NIFFTY !!

“THAT FUCKER IS BACK!!” I yelled 

Val glanced up.  “YEAH I THOUGHT HE WAS GONE FOR GOOD TOO..” 

“ITS BEEN SEVEN YEARS!!”

“YOU STILL PISSED HE ALMOST BEAT YOU THAT TIME?” Val teased, leaning over. 

“Uh, fuck you?” I glared.

“just sayinnggggg” He drawled (I hate dialogue someone shoot me in the head) 

“IVE GOTTA SEND A MESSAGE OF WHOS REALLY IN CHARGE NOW!!” coughs 

“WELCOME HOME 

IM GONNA MAKE YOU WISH THAT YOUD STAYED GONE 

SAY HELLO 

TO A NEW STATUS QUO

EVERYONE KNOWS THAT THERES A BRAND NEW DAWN

ON” I yelled, my dih hard because God the thought of Alastor was just nghhjnnnnnn

“(CAMERA SPEEDS ROLLING IN

THREE

TWO

WELCOME TO THE SHOW)” some random bitch thing said in the background 

“TOP OF THE HOIR

AND WE'RE DISCUSSING A CERTAIN HAS-BEEN WHO HAS BERN SEEN XAVORITING AROUND TOWN AFTER A SEVEN YEAR ABSENCE” I cutely forget my line. 

“Um.” 

.

.

“DID ANYVODY MISS HIM

DID ANYBODY NOTICE

MORE ON TONIGHTS PROGRAM

SO THE RADIO DEMON'S BACK IN TOWN

WHY'S HE HANGIN AROUND 

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN DOE YOUR FAMILY

WELL, 

HANDILY, 

IVE GOT GOOD NEWS

BECAUSE HE'S A LOSER AND A FOSSIL AND I DONT MEAN TO SOUND HOSTILE BUT THE DEMON IS A COWARD

YOU XAN TAKE THAT AS GOSPEL

PULLING NY VIEWERS??

IMPOSSIBLE

IM VISUAL 

HES BARELY AUDIBLE

STOP GIVING HIM THE TIME OD DAY

DONR LISTEN A WORD HED SAU

I HOPE HE HAD A NIXE VACAY 

BUT HE SHOULDVE STAYED AWAY

WHILE HE HID IN RADIO 

WE PIVOTED TO VIDEO 

NOW HIS MEDIUM 

IS GETTING BLOODY RAREEE

HELLS BEEN BETTER SINCE HE SPLIT 

WHERE'S HE VEEN?

WHO FIVES A SHIR!!” I yelled, screen static-y (gonna become a professional author trust.)

Alastor randomly popped in. 

During MY villain monologue? 

Rude??? 

Who said he could DO TAHT??? 

“SALUTATIONS

GOOD TO BE BACK ON THE AIR

YES I KNOW ITS BEEN A WHILE

SINCE SOMEONE WITH STYLE

TREATED HELL HELL TO A BROADCAST

SINNERS,

REJOICE!!” he just interrupted the entirety of my song THIS UGLY FUCKABLE BITCH– 

“what a dated voice 😑😒😐😒😒.” I scoffed, refusing to show my love for him. 

“INSTEAD OF A CLOUT-CHASING MEDIOCRE VIDEO PODCAST” he said confidently, flicking that gorgeous red hair of his id love to tug while he's– 

I realized what he had said. “WAIT, COME ON–” 

“IS VOX INSECURE? 🥺” He mocked. 

“I am. 

That you won't love me.” I muttered defeatedly. 

“PURSUING ALLURE?

FLITTING BETWEEN THIS FAD AND THAT IS NOTHING WORKING??” 

IM SORRY??? THIS BITCG??--

 “IGNORE HIS CHIRPING!!!!” 

“EVERY DAY HE’S GOT A NEW FORMATE!” He pointed out. 

“Well- WELL YOURE LOOKING AT THE FUTURE

HES 

THE SHIT 

THAT COMES 

BEFORE THAT–” I defended myself, because I can't let my fantastic reputation be ruined by this old times radio bitch who I did NOT have a crush on. 

“IS VOX AS STRONG AS HE PURPORTS??

OR IS IT BASED ON HIS SUPPORTS?

HED BE POWERLESS WITHOUT THE OTHER VEES” he exclaimed.

“NUH UH??? hES LYING?? I MEAN, OH PLEASE, HOW WOULD THAT EVEN–” 

“AND HERES THE SUGAR ON THE CREAM” 

wait what- 

“HE ASKED ME TO JOIN HIS TEAM! 🤯” 

“I didn't!!” I said Immediately. 

“I DIDN'T DO THAT, HES LYING!” I whined. 

“I said no 💅” alastor said sassily. 

“AND NOW HE’S PISSY, THAT’S THE TEA 😌💅” 

“ALASTOR WHY DO TOU HAVE YOUR NAILS DONE 

WILL YOU TOUCH ME WIRH THEM–” I yelled. 

Alastor blinked at me and ignored that. 

I realized what he had said. 

“YOUU OLD T¡M3Y PR1CK 1LL SH0W Y07 S7FF3R1NG–”

“UH OH

THE TV IS BUFFERING 🥺” he mocked. 

“1LL D3STR0Y Y0O000OOUU77U7UU—-----” 

and then I fucking died in tv. (Don't worry I revive.) 

“IM AFRAID YOU’VE LOST YOUR SIGNAL 🥰🖕” he said In a sweet tone despite the fact he is NOT sweet he is very cold which is okay because I like my men abusive like ME– 

ahem. 

Who said that. 

WOW thanks a lot alastor. 

“LET’S BEGIN

IM GONNA MAKE YOU WISH

THAT

I’D–” 

I powered back on then and cut in.

“This is me Al.” I said sadly. “Do you still love me?” 

“--STAYED

GONE” Alastor paused, looking at me with thosE EYES. ITS SO OBVIOUS HE WANTSME GUYS CMONN. “yes vox always.” He said kindly. 

Wait what– 

“OH MY GOD REALLY???” I yelled excitedly, my dih going even harder. 

“I always love you.” Alastor assured. 

“IM BREAKING UP WIRH VAL HOLD ON–” I said immediately, grabbing my phone and texting Valentino the EXCELLENT (maybe not so much for him) news. 

“FUCKING FINALLY

YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN THAT CUNT ASS TWINK!!” Alastor yelled, waving his hands.

I ignored that, I have better ideas on my mind. 

“WILL YOU MARRY ME, ALASTOR 💗💝💓💓❤️💜💚🩶💝💓💖💞❤️‍🩹💋♥️❤️‍🩹❣️🫀💍💍💍💙🧡💚🩶💚🦌🦌🦌📺📺” I (s)creamed, dropping to one knee with a ring I had for ages, since I always knew this was going to happen.

“OMG VOX

I THOUGHT YOU’D NEVER ASK 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍” alastor said immediately, flabbergasted and heartwarmed. 

“💍” 

“GASP X2

it’s

beautiful 🥹” he said, about to cry with the sheer beauty of the ring. 

“I know right???? I knew you'd love it!” I said cockily, flipping my hair that I definitely had.  

“WE SHOULD GET MARRIED RIGHT THIS SECOND” Alastor said, immediately looking for venues on my phone because he didn't have one. 

“I knew you've always been GAY for me.” I grinned, putting my hands on my hips and looking at my fiancé lovingly. 

“I'd bark for you.” I said suddenly. “Did you know that. I can be a good dog.” 

“oh vox 🥺” he said, sobbing in joy. 

“do you want me to bark for you,” I asked, already preparing to do so. 

“OH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS YES 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍” alastor exclaimed, waving his face with a hand to stop him from sobbing more. 

“bet. 

WOOFWOOFRUFFBARKRUFFWOOFWOOFWOOFRUFFBARKRUFFBARKRUFFRUFFWOOFWOOFWOOFWOOFWOOFBARKRUFFRUFFWOOFRUFFWOOFBARKWOOFWOOFBARKBARKRUFFWOOFRUFFBARKWOOFBARKWOOFBARKRUFFRUFFWOOFRUFFWOOFWOOFBARKWOOFBARKRUFFBARKRUFFWOOFRUFFWOOFBARKWOOFBARKRUFFBARKRUFFWOOFRUFFBARKBARKRUFFBARKRUFFWOOFWOOFRUFFRUFFBARKRUFFBARKWOOFBARKRUFFBARKRUFFBARKBARKWOOFBARKRUFFBARKRUFFRUFFBARKRUFFBARKRUFFBARKWOOFBARKRUFFWOOFRUFFBARKRUFFBARKRUFFBARKRUFFBARKRUFFWOOFBARKWOOFWOOFRUFFRUFFBARKWOOFBARKWOOFBARKRUFFRUFFBARKRUFFBARKRUFFWOOFBARKWOOFBARKWOOFWOOFWOOFWOOFBARKRUFFRUFFBARKRUFFBARKRUFFBARKRUFFBARKRUFFBARKRUFFBARKRUFFBARKWOOFWOOFWOOFRUFFWOOFRUFFWOOFRUFFWOOFRUFFBARKRUFFBARKRUFFBARKRUFFBARKRUFFBARKRUFFBARKRUFFWOOFRUFFWOOFRUFFWOOFRUFFWOOFRUFFWOOFRUFFWOOFRUFFWOOFRUFFWOOFRUFFWOOFRUFFWOOFRUFFWOOFRUFFBARKRUFFBARKRUFFBARKRUFFBARKRUFFBARKRUFFWOOFRUFFWOOFRUFFRUFFBARKBARKRUFFRUFFBARKRUFFBARKRUFFWOOFRUFFWOOFRUFFBARKRUFFBARKRUFFBARKRUFFBARKRUFFBARKRUFFWOOFRUFFWOOFRUFFBARKRUFFBARKRUFFBARKRUFFBARKRUFFBARKRUFFBARKRUFFWOOFRUFFRUFFWOOFRUFFWOOFRUFFBARKRUFFBARKRUFFBARKRUFFBARKRUFFBARKRUFFBARKRUFFRUFFWOOFRUFFWOOFRUFFBARKRUFFBARKRUFFBARKRUFFWOOFRUFFWOOFRUFFBARKRUFFRUFFBARKRUFFBARKWOOFRUFFRUFFWOOFRUFFBARKWOOFRUFFRUFFBARKBARKRUFFRUFFBARKBARKRUFFRUFFBARKBARKRUFFRUFFBARKRUFFBARKRUFFBARKRUFFBARKRUFFBARKRUFFWOOFWOOFRUFFWOOFRUFFWOOFRUFFWOOFRUFFRUFFBARKBARKRUFFRUFFWOOFRUFFWOOFRUFFWOOFRUFFBARKRUFFBARKRUFFWOOFRUFFWOOFRUFFBARKRUFFBARKRUFFBARKRUFFWOOFWOOFRUFFRUFFWOOFWOOFWOOFBARKBARKBARKRUFFWOOFRUFFRUFFWOOFRUFFRUFFBARKRUFFBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKRUFFRUFFRUFFRUFFRUFFRUFFRUFFRUFFRUFFWOOFWOOFWOOFWOOFWOOFWOOFWOOFWOOFWOOFWOOFBARKRUFFBARKRUFFBARKRUFFBARKRUFFBARKRUFFRUFFWOOFRUFFWOOFRUFFBARKRUFFBARKRUFFWOOFRUFFWOOFRUFFRUFFBARKRUFFRUFFWOOFRUFFWOOFRUFFWOOFRUFFRUFFBARKRUFFBARKRUFFBARKRUFFBARKRUFFWOOFRUFFRUFFWOOFRUFFWOOFRUFFWOOFRUFFWOOFRUFFWOOFRUFFBARKBARKRUFFRUFFBARKRUFFBARKRUFFBARKRUFFWOOFRUFFWOOFRUFFWOOFRUFFWOOFRUFFRUFFWOOFRUFFWOOFRUFFBARKRUFFBARKRUFFBARKRUFFWOOFRUFFRUFFWOOFRUFFBARKRUFFBARKRUFFWOOFRUFFWOOFRUFFWOOFRUFFWOOFRUFFRUFFWOOFBARKRUFFRUFFBARKRUFFBARKRUFFBARKRUFFWOOFRUFF” I barked, ruffed, and Woofed for him like the good dog I am. 

“FUCK ME

😍😍” Alastor yelled immediately, grabbing me, aroused. 

“IF YOU SAY SO 😉😏😏😏☺️😊🤭🤗😖😣😫😩” I moaned. 

“wait no I’m ace.” He realized, unhanding me. 

“so what?” I countered. 

“YOU’RE RIGHT

NEVERMIND 

I DONR CARE” he said immediately put his hands on me again. 

“anything for you vox 😉🤭” he giggled. 

“lemme know when you're ready to fuck-- I mean what” I said, smiling. 

And I waited like a year but that's okay id do anything for my man. 

“IM READYYYY” He shouted, tied in a chair. 

“alr C'mere bby,” I said leaning down. 

“Aw, arent you excited-” 

“YOU THINK YOUR LITTLE MOCKERY

IS GONNA MAKE ME CWY

THAT IM BAWLIN BOUT THE PAST THAT COULDVE BEEN 

WELL, 

LOOK AROUND YA AL

IVE BEEN SCHEMING THIS WJOLE TIME 

IVE GOT A TEAM 

IVE GOT A DREAM 

AND ALL IVE GOTTA DO IS WIN!!

HAHA

YOURE IN MY HOUSE

WITH MY RULES” I yelled. 

“To fuck?” Alastor asked. 

I didn't hear that for a moment so I kept going, moving to unzip Alastor's pants thru the bondage. 

“IN MY ROOM 

WITH MY TOOLS

AND WORST 

YOUR AT MY MERCY–” 

I finally realized what he said. 

“Yes kitten whiskers,” I soothed. “To fuck.”

I took a breath to continue my song, moving away from Alastor (but I had plans later so don't you worry.) 

“YOUVE GONE ASS JP

YOURE DEEP FRIED 

YOUR LAST LUCK 

HAS RUN DRY

AT LAST YOUR CHECK IS CASHED 

ULL LAUGH AT HOW YOU LOOK SO SMALL

DONR YOU FORGET 

YOURE ON MY STRING

YOU CAN TRY TO SQUIRM AND STRUGGLE AND IT WOULDN'T DO A THING 

DONT YOU FORGET!”

Alastor butt in again. “you’re so obsessed with me 🤭” 

“I am.” I said deadpan. “I mean. Who said that. Haha.” 

“I KNEW YOU’D NEED ME HERE TO BE YOUR UNWILLING AUDIENCE WHEN YOU LOSE YOUR MARBLES IN ACT THREE-” 

“YOURE HUFFING GLUE 

IF YOU THINK I WONT END THIS TALE A RULER 

IM JUST LIKE YOU

EXCPET IM SMARTER 

SHARPER 

NEWER 

SO ILL KEEP YOUR SMUG ASS ALIVE–” I yelled. 

“TO SHOW ME YOU’RE NOT A LOSER??” 

THIS SMUG BITCH IM GONNA DUXK HIM RAW– 

ahem. 

“Do you EVER SHUT up???” I yelled. 

“only when you tell me to 😉” he said, then cleared his throat. “DON’T YOU FORGET,” 

“Alright bby ❤️” I muttered. Then realized he was continuing. “there he goes..” 

“YOU AIN’T WON YET” 

“ooh I'm scared..”

“YOU STILL NEED ME LIKE YOU DID BEFORE” 

“SO CUTE, YOU RHINK I CARE??

HAHAHAHHA

NOW IM THE MASTER

AND YOURE MY BOTTOMEST BITCH

NO MORE AL THE HIGH AND MIGHTY 

NOW THAT IVE FLIPPED THE SCRIPT” 

Alastor was watching in awe of how hot I am. I'm sure of that. 

“THOIGH RHE RADIOS GONE BIGGER NOW RHE SHOW MUST GO ON 

AND BY THE TIME IVE FINALLY HAD MU FUN 

YOULL WISH THAT YOU HAD STAYED 

GOME–” 

I leaned closer to alastor, breathing heavily, inches away from his face, about to do what I had promised months ago. 

Then I realized Val was there. 

“you guys should just FUXK already :3” he grinned. “Can I film it?” He asked. 

I stared at him, horrified. 

“yes please do I need to preserve this

I mean

what.” Alastor acted like he hadnr said anything, ears pricked up. 

I stared at him now. 

Although it wasn't horrified this time. 

It was in love. 

“Alastor….” I breathed. “That's so sweet. This is why I married you a few months ago.” 

“Yh I’m sweet 🥰,” he flaunted. “Oh vox you’re such a flirt 🤭” 

And then we had sex for the rest of the night! I topped, trust me, trust us, Val filmed it. 

AN: 

90% taken from a convo I had with a person who I am no longer friends with (dialogue is taken from those texts). Alastor is VERY ooc apologies for that this is unserious for a reason I can write better I PROMISE GUYS—

Oh yeah this is also just during don't you forget (reprise) and stayed gone because I'm too lazy to write anything else. There will be nothing else.

“Ai will replace writers” yeah sure bro id love to see them replace me. 

ANYWAYS (this is so good) 

Baxter was busy in his lab. AGAIN. IGNORING HIS AWESOME WIFE. So I had two options. Leave him alone and go kill all the spiders (maybe Angel included..) or  i could like. 

Bother him. and force me to give me attention.

hard choice. 

Maybe I could ask the rats. hm. HM. 

Speaking of rats, I'm gonna stab five in the eye today. If I dont im going to throw myself off the hotel because pain is delicious and I NEED PAIN. ALWAYS.

EVERYONE REFUSES TO GIVE ME IT AND I PERSONALLY FIND THAT OFFENSIVE, SOMEONE SHOOT ME IN THE HEAD PLEASE A BAD BOY DOING SO IS PREFERABLE BC THEN THATD BE HOT BUT IF A WOMAN WOULD LIKE TO DO THAT IM NOT OPPOSED PAIN IS SO NGNNNHGHJBGHJGYUJKHHG. Even if I am straight, women are sometimes….

é

WAIT NO I AM LOYAL TO MY HUSBAND 

i wish he would slam me against the wall. 

“Hii Niffty!! whatcha thinking about?” Charlie asked suddenly, and my head snapped towards her. 

“i am gonna stab rats in the eyes!!” I exclaimed, staring at her in the eyes.

she got nervous for some reason. 

and like

left

She always got weird when I mentioned morbid stuff. Maybe shes squeamish. I dont get it. Carnage is so yummy. Also apples…..

i want apple juice. 

WAIT RIGHT BAXTER

DO I BOTHER HIM OR LEAVE HIM ALONE UGH ITS SO DIFFICULT TO CHOOSE UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

imma go ask someone

who do i ask

hrm

HRM 

THIS CANNOT BE THE WAYYY SOMETIMES MERCY HAS A PRICE SOMETIMES YOU GOTTA BE AS COLD AS ICE EMPATHY

wait thats not in this fandom

YOU ARE NOT BROKEN YOU ARE INCOMPLETE 

what

who thought that 

anyways (ive got) 

im gonna ask husk 

nyoom 

“HUSKSHUSJSKHSUSKSJHUKSHUSKI HUSK” I said, jumping on the counter and interrupting the gay. 

“what.” 

“should i bother bax or leave him alone im bored :(“ I asked, blinking. 

“I don’ fuckin’ know, Niff.” He said, eyes lidding. 

“ANSWER ME.”

“Id rather not.” 

Angel piped up. “You should leave him alone, Niff, I’m sure he’s busy. Don’t you have cleaning to do.”

I blinked. “OKI ByYEYEEEYEYEYEY”

and I immediately went down to bother Baxter. 

OH the basement is burning and he’s laughing like a madman. 

Hm. 

that’s kinda hot can he like get on top of me and (redacted). 

I think charlie would be upset about this. 

ehhhh he’s hot right now thoughhhh………

“BAX HIIIIIIIII!!” I yelled and he got jumpscared and the fire got bigger because he flinched. 

“Nifff- what-- hello, dear.” He greeted, blinking. 

oh no he isnt hot anymore he’s just cute :( 

“Watcha doin.” I asked. 

“........experiments.” 

“what experiments.” 

“......im not sure-” 

“youre meant to be a SMART fishie but if youre NOT smart then c’mere and let’s (redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted) because you’re hot.” 

“wha--” “COME HERE” 

and then we had sex while there was flames in the basement :D 

the end 

X-O, yeah, huh 오직 너만 줄 수 있는 허락의 말 해도 달도 따다 줄 수 있어, 말해 허락의 그 말 너의 X-O, 나의 구원, please, babe, say yes

황혼이 내릴 때, 네 모든 꿈을 이루어줄게 Please, say my name, 나 너의 지니가 되어줄게 So just say O, babe, 날 움직이는 단 하나 열쇠, yeah 나를 사용해, 내 우주의 유일한 신 그대

X-O, X-O Kiss me, don't say no

X-O, X-O Kiss me, don't say no X-O, X-O Kiss me, just say O

X-O, yeah

Can I kiss you? Can I hug you? 너에게 감사해, yeah Would you kiss me? Would you hug me? 허락을 구할게, yeah One and (one and) only (only) 나의 (나의) 여신 (여신) For you (for you), I will

So just say O, babe, 저 달을 향해 날아가 볼래? So just say O, babe, 더 멋진 차와 집이 필요해? So just say O, babe, 날 움직이는 단 하나 열쇠, yeah 나를 사용해, 네 모든 꿈이 이루어지게

X-O, X-O Kiss me, don't say no

yes thats a lot imo lowk anything above 15 is huge to me idk why

althoygh on our niff acc like

I forgor some hazbin art, have more (I love Niffty sm guys you DONT UNDERSTAND)

I think that’s all??