Bugsy

My parents are out of town and I don't drive. (That's embarrassing enough as a college student idk). I have an interview today though, so I need to take a lyft. Ive never done that before. It's my first time doing something like this without my parents with me. Yesterday I was all in my head about it, panicking.

I debated canceling the interview. No call no showing to it. Rescheduling. But this is my 4th interview and i'm positive i'm getting the job so long as it isnt already filled (which is why I don't want to reschedule it, i'm already fighting the clock in that regard).

I feel like there are spells for this kind of thing, but I don't actually do a lot of spells yet. 😥 Just lack of resources mostly. I don't even know what kind of spell would help me here to be honest? Road opening maybe, but i dont actually know of any spells off the top of my head and I feel awkward just using ones online. I need to work on my grimoire.

This is more of a vent post than anything. Magic isnt going to change anything that I won't make the effort to change myself. Ive already scheduled my ride and a pickup order for food after the interview so I can wait for my second ride. It's just a matter of getting there. I'm not gonna let my anxiety stop me, people do hard things everyday and I need to grow up a bit more.

It's all ads. I can't trust a single thing these people are saying because it's all ads. You follow one account you like, suddenly there are 20 bot accounts trying to follow you because witchcraft is every bot and grifters fav topic, so you have no clue who is actually a real account and who isnt.

Back to the selling thing. I keep seeing these witch kits on there. I love a blind box, but jfc all of these items are low quality, have incorrectly spelled boxes, are probably dropshipped or have easily found dupes on amazon.

I dont feel like i'm in a space that actually values the craft or cares about what goes on in it. People just want money.

I also want to own insects in the future, and I suppose that would affect them too😔

I've mentioned already that I consider myself mostly an atheistic, and that is true, so instead of outwardly worshipping a deity, I want to pay homage to what said deity represents. Aphrodite for example, our well-known Goddess of love, beauty, and so much more but focusing on those two rn. I'd love to have a little shrine dedicated to her for those things as a way to remind myself to emphasise and remember them in my life. Remember to love myself and take care of myself. To appreciate the beauty in people, all that fun stuff.

I theorise it to be the 'surveillance' of a higher power for those who believe in a god/gods. For me, I'm not sure. I just feel like I can't be my best when my space is a mess, and that is its own motivation. But the 'surveillance' of it all affects me too, even as an atheistic individual. The 'what-ifs' matter.

For many years of my life I have been enamored with the idea of witchcraft. I first learned about the concept on Amino when I was probably around 9 or 10. It was a fascinating to me that this truly existed.

Of course, it's hard to be a 'witch' as a 9 year old child in a family of staunch atheists. So I did my thing, I would research and burn papers in private, but I didnt grow as a witch or pagan during that time.

This half on half off relationship has continued for so many years. I'm in my second year of college now, and I find myself being drawn back in. But what does that even mean?

I'm an atheist. At least I think I am. Regardless I believe in science very strongly. I dont think the existence of any gods or spirits gets rid of evolution or the rest of that.

The past few days I've been thinking about this and I've began to accept that I don't care if magic is fake. I believe in the placebo affect, I believe in manifesting, and I believe that everyone copes with their life in different ways. I'm okay with this being mine. It might feel silly at times, but there's no difference in me making a spell jar or me praying to a god if I believe the action js going to actually change something.