Bucky's wheezes.

There’s only one reason why you decided to go to New York and that’s to meet your long-lost twin sister, Sarah. But because of an accident that caused her death, you had to take your twin’s place -including her place in James Buchanan Barnes’ life.

You just got off the phone that morning and were visibly fidgeting in your seat during breakfast. Luckily, your grandmother was sleeping in, so it was only you and Karen at the table.

“Are you okay?” She asked.

“My step-brother just called. They’re at the hotel I was supposed to be staying at.” You replied.

“Sorry, I didn’t know you have a brother.” Her brows furrowed at the new information.

“A younger sister and older brother. Mom got married when I was 6. Adrian, my step-father, has a son -Andrei, he’s older than me by four years. Two years after mom and Adrian got married, she gave birth to Andrea, the youngest.” You explained.

“Andrei’s been here, mainly for business and family ties because his mother was also American. But Andrea and I, it’s our first time here in the US.”

You and Sarah were barely a year old when your parents separated. Your father took Sarah while you and your mom flew to Romania when you were two years old. You didn’t know of your twin sister’s existence until three years ago when your mother died.

“Should I tell them about… about our plan?” You asked wearily.

“Yes, I think you should.”

“Will you come with me?”

“Of course.”

Bucky made up his mind. He will talk to Sarah; as far as he’s concerned, his pride is at stake. And who knows, maybe this time, this relationship that they have would finally end? Isn’t that what he really wanted?

Bucky saw Sarah enter the restaurant along with Karen. He recognized the older woman as her grandmother’s personal secretary. He watched closely as Sora and Karen settled themselves a few tables away from where he sat. He saw her scan the place, and Bucky was alarmed at the possibility that she might see him there, but thankfully, Sarah didn’t. He breathed in relief. He didn’t really appreciate the ‘attention’ she showered him with.

Sam Wilson, Bucky’s friend, arrived moments later. During their lunch, his attention often drifted toward Sarah. He saw her stand up from her seat and approach a man -the two immediately embraced each other, then Sarah moved and gave the man a peck on the cheek.

An unwanted shiver ran down Bucky’s spine.

He did a double-take. He doesn’t like Sarah! So why did her action disturb him? He was only entertaining her because her grandmother helped him start his company.

The old woman introduced her granddaughter to him six months ago, and right then and there, Sarah claimed that Bucky is the man for her. Bucky’s jaw dropped at the memory. No, he can’t. He shouldn’t have any feelings for a person like Sarah.

The man (whom Sarah kissed) was with a younger girl. Bucky saw Sarah also embrace her -this time, tightly- then gently fixed the girl’s collar. What surprised him all the more was when Sarah tucked a strand of hair behind the girl’s ear; he didn’t know that Sarah was capable of such tenderness. Still, Bucky silently watched as the trio settled themselves down, but his brows furrowed when he saw Sarah tangle her limbs with the man seated beside her.

“Are you acquainted with Andrei Dalca?” Sam suddenly asked.

He turned his attention back to his friend. “Andrei Dalca?”

“Yeah, noticed you been eyeing him for a while.” He jeered at him then looked at their table again, eyes narrowing as he recognized the familiar face. “Hey, isn’t that Sarah?”

Bucky didn’t answer and instead tried his best to focus on Sam, who was now rambling about another topic. Sarah didn’t affect him like this, and he refused to be affected as such. He was only dating the woman for the sake of her grandmother. He knew she was a huge flirt, and he didn’t mind, but right now, he feels like flipping the table and confronting her.

From the corner of his eyes, he saw Sarah and the trio exit the restaurant. Bucky made up his mind. He will talk to Sarah; as far as he’s concerned, his pride is at stake. And who knows, maybe this time, this relationship that they have would finally end? Isn’t that what he really wanted?

——

“So, Andrea’s still in junior high?” Karen asked as you both entered the restaurant, where you agreed to meet with your step-siblings.

You nod then added. “And Andrei’s a software development manager.”

The older woman sat on the seat in front of you. “Where does he work?” She asked.

“Well, his job assigns him everywhere, but she often comes here in New York because of family ties on his mother’s side.”

You let your eyes roam until it met the tall and lean figure of step-brother by the entrance. You immediately stood up and approached him, meeting halfway. Karen followed closely behind you.

Andrei welcomed you with a hug and peck on your cheeks, then you turned to your younger sister Andrea, ruffling her hair and fixing the upturned collar of her polo shirt. You quickly introduced them to Karen as soon you all got back to the table.

“Andrei, can you help me?” You turned to the man beside you.

Andrei flashed a warm smile while entangling your arm with his. “What kind of help?”

“Well, you can start by calling me, Sarah.”

Andrei’s smile vanished, he was silent for a long moment, and when he finally spoke, his only words were, “I wanna see where you’re staying.”

You looked at Andrei; as he stood up. He has brunette hair, eyes as blue as the Tenerife sea, a sharp nose, and thin lips. Several women turned their heads as he walked past the tables.

“Andrei…” You called out.

“Yes?”

“Thank you.”

Andrei will help you, you’re sure of that. Your step-bother rewarded you with a small smile. It was barely a curl at the end of his lips, but it was as if it was the one thing that he couldn’t give you.

You smiled at him in return.

It's been 15 years since your family moved to New York to start anew. The concrete jungle, skyscrapers, and bustling broadway shows were a stark contrast to California's tropical and easy-going nature. You were too young, though, to notice such things because you were just three years old at the time and mostly spent your time confused because you haven't seen your mom in a long time.

It's only been dad and your brother Steve for weeks now, and both didn't know how to tie your hair the way you like or read those bedtime stories you loved so much. Years later, you finally realized why -she died. The next thing you knew, you have a new mom and a new brother. It's been that way since.

"How's the college application going?" Steve's gruff voice came from the ongoing Facetime.

"I haven't had my breakfast. Can I please have my breakfast first?" You replied, annoyed. You didn't want to be reminded of that first thing in the morning. You slumped down on the seat beside your mom, and she handed you a cup of freshly brewed coffee. "Thanks, mom," You muttered.

Your dad sat on the other side of the table, flipping through the day's paper, and beside him sat Bucky, stuffing his face with bacon, completely ignoring the chaos around him. The empty seat beside him was where Steve sat (when he's home, that is, which was rare nowadays), but the tablet with his huge face plastered in it was placed on the space on the table, so it felt as if you were all still having breakfast together.

"Ooh, someone's grumpy."

"I'm gonna beat your ass when you get home." You threatened.

"Well, joke's on you 'cause I'm not."

"You're not?" Mom frowned.

Steve shifted to look at her. "I took a summer course this year, Biostats. It'll help with my thesis."

"You sure you're not just fonduing with Maryland girls in the summer?"

"Shut up, Buck. You're the playboy in the family, not me."

"Alright, boys!" Your mom chastised then turned to Steve again. "Well, you take care, and if you need anything, just give us a call."

"Will do."

Steve attended Johns Hopkins University -unarguably one of the best universities in America when it comes to Medicine. He'd always wanted to be a doctor, and even though he never said it, you knew it was because of your biological mom. He could've gotten into Harvard, but like you, Steve itched to get out of New York for a change of environment. It was only Bucky who didn't want to go anywhere, and so he attended NYU.

You love New York, no doubt about that. You grew up exploring its Burroughs, and the Central Park had been a staple in your formative years, but lately, you just wanted to get away from all of it. Recently, something changed, and you convinced yourself that it was because it's your last year in high school and you will be going to college soon.

But you knew there was something else. Well, maybe it was also because you turned 18 early this year, you're legal now, and with your going to college on the other side of the coast, you were excited to have a bit of freedom. CalArts was your first choice, being into Performing Arts and all that. Now, your parents weren't painfully strict, but being the youngest and only girl in the family, they couldn't help but be a little protective.

When Steve went to Baltimore two years ago, you were quite relieved. You get it; you're his only sister, but the way he used to hover around and scare away boys grated your nerves. You were just thankful that by sophomore year, he was gone. He'd passed on the mantle to Bucky, but he didn't really care -well, not as much as Steve did.

"Dad, don't forget you're picking me up later after school. I can't be late for my rehearsal." You reminded. Across the table, your old man's jaw dropped.

"I'm sorry, honey, was that today?"

"Uhh yeah, you forgot already?"

"Sorry, it slipped my mind, honey. How about you pick her up, Buck?" He turned to your step-brother.

"What?!" You shrieked in unison.

"I can't. I have stuff to do." He whined. You roll your eyes at his lame excuse.

"No, it's fine. I'll just ask Peter to come with me."

"Who's he, your new boyfriend?" Bucky spat.

You glared at him across the table. "No, he's not. I don't even have a boyfriend; you and Steve made sure of that." You downed the last of your coffee before shooting daggers at him once more. "Don't pick me up. Go do your stuff."

"Bucky…" It was mom's turn to speak.

"Fine!" He grumbled.

————

"Bye, Peter. See you around!" You stood up from the bench where you and your friend sat as soon as you saw Bucky drove up the school's entrance.

You don't know what your step-brother's problem was, but lately, he'd been nothing but irritable and annoyed, especially with your presence. You didn't wait for him to call you, so you jogged as quickly as you could across the schoolyard, silently climbing on the passenger seat as soon you reached where he pulled over.

You cast a wary glance at him; he didn't speak to you since you got on. He didn't even acknowledge your presence. His jaw was set, and he was intent on ignoring you, it seems, for the duration of the ride.

You and Bucky weren't always like this. You two were close; you played a lot when you were kids, you built forts, you wrestled, you chased each other with whatever gooey stuff you put your little hands on. Over the years, he became distant. You'd started to feel distant when Bucky and Steve entered junior high -you just couldn't relate to the stuff they talk about anymore. You're still very close with Steve, but with Bucky, he just drifted further away, especially when you entered high school. Bucky was only two years ahead, so you always saw him around during your freshman year. He was very popular, it seems. Senior girls used to befriend you in hopes of getting close to your step-brother.

You couldn't take it any more of his animosity, so you fully faced him, shifting in your seat. "Have I done something wrong, Buck?"

He looked at you incredulously for a second before turning his attention back on the road.

Annoyed at his lack of response, you hit his shoulder with your fist.

"What the hell y/n! I'm driving. Do you want us to die?!" He growled.

You retreated back to your seat, feeling remorseful for a second. Only for a second, then you burst out crying. "I hate you! I wish you're not my brother!"

You heard him chuckle, but he obviously wasn't amused. "Yeah, wish you weren't my sister too."

———

Bucky was in his last year in high school when he noticed it. He was waiting outside the school library because you said you needed to borrow a book before the two of you go home.

When Steve went off to college, he promised he'd look after you. He noticed firsthand how guys from all grade levels flock to you, hoping they'd catch your attention. Now, Bucky knew what these guys really want, and that's to get in your pants. Over his dead body would he allow that to transpire. So you two always walked home together.

He craned his neck to peek through the giant doors, wondering what's taking you long when he saw you chatting with a guy. His brows furrowed while his lips formed a thin, grim line.

Your smile reached your ears, your eyes glistened in obvious delight, and your cheeks flushed. Your shy gaze was directed at the guy in front of you.

Bucky frowns even more, when the guy ruffled your hair, a gesture that only he has the right to do (he believes). He felt a vein in his head pop in irritation. He felt like punching someone.

"Hey, Buck, let's go!" You chimed, pulling him out of his murderous thoughts.

"Who were you talking to?"

"Oh, that's Stephen. A junior in the dance club." You almost giggled.

"Huh." He scoffed.

The next time he noticed it happen was when he stayed around to watch your cheer dance rehearsals. Your skimpy cheerleader outfit didn't leave much to the imagination; that's why he decided to hover around, ready to pounce on whoever looked at you the funny.

Bucky looked away for a second to glance at his phone when screams filled the schoolyard. The next thing he knew, you were in the air -free-falling. He ran as fast as his feet could take him to catch you, his heart pounding in his ears. Fortunately, someone was there to catch you before you hit the ground.

You fell on top of the guy -Stephen. He gritted his teeth, half-annoyed, half-grateful at the piece of shit. He saw how you stayed on top of him for a few seconds more; furiously blushing. The moment he reached you, Bucky yanked you up and from the guy's body.

"You okay?" He fussed, searching your body for any sign of injury.

"I'm fine, Buck. Stephen caught me." You bit your lip as you shyly looked back at the guy. "Umm, thanks again."

"Yeah, thanks, man," Bucky grumbled, pulling you away from the group.

The way your body rested on another guy just didn't sit well with him. Once again, he felt like punching someone, and that someone is Stephen. He hated the way the guy was always around you. Bucky was sure what his motive was, and he'll never let him get it.

"I want ice cream." You muttered later that afternoon on your way home.

Bucky scoffed at your request. "What are you, five?"

You stopped walking and faced him, a pout on your lips. "Steve always buys me ice cream."

"Well, I'm not Steve."

"Please, I fell off someone's shoulder and almost hit my head. What if I died?"

"What has that got to do with ice cream?"

"I hate you. You're the worst brother, ever."

Bucky chuckled at your antics; he knew you didn't mean it. You just say that to get what you want because when you were kids, Steve and he used to compete for the Best Brother Award. "Fine." He conceded with a smile. He grabbed your grabbed, and you both ran to the nearest ice cream parlor, ordering one big bowl of banana split sundae and stuffing your faces.

Bucky's whole body tensed when your moans filled your ears. He didn't mind it back then, you were young and innocent, but now, Bucky couldn't ignore the sound spilling from your mouth. Sweat dripped down his nape.

This isn't right.

Your moans seem to ring louder in his ears. The way you licked your spoon clean was not helping his situation either. Bucky thinks about the thin line between sanity and insanity when the chocolate syrup trickled from your lips down to your chin until it reached the supple skin of your neck.

"I need to go to the bathroom." He muttered and hastily jolted from his seat, scrambling away from you. Bucky has a growing problem inside his pants, and he needs to take care of it.

Stop this, Bucky, you need to stop this! His mind chastised while his hands unbuckled his belt. You shouldn't feel this… this way towards her. He's your step-sister. It's wrong.

As soon as he reached his release, he made up his mind. He'll stay away from you; kinda impossible since you both live in the same house, but he'll try his best for both your sakes.

Bucky stopped waiting for you after school. He stopped watching your rehearsals. He stopped helping you with your Math home works and, much to your mom's surprise, he started watching evening dramas with her in the living room every night.

So to answer your question, the one you shot at him when he picked you up from school that day. Yes, you did something wrong.

You grew up. And it's been hard for him to see you as his step-sister ever since.

——————

The last day of school finally rolled in, and you intended to enjoy summer before you start college. What you didn't see coming, though, was being left alone with Bucky for one whole week because your parents are going on a cruise.

"Can't I come with you?" You pleaded, eyes wide as you hauled your mom's baggage into the back of the taxi.

"Sorry, honey. Promise, we'll be back as soon as we can." She replied before giving you a hug.

"Don't leave me here. Bucky's gonna bully me all week."

"He won't, right Bucky?" She raised a brow at him, who stood with his arms crossed, looking annoyed.

"Try not to destroy the house while we're away." Was their final reminder before they went on their way.

Bucky was the first one to get back inside the house. Dread ate up your insides; you two haven't spoken since the car ride. You decided once and for all to get things straight with him. So you marched inside about five minutes later.

Bucky heard you barge in his room, but he remained still -eyes closed and pretending to be asleep. He jolted up when you unceremoniously hit his stomach with a pillow.

"What the hell, y/n?!" He snarled, clearly pissed at your assault.

Your nose flared at his attitude. "What is your problem, James Barnes?" You growled in return.

"Am I the one with a problem here?"

"Oh, come on! You know what I mean!"

Bucky pushed past you; you trailed behind, following his figure towards the living room. He needed to get away from you, fast. It irked him that you wouldn't stay the fuck out of his way. You'd even come and gone into his room. Bucky couldn't take it; he'd go crazy.

"Why are you avoiding me? Bucky!… Bucky! Answer me, damn it!"

"I don't know what you're talking about, y/n. So, leave me alone." He was about to reach the door when you threw yourself in front of it, barring his way out. "Move."

"NO! You're not going anywhere until you tell me what's wrong." You crossed your arms, planting your feet firmly on the floor. You weren't gonna let this day end without knowing why Bucky acts the way he does. If it was something that you did, then you'd wholeheartedly make it right, but you'll never know if he keeps on brushing you off. So, here you are.

"Y/n, move." Bucky hissed menacingly."

"No, Bucky." You replied in the same manner.

After your brief glaring contest, Bucky finally looked away, sighing in defeat. "Fine. Something's not right, okay? But it's not you, it's… it's… me, so let me handle this myself."

You relaxed and took a step closer to him. "Can't you tell me? I might be able to help."

Bucky looked away. How could he possibly tell you that he's harboring un-brotherly feelings towards you -his step-sister. How could he possibly tell you that you turn him on, that he's having inappropriate thoughts about you for a year now? How could he possibly tell you that he might be falling in love with you?

All those times you spent together when Steve was gone. The times you intently and genuinely listened to his adolescent problems. The times you cheered for him when he played football in high school. You were his number one fan. You were so different from the others, and he hated how it made him look at you differently. He hated when you boys started coming into your life. He always believed that you had a special place in your heart for him, but now he feared that anyone might snatch that place from him. You were his best girl.

Bucky grimaced at his realization. He finally admitted to himself that he is, indeed, falling in love with you. He felt angry at himself. How could he let this happen? He thought he was in control of his emotions.

"Eventually, I'll tell you. But not now." He said softly, hoping you'd let him go.

But you were persistent. "No, Bucky. I want you to tell me now." You demanded.

"Y/n," He growled loudly this time. "Move out of my way!"

"I won't until you tell me."

"Move!"

"Just tell me!"

Bucky's resolve broke. The sirens in his mind went off, but he ignored them as he strode towards you intently. He smirked when your bravado faltered before vanishing completely when he pushed you against the door; your bodies pressed together, making sure you could feel the tent growing against his pants.

Your eyes widened in shock. "Wha-"

"You wanna know why? Huh," He asked through gritted teeth, his face hovered dangerously close to yours that you could feel the hot breath coming through his nose. Bucky didn't give you time to answer because he roughly crashed his lips towards yours. He wasted no time shoving his tongue inside your mouth.

Bucky could feel your hands against his chest, pushing him away. He could hear the muffled pleas of protest as he relentlessly assaulted your mouth. His lips left yours only to find themselves on your neck, sucking on your skin.

"Bu.. Bucky.. stop.. s-s-top." Tears cascaded down your cheeks, but you were frozen in spot, unable to wipe them away.

But Bucky ignored your appeal. He continued sucking your skin while his hands traveled your side, feeling you up. When he couldn't get enough of you, he bit the skin on your shoulder.

You yelped in pain. "Stop! Stop, get off me!"

Still, Bucky did not listen. Dissatisfied with his actions, he dragged and threw you towards the couch; he straddled over you, your hands pinned on the cushion. You squirmed beneath him, trying to escape his hold.

Bucky pulled your shirt up and found his lips back on your skin again; this time, he latched on your erect nipple and sucked as if his life depended on it. When he was done abusing both your buds, he moved to kiss your lips again, but your tear-stricken face met his eyes.

Bucky went stiff as a board, and you used that opportunity to push him, backing off as far as you can from him. Your loud sobs filled the house as you sank to a pool at your feet, hugging your knees to yourself.

You couldn't believe what your step-brother had done. Your mind couldn't begin to fathom his actions.

Bucky sat motionless, his horror-struck at his deed. He bit back the long line of profanities that ran inside his head as he stared dumbfounded at your crumpled figure.

A painful pang of guilt washed over him like a tidal wave. What had he done?

"Y/n.. I-I'm… I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He said and scrambled out of the house.

Bucky didn't come home for three days while you spent it in a daze.

Bucky kissed you; he put his tongue inside your mouth. He touched you in your private parts. He sucked on your nipple while you lay beneath him. He held you like a lover would.

But he was your brother; why would he do that?

The sound of the front door opening pulled you out from your thoughts. Your gaze met Bucky's; he had dark circles around his eyes, and you wondered briefly whose house he crashed when he didn't come home.

"Bucky…" You stood from the couch and approached him.

Bucky liked that about you. You were brave and face things head-on; you're not one to back down, just cause you were scared. But he doesn't think he could handle you right now, not after what he's done. He walked past you, intent on ignoring you.

"After what you did, I at least deserve to know the truth, don't you think?"

Your words hit home. You were right; you deserved at least that much. Sighing, he turned back and sat down on the couch.

"I know this is downright wrong, but I'm in love with you, y/n," Bucky confessed softly, and he heard your small gasp.

"But, we're… I'm your sister."

"step-sister," He corrected. "I can't help it. I love you more than a step-brother could love his step-sister. I love you as a woman y/n. I tried to stop it, but it was hard."

You deserved to know the truth no matter how disgusting, condemning, or how sinful it was.

"I am still trying." Bucky continued, and this time, he gave you a firm look. "And I need, need you to help me."

Your heart skipped a beat. "What do you want me to do, Buck?"

"Stay away from me."

You pulled back in shock. "But-"

"No buts!" He hissed. "Can't you see how hard this is for me? You think it's easy to stay away from you when I love you?" He pleaded. "After this, I want you to stay away, don't talk to me unless it's a life or death situation."

"Mom and dad will notice."

"Then don't make them notice." He got up and approached you, then reached for your hand, clasping them together. "Please, y/n, you have to."

With a heavy heart, you nodded. Bucky moved and gave you a quick peck on the forehead, and it felt like goodbye.

Weeks quickly flew by, fortunately for the both of you, your parents didn't notice a thing. You bickered like you used to during breakfast, but both of you knew that it was forced. When they weren't around, which was much since both of them worked, you barely talked to each other and were barely left alone in the house.

Bucky spent most of his time playing basketball -his new hobby to get his mind off you. He's always gone during weekends playing with his college friend Sam Wilson. You saw the guy once when Bucky invited him to dinner with your family. After that, Sam can frequently be seen in the house. Your parents were cool with it since Steve didn't come home for summer.

One afternoon, Sam was there again; you could hear their banter all the way up to your room. However, what really bothered you though was the presence of a woman -Sharon. She's Bucky and Sam's classmate in one of their class, and along with Sam, she started hanging out at your house.

You groaned, annoyed. You couldn't focus on the application essay you were supposed to write with that woman's shrill voice downstairs. You slammed your fist against your study table, intent on giving the three a piece of your mind. You stood up and marched downstairs, catching their attention.

Sharon sat between Sam and Bucky, and they were pretty occupied with a mobile game before you came.

"Can you guys keep it down? You're not the only people in the house."

"Oops, sorry, y/n." Sharon squeaked.

"We'll keep it down," Sam promised.

You just nodded before glaring at Bucky, who did not even acknowledge your presence. You grumbled something before storming back to your room, slamming the door close.

Sharon and Sam ended up having dinner with them again. With Sharon seated beside Bucky, again. Your mom told them to drop by again. And, Bucky walked Sharon home, again.

And you were getting tired of this. You wanted to help Bucky, but you can't just sit back and watch him replace you with someone else. No, you can't allow it. This has to stop.

You waited for Bucky to come home; you were in his room sitting on his bed with a determined look on your face.

As soon as Bucky stepped inside, he was shoved against the door, making it slam close. He winced at the pain on his back, but he was startled and shocked when he felt your lips connect with his in a searing kiss. His first instinct was to push you away, but his desire got the better of him. His eyes slipped close, and he kissed you back passionately.

Bucky's thoughts were in a haze as both your lips danced with each other. It didn't take long for him to invade the warmth of your mouth, fingers tangling themselves into your hair, while your hands curled around the front of his shirt, trapped between your heated bodies.

"Why," He moaned before pulling away.

Your ragged breaths filled the room; you looked at him with glistening eyes. "I don't care anymore, Bucky. I don't want to lose you. I don't want to be replaced by Sam or Sharon or anyone else." A tear escaped your eye, and it cascaded down your cheek.

Bucky leaned down and kissed it away, the salty taste lingering in his tongue.

"I want you back, Bucky."

Bucky felt a painful tug on his heart at the sight. He loves you, but he was also the one making you cry. He cannot bear the thought of hurting you. He caressed your cheek and gazed at you lovingly, longingly.

"You're making this hard for me, y/n. For the both of us."

You shook your head once more and pulled his face close to yours. "I don't care anymore, James Barnes. Love me any way you want, just don't… don't leave me again."

Bucky froze at your words. He pulled away then grasped both your shoulders. "Y/n, you don't know what you're saying."

"I do. I'm not a child anymore. I want how we used to be; if accepting your love could get things back to the way it was, I accept it.

Bucky shook his head. "No,…no y/n, nothing will ever be the same if you let me love you the way I want to."

Your face visibly fell at his words. Feeling hopeless, you asked. "Why?"

"Why?" Bucky asked back softly. "Because unlike then, I'll kiss you more like this…" He started and gave you a sensual kiss on the lips. "I'll hold your hand like this…" His hand went to yours, and he intertwined your fingers.

"We used to do that when we were kids."

Bucky just hummed in response. "And I'll pull you close to me like this…" He continued and did just as he said. He pulled you against his heated body and inhaled your scent. "And you'll always ignite that burning feeling inside me, y/n. So, unless you get used to these things, I will not let you do this."

"But we used to do some of those."

"It's going to be a lot different now."

"I don't care. I'm used to it. In fact, I miss it. Don't ever leave me again, Bucky, please. I love you so much."

Bucky's eyes widened in surprise. He could feel the rapid beating of your heart against his. He pulled you in once more for a passionate kiss.

"Oh my god, y/n! You're so gorgeous!"

"So, Ms. Perfect finally arrived looking more dazzling than ever."

"Y/n, you're about to get arrested 'cause you're killing all the boys in the hall."

You can't even count the number of compliments thrown your way as Wanda dragged you across the floor, past the lavishly-dressed people with champagne in their hands. At the same time, party music blasted through the giant speakers. You smiled and gave whoever complimented you your thanks. You were surrounded by people; all smiling, all are happy, all love you.

You listened to their stories, laughed if it's funny, replied when asked a question, and gave advice when needed.

"You know, I think I'm gonna give him a second chance." One of your colleagues shared. "He seems sincere when he promised he'll make it up to me." Her eyes twinkled in hope.

When she cracked a joke, you laughed.

It was always like that; you listen, you give advice, you encourage -it was never the other way around. You never shared your life's stories; you never cracked jokes. There was never a time when you ranted out your problems to them because what could you possibly say?

"Wanda, guess what? My goddamned mother, who left me when I was 6, married a rich guy! And you know what that filthy witch did? She didn't tell her husband that she has a daughter. Fantastic, right? Then, after all this time she's gone, my runway-model-like sister appeared on my front door and told me our mom wants to see me. You know why? Bingo! 'Cause, she's dying!"

Another colleague of yours arrived and complimented you. You smiled and said your thanks.

"Just like in dramas, right? I'm the cold-hearted child who won't forgive her mom. Well. Yeah, that's me. I'll never forgive her, not in this lifetime."

Another colleague cracked a joke. You laughed.

"Yeah, I hope she dies and suffers in hell."

You continued to smile and laugh with the people around you. They're all happy. Even your selfish, cruel, and hypocrite of a mother became happy with her new family. Why is it as if you're the only one who can't get what you want? Why?

You're surrounded by people, but why do you feel miserably alone?

"You don't look good."

A familiar voice snaps you out of your thoughts. All heads turned towards James, who just arrived, and he stood there; frowning, worry evident in his eyes. He grabbed your hand and pulled you towards him. "If you'll excuse us."

"What's wrong?"

"What do you mean?" You asked back, still wearing your dazzling smile.

"Drop the act, doll."

In a flash, your smile vanished, and for the first time, you let him see how lonely and vulnerable you feel. You didn't care this time.

"How?" You whimpered. "How do you know? How can you see through me?"

And this was the real reason why you hated him; why you avoided him. He could see what others couldn't. He could see that your smiles are fake, that you're troubled, that you're angry, and that you're scared. James Barnes could see why you tried so damn hard to hide and that scared you.

You were scared that if he sees all of it, see you for who you really are; he would leave. But now that he knows, he's still here. Doing things you didn't expect. Doing things you didn't understand.

And when you don't understand something, you get scared.

James' warm hands came upon your face, cupping both your cheeks. The gesture comforted you, and you relished in his touch. Your peace, however, was brief, cut short by the ringing of your phone.

You took a deep breath before answering the call.

"Y/n, please. You don't have to talk to her or anything. Just see mom, please."

"I won't see her. She can die right now; she'll do me a favor if she does that." You spat, and before your half-sister could speak again, you ended the call.

"That was my half-sister. She wants me to go and see the woman who abandoned me."

"Do you wanna see her?"

You scoffed. "Yeah, right."

————

"What the fuck, James! Just what the fuck!"

You let your guard down for one second, and the next thing you knew, James was on the phone with your sister, then your halfway across the city, and now, here you stood, bickering with him in a hospital corridor.

James stared at you intently. It was the look you hated, the look that penetrated through all your lies and pretense. "Tell her anything you wanna say." You glared at him, but he didn't budge. "It doesn't matter what it is; tell her to go die, tell her to fuck herself," He paused caressed your cheek. "Tell her what you want; you owe yourself that."

James reached for your hand and squeezed it tight.

"Whatever it is you tell her, good or bad when you come out of that room, I'll be here for you." He promised, then pulled you into a hug before kissing your lips. "I'll be here."

With trembling hands, you reached for the doorknob and twisted it open. You were going to see the first person who ever left you, rejected you, and abandoned you. You felt a lump in your throat.

Forgive? How do you do that? How can you forgive the person who wronged your entire existence? She was the last person you believed would never betray you, but she did. She broke your trust; she abandoned you. How could you forgive that person? You don't know how.

Funny, you thought you would break down and cry at the sight of your mother; pale, sickly, thin.

The woman opened her eyes, focusing on you. She recognized you. "Do me a favor, y/n. Don't forgive me. Hate me, y/n."

You stepped closer to her. "Why? To calm your twisted conscience? To know that even in your wake, one person is cursing you until' your death; then you'd feel sad and that would make up for the years that you were happy?"

She didn't speak for a while, and when she finally did, she said. "Yes, that's what I want."

"You're really… something." You shook your head in disbelief. "You want me to keep hating you? Sorry, but no. I won't. I won't let you do that to me."

Feeling braver than you've ever felt in your whole life. You reached out and tenderly held your mother's hand.

"Because of you, I was in misery for many years. Because of you, a lot of insecurities ate me. I won't allow you to make me suffer again. I'll be free from all the misery and insecurities your abandonment brought me." You brought her hand to your lips and placed a chaste kiss upon it. "You're not worth my hatred. I won't let you make me feel bad in any way again."

"I forgive you, mom."

You know, with all your heart, that you mean it. You let your gaze linger on her face one last time, fighting back the tears that threatened to fall. Finally, you let her go. You turned and walked away without looking back.

You're leaving the person who first left you, and you're embracing the first person to accept you -for who you truly are.

When you opened the door, you saw James standing there, waiting for you like he promised. You walked straight into his waiting arms.

"Thank you."

author's note: This series is ending soon. I wanna thank all of you lovelies for reading my first ever Bucky fic. Don't worry bc I have like a loooooot of fics lined up. Let me know if you wanna be tagged in my upcoming fics. :))

“Sarah,” A voice spoke behind you.

You wanted to tell him that you weren’t your sister when he beat you into speaking again.

“Your father is occupied with work right now. I have strict orders that he is not to be disturbed.

You couldn’t help but wonder how you’ll be a shadow of your sister during your brief stay here in New York. But that doesn’t matter much since you’ll also be leaving in a few days.

“How much do you need?” The man -he must be your father’s secretary- asked dryly as if it was something that normally happened.

“I really need to talk to him.” You replied in your slightly accented English.

The man audibly sighed. “Very well, I know how impatient you are.”

You watched as he trudged his way towards the glass door on the left before disappearing inside. You’re currently at a law firm in New York, not because you need legal assistance or anything of that sort, but because this is where your biological father worked.

And this is the first time you’re going to meet him.

You’re nervous. You’ve been fiddling with your sweaty palms since you arrived.

The door opened once more, and the man from earlier beckoned you to come. “You may come in.”

You stood up and approached him, a small smile on your face. “Thank you.”

“Thank you?” He raised a brow. “I’ve known you for three years, and this is the first time you thanked me. Your boyfriend must be teaching your manners.”

“Boyfriend?”

“Yeah, James Barnes?”

You opened your mouth to reply, but the words got stuck in your throat when a man appeared behind him. His face was pale, and his eyes were wide. He looked as if he had just seen a ghost.

The secretary subtly observed Sarah after seeing her father’s expression. He had never known Sarah to be so well-mannered and reserved. In his opinion, Sarah’s very beautiful -her angelic face made her look innocent and youthful- but today, she looked extra dazzling. He can’t help but feel that something’s not right.

“Sarah…” The elderly man in a crisp suit muttered.

Your heart pounded in your chest as you entered his office that you barely heard the door close behind you. Your father stepped closer to you.

“You might be thinking-”

“You’re not Sarah.”

You don’t know what to feel at having been recognized by your father. For all you know, this was your first encounter with him. “Did my step-father talk to you?”

“No, no. The last time we talked was three years ago when your mother died.” Attorney Franklin Nelson’s face fell. His hand came up, and he briefly massaged his forehead.

“Mom told me that I… I have a sister.” You couldn’t bring yourself to call the man in front of you father. “How did you know I’m not.. her?”

“I was about to leave before you came. A relative of Sarah’s friend called, they -they were in an accident.” He let out a loud and long exhale.

“They’re at a hospital in South Carolina.”

You didn’t know why; you haven’t met her before, but panic gripped your heart. “Is she okay?” You asked.

Your question was met with silence.

“She.. is she dead?” Your voice trembled as your hair stood on ends.

“That’s what they told me, I didn’t want to believe them, and when I saw you earlier, I thought that the caller was just…” You know that your father is trying his best to not break down in front of you. “But you don’t take those kinds of things lightly. And even though the two of you look so much like each other, you still look different.”

“I want to go with you; I’d like to see her.”

He stepped closer to you and reached for your hands. His warm touch unknowingly comforted your troubled heart. He was still your father, after all.

“I understand, I know how much you want to see your sister, but I can’t let you. I don’t want your first and last sight of her to be that way. I’m sorry, I cannot take you with me.” He pleaded. “But there is one thing I would like to ask you to do.”

It surprised you how quickly you relented. “What do you want me to do?”

“I’m worried about mama, your grandmother.”

“Do you want me to tell her? I also want to meet her.”

Your father shook his head. “No, this news might kill her in her condition now, and I cannot survive another loss in the family.” He took a deep breath before speaking again, his eyes boring into yours. “I want you to go home and pretend to be Sarah.”

————————

A woman dressed in slacks and a button-up shirt entered the office. Earlier, your father called someone named Karen on the phone. She was your grandmother’s executive assistant back in the day when the now old woman ran her publishing company. Karen remained in your grandmother’s employ after she retired and is now in charge of the old woman’s personal engagements.

The three of you knew of your father’s plan -and just like you, Karen was against it. However, you didn’t have any other choice, so after the short introduction, she accompanied you to the hotel you stayed at to collect your things.

“Ms.Karen-”

“Just Karen.” She cut you off. “Sarah isn’t known to be polite. ”

Your mind reeled back to the secretary’s remark earlier when you thanked him, then it clicked. He was surprised by your manners - something your twin didn’t have- apparently.

“And you have to get used to people calling you Sarah.”

You sighed. “You’re right… K-Karen.”

As you moved about the suite, Karen’s lack of reaction regarding your sister’s death piqued your interest. You didn’t hesitate to ask why.

“I’m used to Sarah’s absence and occasional indifference when she’s around. I also want to help you for your grandmother’s sake; I can’t let my emotions get the better of me.”

“Sorry, I was just curious.”

She shook her head and flashed you a small smile -a first. “No worries.”

She moved to help you zip your baggage close. “By the way, your cousins might visit anytime soon, and I have to warn you, they’re not on good terms with your sister. So, if you don’t know anyone, just don’t speak to them; that’s normally how Sarah is.”

You held back the urge to roll your eyes. So your twin sister is known to be unsociable and taciturn -a stark contrast to you. This will be a little challenging for you because you cannot change your nature overnight.

As you waited for the family driver outside the hotel, you faced Karen.

“It’s really nice to meet you, Ms. Karen .” You slightly bowed your head. “I want to thank you in advance for helping me with this.”

She looked taken aback at your actions, but she finally flashed you a genuine smile when she regained herself. “You’re welcome, y/n. I wish we could’ve met in better circumstances.”

The car ride towards your new home -temporarily- was silent, not by choice. Your nerves are eating you up, and you couldn’t hold the conversation that Karen was trying to initiate. When you arrived at the house -which was big, bigger than you expected it to be - she led you towards the third room on the first floor. It was your sister’s room.

There’s a queen-sized bed pushed against the wall flanked between nightstands with lamps on it and a couple of framed photos. You strode towards the bed and sat before grabbing one of the pictures. It was a picture of your twin sister.

The heaviness in your heart resurfaced as you grazed your fingers on the smooth surface. If only you’d come sooner.

“Sarah, do you want to see your grandmother?” Karen’s voice snapped you out of your thoughts. You glanced at her; she was standing by the door. You nodded silently and placed the picture back on the nightstand before following her out.

You knocked on the door.

“Come in.” You heard a faint voice from the other side. You twisted the knob, the pounding of your heart getting louder as you pushed the door open.

“Grandma,” you greeted tentatively. With slow steps, you made your way across the room to where the old woman is sitting. She welcomed you with a kiss on your forehead.

You bit back the tears that formed in your eyes at the gesture.

“When did you arrive? I thought you’ll be away until Sunday?” She asked, the book on her lap now duly ignored as she shifted her attention to you.

“I wasn’t really enjoying the… um, trip.” You replied with a trembling smile. You decided to sit on the edge of the bed to prevent yourself from falling to your knees.

“Or maybe, you’re just missing Bucky?” She said, catching the playful tone in her voice.

“Bucky?”

She chuckled. “Don’t tell me you already forgot your boyfriend?”

Your throat went dry. Karen didn’t tell you anything about this Bucky -even the secretary mentioned something about him earlier.

“Sarah?” Your grandmother fixed her spectacles.

You gulped. “Yes… Grandma?” You still aren’t used to being called by your sister’s name.

“Did you and Bucky fight?”

You finally lifted your gaze to stare at her; if you can’t do your best in pretending now, then your father’s plan will go to waste. You didn’t want to disappoint him; in this one favor, he asked of you.

“We’re too old to fight.” You replied.

Your grandmother shifted her attention back to the book; you silently examined her. Despite the wrinkles and lines on her face, there was remarkable likeness to your father. You’re overjoyed to finally meet your family, but at the same time, it saddened you; they don’t know you for who you really are.

Bucky.

A faceless name appeared in your mind. You need to meet this man and have a talk. You admit to yourself that you’ve finally accepted this task of pretending to be your sister, but there’s a limitation.

—-

You once offered to read the book to your grandmother, but she refused, saying she knows how much you hated to read -again, a stark contrast to you since your room in Bucharest could be mistaken as a library.

Every day, your differences are revealing themselves.

There was a time when your grandmother asked why you weren’t swimming in the pool anymore. It turns out that Sarah was a swimmer (she even won a swimming contest in high school) while you prefer to just sit by the edge and let your feet dangle in the water.

Then she asked you why you weren’t going out every night anymore, your excuse was your friends weren’t in town.

You asked Karen about Sarah’s hobbies and other information that might be useful in pretending to be your sister. According to her, Sarah used to be a legal researcher in their father’s team but quit. Your father hoped that Sarah would also take up law, but your twin wasn’t too keen on the idea. She was still exploring her options for her career, Karen said when you asked what your twin did for a living.

In Bucharest, you are a librarian at Bucharest Metropolitan Library. You applied for a vacation leave for your supposedly- short trip here in New York, but you’re sure that you’ll soon lose your job in your home country if you continue to stay here.

You came back to work two days later, still in your perfect smile, perfect hair, and perfect clothes. You strode into the office as if nothing intimate passed between you and James several nights ago. On the contrary, James looked as if he was left starving in the wilderness for a year -even though it had just been two sleepless nights and on the verge of insanity looking for you.

“What’s this?” He growled. You stood in front of him in his office.

Earlier that morning, the HR Manager gave him a Special-Power-in-Making-a-Decision after handing him a folder with a lone piece of paper inside it. The HR Manager left, only to be replaced by the one person at fault why he looks as if he had gone battling with Cerberus in the Underworld.

You remained calm, relaxed, and collected. “My resignation.”

James slammed his fist against the table. It may look as if you’re in a ‘devil-may-care attitude but inside, you were shitting more bricks than you have ever done in your life. “Don’t fuck with me, y/n.”

Your face was blank. “I’m serious, James. A friend of mine offered a job at an auditing company in “

Bucky harshly tore the paper into pieces before tossing it in the air. You watched as the pieces fell freely. “You can’t do that. I’m staying for two weeks; I’m not leaving irresponsibly.”

James scoffed at your reason. He got up from his chair and strode towards you. Instinctively, you took a step back to escape him, but he quickly caught your arm.

“You’re running away.” He stated. “I know you’re good at pretending but are you really such a coward that you’ll lie even to yourself? Isn’t it enough that you’re fooling other people for you to fool yourself as well?”

“Let go!” You hissed as you struggled to free your arm from his grip. Yes, you’re scared and wounded, but you’re angry too. Despite that, you still defended yourself.

And it hurts Bucky. Every time you avoid his gaze. It hurts him. Every time you withdraw whenever he’s around. Or how you take a step back when he steps closer to you. It hurts him how you still furiously tries to escape his grasp. He gritted his teeth.

“Why? What am I doing wrong? Why do you keep pushing me away? What do you want me to do?” He grabbed both of your shoulders, his eyes boring into your soul. “Why won’t you love me, dammit!”

You were shocked at his words, but you quickly put back your cold facade. “I hate you! That’s why!” Your eyes were full of derision. “You always get what you want! Your world is perfect while mine is not. I hate it! I hate how unfair it is, and I want to destroy that! If I can’t get what I want, then why should you?”

Your chest heaved from your tirade, and somewhere between your outburst, you were able to free yourself from his hands.

“Are you done?” That was the only thing he said, and that infuriated you even more.

“Yes, I am done!”

“Good.”

You didn’t see it coming, so you weren’t able to do anything when it came. James pulled your face to him, crashing your mouths together in a searing, possessive kiss. His tongue licked at your lips, but you were intent on keeping them shut. You pushed him away, but he didn’t budge; there was no use, so you let him do what he wants while you just stood there, motionless.

When he felt your resignation, he pulled away and looked at you intently. “I’ll make you love me.” He declared. “I’ll make you love me.”

Before you could open your mouth to say anything, a knock sounded from the other side of the door.

“We’ll talk again later,” James said.

You briskly walked out of his office, intent on avoiding him at all cost for the next two weeks.

——

It had been a week since the incident in James’ office; been a week since you submitted your resignation notice. It’s been a week since James kissed you like his life depended on it, but after that, nothing more significant happened. It bothered you, though, because, after that, James became passive. He acted as if nothing happened like he didn’t declare he’ll make you love him. It bothered you because you feared that James might have something up his sleeves and that he’ll attack any time you lower down your guard.

And as if fate can read your mind, there he is, standing on your porch, pestering you yet again.

“Seriously, James, this is harassment.” You glared at him. You got defensive when he moved a hand.

“You left it in the car when we went to the arcade with Will.” He handed you a small paper bag.

You warily snatched it away from him. “Thanks, now go away.”

James chuckled. “How rude.”

You thought he would speak again, but the man just turned on his heel and started walking towards his car. You let out a relieved sigh at his retreating figure. Your ease was short-lived, however, when he abruptly turned around again and quickly back towards you.

And just like every time, you would slam the door close, he would always catch it before you can.

“Damn it, y/n! Stop acting like I’m gonna bite you.” He barked. “I just…” he let out a sigh. “I can’t let you run away; I won’t let you do that. Forgive me if I can’t let go.” He pleaded between the gap, then walked away, truly walked away, and left you alone.

Several minutes passed, but you just stood there, staring at the empty space where James once stood. You mentally slapped yourself before slamming the door close. God, that felt satisfying.

You checked the time; it’s 4 in the afternoon, which means you still have 3 hours left to prepare for the annual employee party. You moved to go to the shower room when the doorbell rang again. Furious, you yanked the door open, banging against its hinges.

“What the fuck, James, I told you-“ You froze when you realized that it wasn’t James who stood there. It was a woman. Her expensive branded clothing did not escape your eyes.

“Hi, is this y/n’s apartment?”

“Yeah, but she’s out. You need something from her?”

“Uhh, yes. I’m Sandra, I…” The woman seemed unsure what to say. Finally, she took a deep breath and spoke. “I’m her half-sister. She hasn’t been answering my calls, it’s very important. It’s about our mom.”

Part 8

That night, you tossed and turned on your bed. It had been a very long and tiring day, but you can’t seem to catch your sleep. When you all got back to your apartment, James tucked William in bed -in a spare room that you’ve prepared early that morning.

You’d half-heartedly offered James a cup of tea. Still, he eagerly accepted it -he wouldn’t pass up any opportunity to stay with you longer, it seems. The next thing you knew, you were leaning against him, your head on his chest while his arm was draped around your shoulder. With bleary eyes, you saw that The Fellowship was still on; you didn’t know when you had fallen asleep.

“Did I wake you?”

You looked at the man beside you, and when you realized the position you were in, you moved to get up, but James pulled you back to him. Hugging you tighter. “Five minutes. Let’s stay like this for five more minutes.”

You should’ve said no, but you just found yourself nodding.

Bucky inhaled in your scent; he could feel your heartbeat against him -fast just like his. He shifted so he could reach the back of your ear; his hand traveled down your nape, moving to your side, all the way down to your hip. He dragged his hand over your stomach and slipped it inside your blouse, stroking the soft skin underneath -slowly, sensually.

Your breath hitched. “Shit, what are you doing.” You squirmed against him.

James just hummed in response and continued his ministrations.

“Ja-James…. what..”

James pulled his hand away, and you almost groaned at the loss of warmth. He looked at you with half-lidded eyes and whispered. “If you don’t like it, tell me to stop.”

James crashed his mouth against yours, his tongue prodded your lips open, and without much resistance, you let him in. You couldn’t help but savor the taste of him; you moaned into the kiss -he was just such a good kisser.

His mouth left yours, only to latch itself into your neck, sucking on your skin. Your fingers tangled themselves into his mop of brunette hair, loving the silkiness against your palms.

James kept on sucking on your skin like a mad vampire quenching his thirst for blood -all while undoing the buttons of your blouse.

“You’re beautiful.” He breathed. With his flexible hands, he slipped one inside the waistband of your pants, feeling you against your underwear.

“Ahh…” Your body arched. His touch sent all your nerves on fire, bursting like fireworks on a July 4th night. Your head was so high up in the clouds you knew it’ll hurt when you come crashing down. No one has ever made you feel the way James is making you feel right now. His hand didn’t stop, even going faster while your lips were locked in hot, sensual action.

You were going to come; you could feel it. Your muscle tensed, your toes curled, and you moaned and moaned against his mouth.

This is it. You were gonna-“

“I need to pee.”

A little voice snapped both of you out of your heavy make-out session. James quickly withdrew his hand from the inside of your pants while you pushed him away, straightening yourself, frantically buttoning your blouse close.

“Will! I— what, what do you need?” You stuttered, cheeks burning.

Will only sleepily rubbed his eyes while replying. “I need to pee.”

“I got this,” James stated and moved to accompany Will do his business. When he came back, he found you sitting on the couch -right where all the action happened -pinching the bridge of your nose.

“You… you should leave.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

He left, but not after giving you an innocent peck on the forehead.

You mentally slapped yourself. “What the fuck just happened?”

——

With his contorted, handsome face, Bucky glared at the wall clock in his office; it’s already 9:30 in the morning, and you haven’t arrived yet. You’re late, and you were never late. That’s one of the things all your colleagues know about you; you were NEVER late. He grabbed his phone and dialed your number.

The number you’re calling is either unattended or out of coverage area.

He cursed. He always trusted his gut feeling. And right now, his gut feeling is telling him that something’s wrong. Terribly wrong.

Without thinking further -something he frequently does nowadays, especially if it concerns you- he jumps out of his swivel and beelines towards the parking lot.

Now he stood in front of your apartment. He assaulted the doorbell numerous times, but no one answered.

“Shit, this is not happening.”

Desperate, he went back to his car and, this time, dialed Wanda’s number.

“Good morni-“

“Wanda! Are you in the office?”

“Not yet. I’m still on my way. Y/n dropped Will off this morning. Why?”

He breathed in relief. “I see. Is she with you?”

“Uhh, no. She said there’s an emergency and needed to go home.”

His relief was short-lived. “Home? Did she say where?”

“No, umm, she didn’t mention anything. Sorry.”

“Right, thanks.” He hung up and, with a scowl, drove off.

Emergency? Who were you kidding? Knowing you, Bucky was sure that wasn’t the case. But where could you possibly go?

“No, you think I’ll let you go? There’s no fucking way I’ll let you go just like that.”

Part 7

author's note: sorry i didn't post an update yesterday. To make up for that, i'll post the next two parts right away. :)) thanks for reading!