in the hands of a jester

c & w: 1.9k / sfw / drabble / substance usage implied / pining / hints of possessive! choso.. / unresolved feelings / yuuji mentioned 

roommate! choso who's shuffling in his bed. running his rough fingers through his mussed hair. it's been disheveled from the self soothing. it's an unconscious ritual. tying them up just to let it fall back down, over and over again.

roommate! choso who lingers in his small world of what ifs. there's beauty in empty beer cans. soot lining the coffee table because you keep missing the ash tray. a pint of melting ice cream holding two spoons. the washer rumbling behind the two of you and an old horror game let's play competing for both of your attentions.

roommate! choso is still processing to accept that he can be selfish and still have shits left to give about anyone other than his brothers. how only he can feel this way—that your prescence is purely his to linger in, leaving him wanting more.

more calm mornings passing through snapshots of the other's routine. more chilly nights in when god plays his cruel tricks and you need a place in his arms. more of anything.

two things can be true at once: he can give his heart away and still be selfish.

roommate! choso who's up past 1am checking his phone like it's his your lifeline. letting out deep sighs and under the breath grumbles about his woes and concerns.

why are you out when you'll just come back to me to complain about how much you hate it all. empty conversations. stench of bodies mixed with liquor and god knows what.  why couldn't it just be another night in? with just the two of us.  i should stop caring.

roommate! choso who's irritated that you're going out to party even after a bad blind date, instead of staying home and complaining to him. your brows would furrow in exasperation as you go on and on about how your date had the audacity to talk big but make you split the bill. your glossy eyes smudged with exhaustion and frustration. and his own twisted relief and indulgence of your bad date. how he wishes you could appreciate his steady silence as much as he appreciates your spitfire and passion.

roommate! choso who pushes down his frustrations way too quickly as soon as he gets that, "hey this shit blows, let's finish the rest of that ben & jerry's.. pick me up please?" text from you. his pj bottoms swapped with baggy jeans you helped pick out for him at the store. keys clutched in his hands that rests next to the matching bear keychain he humors you with. and a jacket that he half knows he won't be wearing by the end of the night. 

roommate! choso who's eyes never left the screen even as he reaches the car door replies, "how could i have ever guessed? be there in 13" as he adjusts his car seat dramatically upwards. 

i should really stop lending my car to yuuji…

roommate! choso who amazingly enough did not catch a speeding ticket on the way to you. going 60 in a 30. distracted driving. and by the way he was blasting the neighborhood, you would think he would've gained a public nuisance complaint.

roommate! choso who's eagerness is slowly warping into restlessness. his prelude has been parked outside the house for 15 minutes now. no responses to his, "i'm here," and his what ifs are becoming a lot more suffocating. 

ding!

aaa i'm so sorry cho ,, i spilled my drink on someone,, felt so badd but dw theyre chill abt it!! we were chatting and he's letting me make up for it by doing another round of vodka sodass. be out soon? :)

roommate! choso who takes matter into his own hands and makes his way past the stoners on the porch into the frat house. there's a slipper in the house plant and some torn streamers. he has a small feeling these.. for a lack of better words, ornaments, will still be here next month. 

roommate! choso who doesn't have to look for too long before you find him first. your unearthly sharp intuitions have your eyes dead set on him the moment he wanders into the living room. before he knows it, he's being whisked away by you and your incessant chirping, something something about meeting the poor guy whose shirt drank the rest of your smirnoff.. something something he's in the same major? all he's thinking about is the static behind him—house full of drunkards and shitty music—yet all he can focus on is you. about how soothing it is simply being by your little tangents. funny how that works. 

roommate! choso who's heart pangs in a strange way when you oh so casually introduce him to these new friends of yours as your roommate as you continue to press yourself to the side of his arm. the hand he's keeping in his pocket slowly releases a fist he didn't even know he was holding. there's nothing wrong with it. it's completely true. there's nothing more to it. and maybe that's why it feels like a small knife being twisted into his chest. maybe that's why he has to choke down his disdain watching these new friends of yours releasing their own bated breaths when he showed up for you. 

oh so it's like that huh.

something about being underestimated lights a slow fire under his worn out eyes. 

they really think all it takes is one spilled drink and your naivety? nah.

roommate! choso contradictorarily offers the circle a brief and rigid handshake with a terse lazy eyed smile. an unofficial and unspoken display of game on as he selfishly pulls in you in closer with one arm around your shoulder. not really caring if you would voice any doubts if you had any. pride swells in his chest confirming his actions when you opted to slowly unravel and melt in his familiarity. 

+1 for choso.

roommate! choso who reluctantly performs his usual disinterested spiel about, "yeah i'm in bio sci. you couldn't tell? not the first i've hear that," he offers a dry cynical kind of laugh, "yeah i'm tryna be a phlebotomist. i have to take care of my younger brothers," his eyes never bothered to spare a glance to whoever was asking. they stayed fixed on your hands finding its way to his jewelry. delicate fingers trailing his left arm and wrist. inspecting his rings and bracelets like it was the first time you've seen them. unknowingly his eyes and voice soften and sober him, "so i just kinda picked whatever looked cool and made decent money." 

roommate! choso slowly takes the reigns and steers the conversation closer to the kitchen so he can grab you a cup of water and offers you a seat at the breakfast bar. clearing the chairs of the various solo cups, ping pong balls, and liquor store baggies. all while he's trying his best to be patient and supportive of your fun. if it were up to him he wouldn't be wasting his time with these losers. if the two of you were home you'd be half way to finishing the security breach let's play. 

roommate! choso who definitely does not (?) have ulterior motives. he's just trying to stop his sweet roommate from getting into any more trouble. it's late and these guys are still trying to badger you into another drinking game. but one look at you makes it clear you won't be able to hold a shot glass let alone say no.

roommate! choso' s stubborn unsubtle acts of calling dibs on you. he leans down slightly. his breath ghosts your nape and in a volume low enough that only the both of you could hear, "did you get yourself into a little scrap while i was gone? you look like a stray cat," he muses, setting your cowlicks down. from fixing your hair to draping his jacket across your bare thighs. you feel it. even in your vodka clouded judgements. you feel something unusual in the air.

roommate! choso who's terrible at hiding his boredom. counting the minutes passing by. the brunette perks up when you're finally coming down from your socializing spree and tugs on his sleeves. "kinda feeling that ice cream right about now," you pair with a smile that silently wonders if he's feeling the same way. the kind of smile that he takes as a form of fucked up salvation from listening about the same old, same old, "what do you do? when are you on campus? what year are you in? do you rock climb?"

roommate! choso who does not give a single damn about killing the mood or offering niceties. he gets up. hangs his jacket over your frame and says, "let's go." ignoring your attempts to try to wrap up your brief meet cutes neatly. he leads the way and is beelining for his prelude. it's a little past 2 am, you won't see them ever again. you shouldn't want to see them ever again. he won't allow it if he's around. 

roommate! choso who opens the car door for you before making his way to his side. 

roommate! choso who turns on the heater for you and tosses you his phone just in case you want to be on aux. 

roommate! choso who lingers in his new resolution to make you his as he cruises past the block of restless college students. not just his roommate. just completely and whole heartedly his. not knowing he's the reason why you're trying to go out on blind dates and parties. your aloof yet warm roommate is making it hard for you to stay home. he makes you breakfast and protein shakes that makes you dread living the rest of your day away from your small comfortable world he stepped into. his presence wasn't abrupt or sudden. but one that fell in with your routine, it was too good to be true. an addition you don't know if you can indulge in. 

roommate! choso' s thoughts are interrupted as he pulls into a familiar street. "hey choso?" the sound of cars passing by in the distance and cop sirens echo beyond the car. your pause has him swallowing the growing lump in his throat. he can't pretend to ignore the sudden sincerity and intimacy clouding the car forcing him to face you in the passenger seat.

what could you possibly want to say after tonight? 

roommate! choso musters up a calm and nonthreatening, "what's up?" worried his voice would dissuade you from continuing, leaving him on another cliff hanger. you hesitate. if he wasn't nearly entering cardiac arrest from the anticipation he'd like to think he would be getting a small kick watching you pick your words out carefully. it's so unlike you. not when you can get so deep in your long lists of opinions and complaints about the world. 

you both know what you both want to say and ask but right now you settle for, "thanks for picking me up tonight." 

…