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staying up until 5am reading fanfiction knowing i can wake up at 2pm tomorrow with no responsibilities has got to be top 5 experiences of all time. this is my own little taste of heaven, one i’ve missed dearly since my middle school ritual died.
✧ summary : Sometimes, being yourself is hard. So hard and painful, that you'll beg and do anything just to be normal and fit in properly. Even if that means losing your true self in the process. Despite this facade, someone who truly cares about you would try anything to show you how worthy you are without any acting and pretending. Will fate bring you this person to save you or will you have to put on a show indefinitely ?
✧ words : 1.7k
✧ a/n : I hate this chapter also sorry for the delay depressive episodes are getting the best out of me I feel like trash but I really wanna finish this book cause I love writing sm but it’s really hard to find motivation☹️☹️
***
Last night was rough, you kept turning and tossing in your bed, occasionally screaming in your pillow in utmost despair. You don't know what will happen to you now. Is it even worth going to school again knowing what will be of you and how exhausting the whole situation will be ? You can already hear the snarky remarks and picture the vicious stares as people talk behind your back like you cannot clearly notice them. You cannot bear this once again, not anymore.
You feel your stomach growing tight from all the stress you are currently going through. An uneasy feeling washes over you, like you're going to throw up at any minor inconvenience.
"What did I ever do to deserve this.." You mumble shakily, tears pricked at the corners of your eyes. You mask your tearful eyes behind your hands, momentarily shielding you away from the cruel world.
You apprehend going back to school after yesterday's event. You don't even know if it's better to confront it right now or face it later after the weekend. Either way, you don't really have a choice but to wait for Monday not very enthusiastically while you rot in your bed, trying hard to disappear before your time ultimately arrives.
How come you let this happen ? From your perspective, you plan was infallible. That is, until a certain close family member acted for your downfall. You don't even recall giving your sister the bookstore address, she could be determined when she wanted to, that you know. Despite all, you still resent her, when you finally thought you would have a peace of mind, she came in to ruin everything you fought to protect.
But how could you be mad at her ? After all, you brought this upon yourself, trying hard to be someone you're not. Truth being, it would have happened either way, one day, when you would ultimately reach your breaking point with no way back. Faking your identity is tiresome and makes you feel guilty in a way.. It was meant to be only a fleeting moment of self lies, which you enjoyed quite a lot, from the very beginning. It's all your fault but can a girl not dream of being appreciated even if it means using dishonest manners ?
Now what ? You just have to wait and see what will be of you. In a way, you wish it was already school time so that you wouldn't apprehend what will be of you anymore, it's only increasing your stress for nothing in the meantime. Even if you know things won't be pretty in the way you're treated, at least the insufferable wait will be over.
For now, you prefer imagining the worst case scenarios in order to avoid being hopeful and giddy for nothing. You know what will happen anyways, in fact maybe a bit too much. You wished you didn't know how cruel people can be, but alas you've experienced it more than once to know that students are harsh, cold and selfish before all if given the opportunity. You brush your collarbone in reminiscence of those harsh moments.
Monday arrives to you like the ultimate day for a death penalty criminal. Despite overthinking about it and accepting your fate, you're frightened, totally mortified just by thinking about Seo-jun telling everyone that you're a fraud. This image can't get out of your head, it's torturing you for the worst. You feel like you're slowly losing your mind by submitting yourself to beauty.
"Fuck.." You bit your lower lips before entering the school gate. You need to find Seo-jun before anyone else does. That is, if he already hasn't already printed posters clearly indicating your secret to put on every walls.
You keep your head low while walking, trying to decipher any conversations that could be even remotely related to you whereas you don't even know whether this crucial piece of information has already leaked or not.
You only had time to think about how you should negotiate with Seo-jun as soon as possible when you hear a deep voice next to you "No way. You actually came ? I thought you'd change school by now.". "Seo-jun !" You exclaim almost smiling to your opponent, maybe that is what they call Stockholm syndrome.
"You seem oddly happy to see this handsome face, usually I don't have this much effect on you. Or at least you don't say so." "Seo-jun we need to talk." You don't even comment on his playful remarks, apparently accustomed to it by now. "What's with the serious talk now ? If you want to confess get in the line, you won't be first to do it just because I know you sorry." He brushes a strand of hair out of his face theatrically. "Just how disconnected is he from reality..", you wonder.
"No, really it's important. It's about.. the bookshop." You whisper the last part in embarrassment. "Mhh ? What about it ?" He stops to look at you, hands in pockets and raising his eyebrows indifferently.
You cannot read him. You don't know if it's confusion, defiance or mockery burning into his eyes. In fact, you can't tell if he really doesn't realise how important it is, if he wants you to admit it is, or if he just simply doesn't care at all.
"Can we.. talk somewhere more private ?" You look around and notice people gossiping about the two of you talking together. "Now it sounds like you just want to keep me to yourself. It's okay though, I understand. Luckily for you I have just the perfect spot, it's where I bring all my girlfriends." He leans towards you and winks. "Don't lie, no one could ever put up with that attitude of yours." You cross your arms and look away, not impressed.
He scoffs and leads the way to an all too familiar place behind the school building. "The junkyard ? Really ?" Now you wonder if he brought numerous girls there voluntarily as he said, or if he casually kidnapped them. "Don't question my taste for women who like a little bit of thrills." He stands proudly. "Right.." You brush this aside, not wanting to get on his wrong side since you have to ask him a favour. If you aren't already..
"So.. I wanted to talk about what happened at the bookstore. It's really important to me that you keep that to yourself." You start off. "Oh yeah ? What's in it for me ?" He smirks. "..My.. recognition..?" You attempt, not even sure about its worth yourself. "Yeah no. Nothing comes for free sorry." Yet, he denies your oh so tantalising offer straightaway. This won't do.
You sigh in exhaustion, still mortified to the bone nevertheless. You knew this would happen "Alright what do you want. I'll do anything.", at least it will go faster this way. The boy before you gets utterly cocky upon hearing this, clearly liking having the advantage on you.
"Oh really everything ?" He smiles deviously, already having dubious ideas. "Mhh.. You see the talent show taking place at our school ? I want you to participate." You frown in confusion "..What really ? What for ?". "I just want you to make an idiot of yourself on a scene that's all." He mocks. This total jerk, of course he would want that.
"Why ? Is that too much to ask ? If so don't worry, I was just about to tell my friends anyways." He inadvertently feigns his departure. "No !" You quickly take a step forward and almost grab him by reflex. Thankfully you did not. Being contaminated by that fuck ass delinquent would be your last straw.
"Alright, alright. I'll do it. Happy now, we're good ?" "Very much so." He says, triumphant. "I can't believe you're making me do this, you're just as bad as I am Seo-jun." You argue. "Oh believe me, I'm much worst." He winks at you before leaving frantically with his hands in his pockets. Yeah well you understand that just now. You guess this is what you get for proudly lying.
Just how cruel can this guy be ? You don't even have anything to propose. You currently only have your guitar and a dream because you would rather die than dance to kpop songs, blame it on your two left feet.
Back home, you immediately locked yourself in your room and screamed in your pillow in frustration. Just how much longer will you be bothered by this guy ? You just want to sever ties with him once and for all so that the two of you can peacefully live preferably very separated from one another.
You look at your lonely instrument sitting in the corner of your dark room, taking dust from all your months of uncalled lethargy. It matches perfectly with your aesthetics ; sparkly purple walls, a regrettable choice you made during your childhood, are now covered by diverse bands and shows posters, shelves holding horror mangas, and stickers carefully picked from your stock of random ones you collected your whole life.
In this sea of darkness, lights clothes visible from your wardrobe and all the pink makeup sitting meticulously on your desk are a rather harsh reminder of your conflicted self. Can those two sides really cohabit ? You giggle sadly, alone in your room. Can one side can be considered a part of you if it isn't really who you are anyways ? Your room seems now overwhelmingly too familiar for your comfort yet a foreign feeling lingers in it at the same time.
You finally decide to take in hand your cherished guitar and tentatively, yet skilfully, play a few notes. You hum in nostalgia upon beating the tune, content and relieved. Despite all, music always comes back to you even if you don't provoke it. This idea somewhat consoles you. Still, you would never have guessed that it would be the main source of all your current problems, Seo-jun, that would be the motive behind it. Ironically enough, maybe with his initial ill intentions, he has incidentally done something right for once.
✧ summary : Sometimes, being yourself is hard. So hard and painful, that you'll beg and do anything just to be normal and fit in properly. Even if that means losing your true self in the process. Despite this facade, someone who truly cares about you would try anything to show you how worthy you are without any acting and pretending. Will fate bring you this person to save you or will you have to put on a show indefinitely ?
✧ words : 1.6k
✧ a/n : seo-jun is so chase atlantic coded rwar🤭🤭
***
Towards the start of the pause at school, you take a stroll outside to take some fresh air in silence. Except nothing here was silent nor calm. "You, again ?" You frown upon seeing Seo-jun. If he was already troublesome outside of school, he was even worst inside of it, not giving you one single instant of respite.
"As if, I know deep down you love to see my handsome face, everyone does." He dramatically brushes a rebellious strand out of his face as to prove his point. "I'm not everyone." You retort back, unbothered by his so-called charm. "Oh trust me, I know that." He taunts you from his height with the devil's eyes, trying hard to read your face to discern any concern.
You sigh and turn around, determined to leave him to whatever little obsession he has with you. However to your surprise, you discover many of his friends blocking your way, all gathered around you. You feel like a trapped prey, all over again.
"Sorry to say, you've grown a bit predictable." He snickers, proud of his plan. "What ? Are we in some sort of cliché American movie where someone's bullied by the school's cool kids ?" You nervously laugh back, completely baffled by his childish and ridiculous antics.
"How is that bullying Y/n ?" He demands, slowly advancing towards you, almost menacingly. You don't ever recall giving him your name. Fear and doubts rises in your mind, has he been searching for information about you in addition to your encounters ? If so, was he really that set on irreversibly destroying your reputation ?
"You've been harassing me for days now, Seo-jun." You give up, utterly distraught by how far this is escalating. To say that it has only been a few days, whereas it feels more like prolonged weeks or an unending living nightmare. "Harassing ? Pretty, I've been hardly trying to." He takes one last step in provocation, now standing face to face with you. His tall frame both intimidates and infuriates you. "Don't call me that." You sternly state. "I don't call everyone pretty, you know. You should feel honoured to be called pretty by the Seo-jun." He raises his eyebrows arrogantly, disputing your protest.
You don't know if it's because of his obnoxious ego or the way he speaks to you condescendingly, but something buried deep inside you switches. "I said, don't call me that. I don't know you, let alone be your friend, so don't come near me, don't ever talk to me again. I hate you Seo-jun." You tightly clench your fists and finally let it all out before storming off past his friends, you anger beyond reason. They let you go easily, each of them stupefied by your frankness. Likewise, Seo-jun is as speechless as them. In reality, apart from his family, no one ever raised their voice at him like so.
His jaw flexes as he can discern a bitter taste from both frustration and infuriation. At last, his mouth falls agape by your unexpected reaction. You, who's usually unfazed and composed by his perturbing interactions, he might admit. You, who's doing a fantastic job of constantly repressing your emotions to hide your doubts. How did he manage to cross one of your boundaries all of sudden ?
He exhales through his nose while watching you vanish in the horizon, maybe he has gone too far. Maybe you did too.
After the excruciating long day, you head towards the bookstore, a routine now firmly installed after all these past few visits. Despite not wanting to after what you endured today, you can't help but return back like an old habit you can't seem to get rid of.
The comforting sound of the bell resonates in the empty place. "Hi." You announce somewhat sheepishly. Truthfully, you're worried to see Seo-jun after bursting out in anger earlier. Even if naturally, he doesn't know it was you, you're still uneasy about facing him right after the confrontation. "Hi ! You're back !" Go-soon welcomes you cheerfully.
The noises alarm Seo-jun as he immediately stands from the couch he previously sat on while he was impatiently waiting for you. His legs draw him to the sound of your voice like he just heard a siren, apprehensive to see you.
The gentle smile you gave Go-woon washes away from your face as you see him. He takes an unnatural posture, as if all of sudden his usual cool attitude disappears near you. He clears his throat before attempting to speak, but nothing comes out. He's like a deer caught by drive lights, not able to do anything but stare at you with wide eyes and an open mouth.
"Hi ?" You tentatively greet him, quite taken aback by his unexpected, and clearly apparent despite him doing his best to conceal it, discomfort. He hides his sweaty hands in his uniform's pockets and look away, perhaps it'll be easier if he doesn't see you directly. "You're here." He mentions nonchalantly as if he wasn't yearning for your arrival all this time. "Yes..?" You reply confused upon hearing his obvious statement, not knowing if his nervousness makes you less or as equally discountenanced.
Go-woon is profoundly distraught as she can feel the tension emanating from the two of you, as if there was some things left unsaid neither of you can clarify. "There's the new volume of Jujutsu Kaisen, y'all wanna read it ?" She tries an approach to soothe the pressure. "Sure." You gladly take the proposal, heading towards the cosy space after she hands a copy to you both. Seo-jun cautiously positions himself on the couch next to you.
No matter how hard he tries, he can't focus on the pages before him. His brain is occupied, only debating about something he should say to break the silence, something, anything to make his intentions known. But once again, he's not supposed to assimilate you with the girl you are at school, and the last thing he wants is to make you mad like you were back then. Him, who's normally imperturbable and at ease, suddenly can't seem to put simple arguments into words.
"What did you do today ?" He tests the water, rather pitifully you might add. You almost laugh out loud at his poor attempt of redemption. "School, you ?" You question back, now closing your book and turning your bust to directly look at him. "Same." He plainly responds, still unsure of his next move. "What ? How are you still at school with this behaviour ? To be honest, I thought you were expelled." You tease him, tired of his conflicted manners. It was weird to reveal, but even if he can be amazingly good at enraging you, you still prefer him annoying than whatever he was right now.
The boy chuckles while lowering his head, already feeling more relaxed "Fuck you..". "What ? Was that me or did you just smile ?" You gasp. After all, you never saw him laugh or heartily smile, it was a rare sight you might even grow to appreciate.
The duality of his angelic expression with his usual devilish one is shocking. Indeed, his sincere grin was rather strongly contrasting with the disarming smirk he tends to give you in the best way possible. When his tough mask slips off, he's rather cute, a word you never imagined you'd associate with Seo-jun but it's true, his bashful smile was adorable.
"What ? Is that so weird ?" He raises his head to intensely look at you, all traces of previous anxiety faded right away. "No. It's just I didn't know you were capable of acting like that, knowing that you keep accusing me of faking my identity and all, you know.." You address the recurrent issue. "I mean, why are you obsessed with me ?" You lean back, cockily accusing him. "Fuck you mean obsessed ? More like you wish I was." He retorts back defensively. "Oh yes, how pleased am I by your constant arguing about me lying about who am I. Thank you so much please don't stop." You sarcastically exclaims. "Alright, alright I get it, I'll drop the topic." He declares, quite frustrated.
Even though he already knows the truth, it still bothers him that you didn't clearly state it. "Truth will always resurface one way or another anyways", he tells himself.
Meanwhile, you almost jump to the ceiling from happiness. At last, you're delivered, you're free, he's leaving you alone. But just when you thought everything would be back to normal and you could finally enjoy a common teenage girl life, the universe comes in to remind you that lying is deeply wrong.
The bell rings. "(Y/n) (Y/l/n) I know you better NOT be skipping your studies by coming here !" You hear the all too familiar voice of your older sister, shouting for the whole store to hear. Even if there's only Go-woon and Seo-jun, it was already way too much.
Your eyes shot open, mortified to the core. "Shit." You mutter under your breath. You don't even look back, avoiding eye contact as if your life depended on it before running off without delay, grabbing your sister's wrist with your now sweaty palm as you leave, utterly embarrassed and furious.
Seo-jun leans back on the ottoman, pensive. "(Y/n) (Y/l/n), isn't that the name of the popular girl in your class ? She looks totally different now though.." Go-woon eventually evokes, perplexed and stunned at the same time. He prods his tongue at his cheek and scoffs, stupefied though not quite surprised. "I knew I was right."
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Being a writer is wild because one minute you’re convinced you’re a genius and the next you’re googling ‘synonyms for walk’ like you’ve never used language before.
✧ summary : Sometimes, being yourself is hard. So hard and painful, that you'll beg and do anything just to be normal and fit in properly. Even if that means losing your true self in the process. Despite this facade, someone who truly cares about you would try anything to show you how worthy you are without any acting and pretending. Will fate bring you this person to save you or will you have to put on a show indefinitely ?
✧ words : 1.8k
✧ a/n : happy (late) Christmas ig🧑🎄🧑🎄
***
You found yourself a stalker, such are the results of your deliberate actions. You guess it was due to your hurried leave yesterday, which rethinking of it, maybe you shouldn't have ran off like so. Yes, the situation is so bad you're starting to consider redemption.
At every imaginable corner, he was there. Even now. "Aish, you really need to stop bolting when I talk to you." He hints to you, for the who knows how many times this day. "Mh ? What do you mean ?" You play innocent, once more.
"Well at the bookstore and now at school, is it a habit of yours ?" He points out. "Huh.. I really don't know what you're talking about, sorry." You depart after this final exchange, as expected. He watches you navigate amidst the ocean of students, slowly disappearing in the mass of excited youngsters sharing lunch. He rolls his eyes, shrugging it off before retreating from another defeat, still scrutinising you as he steps back.
As for you, you straightaway head towards the school most deserted place you spotted in apprehension of tensed situations like this one, the junkyard. Regardless of your new mentality goal, dependence quickly caught over you.
You cautiously take out a cigarette, this habit already easing your mind. Your determination and resolutions to quit from the beginning of the year were long gone by now.
You light it up, the warmth of the blazing flame creates a thrilling contrast with the inside of your cool hand covering up the invigorating late-summer wind, which is currently giving you a hard time.
The greasy ashes clings onto your skin to cradle you warmly like a dear maternal embrace whilst reminiscence of your smoking sessions at your past school floods your memory, sending a comforting yet uneasy chill through your spine. You hum in silence, filling the hushed ruffles of the breeze.
All of sudden, you audibly decipher people coming your way, cutting you out right away of what you thought would be a refreshing alone time.
"Did you bring a lighter ?" "No ? I thought you did, you always have one on you." "Aish seriously.. For the one time I was counting on you, you do this.." The voices keeps getting closer, you can now easily hear their conversation as it echoes in the, usually empty, garbage dump.
You quickly try to flee, finishing your smoke in a record time. "Hey you ! Do you have a lighter ?" An unknown student shouts out to you. Alas, you weren't as far as you thought, so they easily saw you.
You accept in sympathy and nod positively, soon giving your lighter while turning around to hide your face. An atypical approach you admit, but you can't risk to have an addict allegation added on the list of your already dubious rumours.
Some said you were an ex-idol trainee but got licensed for being a bully. You do give a mean girl vibe you must say, however it's only a protective face you put on after all those months of constant bullying. If you can't afford to be intimidated, be intimidating.
Others instead, think that you have an older boyfriend picking you up on a motorcycle every day, do you look like you're into older guys ? You reckon it is because of the dark feminine energy you give off, reminders of your normal style trying its best to put its head out of what seems like unending water.
"Huh.. Thanks." He almost questions, tilting his head, hardly trying to take a peek. The group of friends are kind of weirded out as well by your curious demeanour, but they also don't care as long as they have what they want. Oh whatever.
You take off absentmindedly, your legs going on autopilot to somewhere you don't even know about.
A floral scent travels through the boy nostrils, a signature he knows all too well. Seo-jun freezes for a moment, stunned for short span of time.
"She was cute right ?" His friend mentions once you were a long distance away. "How would you know dumbass, you didn't even see her face." Another one responds. "At least she smelled good." The latter shrugs dreamily.
Seo-jun thinks for a moment, he wasn't imagining things, it was really you. The same sweet perfume that submerged his head and made him go crazy the first time he met you. Or more like the second, he didn't know it was you back then.
"She left her lighter. Man, we just won a lighter !" His friends cheers in a jittery manner in the background. "Give me that." Seo-jun orders seriously all of sudden, his out of character reaction making him completely switch up in a troubled way.
After school, you decide once more to visit the bookstore. Who knows, maybe luck will finally be on your side this time and Seo-jun won't make an unsolicited appearance like he typically does.
You come back home to change yourself as usual.
"I'm going !" You notify to your family as you go downstairs after finishing preparing. "Where are you going at ?" You sister shouts out to you while you put on your shoes in the entry. "The bookstore." You simply clarify. "Same one ? You've been going a lot recently haven't you ?" "Yeah, well you know, I'm just passionate about reading that's all.." You nervously justify yourself, not wanting to say that in fact, you didn't even borrow nor buy a single manga during the whole time you were there.
Directly after your arrival, an unusual stress invades you. The pit of your stomach feels tense and your throat is dry in unexpected apprehension. Was this boy really having such a negative effect on you ?
You thought you would easily overcome it, but now that you physically bear all your repressed emotions out of nowhere, you wonder if you didn't think too highly of yourself. How come you've put up with months of bullying but a bothersome student with nothing to do best than threatening your secret now feels worst than hell ?
"Man, fuck this.." You mumble under your breath, taking your box of cigarettes out, planning on taking a smoke right before entering the store as if it could give you more courage. Perhaps it does, or at least you'll feel more relaxed.
You frantically search your pockets and bag for your lighter, cigarette already between your lips, unfortunately without success. "Ah shit, my lighter.." You quickly realise your loss, remembering in a flash your school interaction as you whine pathetically in frustration.
"Looking for this ?" You hear a voice from behind. You turn around only to see Seo-jun teasing you with your lighter in hand with his regular devilish smirk. You take the dark red cigarette, now stained with your lip gloss, out of your mouth.
"A lighter, yes." Your bend your hips, awaiting his daily accusation like a habit now. "Here." However, he takes you by surprise, unfussily handing it to you. Your suspicion grows considerably at the lack of complications. Despite all, you're still grateful, you dearly cherish your lighter. On second thoughts, you don't even know how you failed to recollect it earlier considering that it is the apple of your eyes. Stress really makes you forget your own head sometimes.
"Care to share one ?" He points out your cig with his head. You scoff and look away, the guts of this man are unbelievable. Regardless, you take one out, for giving back your lighter.
"Did you finally back down ?" You suspect, genuinely curious by his abnormally calm attitude. "How come ?" He inquiries while lighting up his cigarette between his lips. "Dunno, I thought you'd accuse me of one of your little delusions again." You put forwards his recent investigations.
"No, not this time." He laughs, tempted. "Nice lighter by the way." It's one of your most prized possessions, a metallic heart-shaped Vivienne Westwood one. You almost thank him, but catch up just in time on his little plan. "Is it not yours ?" You say, faking ignorance as you usually do these days.
He hums, both intrigued and fascinated by you. You were like an unknown message he couldn't decode no matter how hard he tries. "Okay." He nods, acknowledging your efforts of covering up your whole mystery.
A silent settles, only occasionally disrupted by your exhales and the lively street noises. Your eyes don't leave his, each of you never faltering for the invisible dual taking place. Although the tension is clearly palpable, it's almost intimate how his unique slanted eyes captures yours, hungry for victory to prove who will lose first. Truth being, you both know what is really at stake, whether he'll find out the truth or you'll be able to cover it for the time being.
You never had the occasion to really observe him like this before, either because you try to escape as soon as you see him or because of the constant need to lower your head to avoid a fatal revelation.
But now you see it, the way his hair catches the wind flawlessly almost like he's in a permanent photoshoot, his plump lips always fitted into a smirk now wrapped perfectly around the cigarette like it belongs there, his high nose bridge, his ear piercings reflecting the light and always taking your attention despite your defiance.
No wonder he was a trainee as you heard numerous students gossip about. He is quite handsome you might even admit. Matter of fact, if he wasn't so annoying, he'd be your type. "What a waste", you recognise.
But don't get me wrong, he is such as captivated as you are right now. Your pretty tinted lips exhaling smoke, how you do your makeup, a skill fully mastered after years and it shows, and your hair masking your face with the soft breeze, merging perfectly with the mystery around you, almost making you look like a myth he can't help but be enchanted about.
"Am I interrupting ?" Go-woon breaks in, her tone confused though packed with playful undertones. You don't even have time to respond, both of you taken by surprise and embarrassed even though nothing happened.
"What are you doing ?" The girl suddenly frowns with an accusing voice. He hurriedly hides the reason of her disapproval behind him "Nothing." "Smoking.", you answer at the same time. He glares at you. "What ?" You mouth to him while raising your eyebrows defensively, how could you have known that his sister disagreed with it.
"I'll let you deal with it. I just came to see if your sister was fine anyways." You mock him. "Wait no ! You can't leave me just like that !" He yelps, helpless at the mercy of his sister, who seems to be apparently more intimidating than she looks. "Bye Go-woon, don't go easy on him !" You shout out, already leaving the poor man behind.
✧ summary : Sometimes, being yourself is hard. So hard and painful, that you'll beg and do anything just to be normal and fit in properly. Even if that means losing your true self in the process. Despite this facade, someone who truly cares about you would try anything to show you how worthy you are without any acting and pretending. Will fate bring you this person to save you or will you have to put on a show indefinitely ?
✧ words : 2.6k
✧ a/n : I can’t stop now I miss True beauty
***
The next school day, you decide to wear a cute bandage to cover the cut on your face, hoping people would overlook it if it matches your outfit. They didn't. "Mh ? Y/n did you get hurt ?" Su-ah worries. Seo-jun's ears tingle upon hearing what your friend just said, he raises his head.
Your eyes shot open "What ? No ! It's just a pimple." You scoff awkwardly, trying to hide your nervous state and brush off the subject considering that if she continues to dubiously observe you with squinted eyes like this, she could eventually notice your wounded hands, then you would really be done for. "Okay." She finally shrugs enthusiastically and turn her back, now facing the board. You let out a shaky sigh you didn't even know you were holding.
How naive of you to think that you fooled everyone just like that, because you didn't. At the back of the class, Seo-jun tries to correlate the mysterious saviour from yesterday with you after hearing what Su-ah just said, remembering what his sister told him about your injuries, and truthfully it didn't make any sense to him. He starts laughing at himself for being so stupid, until, he catches you holding your pen with difficulty, ultimately seeing your purplish hands.
His mouth falls slightly open. There's no way. How could a sickly sweet appearing girl like you could look so.. different ? To think that the saviour from yesterday he thought was cool was just an annoying brat from his class.
The whole hour he couldn't concentrate, too busy reflecting on how he should make you confess your double identity. Even though he wasn't sure of it himself, he needs you to clearly divulge how you got injured for his own peacefulnesses, not wanting to believe it was really you who acted so bravely last night.
When break time arrives to finally deliver him from his overthinking, he decides to set up an ambush to make you reveal the truth. He precisely chooses his moment to attack, when you would be isolated from your group even for a minute, he'll catch you, it was enough for him. He'll make you spit it out quickly, he was known for being fast after all.
At last, he spots you alone in a corner waiting for your friends to buy a drink on the vending machine nearby, defenceless.
Like a predator would with their prey, he approaches you confidently "Why do you look so different ? Are you a yakuza during your free time or something..?". You look around confused, he's never talked to you before "Who ? Me ?". "Of course you, who else here is trying to hide her true identity when she's at school ?" Seo-jun pronounces with evident undertones.
You raise your eyebrows in shock, you didn't expect him to catch on so quickly. In fact, you tried your very best to leave no traces of the events from yesterday, how did he manage to put two and two together just like that whereas you did everything to hide what happened ? Did he follow you home ? No way, you know he is crazy but psychopath crazy..? You don't know about that one..
"Are you sure you're talking to the right person right now ?" You force yourself to remain calm, nonchalantly looking at your phone, doing nothing but scrolling intensely to keep cool really. "I don't know am I ? You look very different from yesterday after all.." He smirks, enjoying a bit too much toying with your nerves.
"I don't believe we saw each other the other day sorry, you must've mixed up two people." You take an instant to look at him, making it seem as real as possible. "Yeah ? Well what's that on your face then ?" He angrily points out, getting tired of your feign ignorance. "I didn't have any pimple patch left ? That's all.." You mimic annoyance, even rolling your eyes at his intrusive question.
He takes one last look at your bruised hand while you're too busy holding your phone to notice his decisive stare, how incautious and witless of you to think the Seo-jun would just give up on this matter. Determination burns through his deep irises. With one swift motion, he tears off the bandage on your face, revealing the red and purple hues who were sneakily hiding behind it.
"A pimple is it ? Either we don't have the same definition or you're just blatantly lying." He declares flatly yet with a menacing tone. His eyelids are low, actively scrutinising your every reaction to deduce your intentions. Nothing could escape him, you were totally at his mercy like a helpless caught prey.
You hold your cheek, both from the sharp pain and to hide the now exposed cut you were so determined to conceal. Your chest rises, different emotions attempt to take over you ; anger, sadness, fear. This melting pot of feelings leaves you completely paralysed, breathless, as if time stopped for a minute and you are left all alone with only your imagination and persuasion skills to escape, once again, from this delicate and tricky situation you find yourself in and for which, you are solely eligible to blame.
"Y/n are you okay ?" You hear your friends call after you, only now returning from their purchases. "You don't know anything." You mutter to the defiant student with gritted teeth, already snatching and putting back the bandage. You walk over to your group of friends, subtly urging them to go the opposite way from him.
One million thoughts are racing in Seo-jun's mind. Was he genuinely wrong ? After all, you could very well have serious problems at home causing your dubious injuries and he could just as simply be there to worsen your mental state merely for his own selfish cause, just because he can't get that mysterious girl from the manga store out of his goddamn head.
Over and over, reminders of your bewitching frame, your surprisingly contrasting floral scent when you passed right next to him, your naturally wispy yet purposely ferocious hair are making him focus even less in class than he was before. Everything about you was new and thrilling and it was considerably getting to him to always think about the same thing in loop.
On the other end, you were debating whether you should visit the bookshop like you initially intended to this morning or if you should just retreat for the time being given the undeniable tension that recently surfaced because of her insufferable and nosy brother.
At the same time, you really wish you could talk to her right now.. You don't know if she could help you with Seo-jun's spying tendencies, it might be too risky knowing that she is also in the same school as you.
Nevertheless, after a long reflection time debating the pros and the cons, you pluck up the courage to go to the all too familiar place, not wanting to leave her behind as if she was nothing. After all and despite her clumsiness, she still tried to repay back your kindness by wanting to treat your wounds last night, you couldn't ignore that.
The second the bell rings, indicating the end of the school day, you make a detour to your house and throw on your once usual attire. Black sparkly eyeshadow, smudged eyeliner, dark red lipgloss for your makeup and ripped thighs, a back cut out top and studded mini short as for your outfit. On top of that, you ensured to rip off your light pink bandage, removing any proof incase you encounter for a second time today someone who thinks too much and tries to relate things that are never meant to be.
During your walk, your palms are sweaty and you keep fidgeting with the hem of your shirt, suddenly anxious about running into a fellow student. All because of this unnerving and disturbing boy who pressured you into thinking he's got it all figured out. Who does he think he is ?
He has almost made you believe your efforts were in vain and that everything will be revealed and collapse not even one week into the school year, as if. If you appear confident enough, he'll probably give up and assume he was wrong. The only thing you need is assurance. You devise your plan, now holding your head high, full of determination to convince him you're being truthful.
At last, you arrive after what felt like the shortest trip of your life thanks to your mind busied with your occupied thoughts.
You slowly entry, the cordial bell welcoming you as usual. "Hello welcome to Prince comic, how can I help- you ?" The same girl accentuates her last word, inquiry and surprise evident in her tone. "You." A manly voice asserts near a bookrack.
You smile fades as soon as it came, recognising all too well this deep voice and to whom it belongs. As if it was a reflex, you automatically turn around to get as far away from Seo-jun as possible. You'll greet his sister another time.
Forecasting your rather obvious retreat, he hurriedly rushes to grab your arm "I won't let you go so easily this time." You rashly deliver yourself from his grasp. You don't feel livid like you used to earlier, no, you feel furious, impossibly irritated at his irrationally strong-willed acts.
The worst part is, you don't even know why he doesn't let you go. Is it because of the seat you didn't grant him, maybe an intrusive nature you're not aware of due to your new arrival, a member of his family you killed during your past life, or is it something else ?
Truth is, he doesn't know himself, it doesn't feel like him. Normally, he's much composed and detached, not caring much about anything or anyone. However for some reason, he finds himself cogitate about you more than he should recently.
He doesn't understand if it is the previous seat issue or the bookstore one that makes him want to see you either. The only thing he's sure of is that he wants to know more about you, whether it is to take his revenge for hurting his ego at school or to credit your courage outside of it.
Seo-jun sighs loudly and forces himself to pretend he didn't recognise you. "Aish- come on just let me repay you already." He drags you, leading you to two beanbag seats further into the store. You finally give up and sit down, accepting your fate, you can't leave anyways. You'll just comply with him for a while, begging that whatever he wants, it'll be fast.
"Stay here." He commands. You jerk your head and raise your upper lips in disgust. This boy really needs someone to teach him a lesson and put him back down to earth. You roll your eyes as the boy leaves, disappearing into a backdoor with a "staff only" sign.
You take your time to carefully observe your surroundings. The lights are pretty low, harmonising with the spooky decor theme of the shop.
Indeed, there are countless skulls of all sizes, each carefully placed on shelves, plastic spiders crawling up different bookcases and blood stains stickers hazardously fixed on every blank wall, most of the time close by to an eye catching poster from an unknown horror series.
They are wholly claiming the shop. Wherever your eyes land, you notice even the smallest sinister item, you could even discern a corner dedicated to horror mangas. Whoever the owner is, you could easily guess their favourite book genre. Despite the deliberate creepy atmosphere of the place, you find the attention payed to every detail pretty cool.
Seo-jun comes back at last, pulling you out of the reverie you were foolishly evading in for a second, as if it could get you out of this miserable position.
He sits down on the ottoman right next to you, a medicine kit in his hands. You furrow your eyebrow ad he takes out a cream from a the box.
"What are you doing ?" You resist. He stares blankly at you "Repaying you, I already told you. Now just sit still." You flinch as he approaches his hand from your face, a reflex caused by your late months of physical abuse. He frowns, his mouth open in slight confusion.
He blinks slowly before steadily moving again, more carefully this time upon seeing your alarmed reaction. You lower your eyes, embarrassed and disturbed at the same time. You noticed his change of pace right after witnessing your slight panic, you think it's nice coming from him, weirdly enough.
Seo-jun furrows his brows in concentration as he treat your cheekbone, his mind spontaneously racing with numerous thoughts. At last, he manages to utter a few words "Thanks for defending her when I wasn't there.".
You're quite taken aback, you never thought the nonchalant rebel with a clearly mixed reputation at school would ever thank you. Despite all, you need to remained composed, you're not supposed to know any of that "It's nothing really.".
"No its not, most people would have just ignored it and standby." He adds, protesting against your indifference. "Whatever.. I didn't do it for you but still, you're welcome I guess ?" You insist, tired of his uncharacteristic politeness.
You don't really care about gratitude, you didn't protect her for it. For now, your only hope is that he mindlessly overlook your face and focus on the cut instead of overanalyse it and guess your true identity in the way.
Except luck is still not on your side, obviously he knows. From your long lashes and prominent cheekbones to the bridge of your nose, the arch of your cupid's bow and the plumpness of your lips, he'd recognise those unique traits anywhere. Those same features that granted you the praising name of "stargirl" at Saebom high school.
The only thing he wonders now is if you knew that he's aware of your identity of if your credulous enough to think he was completely blind. He immediately decides to remedy to this interrogation. "Why did you leave earlier ?" He spills out of nowhere while applying a brand new bandage.
"What ?" You raise your head and look at him, genuinely lost. "At school, when I asked if you were the girl from the manga shop." He clarifies, impatiently awaiting your answer.
"I don't know what you're talking about. Stop speaking nonsense i don't know you dude."
You uphold and take your leave under the impulse, not even looking back to farewell his clueless sister. How can a sweet girl like her have an infuriating brother like him ?
He raises one eyebrow and cocks his head to the side while smirking, clearly amused by your precipitated departure. So the second option it is.
"Seriously.. She didn't even thank me." Seo-jun fusses to his sister, putting the medicine supplies back in the white kit.
"She makes me think of you.. in a way." Go-woon quietly remarks, pensive. "Fuck no ! She's nothing like me." The student refutes, deeply offended and bewildered by her sudden comparison.
The thing is, Seo-jun isn't the type to worry about the consequences of his actions, nor feel bad about it. "Life's too short" he tells himself.
Truth be told, his anger issues are purely due to his strong emotions overwhelming him, he feels everything and also takes everything to heart, which has led him to many tantrums that people often unknowingly mistake for a lack of control. Thus giving him an impulsive credit and scary status.
He then prefers to hide behind a powerful and intimidating armour rather than face his feelings and what they want to tell him. At the end of the day, what differentiates him from you ?
✧ summary : Sometimes, being yourself is hard. So hard and painful, that you'll beg and do anything just to be normal and fit in properly. Even if that means losing your true self in the process. Despite this facade, someone who truly cares about you would try anything to show you how worthy you are without any acting and pretending. Will fate bring you this person to save you or will you have to put on a show indefinitely ?
✧ words : 2.0k
✧ a/n : ..so guess who’s finally done with her (first) exams..🥀🥀
***
Your first day of school left you with many hopes for this school year, you came back home all too cheerful. "Hi mom !" You quickly shout before retreating to your bedroom to change clothes.
Your confidence was so up that you decided to go out to visit the hot places near your new school. Within a strict perimeter though, you couldn't allow yourself to venture too close to enemy territory. Imagine the horror if someone from your high school, or worst, your class saw you in your usual style. Frightening for you both to say the least.
In any cases, as of right now, nothing could break your mood. Genuinely, even cold stares or other disgusted ones wouldn't bring it down. After all, with the ego boost you've just gotten today only, this task seems really difficult, nearly impossible.
You tell yourself this as you apply black pencil around your eyes, creating a black smokey eyeliner look, all while your metal playlist is running in the background. People may have considered you ignorant when it comes to makeup but really, you're confident that you know more than they do. The sole fact that you can easily switch from your usual dark makeup to a natural one was proof enough of your wide knowledge. Their assumptions do not always reflect reality.
You finally leave your house after going back to your former self, venturing to the already darkening sky. Your metallic and black leather bag is heavy, full of makeup remover and spare clothes. "Just incase" you told yourself, you never know.
The first shop you wish to visit is a manga one. Last year, you didn't have the time nor the energy to read.. or pursue any of your hobbies now that you think of it. In fact, it's been so long since you've practiced guitar whereas it's your favourite and most efficient habit to relieve stress. Cigs excepted.
Ironically enough, your tense situation at school made you totally livid, deprived of any enjoyment, you felt so stressed out that you couldn't even manage to do the one activity that usually made you release it.
Hence why you absolutely want to start reading again, remembering all the unfinished series you've started made you completely nostalgic of it. The wild memories of your reading sessions, when you were imagining all sorts of vivid scenarios of your own, brought you to this reputed but still cozy enough bookstore situated at the junction of two streets.
As you push open the door of the small shop, a bell rings to welcome you whilst signalling your arrival to the shopkeeper. To your surprise, you hadn't even stepped through the door of the shop when you could already hear a strange commotion coming from the small cash register, which is actually just a simple wooden counter.
"Come on just give it to me.. You're not that pretty so giving your Instagram to a guy like me would be considered an honour, you should be grateful." You can discern a man leaning on the very same counter while extending his arm, phone in hand.
"You're so annoying.. How many times do I have to tell you no ? You're too old and not my type, and even if you were, I wouldn't give it to you with this egocentric attitude." A young girl sighs, exhaustion is apparent on her face, however she is also trying her best to hide the panic inside.
This could be seen in her gaze, fixed in the distance, as if searching for a way out or a possibility of receiving help, how she is intensely avoiding eye contact with her perpetrator and most of all, her tense body language, her arms are crossed in a natural defensive position.
You obviously intervene, both outraged and enraged by how relaxingly this person is harassing this working girl. "Ya ! Leave now while I'm still nice." You raise your tone immediately, not bearing any patience for animals like him.
The boy, who looks like he is in his twenties, turns around and scrutinises you carefully up and down. "What ? Is she your guard dog or something ?" He scoffs obviously pissed off by your little act of defiance which disrupts his vulgar way of finding a girl.
Your eye twitches "No, but I can surely bite like one.". You grab him by his hair, dragging him outside in the evening sky. "What the fuck are you doing you bitch !?" He whines painfully. You scoff and push him away, releasing him, or at least for a while.
"You're lucky I don't hit girls." He groans as he begins to back away all while putting on a hostile stare, doing you the odd honour of it being intended to you only. Thrill bursts through your body as you look back at him coldly, though with a small grin. "Well luckily for you I don't give a shit because I'm going to beat your ass up either way." You retort back cockily, hitting him directly in his face before he could get farther away, your metal rings adding more harm to your already gutsy punch.
The mad creep wheezes while rolling up his sleeves, as if it could help him hit better. You can't help but scoff at his little show. "You asked for it then.." He shouts while surging towards you menacingly.
At last, he manages to land you a punch but unfortunately for him, his clear lack of fighting skills whether it is his poor endurance or the total bypass he had done on his legs, rather pitifully evident given that he did not use them at all. Plus, the injuries you caused him with your hoary, icy accessories quickly caused him to lie on the ground right beneath you.
"Don't ever come here again you dog." You spit one last time at the man's bloodied face before turning your heels and entering back the shop to check on the girl.
Little did you know, someone outside arrived right at the end of the violent scene, witnessing you handling this boy by yourself from a both careful and curious distance.
The bell cheers for your entry. "All done !" You exclaim yourself, both proud and relieved. "Thanks a lot.." The young girl with glasses responds, deeply grateful that you took actions and matters into your own hands in order to rescue her.
"Oh, and you're really pretty by the way. Don't get intimidated by a guy whose parents are probably related, seriously.." You chuckle softly, trying as you can to lighten up the mood. You know how it feels to be unsecured and devalued because of others, you didn't want it to happen to such a sweet girl like her.
She lowers her head but gives you a shy smile nevertheless, quite surprised at your compliment. She didn't expect to meet such a nice person during this arduous work day. Life really is full of surprises after all.
"Are you okay by the way? Did he hurt you ?" You frown while tilting your head, trying to analyse her face for any signs of injury this jerk could have caused her. "No, I'm fine it's okay.." She looks back up at you to show you a reassuring smile, really glad for your presence right now.
"But miss.. You're bleeding.." The young employee notices after raising her head, concerned. She touches her cheekbone as to indicate you where your wound is. You immediately want to reassure her, it wasn't your first injury and it certainly won't be your last.
You attempt to say that you've had worst, especially with your high school background and what they've put your through, but before you can utter any word, a man hurriedly enters the shop, thus causing your sudden interruption "Go-woon are you okay !?".
"Seo-jun ! There's my brother, he'll help you !" She rushes to him. Seo-jun..? You've heard this name at school before, the late student. No, surely that's impossible, the universe wouldn't set up your downfall right after you've risen.. right.. right ??
Your turn around to take a peak, furtively glancing at the newcomer, aiming to reveal his identity to ease your ecstatic heartbeat.
Unluckily, horror spreads on your face as you can unfortunately recognise an all too familiar pattern composed of a mullet, silver jewellery and a dark foxy-like set of eyes that stared at you with fury just a few hours ago.
"He's.. your brother..?" You speak carefully after almost instantly going into panic mode at the sight of someone you know in a public space, especially after your heated altercation. It's even worst considering that you kind of argued with him earlier, he certainly wouldn't do you any charity and tell everyone your secret without any hesitation or regret.
"Ya, answer me ! I just saw a crazy chick beating the shit out of a guy right outside. You know how worried it made me ? I thought something had happened !" He grabs the young teenager firmly by her shoulders to catch her attention, emphasising his already apparent worry.
"I'm fine dude, and this "crazy chick" you're talking about actually saved me." She prods his shoulder with her slender finger as a punishment for the improper name he just called you, causing him to flinch at the slight discomfort.
"Really ?" He finally notices you and can't help but inspect your silhouette facing away from him, a mix between interest and consideration forcing him to do so. The young man can nonetheless discern your grunge style by your wild hairstyle and dark clothes, curiosity blooming inside him. He's never seen such aesthetics before, or at least not in real life despite his social medias recommendations entirely made up of it, similarly according to his own dressing choices.
Meanwhile, you heavily sweat, pondering a plan to escape the risky situation you are in. "What happened ?" He knits his eyebrows, fairly disturbed by your odd unresponsive behaviour, to finally look back at the younger girl whose name you know now is Go-woon. "I'll explain later for now help her out would you ?" Go-woon answers back innocently, thinking she's actually helping you whereas she's actually digging your grave as she speaks.
"I need to go." You retort back unexpectedly, already rushing to the exit with your eyes fixated on the floor. "Let me patch you up at least, for saving my sister." He straightaway stands between you and the door before you could disappear there and then.
"Move." You coldly pronounces, still lowering your head to hide your face. "Ya- at least tell me your name !" He contests. You sigh and shove him forcefully with your shoulder, finally leaving after your identity almost got released.
"What was that ? So rude and for what.." He scoffs heatedly. Go-soon pouts, confused by your abrupt switch up. His fingers rubs where the collision happened, he couldn't help but wonder the reason why you acted like so if you lent a helping hand to his sister so nicely for nothing.
You finally came back home after a hurry, checking every corner and behind you as if you were on a watchlist. If anyone saw you in this state, they surely though you were.. But back then you didn't care about embarrassment, only survival. Yes, it was that serious.
Right after you hopped in the hot shower to wash away any recognisable makeup and your tension in the process, you decide to eventually treat your wounds. It wasn't pretty, like you ironically wished it could have been to match your new looks. No, you notice your bloodied hands from both yours and the man's blood and grit your teeth as you apply ointment to your bruised knuckles and your left cheekbone.
"Ahh.. What do I do ?" You sob as you can still distinguish the reddish wound right in the centre of your face. A single pimple patch wouldn't be enough to cover the injury you have.. Amazing, now you have to make up another lie instead of telling the most obvious and believable one.
"That's what you get for playing the hero", you tell yourself. Despite all, you are still grateful for deciding to take a stroll in the nearby city, who knows what could have happened if you didn't enter the shop. Humans are scary after all, you know this all too well..
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✧ summary : Sometimes, being yourself is hard. So hard and painful, that you'll beg and do anything just to be normal and fit in properly. Even if that means losing your true self in the process. Despite this facade, someone who truly cares about you would try anything to show you how worthy you are without any acting and pretending. Will fate bring you this person to save you or will you have to put on a show indefinitely ?
✧ words : 1.5k
✧ a/n : ..longer chapters are coming🫢🫢
***
"Hurry up I don't have all day !" You hear your sister shouting exasperatedly from downstairs. After all, you reviewed at least a thousand times your clothes seeking for any stains, your skin for any blemishes and even made sure your hair was framing your face and falling and your shoulders the right way. You can't help but understand her impatience at that time, however you also can't afford to leave anything to chance only, not after everything you've been through.
Today is the day you long awaited for, the first day of the school year. For the occasion, you made your hair and clothes especially pretty and neat, contrasting with your past outfits. You've chosen a pink bow to tie around your collar, perfectly matching your hair clip. Finally, you've put on white knee-high socks instead of your usual black ones. Every detail was carefully thought and meticulously prepared, nothing could go wrong.
After you finally checked everything that was written on your bullet list, you grabbed your bag and headed outside.
During the ride in her car, you kept opening and closing the sun visor, frantically checking for any flaws. "Ah seriously.. You're stressing me out and I'm not even the one going to school. Just stop already, you look fine." She finally snaps. "Fine ? Just fine ?? But I need to look perfect.." You complain worriedly.
She suddenly brakes, taking you by surprise "There you go, we've arrived.". "Already ?? Oh my god I didn't have time to prepare myself mentally.." You faintly mutter, already feeling the anxiety rising. "But you've prepared yourself physically, more than necessary actually. So don't worry so much, you're ready. Be confident and smile." Your older sister reassures you and flashes one of her signature grin. You smile back at her softly and nod.
Once in front of the school, the metal gate quickly became far too cold and intimidating for your own good. Truth be told, your legs felt like jelly and your palms were sweating before you knew it. To ease your stress and save face before you even met anyone, which the mere need to so is pretty embarrassing in itself, you decide to close your eyes and take a good, long deep breath. "Dude look, she's so pretty !" You hear from a boyish voice getting past you. Curious, you open your eyes and unconsciously pout. Surely your transformation would not drastically change other people's opinion on you by making them believe you're attractive.. You shake this gullible idea off your head and advance forwards instead, following the gravel path presented before you.
"Is she new ? I've never seen her before.." "Since when does a beauty like her go to our school ?" "She is giving stargirl energy." "Oh my god ! Look, she's so beautiful.." "Do you think she's a celebrity ? She looks like a trainee !" As you walk by the long alley surrounded by vivid emerald trees, you carry on hearing diverses compliments. More than taken aback, you tilt your head in utter confusion and look back at one of the group of students. What you didn't expect was for them to already be watching you, both in disbelief and awe. "She's looking at us, someone hide me I'm blushing !" One of the young girl almost screams in excitement. You couldn't believe it.
By choosing a particularly stylish hairstyle and outfit, all you ever wished for was to become a normal girl and fit in properly. Still, you never even dreamed off that you could become the new school "stargirl" as you heard someone call you. You try your best to contain the immense joy you're feeling right now by biting your lower lips and slightly lowering your head in the process.
When you finally arrived in front of your assigned classroom after constantly being showered with compliments and comments about your looks on your way there, not that you minded anyways, you confidently stepped into the bright class bathed generously in sunlight.
"Wow, no way ! You're in our class ?" An apparent bubbly girl with short hair almost jumps out of her seat to question you. You let out a small giggle "Yes, I just transferred school. My name is Y/n, nice to meet you !" You attempt with your whole self to mask your nervousness by displaying a charming smile, hoping to make them overlook the small tremble in your tone. "I'm Su-ah !" She gasps "But wait, how are you so pretty ? Really, life isn't fair..". She teasingly pouts and crosses her arms around her chest. "Don't say that ! You're the prettiest and cutest girl I've seen in my whole life Su-ah !" A boy with highlighted hair comforts and contests her immediately. The black haired girl giggles "Y/n, this is my boyfriend Tae-hoon.". You smile politely at him and before you could even greet him, the teacher enters the classroom, indicating the official start of the school year.
"Hello everyone, I'm glad to see you again. Take your seats. Oh, and Y/n, please come to the board." The confidence boost you've gotten made you particularly relaxed as you easily make your way to the front of the classroom. In other circonstances, the only idea of being exposed for the whole class to see made you suffocate, you felt like a lion poorly trapped in a zoo. However, as of now, you can even call yourself enthusiastic to introduce yourself to your new classmates, partially because they all seem very nice and welcoming, just like the rest of the school.
"Everyone, this is your new classmate Y/n Y/l/n. Please make sure to give her a warm welcome." The kind homeroom teacher begins. You grin gently, he genuinely seems like a nice person, you could almost feel the good vibes emanating from him. "Would you like to say hi ?" He speaks in a hushed tone and turns towards you, awaiting your approval. "Hello everyone, it's nice to meet you all. I sincerely hope we can be good friends." You bring your hand to your heart to translate your sincerity. "You're so pretty !" "Girl, you're gorgeous !" "Drop the skincare routine, we're begging you !" Your classmates all cheer and tease you, already doing a huge step to make your integration to the class better, you couldn't help but be grateful.
"The average attractiveness of our class has gone up now !" A boy at the back of the suddenly rises up and shouts energetically.
"Hyun-kyu, don't say such things. You guys are all beautiful in my eyes." The same teacher steps in, correcting the former student in a cheesy statement, causing a general awkwardness and disapproval among the teenagers. "You have no idea how beautiful you are, so don't try to be something you're not. Especially you Su-ah !" Ironically enough, you would think this was intended to you instead.
You end up sitting behind Su-ah, the outgoing girl from earlier, but it doesn't last long until a boy bursts into the classroom about 15 minutes into class. "Sorry for being late." He simply utters already making his way into the room as if he owns the place.
He pauses in front of your desk, irritation and displeasure rather obviously visible on his handsome face, you might concede. "Ya, new girl. Move, that's my seat."He coldly explains before looking away, only waiting for what he thought would be an evident cooperation, or more like concession.. He appears like he often gets his ways, you hate spoiled and arrogant brat like him.
"But I'm already sat here though.. Can't you just find a seat elsewhere..?" You mumble defensively, significantly taken aback by his sharp tone that you even forget his ethereal face card. "Can't you just stand your ass up and give me my seat back ?" He retorts aggressively, his impatience growing stronger the more you keep contesting him.
You shrug your shoulders and hide a cocky smirk behind your sleeve "Don't feel like it..". You glance away, avoiding his all too disconcerting and disturbed face. Gasps, giggles and whispers emerge, travelling through the classroom upon the conflict. Everyone is greatly disrupted from the resistance you hold towards the most intimidating guy at school.
"What did you just sa-" The boy lets his bag fall from his single shoulder, flabbergasted by your protestation. He is Seo-jun after all, never in his life someone disrespected him like that. "Okay Seo-jun that's enough she just arrived. There's a seat at the back of the class."
The fierce boy ultimately concedes, his dark eyes don't leave yours as he proceeds to walk to the back of the classroom. He savagely sits down, showing his dissatisfaction by making an evident fuss.
You slightly pout, maybe you should have been nicer to him despite his tough demeanour. After all, you are supposed to be appreciated by everyone no matter how difficult it can look. Even though, from your point of view, this guy doesn't like anyone anyways.. So what would be the point of trying hard and wasting your time and efforts into something meaningless which would lead to no results.
You try to brush off this unfortunate first impression by reminding yourself of all the positive comments you received earlier. Yes, you can feel it. This year will be yours. Or at the very least, you intend to make it.
✧ summary : Sometimes, being yourself is hard. So hard and painful, that you'll beg and do anything just to be normal and fit in properly. Even if that means losing your true self in the process. Despite this facade, someone who truly cares about you would try anything to show you how worthy you are without any acting and pretending. Will fate bring you this person to save you or will you have to put on a show indefinitely ?
✧ words : 1.4k
✧ a/n : I’m back!! You could say I got productive during summer break.. New chapters are coming very soon on Tumblr ! They’re already published on Wattpad though so don’t hesitate to check it out💞💞(link in character moodboard)
***
You lie on your bed, the lamplight sitting solemnly at the centre of your nightstand casts golden rays over your bare shoulders, harmonising with the ones coming from your windows. Summer will soon end, you turn around, now fully facing the sun as to enjoy every last bit of it like it would be the last time you'll see it. It may as well be.
Next year you'll change school, you'll change city, you'll change everything about yourself all hopefully for the best. The last few months were arduous but you sincerely, and desperately, aspire that a radical change of scenery will soon ease the pain. This hurtful feeling that has been continuously eating you alive and tugging at your heart, consuming every last part of your brain, forging it as a dark prison only you could have access to for you own pitiful misery, you'll escape it once and for all.
It's true, since your childhood, others always made sure to make you aware that you were.. Different. For instance, you never really enjoyed following trends such as buying the latest makeup brand dupe or the newest lululemon top. It's not that you didn't like to dress up, not at all, in fact you love it. But the way you are doing it, isn't exactly conventionally appropriate.
While you were surrounded by attractive girls wearing light-coloured clothes and bright makeup, you were the strict polar opposite. Baggy clothing, dark and smudged makeup, purposely messy hair, you weren't exactly a demure beauty icon like modern society would like you to be. And as they like to remind you, you were filthy petrol in a sea of pure refreshing water, always visually polluting your surroundings despite you. You'll forever remain as an outcast.
You never really saw any inconvenience to it until high school. Stares became more apparent and whispers more frequent as you quietly made your way throughout the corridors that soon became way too tight and way too long for your own comfort. Although your school experience wasn't particularly pleasant, it didn't touch you nearly as much since you didn't have to face it upfront. They could talk behind your back but they'll never mock you right in your face. Or so you thought.
Right, no one was invincible. Not even you the cold hearted, cold blooded, insensible, maybe even sociopathic as some liked to call you, school loner from the back of the class. You weren't one looking for dramas, partially because you were invisible, such are the pros all while being cons of having no friends.
Except, maybe, when you have this bad habit of smoking behind the school building. This bloody dependence will really kill you one day but not for the most obvious reason. Near the trash dump was the meeting spot of all smokers. It was a dark place, with a cold, humid atmosphere that assaults you with every drag smokers take in hope to forget that their addiction had made them miserably isolated from the rest of the school.
You often bumped into other nicotine addicts just like you, mostly delinquents. You weren't particularly close with them, not wanting to mingle with offensive brutes like them. Even if sometimes, you were feeling generous enough to exchange a cig, a lighter or some last minutes studies for the upcoming test with them.
The tranquility of your school experience was due solely to the invisibility created by your silence. Yet one day, you were foolish enough to believe that nothing could ever happen to you. The day you defied that idea was the day you began to slowly die. Right, as your bullies liked to remind you, that only your taste for meddling into what doesn't concern you has caused the horrid situation that you found yourself in. Ultimately, you too has become a part of the persecuted outcasts.
You anxiously brush the small round-shaped scar situated on your clavicle, a permanent reminder of how you've suffered by their hands.
Hence your sudden need for a radical change of scenery. Whether it was your school, your behavior, or even your clothing style, you wanted a complete transformation to start anew, and preferably by giving a good first impression. To ensure that, you traded your former black and overall dark clothes for lighter ones. Your smudged makeup became clean, clear and smooth. As for the way you act, you opt in favour of a more cheerful version of yourself, which isn't too far from reality really. It's just that before, you didn't have the heart to act nice to certain people who judge exclusively on looks.
Nothing too crazy, you still wish to remain yourself and not lose who you truly are in the process of fitting in. You're just becoming a better version of yourself, you always repeated this same sentence in your head. As for convincing yourself, it's as if you knew that in reality, the two aren't compatible.
Even if you're having a complete makeover some things are left unchanged. Like your love for music and this feeling which resonates within you whenever your slender fingers scratch your guitar. Or even long night talks shared with your older sister, between a pot of hot boiling ramen and a pack of cigs, she is the one who initiated you to smoking. You try to soothe your nerves by telling yourself that you'll always have those at the end of the day no matter what happens.
You finally stand up from your resting place and grab your cigarettes in resignation, hurriedly heading towards your small garden, it wasn't much but it was enough for your family.
You tried to fix this bad habit of yours during your restyling process, but it soon caught up with you before you knew it, especially around this unsure time period. Tomorrow will be the beginning of the new school year and after drastically changing everything about and around you, you can't help but have worrisome doubts consuming your thoughts. What if nothing changes and you'll forever stay an outcast ? What if they immediately see throughout your facade ? What if.. So many questions that are left to be answered until the big day arrives.
You angrily exhale the grey smoke from your lungs, stressing so much wasn't something you planned. Suddenly, you hear the backdoor opening and in a panic, try your best to hide your dubious belongings. "What ? Don't tell me you're smoking at this hour. Wow, you really aren't scared of anything my dear Y/n." You hear the sly grin behind your sister's tone. "Ah seriously, you startled me.." You abruptly toss back your pack on the outdoor table, exasperated though relieved. "Care to share one ?" She sits on the chair next to yours, already taking one out of the package anyways.
You look away silently as you hear the crisp and all too familiar sound of a lighter flickering. "What's gotten into you ? You seem tense." She starts, worry apparent in your older sister's eyes as she looks at you. "'Don't know.." You answer absently. "Is it because of the new school year ? I told you you were going to be fine countless time, yet you can help but worry right ?" You nod upon her comment. "Y/n, no matter what people think of you, you should live for yourself. And if it doesn't go like you expected, it won't be the death of you, I promise." She smirks, empathising with your concerns. But is it truly not ? If it wasn't, why would you have tried so hard to change every aspect of your life ?
She crushes her cigarette end in the ashtray. "Don't forget to clean everything up afterwards." She reminds you with a last puff of smoke. You turn your head to follow her departure "Mh.".
You went to bed with numerous questions racing in your clouded mind. You tossed and turned, so much that you gave up at last and took a sleeping pill. You can't afford to have a spot appearing from nowhere or an inflamed skin on what could be the biggest day of your life. So, to avoid that, sleep is indispensable.
You ultimately drifted off to sleep, lulled by the hopes and expectations you have for this school year. In fact, the sole idea of living a normal teenage school life was enough to ease the anxiety weighing on your mind, rather naively you might even admit. Soon, you'll live a new life.
Sometimes, being yourself is hard. So hard and painful, that you'll beg and do anything just to be normal and fit in properly. Even if that
✧ playlist name : True beauty (I created a playlist with true beauty vibes if you want to try it and tell me your thoughts about it, you're more than welcome<33!)
To all my lovely writers who haven't made it to that one specific scene yet. You know, the one that is the whole reason why you wanted to write this in the first place. Still not quite there yet.
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Emotional Walls Your Character Has Built (And What Might Finally Break Them)
(How your character defends their soft core and what could shatter it) Because protection becomes prison real fast.
✶ Sarcasm as armor. (Break it with someone who laughs gently, not mockingly.)
✶ Hyper-independence. (Break it with someone who shows up even when they’re told not to.)
✶ Stoicism. (Break it with a safe space to fall apart.)
✶ Flirting to avoid intimacy. (Break it with real vulnerability they didn’t see coming.)
✶ Ghosting everyone. (Break it with someone who won’t take silence as an answer.)
✶ Lying for convenience. (Break it with someone who sees through them but stays anyway.)
✶ Avoiding touch. (Break it with accidental, gentle contact that feels like home.)
✶ Oversharing meaningless things to hide real depth. (Break it with someone who asks the second question.)
✶ Overworking. (Break it with forced stillness and the terrifying sound of their own thoughts.)
✶ Pretending not to care. (Break it with a loss they can’t fake their way through.)
✶ Avoiding mirrors. (Break it with a quiet compliment that hits too hard.)
✶ Turning every conversation into a joke. (Break it with someone who doesn’t laugh.)
✶ Being everyone’s helper. (Break it when someone asks what they need, and waits for an answer.)
✶ Constantly saying “I’m fine.” (Break it when they finally scream that they’re not.)
✶ Running. Always running. (Break it with someone who doesn’t chase, but doesn’t leave, either.)
✶ Intellectualizing every feeling. (Break it with raw, messy emotion they can’t logic away.)
✶ Trying to be the strong one. (Break it when someone sees the weight they’re carrying, and offers to help.)
✶ Hiding behind success. (Break it when they succeed and still feel empty.)
✶ Avoiding conflict at all costs. (Break it when silence causes more pain than the truth.)
✶ Focusing on everyone else’s healing but their own. (Break it when they hit emotional burnout.)
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