treated like family and fed like a king. I’ll leave you with three final words that this American burger blogger visiting Austria completely made up. No one else has ever said this, and don’t Google it either.

I’LL BE BACK.

Die Burgermacher

Burggasse 12, 1070

Wein, Austria

Currently listening to “Next to Me” by GRMLN.

On one of my most recent trips, my supermodel wife and I decided to jet set overseas and spend some time in Budapest. This was the first leg of our small European tour and I almost immediately called the rest of the trip off. Hungary exceeded my expectations in more ways that one. Divided by the Danube River, Budapest used to be split into two different cities, Buda and Pest, which came together as one in the late 1800′s. The Buda side is home to the Liberty Statue among other fantastic structures, and provides incredible views of the monstrous bridges that latch onto Pest, which is where the city center is located. Although most of the buildings here look ancient and full of history, Budapest is a very modern city with an array of different age groups from all over the globe. During the day, you can sit street side while sipping espresso, walk around to admire the stunning scenery, or stuff a giant weinerschnitzel in your facehole. Personally, the hunt for the best cuisines and the designated city bus tours ate up a good chunk of our time, but we didn’t let the fun stop there. During the night, the city comes alive. For lack of a better surfer bro adjective, it’s EPIC. Budapest is home to many Ruin Pubs, which are easily some of the craziest places I have ever drank in, and I’ve drank Absinthe inside the back of a moving 18 wheeler with a homeless guy named “Cannibal Carl”. Ruin Pubs are formerly run down, abandoned warehouses or apartment building that a band of geniuses completely gut out, threw in 2-4 bars throughout multiple floors, added strobe lights, black lights, flash lights, night lights, Christmas lights, a DJ, and some really demented artwork. It definitely gives out a 'party scene from that one horror movie' kind of vibe, but it's a night you want to try not to forget. The following morning, after a few bottles of gatorade and a couple of Advil, I knew I had to put something in my belly. I also knew that it had to be a killer burger. I made like Tom and Cruised to a killer burger joint named Goodbar - Goodburger. Check it out!

When we walked in, I was hoping to be greeted with a "Welcome to Goodbar, home of the Goodburger, can I take your order?", but I sadly was not. Instead a very kind, slender waitress led us to our table. There were a few others humans dining at this particular time, one being a gentleman that could not be more American, and the other looked like a local that just wanted a delicious sangwich. The layout of this burger joint spans over two floors, which most like accommodates 50-60 when fully loaded. The interior was rustic modern, with light hearted pictures and decorations, a ton of wood plank tables, and bright colors painted on the walls. This is really the place you want to come to just relax and enjoy your environment. There is a full service bar available to slowly turn you into Count Drunkula. And-a one dark beer, ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh. The real attraction was the food. The menu was so enticing. Every single item on the menu sounded so scrumptious, but as we know, there can only be one.  Ladies and gentlemen, The "Real" Juicy.

The "Real" Juicy is comprised of a beef, bacon, and cheddar cheese blended patty, a mayo based pickle, onion, and caper remoulade, grilled tomato, and roman salad on a freshly baked bun. The patty was cooked perfectly and had an explosive flavor. The smoky flavor of the bacon lurked in the background of every bite while the cheddar cheese chunks furnished a warm, gooey, cheesy, mouth watering sensation. The remoulade made the perfect condiment. It was creamy with a coarse texture. The conductor up at the front was the crunchy, earthy tones of the onions while the caboose followed suit with the complex flavor combination of the vinegar ridden capers and semi sweet pickles. This locomotive was chugging at full steam and about to quickly derail into my stomach. The grilled tomato helped produce another familiar flavor and you can never go wrong with a couple of lettuce leaves. This gargantuan burger paired perfectly with some fried onion rings and tallest pint of Dreher Bak (a 7.3% black bock) available. This was such a surprisingly delicious meal and should be considered a burger to travel the globe for. Easy call here, The “Real” Juicy gets 5 of 5 burgz.

For some reason, you never really hear anyone talking about visiting Budapest, which seems odd considering it’s the ninth largest city in the European union. The views are awe-inspiring, the food and drinks are one of a kind, and the Hungarians are the sweetest people alive. If you’re ever jumping around in Europe, find yourself at Goodbar - Goodburger or else you’ll just go Hungary.

Goodbar - Goodburger

Kecskeméti u. 6, 1053

Budapest, Hungary

Currently listening to “Hot Thoughts” by Spoon.

Houston, Texas was one of the last pieces to the Texas Major City puzzle I have been putting together throughout my life. I’m not sure why I waited to so long to visit, because I was actually quite impressed. Houston is the metropolis city that the Lone Star State very well needs. There are major sports teams, hidden dive bar gems, a thriving food scene, and a functioning public transit system, which here in Texas, is harder to find than an a willing passenger on Harrison Ford's airplane. Even though Houston is the biggest city in Texas, I feel like it gets a bad wrap. Some people may complain about the crime, others about the humidity. Well, every big city has crime, and every city in the south near the ocean will be humid. Ever heard of Tampa? The truth is, Houston is home to many different Houstonites, all one in the same. We're all here on this giant marble to coexist, and one of the best parts about coexisting is traveling around and finding new places to consume food and beer. Though I was only in town for just a short while, I was able to visit the magnificent St. Arnolds Brewery and the ever delicious 8th Wonder Brewery. I knew I also had to knock out a burger in H-Town, so I turned on my K9 senses and followed my nose out of the city and into an unassuming neighborhood and landed at Lankford's Grocery & Market. Before we dive into this place, why don't you put your trunks on and take a look around?

Lankford Grocery opened up in 1939 as a.... you guessed it, grocery store. It wasn’t until 1977 when they started cranking out the massive hand made burgers and other home cooked meals that they are known for today. The vintage decorations inside change seasonally, and give you that good old fashion feeling like you’re visiting your grandma’s house, minus the 6 cats. It is cash only, so don’t think you can come in here and use that city swipey plastic all them business boys downtown are using. Lankford is only open for breakfast and lunch, and this place ranks pretty high on the brunch list so you might want to get here a bit early. I think their Mission Statement says it all. Come in with plenty of time on your hands and grumblies in your tumblies, kick your boots up, grab a Lone Star, and get ready for an incredible meal. I heard through the burger network that I had to come in and give this place a whirl. The menu has plenty of gut busting options that will not let you down. Being from one of the hottest towns in Texas, I decided to kick up the heat with one of their spicer options. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the Firehouse Burger.

The Firehouse Burger is stacked a mile high. It starts from the ground level with a base of house made habanero sauce, lettuce, tomato, pickle, onion, a very tender half pound all beef patty, cayenne butter, jalapeño, bacon, and American cheese. The first task was to figure out how to get my hands around this messy monstrosity. “C’mon man” I thought to myself, “you’ve done this a million times.” After I closed my eyes and gave myself the pep talk from Rudy, I knew I was ready to go. The first taste was like heaven. The saltiness of the crispy bacon mended with gooey warm American cheese. The half pound patty, was perfectly delicate and crumbled at every mouthful. The classic LTPO acted as that old friend that comforts you with a cold beer after a long day. Then end taste was like slowly taking an elevator into hell. The pickled jalapeño brought the temperature up a couple degrees. The cayenne butter added a heated depth to each bite and each finger. The habanero sauce, made from fresh habanero, serrano, and jalapeño, created the flame that had to be doused with Lone Star almost immediately. The citrus fruity notes of the habanero shined through the vinegar and yellow mustard, which are also ingredients in the sauce. Overall, it was the perfect sauce for the perfect homestyle burger. The fries came out super crispy, and the second beer went down just a smooth as the first and third. I am super stoked to give this sangwich 5 of 5 burgz.

I know that I will come back to visit Houston because this great city has much more to offer. I also know that I will come back to Langford Grocery because I’ve only had one of twenty. Including a quesadilla burger. If you’re ever passing through, be sure to swing by WITH CASH and get ready for a super solid burger.

Lankford Grocery & Market

88 Dennis St.

Houston, TX 77006

Currently listening to “Royal Jelly” by Deap Valley.

Although March is the third month of the year, it's sad to say it has fallen to my fifth favorite. No offense to any Pisces or Aries. In Texas, March is the moody pregnant month, throwing her thunderstorm temper tantrums right before she gives birth to Spring. Globally, March is best known for the major holiday, St. Patrick’s Day. This is a day with sentimental value to some, but also the day before the year’s worst hangover to others. Some clasp tight to their rosary and pray to the skies above, as others clasp tight to their rosé and pray there’s another bottle in the fridge. Catch my drift? Either way you look at it, the holiday simply would not exist if it wasn’t for the wonderful country of Ireland. Neither would The Cranberries. Just let that Linger for a while.

I recently had the opportunity to visit Ireland, and unlike March, this country easily fits into my top 3 favorite places to visit. Even though Ireland is about the size of Indiana, you can bet your bottom euro it is the absolute furthest from it. The views are breathtaking, the people are so nice it’s almost scary, the food is delicious, and alcohol can be found in, around, and all over every street corner. We stayed in the capital city of Dublin, which is the most populated and biggest tourist destination in the country. One of the best and blurriest memories of the trip was taking an 8 hour rural pub tour through the hills of the Irish countryside. Needless to say, there were drinks o’plenty, but I was really interested in finding myself between two buns. Food wise, guys! C’mon! I had done a pretty extensive amount of research and narrowed down my options to the best of my abilities. Bóbós Burgers was calling and there was no way in Hades that I wasn’t going to pick up. Check it out!

Bóbós has 3 convenient locations, strategically spread throughout Dublin. This particular location is located in the center of town, just a few blocks south of the always entertaining Temple Bar. The ambience inside was light and friendly, displaying murals of farm animals that have absolutely no idea they are about to be murdered and eaten by a higher species. This place was packed around lunch time, so I can only imagine it is one of the prime places to grab a quick sangwich. The wait staff was very friendly and informative when it came to items on their menu. I liked it because the kitchen was open and you could see all the action happening just a few steps away. Maybe it's just because it's lunch time right now and I'm reading over the menu, but I didn't realize there are so many intriguing options. I know that some of these burgers are contingent on location, but overall there is something for everyone. I decided to go with an item which now seems extremely predictable. Ladies and gentlemen, this is The Dubliner.

The Dubliner is made up of a prime beef patty, country tomato relish, Old Dubliner cheese, fried onion, beef tomato, gherkins, iceberg lettuce, and Bóbós secret sauce. The meat was just a tad overcooked, leaving it a little dry. I did enjoy the flavor of the tomato relish. It resembled a very rustic, earthy style of ketchup. The secret sauce, which is very similar to a thousand island dressing, and the juicy beefsteak tomato teamed up and helped produce a lube to get each bite down. The gherkins, or pickles if you will, provided the much needed crunch and change of texture while adding a sweet, vinegar taste to particular bites. The Old Dubliner cheese had a calming sweet, nutty flavor to it which rounded everything out. The bun was rather large, but tasted very fresh. The French fries, or chips if you will,  were cut thick and fried perfectly. I think the real star of the show is the homemade garlic crack sauce to dip the fries in. I found myself itching and tweeking, needing a hit of homemade garlic sauce on every bite of everything. I spread it all over the inside of my hamburger bun, which made the last four or so bites the best of the meal. The beer selection was a bit smaller, but still impressive. A lager definitely fit the bill for a light lunch. All in all, this burger honestly didn't hit the mark for me. It wasn't terrible by any means, it just didn't move the needle for me. I would definitely come back and give it another whirl because I know this place is capable of making a killer burg. Until then, I am throwing out a rating of 3 of 5 burgz.

Ireland is one of the most fascinating places I've visited thus far. It's one of the few places that will make you feel like you don't have a drinking problem. The history of this country is nothing short of compelling, and offers more than enough sights, tastes, and smells to fill up a week or two vacation. And when you're done with that, you can drive three hours across Ireland to take in more astounding scenery. Oh, and did I mention beer and whiskey? Like, a lot of it. If you take away anything from this blog, let it be this. Whatever you do while you're there, don't make fun of Bono.

Bóbós Burgers Restaurant

50-51 Dame Street

Dublin 02, Ireland