A Shotgun Wedding!

“Don’t you think you need to get some meat on your bones?” The would-be bride was patting and pulling at the boy’s cheeks with delight, smiling with no apparent concern over the lack of space between the two. She didn’t understand where this sudden bout of affections came from but it didn’t matter; wanting to smooch his cheeks until they were permanently blushed seem like a fine way to spend an afternoon.

“I love you.” 

The words fall from her lips so easily, so sweetly, so perfectly. She could say them again and again, with no hint of fatigue, if it meant getting her feelings across to the man in red. But she wanted to do more with her lips than just parroting that phrase: She wanted to kiss him, mark him, make him shiny with wet bruises that he was hers and only hers!

“You’re everything I’ve ever wanted in a husband... I want to marry you, right here, on the spot! Wouldn’t you like that? Oh but then I’d be in a rush to make kids with you just as soon... I wouldn’t want my dress to get dirty....”

“Well I don’t want to look like a complete deadbeat in front of anyone. That’s got nothing to do with fear” Never again, would he look as clueless as the day he got this tie. Never again. Forget the fact that a twenty year old man is currently peering over the top of a bar, clutching a spatula like it will save him from the army of cupids

“Besides, last time I helped you out with anything, you tried to get me to sign a marriage certificate. You aren’t high on the trustworthy people list.”

“I don’t think you have to worry about looking silly.. Or... um... you wouldn’t, if you weren’t holding that spatula like a sword” She giggled behind her hand, finding the image to be quite cute. “

“A-And that was  a completely isolated incident! I was trying to make someone jealous, remember? It wouldn’t happen again... maybe... p-possibly...” Definitely. But as much as the certificate crinkled against her bosom, she would refrain from meeting his poor expectations of her.

“Oi!”

“Quit saying stuff like that, you’ll jinx us! If you wanna get hit, then go outside and get hit! This bar is my safe zone, alright?!” He’s playing the long game behind this here bar.

“Oh c’mon! That’s what they want you to do! You shouldn’t live your life in fear just because some silly arrows are hitting people.”

  “So, let me get this right, you want me to be a...

“So…you want me to get jealous of him?”

".Yes! I-I mean -- I definitely wouldn’t mind if you were a little  jealous. Maybe a lot jealous.”

“This is no joking matter, Kintoki! Valentine’s day is one of the most important days of the year! When fair maidens are finally able to muster up the courage to confess... and heroic men are ready to bare their souls and admit their feelings of love.”

Once again, she was close. Incredibly close. Chest to chest, she smushed up against him, ignoring any sounds of complaints or discomfort from her golden catch.

  “That ain’t gonna make you happy.”

Shalem is not amused.

“Trust me on this, I’ve seen it work a bunch of times: Novels, TV and even in videogames!” She hugged his arm tighter, rubbing her cheek against his shoulder “ When he sees us acting all lovey-dovey, his heart will go into a rage! He’ll rip off his shirt and yell ‘THAT’S NOT GOOOOLDEN!’ And challenge you to a fight! You’ll trade fists and blows... and as your body is bruised and beaten, you realize something....”

She slid the chocolates out of reach. 

The smile on Elphelt’s face was stretched too thin, too tight to be genuine. Any attempt to make a gain for the sweets only made the distance between the archer’s hand and her box of delights increase. The silence between the two was tense, unnerving and unpleasant.

“....” She opened the box and put a chocolate in her mouth. And then one more. and then another. And this continued until her cheeks were full and bulging. Then suddenly, she slammed her fists on the table, causing the now empty box to fall off and clatter to the floor.

“No... I scared most of the guys away and I still have that kissing competition with that darn fox to do. So I might not be able to--: wait a minute!”

“I don’t need assistance to buy unscented candles… You could always buy them for me, so I do not have to go outside in the cold.” 

“A compromise... alright, I’ll accept it! But only if you let me help light and set them up afterwards.”

“W-What are you doing here?” She quickly rubbed at her eyes in a vain attempt to rid any evidence of her tears. But her blotchy face and glistening eyes refused to disappear and she huffed in annoyance “Just a second....” She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. Feeling just a bit more calm, she gave him a weak smile and a playful pat on the shoulder.