Starters of Weird Shit My Friend Groups Have Said
Organized by friend group because I’m strange. You can use these as sentence starters being said by someone, or you can use them as titles or as prompts for starters tbh do whatever these are all weird as fuck.
“ At the ripe old age of 20 his dick crawled up his spine and nested itself in his head. ”
“ Closed Captions Are God ”
“ Can’t wait for the slenderdoodle to show up. ”
“ Hey wanna buy some bootleg movies ”
“ Hey wanna buy a watch ”
“ Those look like fuckboi shoes to me. ”
“ What was I saying before the Hands Up Their Ass thing? “
“ Yoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyyoyooyoyoyoyoyoyoyoy “
“ Those are some bomb ass windshield wipers ”
“ Who knew God has a toggle switch. “
“ Gay brought his butter knife “
“ Lol what the fuck is English ”
“ The Fear Zone sounds like _’s Alternative Metal band. ”
“ Wake me up before September inside ”
“ Care is mutual and I’m socially inept “
“ Did you take your meds ”
“ That sounds pretty kinky. Hell yeah. ”
“ Wow what is wrong with me. Aside from the depression. ”
“ *excessive amounts of sighing* ”
“ Don’t get me started on apples. ”
“ Don’t get me started. ”
“ Fuckin burnt garbanzo bean lookin fucker ”
“ Fucking white people. ”
“ Fucking straight people. ”
“ I’m in between gods at the moment. ”
“ 11215.. kill me 33153.. fuck ”
“ Excuse me. I ordered that mood hypothetical. This mood is too real for what I ordered. ”
“ No you’re not allowed to die yet. ”
“ I’ll only give you my address if you plan on coming here and murdering me. ”
“ So I’ll ask for your address while subtly talking about my knife collection?”
“ Why is bad-dragon so expensive? ”
“ Are you a Dominos or a Subway ”
“ If you die I swear to god I will summon your spirit so I can smack you across the face. ”
“ I’m just high on sleep deprivation ”
“ Wow insomnia is great. ”
“ You’re not an official gun porn aficionado if you only have two pistols ”
“ Putting your dick in soul-sapping water. “
“ there should be a focus button. it goes right over the nippy tips “
“ he disrupts the magnetic field in their fucking hearts and they die “
“ Local Southerner carves path of destruction through _ “
“ My knees are slowly sinking into the trash not like this “
“ by the end of this we’re all going to be zuchinnis “
“ I can’t even comprehend half of what you said just now. “
“ _ is Captain Cockmast of the S.S. Gotwood “
“ _’s cleave is deeper than marianna’s trench. “
“ I am a well cultured bacteria “
“ Does that rustle your foliage? “
“ I don’t think ibuprophen numbs the soul “
“ He’s cold and calculating, and occasionally thinks of pussy “
“ I pray at my altar of sluts “
“ I’m sorry sir, I can’t come into school today, I have the Queer “
“ You have my heart, I have your leash “
“ I am the inside of an overused Vape・ That’s where I live “
“ Somebody Pike me with a cactus “
“ If I were the 8th dwarf I’d be limpy “
“ Ravioli Ravioli Give me the Strenghthioli “
“ I said Invasive not insertive “
“ Now, I’ve eaten crunchy bacon. And I’ve also eaten sand. and I can tell you they are not the same “
“ Only the highest level of redundancy for me “
“ You put those eyebrows down and keep them down “
“ Bee’s? Bee’s? Bee’s. Who wouldda thunk? Not me'es “
“ I’ll give you a hint, I’m not a woman. “
“ [souther accent] where’s the salad dressin? “
“ I’m telling god on you “
“ I’m Older Than *static* *Static* *Static* My Dong Enragement Child “
“ i’ve got my uwu, wallet, clothes “
“ It’s rotted in the right direction “
“ I am in love with all the daddies “
“ You’re special, you fluffy little nugget. “
“ I’m sorry, my pants just talked to me. “
“ You know you want these cookie cats. “
“ lil mam best NOT be drankin' “
“ HERP DEUP NUPBLOP BILPITIP WANDEL WANDEL WANDEL. “
“ You see these regrets? Wait, my hands are empty. “
“ Come to Florida. It’s warm but really wet. So am I, usually. “
“ Don’t you make kissy faces at me, santa woman. “
“ Please, enlighten me on the symbolic nature of crotch bows. “
“ No, get that emoji out of my butthole! “
“ FUCK YOU WHERE ARE THE MOPS? “
“ I wanna smooch a horse. “
“ Lettuce does not belong in there. “
“ I’m gonna shove ALL the lettuce in there. “
“ Palm trees are beach pubes. “
“ Frig, now I have to frig my frigger. “
“ I have to take out my eyes and stuff. “
“ I should find something to smunch. “
“ Where are all of my faces? “
“ I’d love to play with D. “
“ I’d bend HIS Cigarette. “
“ If I could condense my being into one thing, it would be badly combed hair. “
“ OKAY I’LL WRITE IT REAL QUOCK AND THEM PASS OUT “
“ Oh my god, I accidentally took twelve pictures. “
“ That’s your second kinkshame tonight. “
“ W-what is a ‘shrong’? “
“ Did you seriously just shave off half your mustache? “
“ You’re a pizza. You’re great, but you’re bad for me. “
“ Don’t drink and ride your horse. It could rear and spill your beer. “
“ I’m not stupid, but I sure do make dumb decisions. “
“ Hold on, lemme add a wink wonk. “
“ Is it awkward? I’m having a good time… hAVING A GOOD TIME, HAVING A GOOD TIME- “
“ Don’t flirt with my sister figure. “
“ Do you mind if I throw the dad in here? “
“ You all need anime Jesus. “
“ I don’t know what state I was in when I wrote this. “
“ Hello, yes, can I order a ‘relationship’? “
“ I can do armpit farts with my boobies. “
“ Do you have any pain killers for butthurt? “
“ Well, Well, Well, Well, Well, Well, Well, Well, Well, Well, Well, Well, Well, Well, Well, Well, Well, Well,
Well, Well. “
“ What knees? ALL THE KNEES. “
“ Sorry we’re so… [lifts leg sexily] distracting. “
“ I’m not going to try it cause I like living. “
“ Ketchup and friendship. My favorite pizza toppings. “
“ Where did the poptart come from? “
“ You’ll be covered in flower petals and glitter for weeks. It’ll be in places you didn’t even know you had. “
“ I AM QUESO CON CARNE. MY VERY EXISTENCE IS CHEESE “
“ Did I fuck up, Sensei? “
“ I just wanted soup. Do I Need to sacrifice a goat to Satan to get soup? “
“ Why the fuck is wongdongs not on here. “
“ WELL I CLEANED THE GRASS FIRST SO IT’S OKAY. ”
“ DON’T EAT THE PAPER, _ ”
“ I will EAT THE PAPER TO SPITE YOU ”
“ anyone in this thread a cum guzzlin machine? i drink 40 gallons a day “
“ I’d so eat sand with you guys “
“ I’m so fresh you can suck my nuts “
“ Hey I found this on my phone. It’s gay. “
“ What the fuckin is lunch “
“ EVERYBODY WHO PORTRAYS _ AS A N*ZI OWES ME 200 DOLLARS AND THEIR SOUL. SORRY I DONT MAKE THE RULES “
“ I am going to astral eject from my body. You heard me right. I’m not gonna astral project. No I’m going to straight up EJECT from my body bye y’all “
“ You refuse to die, and I, I can respect that. “
“ You’re damn right I broke your mouth, I broke your mouth with my fucking 15 inch diCK “
“ You know who I’d hate fuck? Benedict Cumberbatch. And I wouldn’t bottom for that shit either, I’d fucking peg him. “
“ The NSFW chat is my home, im the gremlin who resides there. it is my domain “
“ WHAT DOES SQUIRT YOUR GURT MEAN “
“ Yeah, right, at the ripe old age of twenty I birthed four children from my nutsack. “
“ I will fucking glue your asshole shut you fucking- “
“ Fuck your fucking frog face “
“ HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO TELL SOMEONE I STUCK MY DICK IN A HOT POCKET “
“ Maybe I’ll just call them Bong, is that an acceptable name “
“ hi welcome you already know me but hi im _ and [funky guitar noise] i eat rocks “
“ You’ll put someone’s dick in your mouth but you won’t eat a fucking eggroll? ”
“ The almighty thundercunt. “
“ Every suiter likes getting blown “
“ Stick the rod in the hole “
“ I just ate a whole finger “
“ Spray him! Spray him in the face! “
“ It only gets a few thousand squeezes “
“ I am a slut for creepy violin music “
“ Still not as hard as your mono nipple “
“ Why are you putting a glowing thing in my pants “
“ He was in the conga line and then he dissappeared “
“ Don’t drink the change. BE the change. “
“ Did you just throw the wines foreskin into the crowd? “
“ Can you fix my ribs real quick? “
“ For the first time I can put on my own feet! “
“ Who’s froot sproot am I using? “
“ Here comes Con Jesus again. “
“ Brain.exe has encountered several errors. Please insert disk to continue. “
“ You, my friend, are fucked. “
“ This is a train wreck “
“ TRAINS AIN’T GOT SHIT ON US. “
“ WHY IS THERE A RAPTOR SHOVED UP YOUR *******??? “
“ I feel it. Right here. Right in my nipple. “
*Softly petting your head singing ‘somewhere over the rainbow’*
“ Gay pirates? Gay Pirates. “
“ I took a selfy with the dead guy. “
“ Oh my god honey it’s so big. “
“ Should she still be saying her lines? “
“ Holy shit he actually rhymed with Oranges. “
“ Codpieces make me uncomfortable “
“ You smell like squirrels “
“ Sir/Madam/Hey. Do you have squirrels…? “
“ Bullshit, it’s blueberries today! “
“ You’re Irish, get the fuck away from me “
“ WHO BROKE HIM/HER/THEM THIS TIME?! “
“ You should avoid the shepherdess, she might shear you “
“ We’ve got fucking camels?! “
“ Butch I have a moth full of burger! “
“ Is crawling really the best option? “
“ Oh my god it looks like a football with the tip cut off “
“ That cannot have come out of a human being. “
“ Try wiping with your tail in front of your butt “
“ Let the chainmail hit the floor “
“ That’s sweet but I’d feel better if you got an MRI “
“ but on the real i do have actual pictures of the hydrolisys in progress, want to see? “
“ oh for fuck’s sake this is like that club in San Francisco all over again when you two ended up spending the night with that militant feminist collective “
-Miscellaneous discord chats
“ F'U'C'K'I'N’“R'A'N'Y'E “
“ Me, trying to devour enough tortillas to form coherent thoughts “
“ Haunt her with her dead child. “
“ Scene contained a lapdance, but it was with a corpse. “
“ Mostly I just lick books though “
“ Bitch it’s always time do die when you have depression “
“ It’s 2017 America is being run by a squirrel and I’m in a fucking SAW movie why would I be paranoid “
“ alabama, the worlds hardest-to-remove confederate monument “
“ Go throw a sock at your brother for me “
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