"call me dollface, barnes"

           “You have no idea,” I groaned. “I hurt in places I didn’t even think I could hurt. If I never see Warsaw again it’ll be too soon.”

           “Warsaw is a beautiful city.”

           “Not when you’re spending your time there uncovering an underground crime ring.” I opened the fridge and frowned. “Who drank all the vodka sodas?” I griped, and Bucky chuckled.

           “We had a game night the other night and Scott decided he liked them a little too much,” he explained. “I have a better idea, though; how about I pour you a glass of this” – He pulled a bottle of Chateau d’Esclans Garrus Rosé from the liquor cabinet – “and run you a bubble bath with that coconut stuff you like, so that you can relax your sore muscles and wind down.”

           My eyes widened at the bottle in Bucky’s hand. “Bucky, that’s a hundred-dollar bottle of rosé!” I cried. Bucky shrugged.

           “Not like Tony can’t afford to replace it. C’mon, (Y/N), you love rosé.”

           I bit my lip, but the thought of soaking in the tub with an expensive glass of wine right now was too tempting to pass up. I nodded, and Bucky grinned as he grabbed a wine glass before nudging me out the door to the elevator.

           I stood at the bathroom sink washing the blood and dirt from my face as Bucky drew the bath for me. To anyone that didn’t know us, it would come off as far too intimate of a gesture for a best friend, but that was just the nature of mine and Bucky’s friendship – Living the life we did, we barely had any time for regular friendships, let alone romantic relationships. Finding someone with shared life experience was slim to none, and neither of us was really at a point in our lives where we were seeking relationships anyway. When I’d joined the team a couple of years ago, our friendship had come surprisingly easy, and for two people that didn’t trust easily, we had bonded quickly.

           It was obvious that we were closer than most friends – after all, how many guys would draw a bubble bath for their female best friend without expecting anything to come from it – but it wasn’t like that with Bucky and I. We had each other’s backs, both in and out of the field, and just like I’d taken it upon myself to comfort Bucky when he was plagued by nightmares or flashbacks, he always took it upon himself to make sure I took care of myself after missions that left me feeling both physically and emotionally drained. We provided a normalcy for each other in little moments and gestures that allowed us to take a breather from our demanding lives without having to open ourselves up to anyone outside our circle.

           “How’s the water temperature?” Bucky called from over his shoulder as I patted my face dry with a soft towel. I joined him by the large soaking tub I had requested Tony install in my bathroom, and dipped my hand under the water streaming from the faucet.

           “Temperature is perfect, but the tub needs more bubbles,” I told him, and Bucky snorted.

           “You’re such a child.”

           “You’re the one that offered the bubble bath. No skimping on the bubbles.”

           “Alright, more bubbles,” Bucky ceded, pouring more of the coconut crème bath soak into the water. I grinned as I hopped up onto the counter, watching him light the candles I had placed on the ledge around the tub. He switched on the little Bluetooth speaker I kept on the windowsill, and within seconds the soft, raw sound of Ed Sheeran drifted through the air. The tension in my body was already starting to ease, the music soothing and the smell of coconut and peonies filling my nose. Bucky opened the bottle of rosé and poured some into the glass he’d brought, and then set it on the ledge and turned off the tap.

           “Everything’s good to go, doll,” he said with a gesture towards the tub. “If this doesn’t help you relax, I don’t know what will.”

           “Buck, it’s perfect,” I breathed sincerely. “Thank you, really. You always know exactly what I need.”

           “Hey, I know how hard this mission was on you,” Bucky replied, smile soft as he shrugged. “Figured you could use a little pampering. Now enjoy, before the water starts to cool off.”

           He turned to leave, but I shook my head. “You’re not staying?” I asked, and he froze. When he turned around, he did so slowly, brow furrowed.

           “Well, I wasn’t planning on joining you,” he quipped, and I gave him a disparaging look.

           “Obviously not, you perv. But you don’t have to leave. I…” I paused, pursing my lips. Truth be told, this mission had been harder on me than most, and I wasn’t too keen on the idea of being left alone with my thoughts. “I wouldn’t mind the company,” I finally said, and Bucky’s face softened.

           “I’ll stay,” he agreed, and I nodded, relieved.

           “Good. Now turn around so I can undress and get in the tub. And no peeking – I know how you gross old men get when it comes to younger women.”

           “Old man? Sweetheart, I can run laps around you,” Bucky snorted, but he obeyed and turned away from me. I grinned as I pulled my shirt up over my head and dropped it to the tile floor.

           “Maybe so, but that doesn’t change the fact that you’re seventy-three years older than me,” I teased, unhooking my bra and letting it fall to the floor with my shirt. I shimmied out of my tac pants and underwear, and then slipped into the tub. The warm water and bubbles provided immediate relief to my aching body, and I let out a soft sigh as I closed my eyes and leaned my head back against the edge of the tub.

           “Are you decent?” Bucky chuckled, and I grinned.

           “Yes,” I replied without opening my eyes. I heard him cross the room, settling on the floor next to the tub. I peeked one eye open to find him leaning against the tub, back to me, and I shook my head. “Ever the gentleman,” I snorted. “You don’t have to sit with your back to me, Barnes; there are so many bubbles in this tub that you could easily hide three people.”

           Bucky’s cheeks were tinted pink as he shifted his body towards me. “I was being respectful,” he grumbled, and I laughed.

           “And I appreciate that, but I’d rather not talk to the back of your head.” I reached for my wine glass and took a sip. “This is really good rosé. I can’t believe I didn’t steal this from Tony sooner.”

           “Me too, considering you have no problem helping yourself to everything else in the compound.”

           I rolled my eyes. “Is this about the plums again? Christ, Buck, I apologized for eating them,” I breathed. “I bought you more the next weekend – I got up at six in the morning on a Saturday just to make sure you got your fresh plums.”

           “I’m only messin’ with ya,” Bucky laughed and I glared at him, flicking some bath water at his face, which only made him laugh harder. He wiped the drops away with the sleeve of his blue Henley and then pulled a knee up to his chest so he could rest his arm on it. “You look exhausted,” he murmured, and I frowned.

           “You’ve already told me I look like shit,” I grumbled. “Was that not enough?”

           Bucky shook his head. “I’m serious, (Y/N). Did you sleep at all while you were gone?”

           I bit my lip. “Not really,” I admitted. “It was a gruelling mission – Between the planning and the stakeouts and the chasing and the fighting, there was barely enough time to stay hydrated, let alone sleep. And talk about sore…Like, I know I need to wash my hair, but even that seems like too much of an effort right now.”

           “Let me do it for you,” Bucky offered suddenly, and I couldn’t help the way my eyes widened slightly at his words. He continued before I could say anything. “Don’t make it weird, I’m just washing your hair – Hairdressers do it all the time.”

           “Yeah, but…” I shook my head. “Alright, yeah. Sure. I guess it’s no different than when you dress my wounds.”

           Bucky nodded, and then he was up and kneeling behind me at the head of the tub. I sat up, making sure the bubbles still covered everything, and then leaned forward slightly as Bucky grabbed the handheld shower head. He tested the temperature of the stream before his fingers nimbly freed my hair from its tie and let the stream of warm water wash over my unruly curls. He was surprisingly gentle, vibranium hand directing the water while his flesh hand smoothed out my hair, making sure it was evenly damp.

           “Use the shampoo that smells like rose petals,” I told him quietly. “It’s my favourite.”

           Silently, Bucky reached for the pink bottle of shampoo. I could hear the pop of the cap, and then he was gathering my hair in his hands and combing through the tangled strands carefully, loosening the knots as he lathered the shampoo through it. His nails raked lightly over my scalp before his fingertips massaged in the shampoo, and I couldn’t help the soft sigh that escaped my lips as my head fell further forward.

           “Feels nice,” I mumbled as his fingers rubbed gently at my temples, and he chuckled softly.

           “Tilt your head back,” he ordered. “I don’t want to get shampoo in your eyes.”

           I did as he said, and he gently rinsed the shampoo from my hair with the shower head. He then lifted my hair and draped it over my shoulder, and when the soft press of a loofah brushed across my shoulder blades, I jumped.

           “Relax,” Bucky murmured, dipping the sponge into the water before dragging it slowly over my sore back. I didn’t argue, letting out a quiet whine as he ran the loofah over my shoulders and down my arms, washing away all traces of Warsaw from my body. Eventually, his hands replaced the loofah on my shoulders, and he massaged my aching muscles with practiced fingers until my body melted further into the tub, eyes drifting shut.

           “Hmm, Buck,” I groaned as he worked out a knot at the base of my neck. “How are you so good at this?”

           “I just am,” he replied. “How you feeling?”

           “Like a damn Egyptian queen, being pampered like this,” I admitted with a giggle. “You’re spoiling me.”

           He chuckled, knuckles brushing softly down the column of my neck before kneading between my shoulder blades. I bit my lip, holding in a moan, and as my cheeks tinted pink with embarrassment, I pulled away from him. I looked over my shoulder at him and shook my head.

           “As good as you are at that,” I said quietly, “you don’t need to. Your company is more than enough, Buck.”

           Bucky nodded, sliding back to his spot next to the tub. I let my fingertips glide through the bubbles for a few moments before lifting my eyes to his.

           “Sam and Nat think we’re secretly dating,” I told him after a moment’s hesitation. Bucky’s eyes widened for only the fraction of a second before he nodded.

           “So does Steve. He asks me about it all the time. Says we spend way too much time together to just be friends.”

           I wrinkled my nose. “Which is ridiculous, right? There’s no rule that states friends can’t spend as much time together as they want.”

           “Exactly,” Bucky agreed with a nod. “What do Sam and Natasha say?”

           “Sam thinks you and I are too cute together to not be dating,” I scoffed, “and Nat is convinced that we fuck like bunnies.”

           Bucky choked on the mouthful of rosé he’d taken straight from the bottle, and I swatted at his arm. “Don’t waste that, we only have the one bottle!” I cried, and he shot me a disparaging look as he set the bottle on the tile floor next to him.

           “Yes, ignore the fact that I was choking,” he deadpanned, and I shrugged.

           “You’ve survived worse – If a mouthful of rosé is what actually does the Winter Soldier in, then you deserve it.”

           Bucky shook his head, “Ruthless,” he chucked, and then he cocked his head to the side. “So if we get caught in here right now, it would only reinforce what they already think of us.”

           “Who cares?” I held out my wine glass to him so he could refill it. I took a sip before continuing. “Let them think what they think. We know the nature of our relationship; it doesn’t matter if everyone else assumes it’s more than what it is. What we have works. You’re my best friend, and I like the way our life is. Why change it or put labels on it? If they want to think we’re dating or fucking, whatever. We know where we stand with each other.”

           Bucky nodded. “Right,” he murmured, and then we were silent for a few moments. Eventually, he leaned back against the wall, lifting his arm to rest it on the ledge of the tub as his fingertips skimmed through the bubbles. “The water still warm enough?” he asked, and I nodded.

           “You do a pretty good job of drawing a bath, Barnes. I might have to get you in here every time I have a rough mission.”

           Bucky’s grin was suddenly wolfish. “You just wanna take advantage of how good I am with my hands now that you know,” he taunted, and I couldn’t help the way my stomach tightened at the double meaning of his words, whether he’d intended for it to sound that way or not. I pushed the thought from my mind and stuck out my tongue at him.

           “Asshole,” I grumbled half-heartedly, and Bucky cocked a dark eyebrow.

           “Now, is that any way to talk to the person in possession of your favourite chocolate?”

           My eyes zeroed in on the bar of Swiss chocolate in his hand; I had forgotten all about it, and I frowned. “Give me that,” I hissed, reaching for it, but Bucky held it just out of my reach.

           “You touch it with wet hands and it’s just gonna melt everywhere,” he pointed out, and I pouted.

           “But I want my chocolate…”

           Bucky chuckled with a shake of his head. “So whiney,” he teased as he carefully peeled open the aluminum wrapper and broke off a piece. “Open your mouth.”

           I leaned forward so he could pop the square of chocolate in my mouth, and then settled back against the tub with a satisfied moan as the chocolate melted on my tongue. Bucky grinned as he broke off a piece for himself.

           “This really is nice,” I breathed after he’d fed me another piece of chocolate. “Thank you, Buck, honestly. You have no idea how badly I needed this.” I pursed my lips. “I’m not sure I even realized how badly I needed this.”

           Bucky’s eyes were soft. “Because you almost never take the time to do things for you,” he replied. “You spend all your time taking care of others, but never yourself. Which is why I don’t mind doing stuff like this for you – Because if I don’t, no one will.”

           I regarded Bucky for a moment, emotion heavy in my chest and rising thick in my throat. He wasn’t wrong; I hardly took time to myself, and after awhile it had the tendency to wear on me. But he was always there to make sure I was taken care of, and he always spoiled me in a way that nobody else ever had. Sometimes I took advantage of how good he was to me, and didn’t fully realize just how lucky I was to have him in my corner.

           “What?” Bucky asked suddenly, and my brow furrowed.

           “Hmm?”

           “You’re staring at me funny. Why are you looking at me like that?”

           My cheeks heated, but I grinned stupidly into the rim of my wine glass as I took a sip of rosé. “It’s nothing,” I mumbled, and he frowned.

           “Seriously, (Y/N), why are you looking at me like that?” he demanded. “Do I have chocolate on my face? I have chocolate on my face, don’t I?”

           “There’s no chocolate on your face, you goof,” I chuckled.

           “Then what is it?”

           I leaned back, keeping my eyes on him as I took another sip of rosé. “I’m just thinking how grateful I am that we’re friends,” I told him finally. “I don’t tell you enough how much I appreciate you.”

           Bucky looked pleasantly surprised as he took in my words, his grin childlike and his blue eyes sparkling. His happiness brought a smile to my own lips, and I splashed some water at him with an embarrassed giggle.

           “Now who’s looking at who funny!” I accused, as Bucky ducked his head. There were water droplets dripping from his hair to his shirt, and he shook his head in annoyance, though his eyes still sparkled.

           “No splashing!” he cried, even as his flesh hand dipped under the bubbles to splash water into my own face. I shrieked, nearly spilling the rosé – It would have ended up in the tub if Bucky hadn’t reached across to take it from me and set it on the ledge. I gave him an indignant look as I wiped the water from my face. He was grinning as he leaned back against the wall.

           “You don’t have to look so smug,” I grumbled, which only made his grin widen.

           “Oh, I think I do.” He skimmed his hand through the bubbles and I gave him a wary look, but he shook his head. “Relax, I won’t splash you,” he chuckled. He watched the bubbles fizzle and pop on his hand before lifting his eyes to mine. “Surely you’re turned into a prune in there by now.”

           “Nope, still smooth as a dolphin,” I replied, and to prove my point I lifted a leg out of the water and let my foot rest against the edge of the tub. Bucky’s eyes lingered on the exposed skin of my thigh a few seconds longer than necessary, and my stomach flipped. I drew my leg back under the bubbles, and Bucky’s eyes fell back to the hand that was still gliding idly through the water.

           “Y’know, I never really understood the point of having a bath for anything other than cleaning yourself,” he admitted after a few minutes, “but I think now I get it.” His hand continued to slide through the bubbles, leaving ripples in the water below that washed softly against my body. I bit my lip, pleasantly surprised at how nice it felt. “I mean, I just look at how relaxed you are compared to when you got off the quinjet,” he continued, “and it makes me wonder why I’ve never done this before.”

           “So you’re saying the next time you’re having a bad day, you want me to draw you a bath like this?” I teased. Bucky’s lips quirked up at the corners, and he shrugged.

           “I’m saying I’m not opposed to the idea of a relaxing bath if it’s gonna be like this.”

           I don’t know what came over me then, but I sat up and leaned towards him, the bubbles just barely covering the tops of my breasts as I draped myself over the side of the tub, chin resting on my arm as I regarded him with half-lidded eyes.

           “Like what, exactly?” I murmured, and I watched the apple in Bucky’s throat as he swallowed. His face remained passive, though, and he shrugged.

           “So…enchanting,” he finally said, his hand breezing through the water just centimetres from my torso. My heartbeat quickened, and I didn’t think as I reached out a hand to trace my fingertips lightly over the vibranium appendage resting on his knee. His hand in the water stilled, and I felt his eyes on me as my fingertips smoothed over the cool metal.

           “I mean, you’re the one that set this all up for me,” I said softly. “I’m just the one that gets to enjoy it.”

           “That hardly seems fair, does it?” Bucky replied in an equally soft voice, and then he was brushing his knuckles feather-light over the bare expanse of my back. My breath hitched, goosebumps erupting on my skin in the wake of his touch. He grinned. “You’re shiverin’, doll; the water finally getting too cold?”

           The smugness in his tone had something inside me stirring, and I let go of his vibranium hand to lean back, arms stretched out lazily on either side of me as I looked up at him from under my eyelashes. The bubbles had thinned out, just barely concealing my breasts, and I watched with a smirk as Bucky tried his hardest to keep from staring.

           “Still pretty warm in here,” I purred. “Why don’t you find out for yourself, Barnes? You look pretty tense right now – Might do you some good to relax.”

           I watched his chest rise and fall – Even, but heavier than it had been a moment ago. His eyes narrowed, and his tongue darted out to wet his lips. “This why you asked me to stay in here with you, sweetheart?” he asked in a low voice. “To torment me like this? ‘Cause you know that ain’t fair, after how nice I was to set this all up for you.”

           I shook my head sincerely. “I asked you to stay because it was a long, shitty mission and I missed you,” I admitted, and Bucky’s face softened a fraction.

           “Then what are we doin’ here, doll,” he murmured, “because I’m lookin’ at you right now, and all I can think is how soft your skin looks and how I wanna run my hands and my mouth over every inch of it.”

           I couldn’t stop the whimper that reverberated in my throat, and my body trembled. I let my arms slip back into the water, cockiness replaced with submissiveness as I looked up at Bucky with wide eyes.

           “Buck…” I whispered, and he shook his head.

           “You gotta tell me, sweetheart. You gotta tell me if this is just playful banter, and I’m gonna leave when you get out of that tub, or” – He swallowed hard – “we change the dynamic of this friendship. Because if this is just a fleeting moment, I’m not gonna let it ruin what we have between us. But if you tell me you want me to do to you everything that’s running through my mind right now, then I promise I’ll give you everything. You’ll have all of me – everything I have to offer.”

           I tugged my bottom lip between my teeth as I regarded Bucky. His eyes were wide, earnest and uncertain, and I felt the same – We were best friends. Nothing more, nothing less. As close as we were, the topic of expanding our relationship to something physical or intimate had never come up, except in a joking sense. And yet here I was, feeling things for him I had never felt for him before, and he was looking at me in a way he’d never looked at me before. A way that had my entire body warm and my heart hammering in my chest like a schoolgirl with a crush.

           “When you say all of you…” I whispered, and Bucky gently took my hand and pulled me back to the edge of the tub. By now, nearly all the bubbles had dissolved, but his eyes were fixed on mine.

           “I meant exactly that,” he murmured, thumb tracing over my bottom lip. “Maybe Steve and the others were right. Maybe we are more than friends, and we just haven’t realized it before now. And I know neither of us is looking for a relationship, but Christ, doll, right now I just wanna give you the world –”  

           “Shut up,” I mumbled, and Bucky’s brow creased, pain flashing across his features.

           “(Y/N), I –”

           “Shut up,” I repeated, more forcefully, “and kiss me, dammit. Please.”

           Bucky’s eyes widened in understanding, and then his hand slid to the back of my neck and pulled my face to his gently. His lips met mine tentatively at first, but when my hand fisted around the front of his Henley, he deepened the kiss, tongue swiping over the seam of my lips until my mouth yielded to his. I tugged on his shirt, trying to bring him closer to me, and he broke away from me with a chuckle.

           “(Y/N), you’re gonna drag me right into the tub,” he breathed, and I frowned as my fingers twisted in the fabric of his shirt.

           “You have too many clothes on,” I grumbled. “I’m naked and you’re fully dressed, it’s not fair.”

           Bucky chuckled, nudging my nose with his as he swept his knuckles lightly down my arm. “You’ve been the only one naked this whole time,” he pointed out. “It didn’t bother you before now.”

           “Well now it is.” I yanked at his shirt again, harder this time, and with an exasperated laugh and a shake of his head, Bucky pulled away to tug the shirt over his head.

           “Better?” he teased, and I shrugged.

           “Somewhat.”

           Grinning, Bucky pulled me back to him and pressed a soft kiss to my lips. My hands found his warm chest, but I needed to feel him pressed against me, and with the tub between us that wasn’t possible. With a growl, I went to sit up on my knees, but Bucky was faster – He must have had the same idea I did, because all of a sudden, he was lifting me out of the tub effortlessly and setting me on my feet on the bathmat in front of him. His hands were firm on my waist, but his eyes didn’t waver from my own.

           The air in the room was cooler than the water had been, and I shivered as it licked at my wet skin. Bucky frowned, grabbing a towel and draping it over my shoulders, but I shook my head, wrapping my arms around his shoulders as the towel fell to the floor. I pressed my body to his, revelling in the feel of his skin against mine, and the way his body trembled at my touch.

           “You’re all the warmth I need,” I whispered, and Bucky groaned softly as he dipped his head to capture my lips in his. His hands travelled from my waist to press into the small of my back, drawing me in closer to him, and I smirked into his kiss as I felt the undeniable hardness in his sweatpants press against my hip.

           “Yeah, I know you can feel it,” he chuckled, and I pulled away to grin at him.

           “Kinda hard not to – It’s not exactly like it’s small.”

           Bucky’s cheeks dusted pink, a mix of embarrassment and pride crossing his features. My fingers tugged playfully at the hair at the nape of his neck.

           “C’mon, soldier,” I teased. “You’ve clearly got the equipment, now let’s see if you know how to use it.”

           Eyes narrowed, Bucky growled and then my feet were off the floor and my legs wrapped around his waist as he carried me to the bedroom. He threw me onto the bed and I bounced off the mattress with a shriek before landing in the pillows. I propped myself up on my elbows, bottom lip tugged between my teeth, fighting the urge to cover myself up. The way Bucky was looking at me right now was unlike anything I’d ever seen before, like he had gone absolutely feral – His eyes were narrowed, pupils blown and jaw tight, his fingers twitching at his sides as if he was holding himself back. His eyes raked over the naked expanse of my body slowly, and I trembled as if it was his touch and not his gaze trailing over my curves.

           “Fucking Christ, look at you,” he said in a low, husky voice, swallowing hard. “This can’t be real. This isn’t real. You’re too fucking perfect.”

           I blushed head to toe, and ducked my head, suddenly feeling extremely shy and bashful. The next thing I knew, the mattress dipped and then a warm thumb was tucked under my chin, lifting my gaze.

           “Don’t get all shy on me now, darlin’.” Bucky’s eyes were teasing, but his tone was soft. “I mean it. You’re an absolute vision.”

           It was the sincerity in his voice, and the absolute conviction with which he said it, that wiped any remaining doubts from my mind. Reaching up and tangling my fingers in Bucky’s hair, I tugged him down to crash his lips to mine in a fiery kiss. He responded instantly, tongue seeking entrance. I parted my lips eagerly, our hot breaths mingling. His hands found my body and roamed over my curves, drawing goosebumps in their wake, and I whimpered into the kiss when he nudged a knee between my thighs to spread them apart.

           “Buck…” I whined. “Please. I need you.”

           Bucky kissed the hollow of my throat before pulling away to look at me. “M’gonna take good care of you, doll,” he murmured, voice husky, “but I don’t wanna rush this. Just need you to have patience and let me take care of everything. Can you do that for me, sweetheart?”

           I bit my lip, my body aching to be touched, but I nodded anyway. Bucky smiled softly, pressing his lips to mine in a gentle kiss. I resisted the urge to deepen it, and when he pulled away to nuzzle his face into the juncture between my neck and shoulder, his flesh hand brushed lightly over the inside of my thigh. My whole body trembled and I gasped, and I could feel Bucky grin into my skin.

           “I’ve got you, doll,” he rasped, and then all of a sudden, his fingertips swiped through my folds. Not expecting the sudden contact to my aching heat, my hips bucked up into his touch as a breathy “oh” escaped my lips. Bucky chuckled, fingers gathering my wetness in slow, lazy strokes. His eyes were dark, but still soft. “I never thought I’d actually get to see you like this,” he murmured, “so vulnerable and debauched. Not for me. Not like this.” His fingers trailed up to swirl gently around my clit and I moaned breathily, hands curling around the blankets beneath me.

           “Fuck,” I gasped. I wanted to say something, to assure him that he didn’t need to doubt this, but the waves of pleasure his touch was sending through my body had it difficult to focus on forming sentences. My hand grasped at the back of his neck to pull him down to me in a sloppy kiss, and when we broke apart I held his face to mine, foreheads pressed together.

           “You’re the only one that gets to see me like this,” I panted. “Do you think I’d give up control to anyone else this easily?” I chuckled breathlessly. “You know I’m not a meek person, Buck, but Christ…Right now I’d give anything you asked of me, as long as you keep touching me the way you are…”

           “(Y/N)…” he groaned, and then he was crashing his lips to mine in a hungry kiss. As his mouth occupied mine, he slipped a finger into my heat and I moaned into the kiss. When he added a second finger and stretched me out, I rolled my hips up into his hand and I felt him grin against my lips.

           “Shit, you’re squeezing the hell outta my fingers, baby doll,” he groaned. I keened as his knuckles dragged slowly against my walls.

           “You have too many clothes on,” I managed to huff out. “Take them off.”

           “There’s the (Y/N) I know,” Bucky chuckled, and then he pulled his hand away from me to lean back. I whined at the sudden emptiness, and he winked before lifting his hand to his mouth and sucking his fingers clean of my arousal. My eyes widened, renewed heat pooling in my stomach as he spoke. “So damn sweet, doll.”

           “Clothes off, now,” I growled, impatience taking over me as I sat up and tugged at the waistband of his sweatpants. With his help, I pulled them and his boxer briefs down his legs, freeing his erection. I bit my lip as my eyes took in his impressive size, thighs clenching to ease the sudden ache in my core. I reached for him but he slid a hand around my wrist, stopping me short.

           “Not right now,” he said in a low voice, shaking his head when I looked up at him in confusion. “Right now, it’s all about you, sweetheart. I promised I was gonna take care of you and I meant it. Now, lay back.”

           I wanted to argue, because I wanted so badly to wrap my mouth around him, but as soon as I’d laid back in the pillows, he was kneeling between my legs and kissing up the inside of my thigh. When his mouth reached my core, he ghosted a kiss over my clit before delving his tongue into my folds. I cried out, back arching off the mattress, but his strong arms pressed my hips back down as his tongue continued its exploration.

           Bucky’s lips wrapped around my clit and I gasped, hands coming up to tangle in his hair. I tugged at his dark locks and he groaned into me, hands tightening on my hips.

           “Bucky, stop,” I whined, squirming underneath him. He only growled and delved his tongue deeper, and I moaned at the sensation. “Please,” I begged. “Baby, please, I need you inside me.”

           He stilled, and then within seconds he was sliding up my body and capturing my lips in his. I reached between us to take him in my hand, revelling in how hot and heavy he felt against my palm, before lining him up with my entrance.

           Bucky hesitated, and I lifted my eyes to find him already watching me, blue eyes burning. I reached up to trace my fingertips along his jawline, brow furrowed.

           “Hey, what’s wrong?” I asked softly, and he shook his head.

           “Nothing,” he insisted, but he was still holding back. I frowned.

           “James, talk to me. Please. What is it?”

           Bucky took a shaky breath before dropping his gaze. “I can’t do this without being honest with you, doll,” he murmured. I wrinkled my nose, feeling suddenly uneasy.

           “Okay…?” I breathed. “You know you can always be honest with me, Buck. Tell me what it is.”

           He lifted his gaze to mine shyly, and I’d never seen Bucky – Bucky, who was always so sure and steady and confident – look so nervous. My brows knitted together, and I brushed my thumb reassuringly along his cheekbone. He offered me a small smile, leaning into my touch.

           “I really do think Steve and the others were right,” he finally said, his voice quiet. “I know that in our line of work, relationships seem like a luxury, but you and I are already more or less in one. We spend all of our free time together, we take care of each other when things get tough, and nobody knows more about us than each other.” Bucky paused, his tongue darting out to wet his lips. His cheeks were flushed pink as he lifted his eyes back to mine. “I don’t know about you, (Y/N),” he whispered, “but I think, over the past couple of years, I’ve fallen in love with you and just not realized it until recently.”

           I was speechless. For moments, I couldn’t find the words to say, still processing what I’d just heard. Bucky must have taken my silence for rejection, because he began to pull away from me, but I locked my legs around his hips and pulled him down to me, crashing my lips to his in a bruising kiss. I’d caught him off-guard, giving me the opportunity to push up off the mattress and roll us over so he was on his back and I was straddling him. Eyes widening and then darkening as he took in my naked form above him, he tugged his bottom lip between his teeth and set his hands on my hips, thumbs rubbing softly at my flesh.

           “Say it again,” I breathed, and Bucky’s brow furrowed as his thumbs stilled.

           “What?”

           “Say it again,” I repeated, tone both a demand and a plea. Understanding crossed Bucky’s features, and his grip on my hips tightened as he gazed up at me, a bit more confident than he was a moment ago.

           “I love you,” he murmured, and my entire body heated at his words, stomach fluttering.

           “Again.”

           “I love you.”

           This time, a childlike grin stretched my lips. “Again,” I breathed, and Bucky’s grin matched mine as he sat up, with me still seated in his lap, and pressed a soft kiss to my lips.

           “I love you,” he repeated, peppering kisses along my jaw and down my throat. “I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.”

           I giggled, ducking my head as he began to nip at the delicate skin of my throat, and then took his face between my hands and held his gaze to mine. I bit my lip, taking in the truth behind his words and the sincerity in his eyes, and wondered why it had taken me so long to realize it myself. “I love you, too,” I whispered. “Now please, Bucky; I need you so bad it hurts.”

           With a noise in the back of his throat that sounded like a mix between a groan and a growl, Bucky’s mouth attached to mine in a feverish kiss as his hands on me tightened. I lifted my hips and reached behind me to take him in my hand and line him up with my entrance, before sliding down onto him slowly until he was fully sheathed inside me. I whimpered and Bucky groaned, jaw tight as he forced himself to hold still until I’d adjusted to his size.

           “Shit, doll, you gotta relax,” he rasped. “You’re so tight, I don’t wanna hurt you.”

           “You won’t,” I insisted, rolling my hips against his and drawing a grunt from him. “Please, Buck, I need you to move.”

           Eyes darkening, Bucky’s hands splayed across my back and pulled me tight to him before thrusting up into me. I cried out, arching my back into him, and we quickly fell into a steady rhythm, with me rolling my hips down into every thrust of his hips up into me. His hands and lips were everywhere, grasping and kissing and sucking marks into my skin, marking me as his. My body buzzed with electricity, on fire everywhere he touched me, the pressure building low in my stomach.

           Bucky’s hands were firm on my back, his face nuzzled against my throat and his teeth gently grazed my skin, and my fingers tangled in his hair to hold him to me. My mind was in a heady fog, unable to focus on anything but the way Bucky was entirely consuming me, and it made me wonder why we hadn’t done this sooner. We were so clearly meant for each other – Even our teammates had seen that long before we had.

           I started to giggle, and Bucky detached his lips from my collarbone to lift his eyes to mine with a furrowed brow.

           “What?” he asked, and I shook my head.

           “We were so dumb,” I breathed. “We could have been doing this long before now if we’d realized we’ve actually belonged to each other for months now.”

           Bucky’s grin was wolfish as he delivered a particularly hard thrust up into me. I gasped and fell forward into him, and Bucky nipped playfully at the shell of my ear.

           “We have lots of time to make up for,” he agreed, “but what matters is that now everyone will know that you’re mine” – He bit down gently on a mark he’d already sucked into my throat – “and I’m yours.”

           My fingers carded through his hair, and then I was rocking my hips into his at a quicker pace. Before long, the coil in my stomach was close to snapping, and I pulled back to rest my forehead against Bucky’s, breaths coming out short and shallow.

           “Come inside me,” I panted, and Bucky’s eyes widened.

           “What –”

           “I wanna feel you come inside me,” I breathed. “Please, Buck…”

           “Christ,” he groaned, and then his hips began to stutter. He was throbbing inside me, and then I felt his warm release spilling into me as he came with a groan, burying his face against my neck. His release brought on my own, and I cried out his name as I clenched around him. When we’d both come down from our highs, he wrapped his arms around me and manoeuvred us so I was curled up against him in the pillows. He pulled the covers over us, and as his fingertips grazed along my arm from my shoulder to my wrist and back, I pressed a kiss to his bare chest and grinned.

           “Next time you’re joining me in the bath,” I told him, and Bucky chuckled as he rolled over on top of me, his length already hot and hard against my thigh.

           “Deal,” he agreed, “but how about right now you join me in the shower? I’m feeling a little…dirty.”

            “They look fine to me,” I accused, and Bucky’s brow furrowed.

            “What’s going on?”

            “Sam told me you were burning the cookies,” I replied, and Bucky frowned as I came over to inspect them.

            “I didn’t burn them,” Bucky protested, and Sam shrugged.

            “To be fair, does anyone really trust you not to screw up in the kitchen?”

            “Sam, these cookies are perfect,” I interrupted. “Why did you drag me out here?”

            “My bad,” Sam said insincerely as Steve walked in.

            “Alright, Sam, let’s leave these two to do their thing; you can have a cookie when they’re cooled off and have been decorated,” he chuckled. I caught the way both Steve’s and Sam’s eyes were sparkling, but I made nothing of it, instead reaching for the green icing we’d mixed up earlier and the plate of cookies that had already cooled off. Bucky frowned as he picked up a spatula.

            “They’re up to something,” he grumbled, and I shrugged as I spread the green icing over a Christmas tree-shaped cookie.

            “So what if they are. It’s Christmas; let them have their fun.”

            Bucky’s lips twitched as he iced his own cookie. “Y’know, I’ve had fun today,” he said, and I smiled.

            “Me too,” I admitted. “Thank you, Bucky, really; if it weren’t for you, I probably would have spent the day watching reruns of Criminal Minds or something.”

            “I’m just glad to see you smile,” he told me. “If I’m being honest, I was starting to miss it.”

            I blushed, and when I reached for the bottle of silver and gold sprinkles, Bucky reached for it at the same time. My fingertips brushed against his and my chest fluttered, blush deepening as I quickly retracted my hand.

            “Sorry,” I mumbled, but Bucky was shaking his head.

            “Don’t be. Here, you take them first.”

            He slid them across the marble countertop to me, and I hesitantly picked them up just as Peter walked into the kitchen.

            “I knew I smelled sugar cookies,” he breathed. “They smell so good. When can I have one?”

            “I’ll let you know as soon as they’re ready, Pete,” I chuckled, still lightheaded. I was aware of Bucky’s eyes on me, and I wet my lips as I refocused my attention on Peter. “It won’t be much longer.”

            “Alright,” he said enthusiastically, and he paused on his way out the door. “Oh, by the way, you two are aware that there’s mistletoe hanging above you, right?”

            Bucky and I both let our gazes wander up as Peter left the room. Sure enough, there was a sprig of mistletoe hung with a red ribbon from the linear chandelier above the counter. The heat crept up my neck to my cheeks, and I watched the apple in Bucky’s throat bob up and down as he swallowed hard.

            “I think I figured out what Steve and Sam were up to,” he said, and I bit my lip.

            “But why would they…” I started, but stopped and shook my head. “They’re probably watching us right now, aren’t they?”

            Bucky nodded. “Likely,” he agreed. There was something in his eyes I couldn’t quite read. “Look, (Y/N), we don’t have to entertain them. We can pretend we never saw it, like it’s not even there.”

            “It’s bad luck for a woman to refuse a kiss under the mistletoe,” I said quietly, and I watched as Bucky’s eyes widened slightly. I was shocked at myself, but the next thing I knew, Bucky was setting his spatula on the counter and gently pulling mine from my hand. My heart was hammering against my ribcage at this point, and my mouth was suddenly dry. My tongue darted out to wet my lips, and Bucky’s gaze fell to my mouth briefly before lifting back up to my eyes.

            “Are you sure?” he asked me, eyes searching mine for any sign of uncertainty. “(Y/N), if you aren’t comfortable –”

            My voice was shaky when I spoke, but it was sincere. “Kiss me,” I whispered, and with a soft noise in the back of his throat, Bucky’s hands gently cradled my face and tilted my gaze up to his, one hand warm and rough and the other cool and smooth. The thumb of his flesh hand tugged lightly at my bottom lip and my breath hitched as my eyes remained trapped in his. When Bucky leaned in, I tilted my head towards his, hands finding his waist, and when his lips tentatively met mine my grip on him tightened. His lips were soft and warm, and my eyes drifted shut as they moved slowly against mine. When he pulled away, he nuzzled his nose against mine affectionately, but I wasn’t ready to let him stop so soon; I chased his lips with mine, and when they reconnected, I hugged myself closer to him, hands slipping around his back as my body pressed to his. He was warm and solid against me, and while his flesh hand slid back to cradle my neck and hold my head to his, his vibranium hand found the small of my back to anchor me to him.

            Bucky kissed me languidly, like he was learning his way around my mouth, his lips gentle against mine as his tongue swept feather-light over my bottom lip. My mouth yielded to his, and when his hot breath mingled with mine, I started feeling lightheaded. Just when he had kissed me nearly breathless, he detached his lips from mine, forehead pressed to mine and hot breath fanning over my face as I struggled to even my own breathing.

            “We should finish these cookies,” he said after a moment, eyes sparkling, and then he was pulling away from me and picking up his spatula. He continued to spread icing over the cookies as if nothing had happened, while I was still leaning against the counter, head dizzy and heart slamming against my ribcage. Finally, I swallowed hard and managed to compose myself enough to resume my spot next to Bucky, but my cheeks remained hot and I was hyperaware of how close his body was to mine.

            Later that evening, a bunch of the team had settled in the common room for a movie night. As they argued over what to watch, they also admired the decorations Bucky and I had put up.

            “It’s gorgeous in here,” Wanda breathed as she looked around. “You really outdid yourself, (Y/N).”

            “I had some help,” I replied, shooting a shy glance at Bucky, who’d already stretched out on the leather chaise and was having a conversation with Steve. As if he could sense my eyes on him, he lifted his gaze to mine and my cheeks grew hot. His smile was warm and wide, though, and he motioned for me to come over.

            “Looks like you’re wanted over there,” Wanda said with a smirk, nudging me towards the guys. Cheeks darkening even more, I made my way over to the other side of the room.

            “There she is,” Steve said. “No one can stop talking about the fantastic job you did sprucing this place up.”

            “We did,” I corrected, and Bucky grinned.

            “I only followed your lead, boss,” he chuckled, and then he sat up straighter. “You picked a place to sit yet?”

            I bit my lip. “Uh…not yet. I figured I’d just sit on the couch with Nat and Clint –”

            But Bucky was shaking his head. “There’s plenty of room here with me,” he insisted, and then he was slipping his hand around mine and tugging me down gently onto the chaise next to him. He kept my hand in his, and I was very aware of the way Steve was smirking at us.

            “So, what movie are we watching?” Tony asked. Peter was the first to speak up.

            “Home Alone!” he suggested, and my face blanched. Bucky must have noticed the change in my expression, because his brow furrowed and his grip on my hand tightened.

            “(Y/N), are you alright?” he murmured, low enough that just Steve and I could hear him. “What’s wrong?”

            Embarrassed, I ducked my head. “I’m fine,” I mumbled. “It’s just…Home Alone was my parents’ favourite movie. We watched it every Christmas, and I don’t know if I’m ready to watch it without them.”

            Understanding crossed Bucky’s face. “I can tell them to pick a different movie,” he suggested softly, and I shook my head.

            “No; everyone’s already had to accommodate me too much lately. I can handle it.” I took a shaky breath. “Besides, it might be good for me to watch it. I can’t keep avoiding everything that reminds me of my parents.”

            Bucky’s thumb rubbed over the back of my hand softly. “If it gets to be too much,” he murmured, “just let me know, alright? And in the meantime, I’m right here. I’ve got you.”

            I turned my head to look at him, swallowing hard when I was met with twin pools of blue, burning with sincerity. I could feel Steve next to us, actively trying to pretend he wasn’t listening, not wanting to intrude on the moment. Bucky offered me a small smile, which I returned hesitantly.

            “C’mere,” he urged, and then he was sitting back and letting his legs hang over the sides of the chaise, leaving a space for me to sit in front of him. Biting my lip, I turned and scooted back until my back was pressed to Bucky’s chest. He slipped his flesh arm casually around my waist, tugging me closer to him, and as his vibranium fingertips swept lightly down my arm, I felt myself relaxing against him.

            The tightness in my chest started dissipating not long into the movie – Any time I felt my grief manifesting as a lump in my throat, I would focus on Bucky’s vibranium arm, secure around my waist, or the way he’d laced his flesh fingers through mine. Eventually, I allowed myself to enjoy the movie the way I used to, and I was laughing along with everyone else.

            “There’s that infectious laugh of yours,” Bucky murmured, chin resting on my shoulder and mouth at my ear. My cheeks flushed.

            “I do love this movie,” I admitted, and Bucky chuckled, chest rumbling against my back.

            “It’s a good movie. Kind of reminds me of Die Hard for kids.”

            I grinned, and then my attention was pulled back to the movie when the room erupted in laughter. Bucky’s chin remained resting on my shoulder, and at one point, when I threw my head back laughing at one of the funniest scenes, he turned his head to nuzzle his face against my exposed throat.

            My breath hitched, and I felt a warmth spread through my entire body. Bucky only pressed a light kiss to the hollow of my throat, though, before turning his attention back to the movie, while I struggled to keep my breathing even.

            When the movie ended, the team shifted in their various places around the room, stretching and yawning. Bucky’s arm around me loosened and I sat up, stretching my legs out in front of me and leaning forward to straighten my spine.

            “I think I ate too many cookies,” Peter moaned, and Sam nodded.

            “Me too, kid. I feel like a stuffed pig.”

            “You are a stuffed pig,” Nat teased, and Sam shot her a glare.

            “Anyone up for a nightcap?” Tony suggested. I shook my head.

            “I’m probably just gonna head to bed – It was a long day turning the compound into Santa’s village for you guys,” I chuckled, and Steve grinned.

            “You really did a fantastic job, (Y/N),” he told me, and everyone else agreed.

            I thanked everyone and said goodnight, and as I was headed towards the elevator, Bucky jogged to catch up to me. “I’ll walk you to your room,” he offered, and my brow furrowed as I let out a short laugh.

            “It’s not very far; I think I can make it without getting lost,” I said wryly. Bucky’s cheeks were tinted pink, and he gave me a disparaging look. I burst into a fit of giggles, but allowed him to fall into step with me.

            We stopped outside my door, and all of a sudden Bucky looked anxious, tongue darting out to wet his lips as he ran a hand through his hair. I shot him an enquiring look.

            “Buck, what’s going on with you?” I asked slowly, and he shook his head.

            “Nothing,” he replied, too casually. I narrowed my eyes at him, and when I realized he wasn’t going to say goodnight I turned the doorknob and pushed the door open slowly.

            As soon as I stepped through the door, I was met with the warm glow of Christmas lights, hung in the window and strung around a Christmas tree no taller than I was. The tree was real, filling the room with the scent of fresh balsam as it sparkled with silver and gold ornaments, and the lights in the window twinkled softly. My eyes widened in surprise, and I spun around to look at Bucky, who was standing in my doorway with a sheepish smile on his face.

            “Did you…” I started, and Bucky’s grin widened. “Buck, when did you…when did you do this?”

            “Before dinner, when you and Wanda were wrapping gifts,” he replied. “I wanted to surprise you – I wanted you to have some Christmas cheer in here, too, to remind you how much you love the holidays.”

            I tried to swallow the lump in my throat but failed, and tears pooled in the corners of my eyes. I tried to speak, but my lip was quivering so hard that instead I threw my arms around Bucky and buried my face in his chest. His arms circled around me and held me tight to him, and when I lifted my head to meet his eyes, he gently brushed away my tears with his thumb.

            “Do you like it?” he asked, suddenly uncertain, and I nodded vehemently.

            “I love it,” I breathed. “Bucky, it’s beautiful. I can’t believe you did this for me.”

            “(Y/N), after everything I did today, you really don’t get it?” he murmured, eyes soft. “I would do anything for you if it meant making you smile.”

            I blinked, processing Bucky’s words, and then I was pulling his face down to mine to crash my lips to his.

            There was no hesitation this time as Bucky’s lips moved with mine, his hands finding my waist and pulling me closer to him. His kiss was firm but tender, and when we broke apart, he continued to press soft kisses to my face and throat until I was ducking my head and giggling.

            “Did you really mean what you said?” I asked quietly after catching my breath, and Bucky traced his thumb over my bottom lip.

            “Of course I did, (Y/N). I’ve been meaning to tell you this for awhile now, but I never knew how. I…I have feelings for you. And if you don’t feel the same, I understand, but I just needed to put it out there –”

            I cut Bucky off, crashing my lips to his once again. This time it caught Bucky off-guard and he stumbled a bit before his arms slid under my thighs and he lifted me. My legs locked around his waist as he deepened the kiss, and he laid me down on the bed before detaching his lips from mine and resting his forehead against mine.

            “I don’t want to rush this,” he murmured, voice hoarse and apologetic, and I reached up to run my fingertips along his jaw lightly.

            “That’s okay,” I breathed. “Is there any way you would do one more thing for me, though, before the day is over?”

            Bucky pressed a soft kiss to the tip of my nose. “Anything,” he said without hesitation.

            “Stay with me tonight?”

            Bucky’s eyes widened slightly, but then he was shifting our bodies so he could pull back the covers of the bed. I curled against Bucky’s side, and he pressed his lips to the crown of my head as he pulled the blankets back over us.

            “Get some sleep, doll,” he murmured. I hummed contentedly, my eyes drifting shut as I succumbed to my exhaustion.

                                         ✼ •• ┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈ •• ✼

            “Sergeant Barnes.”

            I groaned, still half-asleep, and Bucky shifted behind me. His arm around my waist loosened, and he sighed as he rolled away from me onto his back.

            “Sergeant Barnes,” F.R.I.D.A.Y. repeated, “Captain Rogers and Mr. Stark request your presence in the conference room immediately.”

            Bucky sat up, fully awake now and frowning. I sat up as well, rubbing the sleep from my eyes and looking at Bucky with my brow furrowed.

            “What’s going on?” I asked, and Bucky’s frown deepened.

            “I don’t know, but it doesn’t sound good.” He slid out of bed and gave me an apologetic look. “I’m sorry I have to rush out, doll. If it wasn’t something important –”

            “It’s alright, go do your job,” I insisted. With a small smile, Bucky came over and kissed me softly.

            “Hopefully I won’t be long.”

            Unfortunately, the meeting was a debriefing about a mission Steve and Bucky had to go on in Moscow. As Bucky tied up his combat boots, I bit my lip.

            “Why do you and Steve have to go?” I asked. “No one else on the team could go?”

            “Steve and I are most familiar with HYDRA,” Bucky replied as he straightened. He gave me a small smile and tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear. “It’s just a quick trip – I’ll be back before Christmas Eve.”

            “You’d better be,” I mumbled, and Bucky lifted my eyes to his.

            “I promise. I’ll be there with bells on.”

                                                 ✼ •• ┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈ •• ✼

            With Bucky gone, the progress I’d made looking past my grief was regressing. I was starting to spend less time with the team and more time alone in my room, staring at the lights twinkling on my little Christmas tree and trying to remind myself that I wasn’t alone. Days passed, and then Christmas Eve arrived. Except Bucky wasn’t here, even though he’d promised.

            “Turns out the trade is taking place in Kazan, not Moscow,” Steve said, voice bitter as he explained over the phone to the team what was going on. I felt my heart sink, and Tony pursed his lips.

            “So you’re on your way to Kazan now?” he asked.

            “Unfortunately, yes.”

            “So when will you be back, then?” I struggled to keep my voice steady, but it was difficult to speak around the lump in my throat.

            “First thing tomorrow morning,” Bucky cut in. “I know I promised we’d be back today, doll, I’m sorry. But if it all goes well – and I plan on doing everything in my power to make sure it does – then we’ll be flying back tonight so we can be there for Christmas morning.”

            “Don’t apologize; you can’t control when these things happen. Just…be safe and hurry back, okay?” I said quietly.

            “I – We’ll see you soon, doll,” Bucky assured me in an equally soft voice. I could feel the others’ eyes on me, and I ducked my head to hide my flushed cheeks. We hadn’t told anyone that we’d made our relationship official, but I was sure they all suspected it, especially now.

            After the call ended, I slipped out of the conference room with the intention of making a cup of tea and retreating to my room, but Wanda caught my arm in the hallway and pulled me off to the side. My brow furrowed, and she gave me a sympathetic smile.

            “I know you’re having a hard time without him being here,” she murmured, and before I could open my mouth to protest, she continued. “(Y/N), you don’t need to be a telepath to notice that your mood improved considerably when you started spending more time with Barnes, and then dropped again when he left. It’s clear he means a lot to you.”

            I blushed. “It’s that obvious, huh?” I mumbled, and Wanda grinned.

            “Let’s just say for a minute in there, it felt like the rest of us were intruding on something private.” When I groaned, Wanda shook her head, chuckling. “Oh, stop; it was cute. And if it makes you feel better, he was serious – That man will do anything to get back here to you by tomorrow morning. Now come on; I refuse to let you spend the day moping. You’re going to spend the rest of the day helping me and Scott prep for Christmas dinner tomorrow night.”

            Wanda kept me busy for the rest of the day, and by the time I crawled into bed that night I was exhausted. That didn’t stop me from curling up under the covers and staring longingly at my Christmas tree, though, wishing that Bucky was here with me and not halfway across the world.

            Sleep, although I did achieve it, was short-lived; I awoke only a couple of hours after drifting off, to the sound of someone moving around my room. Swallowing my panic, I slowly reached for the handgun I had hidden under the nightstand, clicking off the safety and silently turning towards the intruder.

            “Jesus, doll. You wouldn’t shoot Santa Claus, would you?”

            I blinked. “Bucky…?”

            It was indeed Bucky, dressed in a full Santa suit minus the white beard; his smiling face looked tired, dark circles under his sparkling blue eyes, and his scruffy face even scruffier than the last time I’d seen him, but it was him. He was here.

            “Why don’t you put the gun down, doll,” he said slowly, and with flushed cheeks I turned the safety back on and dropped it on the nightstand. I shook my head, brow furrowed.

            “How…” I started, then paused and started over. “You told me you’d be back tomorrow morning; how did you get here so quickly? And what are you doing dressed like Santa?”

            “It was meant to be a surprise,” he replied. “We didn’t go to Kazan – We had just finished the mission when we called. I had to make sure you wouldn’t be up waiting for me, so I had to convince you I wouldn’t be home till tomorrow. That way I could sneak in here dressed as Santa, put your presents under the tree, and surprise you.”

            “Presents?” I glanced at the empty bag in Bucky’s hand, and then to the assortment of neatly-wrapped gifts under the tree, and my eyes widened. “Are those all for me?”

            Bucky’s eyes sparkled. “Not all of them. I had help from a certain scarlet-headed elf who so graciously handed over the gifts you’d been hiding from me.”

            “Wanda,” I muttered, and Bucky nodded.

            “Yes, but don’t be mad at her,” he told me. “She was only helping me. I…” Now he looked uncertain, shifting from one foot to the other and swallowing hard. “I was hoping you and I could have our own Christmas morning, just the two of us, before we join the rest of the team.”

            Tears pricked the corners of my eyes, and I struggled to speak around the lump in my throat. “You went to all this trouble for me?” I whispered. Bucky shook his head.

            “It was no trouble at all, (Y/N),” he breathed. “I told you I planned on making this Christmas special for you. This includes more than just getting you a Christmas tree and decorating the compound with you.” Bucky smirked. “Santa’s job isn’t done until the holidays are over and everyone is happy.”

            “I thought I was Santa and you were my little helper,” I said wryly, and Bucky winked.

            “Even Santa deserves a break. Tonight, I’m your Santa.”

            I was overwhelmed by Bucky’s actions, and the tears pooling in my eyes spilled down my cheeks. Pushing off the covers, I slid out of bed and ran to close the distance between Bucky and I. He dropped the empty gift bag and caught me when I launched myself at him, hands secure under my thighs as my arms wound around his neck and I crashed my lips to his.

            I kissed him hard and desperate, and Bucky’s hands tightened on my thighs when my tongue traced along the seam of his lips. His mouth yielded to mine and then his tongue darted out to meet mine, deepening the kiss. I let out a quiet moan and Bucky’s lips stilled. He pulled away just slightly, pupils dilated as his eyes met mine.

            “Shit, I missed you,” he said hoarsely, and I grinned, playfully tugging at the pom-pom of his Santa hat until it slid off his head. I tugged it onto my own head before carding my fingers through his thick, dark hair, and Bucky let out a quiet sigh, eyes drifting shut. When he reopened them, they were even darker than before.

            “I missed you, too,” I whispered, and then Bucky’s lips were back on mine. He carried me to the bed and laid me down carefully amongst the blankets, all the while keeping our lips connected as he crawled on top of me.

            I slid my hands down Bucky’s arms, the soft velvet of the Santa suit smooth under my palms. I started giggling and Bucky pulled away from me, brow furrowed.

            “Something funny, doll?” he asked, and I shook my head, still giggling.

            “I just never thought I’d be so attracted to a guy in a Santa suit, but damn, Barnes, I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t doing something for me.”

            Bucky’s smirk was wicked. “Mmm, you like the suit? I borrowed it from Clint, but we could always keep it and pretend something happened to it.”

            As he spoke, his nose skimmed along my jaw and down my throat, where he peppered soft, open-mouthed kisses along the delicate skin there. My breath hitched and my eyes fluttered closed.

            “Bucky…” I whispered, and his flesh hand traced feather-light over the curve of my cheekbone.

            “What do you want for Christmas, (Y/N)?” he murmured. “Tell Santa Claus what you want.”

            “I want you,” I rasped, eyes opening to meet his. Bucky’s pupils were blown, and his tongue darted out to wet his lips.

            “You know you already have me, baby girl,” he breathed, and then he was kissing me deeply. My hands found the buckle of the big black belt holding the jacket of the suit closed, and I undid the buckle with eager fingers before sliding it out of the loops and tossing it carelessly to the floor. The jacket fell open, revealing the tight white tank top Bucky wore underneath. I slid the jacket from his shoulders and he shrugged it off before reattaching his lips to mine.

            My fingers tugged the hem of his shirt from the waistband of the red velvet pants so my hands could slip underneath to run over smooth, hot skin. Bucky’s muscles tightened and contracted under my touch, and his teeth nipped playfully at my bottom lip as a low growl rumbled in his chest.

            “For someone who liked me so much in this suit, you’re awful eager to get me out of it,” he teased, and I gave him a lazy smile.

            “I’m just trying to open my present, baby,” I said innocently. Bucky’s eyes darkened, but he didn’t stop me as my hands slid up his body, lifting the shirt with them and tugging it over his head. I tugged my bottom lip between my teeth as I marvelled at how beautiful he was, fingertips tracing over the dips and planes of his torso. Bucky’s breaths were shallow but even as my hands explored his body, but when I reached the waistband of his pants, his vibranium hand closed around my wrist to stop me.

            “Not yet,” he said in a raspy voice, and I nodded meekly as he laid me back down, his lips capturing mine in a languorous kiss. His fingertips danced along the exposed skin where my t-shirt had ridden up my stomach, and when he slowly inched it further up my body I didn’t resist, arching my back so he could yank it over my head, leaving me bare from the waist-up.

            Bucky’s eyes landed almost immediately on my breasts, and his tongue darted out to wet his lips. “Christ, you’re breathtaking,” he murmured huskily, and my entire body grew hot under his gaze and his words. Wordlessly, I reached up for him, and he closed the distance between us to press his lips to mine, soft and sweet.

            Bucky’s lips broke from mine to trail down my throat, over my collarbone, and then his teeth grazed the flesh of my breast gently. I gasped, back arching towards him, and Bucky shot me a lazy grin before his lips wrapped around my nipple while his flesh hand cupped my other breast. I keened as he sucked lightly, tongue swirling around the pebbled bud, and then he switched, mouth on the other breast as his vibranium hand fondled the other one.

            Heat pooled between my legs, and I squirmed uncomfortably to try and relieve some of the pressure. Bucky stilled, and then he was pulling away from my breasts with sparkling eyes.

            “Impatient, doll?” he teased, and I pouted.

            “When do I get to open my present?” I whined, and Bucky tutted at me.

            “Be patient, doll, I promise I’ll make it worth the wait,” he assured me. “Besides, you don’t want to start getting bratty now; bratty girls don’t get Christmas presents.”

            My eyes narrowed. “Did you just call me a brat, Barnes?” I asked indignantly, but Bucky only smirked before he was sliding down my body. He pressed a chaste kiss to my navel, and then the next thing I knew he was tugging my flannel pyjama bottoms and my underwear from my hips and discarding them on the floor with my t-shirt.

            Now that I was completely exposed to him, I was beginning to feel self-conscious. Bucky was quick to ease my nerves, though, ghosting kisses along the inside of my thigh before breathing, “So perfect.” The warm exhale of his breath hit my damp core and I shivered.

            “Buck…” I whimpered, and his hands ran soothingly along my thighs, gently pushing them further apart as he did so.

            “I’ve got you, sweetheart,” he murmured, and then he lowered his head and pressed his face into my folds. My hips jerked, and when his tongue sought out my clit I moaned, the sound shamelessly ripping from my throat. Bucky’s mouth explored my heat with the eagerness of a starved man being given his first meal in weeks, and the precision of a man that had spent months learning what his lover liked. It didn’t take long for the coil to tighten in my belly, and I was a writhing mess under Bucky’s ministrations, sweat beading on my forehead and my breaths coming out short and shallow.

            When Bucky’s lips wrapped around my clit and sucked, hard, I cried out and my hands tangled in Bucky’s hair, tugging at the dark strands as my hips bucked into his face. He growled, grip on my hips tightening until I was positive there’d be bruises, but it didn’t matter; all I could focus on was the way his mouth was working me. Bucky didn’t let up, and the next thing I knew the coil in my belly snapped and my body exploded in white-hot heat as I cried out Bucky’s name.

            He helped me ride out my high with gentle licks and kisses, and then he slid up my body to capture my lips in his. Having recovered from my orgasm, my hands slid down his body and pushed his pants and his boxer briefs from his hips. Bucky growled but quickly kicked them off his legs, leaving him as naked as I was. I could feel him, hot and heavy against my thigh, and my stomach fluttered in anticipation.

            “Please…” I whispered, and with burning eyes, Bucky lined himself up with my entrance and sank in slowly.

            A low hiss passed through Bucky’s clenched teeth, and I whined as he stretched and filled me in a way I’d never been before. He gave me a moment to adjust, nuzzling his face against mine, his breaths warm and ragged against my already-flushed skin. I was the first to move, fingers carding through his dark hair to tug his lips to mine as my hips rolled up into his. Bucky grunted, and then his grip on me tightened as he nipped at my bottom lip.

            “Hard or soft, doll?” he asked, voice hoarse and low in my ear. “Tell me what you want. This is about you.”

            I turned my head to meet his eyes, fingers still tangled in his hair. His eyes were dark, the reflection of the Christmas lights glittering in his blown pupils, and I scratched my nails lightly across his scalp.

            “I want you to do whatever you want to me,” I whispered. “I’m yours, Buck. This isn’t just about me, it’s about both of us. All I want is you.”

            With a strangled groan, Bucky dipped his head to kiss me fiercely, as he pulled almost all the way out of me just to rock his hips back into mine forcefully. I cried out, fingers tightening in his hair, and Bucky continued the rough pace he’d set until the room was filled with the sounds of harsh breathing and the slap of skin on skin.

            Just as I thought the pressure in me was about to burst, Bucky rolled us over so I was on top. This new position had him even deeper inside me and I paused for a moment, hands braced on Bucky’s sweat-slicked chest as I relished in how well he filled me. Hands still braced against him, I raised and lowered my hips slowly on his length, moaning at the way he dragged along my walls. He was watching me with nearly-black eyes, bottom lip tugged between his teeth.

            “Fuck, you are a vision right now,” he murmured, voice husky as his thumbs rubbed circles into my hipbones. “With the Christmas lights, it’s like you’re glowing. You look ethereal.”

            My cheeks flushed, but I smirked as I rolled my hips against Bucky’s and he groaned. His grip on my hips tightened, and then he was rocking his hips up into mine roughly and I fell forward with a gasp. Chests pressed together and faces only centimetres apart, we fell into a slow but deep rhythm, breaths hot against each other’s faces. The heat in my belly grew, and when Bucky’s teeth grazed over my shoulder, I whimpered.

            “You’re so close, doll, I can feel it,” he grunted. “It’s okay, let go. I’m right behind you. Come for me, baby girl, come on. I’ve got you.”

            His words were all I needed to push me over the edge, and as the pressure in me snapped, I moaned shamelessly. Less than two seconds later, I could feel Bucky twitch inside of me, and then his release painted my walls as he groaned out my name, which only drew out my own orgasm as my heart fluttered in my ribcage.

            Neither of us moved for the longest time, just enjoying our closeness. My body was draped over Bucky’s, his arms circled around me and his softening member still inside me. His flesh hand smoothed over my hair as he pressed a kiss to my forehead.

            “It’s after midnight,” he murmured. “Merry Christmas, (Y/N).”

            I lifted my head to meet his eyes and smiled. “Merry Christmas, Buck,” I answered. “Thank you, for everything. I wasn’t looking forward to Christmas at all, but you made it one of the best ones I’ve ever had.”

            Bucky’s smile was warm. “It’s not over yet,” he chuckled. “We still have all those presents to open in the morning.”

            I grinned lazily at him. “I already opened the present I wanted the most,” I teased, and Bucky’s eyes sparkled.

            “Get some sleep, you fool,” he chuckled. “We have a busy day ahead of us tomorrow.”

            “As long as you promise we don’t have to leave this room until at least noon.”

            “I have a Concerned Dad look?” Steve asked, nose wrinkled, and I snorted in spite of my sour mood.

            “Are you kidding me? The team has practically trademarked it at this point,” I replied. “You get that wrinkled brow and those pursed lips whenever you’re worried about one of us, like we’re your kids and you’re an overprotective dad.”

            Steve’s furrowed brow deepened. “I can’t help that I care,” he defended, suddenly self-aware of his face. “Is it really something the whole team talks about?”

            I shook my head. “It doesn’t matter. The point is that you’re unnecessarily worrying about me. So I switched off a Christmas song – It’s not like I kicked a puppy.”

            “For you, it holds the same implications,” Steve murmured. “You live for Christmas, (Y/N). You’re like the opposite of the Grinch.”

            “Steve, stop,” I sighed, pulling at the door handle and sliding out of the Bronco. “I’m fine. I’m just tired – I want to get this debriefing over with so I can shower and go to bed.”

            Steve’s lips pursed in a thin line, but he said nothing more as we made our way through the compound to the conference room, where Tony was waiting for us.

            Thankfully, the debriefing was quick, and as we wrapped things up, I pushed my chair away from the table and stood. “Well, this has been fun,” I said, “but if we’re done here, I’m out. I have a hot shower and some fluffy pillows calling my name.”

            Tony cocked an eyebrow. “I didn’t realize gathering intel was so exhausting,” he said dryly. “I suppose that long and harrowing drive back from Jersey would do anyone in.”

            “She’s in a mood,” Steve said, and I fixed my deadliest glare onto my face.

            “I’m tired,” I snapped. “Christ, I’m not my perky self for one minute and everyone assumes there’s something wrong.” I shook my head. “Everyone here needs to stop being so involved in everyone else’s business. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to my room. If anyone tries to talk to me before noon tomorrow, be prepared to fight me.” 

            Steve and Tony exchanged looks as I left the conference room. I rounded the corner to see Bucky coming down the stairs. He gave me a small smile when he saw me.

            “Hey, you’re back,” he breathed. “How’d it go?”

            I shrugged. “We got what we needed.”

            “That’s…good.” His brow creased. “Is Steve still in the conference room?”

            “Yup.” I ducked past him and continued towards the stairs, missing the way Bucky frowned as I walked away.

                                          ✼ •• ┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈ •• ✼

                      I trudged down to the kitchen the next morning, in desperate need of a coffee. I opened the cupboard and groaned inwardly – Someone had brought out all the Christmas mugs. My fingertips brushed over the Home Alone mug and I hesitated, feeling a pang in my heart, but I pushed those feelings down where they were buried and reached further back into the cupboard, pulling out a plain black mug instead.

           It was still early – earlier than I’d planned on getting up, and earlier than the rest of the team planned on getting up too, it seemed. The compound was uncharacteristically quiet, and I took this rare occurrence as a blessing as I slid onto the plush bench seat of the breakfast nook, tucking my legs underneath me as I nursed my hot coffee. My gaze lifted to the window, and the yard that stretched into forest beyond. The sky was overcast, but the forecast was calling for rain rather than snow, despite it being December. I sighed; it was fitting, considering how un-festive I was feeling this year.

           Steve had been correct when he’d said I lived for Christmas; normally, that was true. As soon as Halloween ended, I usually went full-Santa mode, humming Christmas carols as I baked sugar cookies and decorated the compound. This year was different, though. This year, I couldn’t bring myself to muster up any cheer for the holidays.

           It wasn’t long before the others started waking up. Steve was the first to come into the kitchen, followed close behind by Bucky. Their cheeks were flushed and they were dressed in jogging pants and sweatshirts, meaning they must have just gotten back from a morning run. Steve offered me a small smile as he pulled the jug of orange juice from the fridge and poured himself a glass.

           “Thought you were sleeping in till noon,” he chuckled, and I shrugged.

           “I made a pot of coffee,” I said, pointing to the pot on the counter. “It’s fresh.”

           “Coffee sounds amazing right now,” Bucky murmured, beelining to the coffee pot. Steve didn’t move, his eyes still fixed on me.

           “How are you feeling this morning?” he asked softly. I bit back a snarky remark, knowing Steve only ever meant well, and instead forced the tiniest of smiles onto my face.

           “Better,” I lied. “I think I just needed sleep.”

           Steve nodded, and I wasn’t sure if he bought it or if he just didn’t feel like pressing the matter further in front of Bucky, who now had a cup of coffee in one hand and a powdered donut in the other. I couldn’t help the giggle that escaped my lips, and as Steve followed my gaze he grinned. Bucky’s brow furrowed.

           “What?” he asked, confusion lacing his tone. I giggled again.

           “You’ve, uh, got some icing sugar in your scruff,” I pointed out, and Bucky ducked his head as he lifted his arm to wipe his face with his sleeve. Steve snorted.

           “Maybe you shouldn’t be sneaking into Wanda’s donuts, punk,” he teased, just as Wanda and Vision walked into the kitchen. Her eyes landed on Bucky and she grinned.

           “Oh, he can have one,” he chuckled. “God knows he can’t keep his hands off anything sweet.”

           “That’s not true,” Bucky grumbled around the rest of the donut he’d shoved into his mouth. We all laughed this time, even Vision, as Wanda grabbed a mug from the cupboard. She paused, glancing over at me, and frowned.

           “(Y/N), how come you aren’t using one of the Christmas mugs?” she asked with a pout. “I got them out yesterday specifically for you.”

           “Oh, I…” I scrambled for an answer, put on the spot. “I was still half-asleep; I guess I just grabbed one without paying attention.”

           “Barnes found his mug easy enough,” Sam pointed out as he strolled in. My eyes landed on the snowman at the same time Bucky glanced down at the mug in his hand. Bucky scowled and I bit back a grin as Sam began whistling “Frosty the Snowman.”

           “C’mon, Wilson, how many times do I have to tell you to stop calling me that?” he grumbled, and Sam shrugged.

           “As many times as I say it, I suppose.”

           Bucky rolled his eyes, but before he could say anything else Tony came into the kitchen, Morgan in his arms.

           “Morgan wanted to let everyone know that Elf is about to start in the common room, and you’re all welcome to join her,” he announced. Wanda grinned, tugging Vision with her as she followed Tony and Morgan. Sam grabbed a banana before joining them. Steve glanced at me.

           “Are you coming?” he asked. I shook my head.

           “No, you guys go,” I replied. “I think I’m gonna get dressed and go for a walk before it starts raining.”

           Steve and Bucky exchanged glances. Steve opened his mouth to say something, but Bucky cut him off.

           “C’mon, Steve – You know Morgan will be upset if her Uncle Steve misses the first part of the movie,” he pointed out. He turned to me as he steered a reluctant Steve towards the door. “Enjoy your walk, (Y/N),” he said. “You know where we’re at if you decide you want to join us.”

           “Thanks,” I murmured. I waited until they’d left, then got up and set my mug in the sink before heading upstairs to get changed.

           The walk around the compound grounds didn’t clear my head the way I’d hoped it would. Eventually, I ended up on one of the wooden benches on the dock overlooking the river, my coat pulled tight around me to block out the damp chill of the air. The smell of pine and spruce trees filled my nose and I inhaled deeply, getting momentarily lost in the moment as my eyes drifted shut.

           I didn’t have to open my eyes to know I was no longer alone – The creak of the bench underneath the added weight gave away my companion. I didn’t open my eyes right away, but when I did, I glanced over to find Bucky, eyes gazing out over the river.

           “I hope I’m not disturbing you,” he said softly, and I shook my head.

           “Not at all. I thought you were watching Elf with Morgan, though.”

           “It ended. They put on Rudolph, and I draw the line at talking puppets.”

           I snorted in spite of myself, and Bucky’s lips twitched. Things were silent for a few moments, until he spoke again.

           “I know what you’re going through, (Y/N),” Bucky told me softly. My eyes widened, and I turned to him.

           “What –”

           “Steve isn’t the only one who’s noticed you’ve been acting different.” He shook his head and then turned to meet my gaze, blue eyes gentle. “It’s not lost on me that this is the first Christmas you’re spending without your parents,” he murmured, and I felt a lump forming in my throat.

           “Bucky…” I began, and he shook his head again.

           “I’m not going to make you talk about it if you’re not ready,” he promised, voice gentle and soft. “I just wanted you to know that you’re not alone. Most of the team has at some point experienced their first Christmas without someone they care about – me included. It’s a hard thing to get through, and no one is going to stop you from grieving.” Bucky paused, his eyes sad. “It’s even harder to get through alone, but (Y/N), you’re not alone. You have an entire family inside that are there for you no matter what. We won’t push you to pretend you’re okay, but just remember that you aren’t spending Christmas alone.”

           I could feel tears stinging the backs of my eyes, and I blinked them away, taking a shaky breath before speaking. “How did you get through it?” I whispered, and when Bucky gave me a questioning look, I clarified. “Your first Christmas without your family – How did you get through it?”

           Bucky’s lips twisted into a sad smile. “The first time it registered that I was spending a Christmas without my family, I was hiding in Romania,” he explained. “I had just gotten free of HYDRA’s control and I was still trying to put together the pieces of my life. The markets were all decorated for the holidays, and it triggered old memories of Christmas with my family before the war. It hit me hard, because at that point my parents were long gone, and my siblings were too. I was alone in a foreign country, hiding from half the world, with images of my family around a Christmas tree blurring together with images of the things HYDRA had made me do. Suffice to say, I didn’t handle that Christmas very well.”

           Guilt filled my stomach – Here I was acting like my world was ending because it was the first Christmas since my parents had died, when Bucky had been robbed of a lifetime of Christmases. He must have noticed the change in my expression, because he quickly shook his head.

           “No, don’t start comparing my issues to yours,” he told me firmly. “My messed-up life doesn’t make your grief any less valid. That’s not my point, (Y/N). My point is that we all go through this at some point in our lives. But you don’t have to go through it alone.”

           “You did,” I whispered. The thought of Bucky, alone in that tiny apartment Steve had found him in, trying to put together the fragments in his mind and realizing he’d lost all that time with his family, had fresh tears gathering in the corners of my eyes. Bucky shook his head.

           “I had no choice – HYDRA wanted me back and the UN wanted me dead.” He looked at me earnestly. “You do have a choice, though, (Y/N); no one expects you to dance around the compound singing ‘Deck the Halls’ and stringing lights and garland, but you can’t push everyone away, either. We’re your family – We all care about you.”

           A couple of tears slid down my cheeks as I nodded, the lump in my throat too thick to speak.

           “I got it from my mom,” I whispered, after a few moments. “My obsession with Christmas – I got it from her. When I was a kid, it was just me and my parents. We had no other family, but my mom always made sure to make Christmas special. The month of December was always filled with lights and decorations, Christmas music and movies, baking, and just the purest love and joy you could ever imagine.”

           The picture in my head was as clear and vivid as Bucky was in front of me – A fire crackling in the little stone hearth, the fir tree we’d chopped down ourselves wrapped in hundreds of twinkling lights and the boughs adorned with an assortment of ornaments collected over the years, some antique and some homemade. Tinsel and garland covered every surface, candles flickering in the window as Frank Sinatra played on the radio in the kitchen. I’d be planted on the floor in front of the television as CBS aired A Charlie Brown Christmas, a steaming cup of hot chocolate with a candy cane and marshmallows warming my hands. My parents would kiss under the mistletoe hung above the doorway, and I’d pretend to be disgusted even though it always warmed my heart to see their public displays of affection.

           “Sounds perfect,” Bucky murmured, and I nodded, the nostalgia coaxing more tears from me.

           “It was,” I sniffed, and Bucky reached up to brush the tears from my face with his thumb. I felt my cheeks redden – I had never known him to be so tender. He was usually reserved, once in awhile providing a sarcastic comment to diffuse a tense situation, but Steve had always been the one to comfort and wipe away tears. I bit my lip, ducking my head.

           “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be so sensitive,” I mumbled, wiping away the rest of my tears with the sleeve of my coat. “This is the first time I’ve actually said any of this out loud. It’s hard to talk about without getting emotional.”

           “Hey, don’t apologize, doll,” Bucky murmured, bumping my shoulder with his softly. I couldn’t help the smile that tugged at the corners of my lips. Bucky stood, holding out his flesh hand to me. “C’mon, let’s get you back inside before the rain starts,” he chuckled. I took his hand and he pulled me off the bench, and to my surprise I felt a little lighter than I had when I’d come out here earlier.

                                            ✼ •• ┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈ •• ✼

                       “Why don’t we have a Christmas tree, anyway?” Wanda asked as a bunch of us were gathered in the common room watching reruns of Golden Girls. “It’s not Christmas without a tree.”

            Tony shifted in his armchair. “I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to have a tree,” he admitted, and he pulled his phone from his pocket and started scrolling. “Ah, here’s one. A ten-foot balsam fir with 2500 LED lights already installed, and so lifelike you’d never know it was artificial.”

            Clint rolled his eyes. “Ordering the most flashy and expensive tree off the internet screams ‘Christmas spirit’,” he deadpanned, and Tony frowned.

            “It’s a beautiful tree. I don’t know why you’re complaining anyway, Legolas; you’re spending Christmas with your family, so if you want that rustic Christmas experience then by all means, you go out on your farm and chop down your little Charlie Brown tree.”

            “There’s nothing wrong with wanting an authentic Christmas tree,” Steve offered with a shrug.

            “This is an authentic tree,” Tony argued. “An authentic Balsam Hill tree – One of the most high-end trees you can buy.”

            “Is anything ever about anything other than being the best with you?” Sam griped. “We might as well start calling you Martha May Who.”

            Tony wrinkled his nose. “Who?”

            “Christine Baranski’s character from How the Grinch Stole Christmas,” I murmured before I could catch myself. Everyone’s eyes landed on me, and Tony cocked his head to the side.

            “And I suppose Cindy Lou here has an opinion on my Balsam Hill tree?” he baited, but I shook my head.

            “Get whatever tree you want,” I mumbled. “It’s your money. Hell, you could even decorate it with bottle caps and plastic spoons and I wouldn’t stop you.”

            For a second, everyone was silent – I think they all expected me to demand that we get a real Christmas tree. Under different circumstances, I would have fought Tony tooth and nail until he agreed to get a real tree, but this year it made no difference to me either way. Finally, Tony nodded.

            “Alright, then,” he said, pressing something on his phone. “It’s ordered. Should be here by tomorrow afternoon.”

            I got up before anyone could say anything else, ducking quietly out of the common room before anyone noticed. Once I was safe in the comfort of my own room, I slumped against the door and let my tears spill freely down my cheeks. It felt wrong, being so detached from Christmas, but finding the motivation to care was even harder.

                                             ✼ •• ┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈ •• ✼

             “What is this?” Tony demanded. Brow furrowing, I jogged down the rest of the stairs to see what the commotion was. What I saw when I got to the landing wasn’t what I had expected at all.

            Standing just inside the front door were Bucky and Steve, an eight-foot-tall fir tree held between them. Both of them were grinning like little kids while Tony, with his hands on his hips, scowled at them.

            “It’s a Christmas tree, Tony,” Steve said wryly, and Tony glared at him.

            “This isn’t the tree I ordered.”

            “It’s better,” Bucky cut in. “This was handpicked specially from the forest out back. Everyone knows real trees are better, and the fact that it came from this property makes it that much more special.”

            Tony shook his head. “There are going to be needles everywhere –” he started, but Steve interrupted.

            “We’ll take care of the upkeep,” he promised.

            “And what about my expensive Balsam Hill tree?”

            Bucky shrugged. “Send it back,” he replied, and then he grinned. “You don’t cut corners at Christmas, especially with something as important as the tree.”

            He looked up at me, and when our eyes met his grin widened. Tony shook his head, muttering about “ungrateful people” and “show-off supersoldiers” as he walked away. I jogged down the last of the steps, eyes wide.

            “Did you guys seriously go out into the woods and chop down a tree?” I breathed in disbelief. Steve nodded.

            “Nothing beats a real tree,” he said, and I nodded.

            “I agree, but Tony already ordered that other one. You shouldn’t have gone to all that trouble…”

            “It was no trouble at all, doll,” Bucky assured me. “You said your family always cut down your own tree, so Steve and I got up early to head out into the woods to find the perfect tree.”

            I blinked, unsure I’d heard him correctly, and then my eyes rounded. “Wait – You…you did this for me?” I breathed, and Bucky shrugged nonchalantly as Steve nodded.

            “We sure as hell didn’t do it for Stark,” Bucky said, and I shook my head, disbelief clouding my mind.

            “Why…?” I whispered, and Steve gave me a warm smile.

            “It was Buck’s idea,” he told me, and when I turned back to Bucky his cheeks were tinted pink.

            “When you told me why Christmas was so special to you, I couldn’t bear to think of you losing that,” he admitted softly. “Your parents spent your whole life making this time of year special for you – I know no one will ever replace them for you, but I wasn’t about to let you lose sight of how happy Christmas makes you. So, Steve and I went out to get a tree, and we’re going to spend the day decorating the compound and listening to Christmas music, and doing anything else that you normally do this time of year.”

            The lump in my throat made it near impossible to form words and I swallowed hard, eyes glassy. “Bucky, I…” I started, but I couldn’t find any words that would convey what I was feeling. Finally, I closed the distance between us, snaking my arms around his waist and hugging him tightly to me, my face pressed against his chest. Despite having spent the morning outdoors, he was warm, and he smelled like the woods. My arms tightened, and he left Steve to hold up the tree as his own arms circled around me, hesitant at first but then with more confidence.

            “Thank you,” I breathed softly when we pulled apart, and his smile was warm.

            “Come on, let’s go get the tree set up in the common room, and then we’ll grab the decorations from storage,” he urged, and I grinned as I followed him and Steve out of the foyer.

            Once the tree was standing proudly in its stand and we’d lugged all the boxes of Christmas decorations out of storage, I stood back and eyed the tree with my head slightly tilted.

            “White or coloured lights?” I asked the guys. Steve shrugged.

            “White is more elegant, but the coloured ones are more fun,” he said, and I nodded.

            “Why not both?” Bucky suggested, and Steve and I both looked at him uncertainly.

            “Wouldn’t that be too…busy?” Steve asked, but as I looked calculatingly at the tree, I shook my head.

            “No, Bucky’s right,” I said. “The tree’s big enough that we can string both the white and coloured lights around it without it looking crowded.”

            Bucky grinned proudly, and with my guidance him and Steve strung the lights. When they were finished, I stood back, a grin on my face.

            “It’s perfect,” I breathed. “Now for the ornaments.”

            I glanced over at Steve as he hung ornaments on one side of the tree, and I shook my head. “No, not there,” I chided teasingly. “You have a cluster of red bulbs there, Steve; you have to spread out the colours.”

            “Yeah, punk, what do you think you’re doing?” Bucky taunted, whacking Steve playfully on the back of the head. I covered my mouth with my hand to stifle my giggle as Steve glared at Bucky and rubbed at the back of his head.

            “I’m gonna leave the tree decorating to the professionals,” he grumbled half-heartedly. “I promised Bruce I’d help him in the lab today, anyway.”

            “Steve, wait.” I abandoned my spot at the tree to wrap my arms around him. “Thank you, again, for the tree,” I murmured. “It really does mean a lot to me.”

            Steve’s smile was warm. “I told you, it was all Bucky,” he replied. “If you’re giving anyone credit, give it to him.”

            My eyes travelled over to where Bucky was hanging a blown-glass snowman ornament near the top of the tree. The way he hung it so delicately from one of the lush green tips was such a contrast to how big and burly he was, and I found my eyes lingering on his hands as I tugged my bottom lip between my teeth. When I looked back to Steve, he was grinning at me, a sparkle in his blue eyes.

            “What?” I asked, a blush creeping up my neck. Steve shook his head, still grinning.

            “Nothing,” he replied innocently. “Just happy to see you get excited about something again. Now go finish your tree – I’m expecting to walk into a Christmas wonderland when I come back.”

            I grinned. “Aye, aye, Captain,” I teased, and Steve chuckled before nudging me back towards the tree.

            “We’re running out of room already,” Bucky said to me as I resumed my spot. “Which do you think would look better; this weird glittery octopus, or the gingerbread man with a bite taken off his head?”

            I regarded the sparkling blue octopus dangling from Bucky’s vibranium hand, and then the comical gingerbread man that I was ninety-nine percent sure was Gingy from Shrek. “Put the octopus there,” I told him, gesturing to an empty bough, “and I’ll put the gingerbread man over here.” I reached out to take the ornament from Bucky, my fingertips brushing his, and for the briefest of moments we held eye contact, until I ducked my head with heated cheeks and hung the ornament on the other side of the tree.

            It wasn’t long before all that was left was the star. I held it out to Bucky, but he shook his head.

            “Oh, no – That honour goes to you,” he said, and I frowned.

            “But I’m not tall enough –”

            The next thing I knew, Bucky was crouching in front of me. “Hop on,” he told me, and my eyes widened.

            “Bucky, I…I can’t –”

            “Oh, c’mon, (Y/N). It’s quicker than going to go get a step stool. Besides, I promise I don’t bite.” He waggled his eyebrows teasingly, and I bit back a sigh.

            “If you drop me, I swear –” I started as I climbed onto Bucky’s back, securing my legs around his waist. His hands slid over my thighs, firm but gentle as he held me in place, and I bit my lip as I forced myself to focus on putting the star on top of the tree and not on how warm and solid Bucky felt beneath me.

            Once the star was secure, Bucky lowered me to my feet with a grin. “There, safe on the ground,” he teased. “For the record, I would never drop you. Give me more credit than that.”   

            I pursed my lips. “We should plug in the lights,” I said, changing the subject, “to see how it looks finished.”

            Bucky ducked behind the tree to plug in the lights, and immediately the room was bathed in a warm glow. I could feel a lump forming in my throat, and as my lip started trembling, I ducked my head and turned away from Bucky.

            “I’d say we did a pretty spectacular job,” he breathed. “The tree looks stunning, don’t you think?” Bucky paused, but I didn’t answer, trying to stifle the sobs threatening to spill from my lips. “(Y/N)…?” he said softly. “(Y/N), hey, what’s wrong?”

            He set a hand on my shoulder, and I couldn’t hold the tears off any longer. I let out a soft sob, and the next thing I knew, Bucky was gathering me in his arms and cradling my head to his chest. His flesh hand smoothed out my hair as I shook softly against him. My hands curled around the front of his t-shirt.

            “I’m sorry,” I sniffed. “I didn’t mean to burst into tears –”

            “It’s okay,” Bucky murmured reassuringly. “It’s alright, doll, don’t apologize. Let it out.”

            When I pulled away from him, my cheeks were hot and my eyes stung. I gave Bucky a rueful look, which he returned with a small smile as he reached up with his flesh hand to gently wipe away my tears.

            “I didn’t mean to get emotional,” I mumbled. “It just reminded me of my parents. They would have loved this tree.”

            “It’s a pretty spectacular tree,” Bucky said, and I couldn’t help the tiny smile that tugged at the corners of my lips. He gestured to the boxes still sitting there, full of lights and ornaments. “You still up for putting up the rest of the decorations?” he asked.

            My answering smile was genuine. “No ornaments left in those boxes by the time we’re done,” I decided. “They all get used. This place is gonna look like the North Pole when we’re finished.”

            “There she is,” Bucky chuckled, grinning. “Alright, boss; where do we start?”

            We put on some Christmas music, and it didn’t take long before the two of us were laughing and giggling as we strung tinsel and garland all over the compound. I had just finished hanging stockings around the fireplace in the common room when I turned around to find Bucky standing over a box, a goofy red-and-green elf hat complete with fake ears on his head, and a wide grin on his face.

            “What are you doing?” I snorted, and his grin widened.

            “I figured if I’m gonna be Santa’s little helper, I should look the part,” he replied.

            “Aren’t you a little big to be an elf?”

            “You’re a little small to be Santa, but you don’t see me making fun of you.” Before I could question what he was talking about, Bucky came over and gently tugged a Santa hat over my head. He adjusted the pom-pom, and his smile widened as his blue eyes sparkled. “There,” he murmured. “Prettiest damn Santa I’ve ever seen.”

            My cheeks heated, but just as I opened my mouth to respond, Sam and Steve entered the common room. Sam cocked an eyebrow as Steve smirked, and Bucky and I each took a step away from each other.

            “Oh my god,” Sam said. “Someone kidnapped Barnes and replaced him with Buddy the Elf.”

            “Ha ha, very funny,” Bucky retorted. “We were just messing around. Don’t get any ideas.”

            Steve grinned. “It’s a good look on you, punk,” he teased, and then he glanced around the room. “It looks great in here, I’m impressed.”

            I smiled. “Yeah, well, Buck here does make a pretty good helper.”

            I lifted my legs, hugging my knees to my chest as I stared, unseeing, at the TV screen. This was our tradition; Bucky would come over once a week and we’d have a movie night, where we’d order in and spend the whole night just hanging out and watching silly movies. Tonight, he had chosen Inglorious Basterds to start with. It should have been like any other night, except it wasn’t. Since we’d become friends, we’d made the promise to take one night every week, where Bucky would take a step back from being an Avenger and I’d take a break from being Dr. Banner’s lab assistant, and just spend time together being normal people doing normal things. And for awhile, we did just that. It didn’t take long before the unlikely friendship, between the world’s former deadliest assassin and a lab assistant with an affinity for being socially awkward, to blossom. Our movie nights soon became the thing I most looked forward to every week.

            But then Bucky started taking on more missions – missions that took him farther away, for longer periods of time – and he started missing movie nights. It started with a mission in Tokyo, where he’d gotten injured and couldn’t come home in time. Then there was the time in Dublin, where he’d been compromised, and the time in South Africa when new intel had been gathered and the mission had been extended. Eventually, I stopped keeping track, other than to acknowledge that it hurt that my only time alone with him kept getting taken away from me.

            And now, tonight was the last night I’d see him in weeks – Tomorrow he was leaving for a month-long mission in Estonia, meaning I was losing another four movie nights with him.

            I felt petty, being as upset as I was. I knew his lifestyle made it hard for him to maintain friendships, and I knew he tried his hardest to make ours work. When we’d first met, it had been at Steve’s birthday party last July. I’d been refilling my red solo cup with punch from the big bowl on one of the many tables the caterers Tony had hired had set up. I had caught Bucky, who I’d only ever seen in passing before then, standing at the table next to me with a mouth full of Skittles and a look on his face like a child who’d just been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

            “This will never be spoken of again,” he’d said to me as he swallowed the candy.

            “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I’d replied, and Bucky had grinned and introduced himself. From there we’d become fast friends, despite all our differences, and it got to the point where Bucky would be the shoulder I’d cry on after a particularly hard day at work and I would be the number he would call at three in the morning after he’d been plagued by nightmares. Because I had no family, Bucky had quickly become the most important person in my life.

            “Your turn to pick, doll,” Bucky said as the credits of Inglorious Basterds started to roll. I shook my head.

            “You pick another one. Anything you want, I can’t decide.”

            “Can’t, or won’t?” Bucky turned so his whole body was facing me, brows knitted together. “Honestly, (Y/N), what’s up with you tonight? You aren’t yourself, what’s going on?”

            I bit my lip. I couldn’t lie to him; his lie detection skills were impeccable due to his past. So instead I diverted the question with another question.

            “Is there still some of that beer in the fridge?” I asked, and Bucky nodded.

            “Do you want one?”

            “Yes, please.”

            I watched as Bucky got up and disappeared into the kitchen. When he returned with two beers, I’d already chosen a movie and settled back into the couch cushions. He handed me my beer, and I murmured my thanks.

            “The Time Traveler’s Wife, again?” he asked as he flopped back onto the couch and glanced at the TV screen. “You’ve seen this movie, like, ten times now, doll – Isn’t there anything else you’d rather watch?”

            I shook my head. “I love this movie,” I replied. “You know that.”

            “Fine,” Bucky sighed dramatically, though a grin tugged at the corners of his mouth. “But if I have to sit through this again, then you have to sit through Rocky afterwards.”

            “I will,” I promised. Satisfied, Bucky leaned back and took a swig of beer.

            Just as I’d expected, it didn’t take long for me to start crying. This movie had always made me emotional, but now it felt different – Like the pain Clare felt every time Henry disappeared was the same way I felt about Bucky leaving. Truth be told, I had specifically chosen this movie for that reason; I knew it was inevitable that I would cry at some point tonight, and Bucky had seen this movie make me cry enough times that he wouldn’t question when the tears started to fall.

            “Aw, doll, don’t cry,” he chuckled as he looked over to see silent tears streaming down my cheeks. “You’ve seen this so many times, I don’t understand how it could still make you cry.”

            I shook my head. “It gets harder every time,” I whispered, unable to keep the waver from my voice. Bucky’s brow furrowed, and then he held his arms open and dipped his chin towards his chest.

            “Come here,” he murmured, and I hesitated only a second before crawling across the couch and curling into Bucky’s side. His vibranium arm secured around my shoulders and his flesh hand pulled my legs into him, and I let myself soften in his embrace.

            It wasn’t exactly new for Bucky and I to be physically close like this – We’d often end up snuggled up on the couch together during movie nights, without a second thought. It had long been the nature of our friendship to seek comfort in the form of physical contact. At first, it hadn’t been that way; Bucky had spent most of his life knowing nothing but pain and isolation, and being this close to another person made him wary. But one morning, after I’d found him waiting in the lab when I’d gotten to work, shaking and pale as a ghost after a particularly harrowing nightmare, I didn’t think twice before pulling his large frame into my arms and holding him close until the shaking had subsided and he was able to speak. Since then, I’d noticed he’d often pull me to his side, or slip his hand around mine, or find reasons to envelop me in one of his big bear hugs. After years without physical affection he needed it, and I wasn’t going to deny him.

            But right now, it was me that needed it. My arms wound around Bucky’s torso and I pressed my face into his chest, nuzzling against the soft fabric of his t-shirt and inhaling his scent – A mixture of citrusy laundry soap, the spicy-sweet scent of the Old Spice body wash he used, and underneath that something that could only be described as Bucky; warm and comforting. His vibranium fingertips smoothed out my hair while his flesh hand found the TV remote and switched off the movie.

            “Enough depressing stuff,” he murmured, as he put on The Hangover. “I think we need something to lighten the mood.”

            I chuckled in spite of myself, hugging myself tighter to him. “Thank you, Buck,” I said softly, and he turned his head to press his lips lightly to my temple.

            “I’ve got you, doll,” he murmured, and it took everything in me not to start crying again as I forced myself to watch the movie.

            I could feel the nausea in the pit of my stomach growing stronger as the movie neared its end. As the credits started to roll, I felt Bucky shift and my arms instinctively tightened around him.

            “(Y/N),” he chuckled, squeezing my knee affectionately. “C’mon, I gotta go. You know I gotta get up early to leave for Estonia.”

            Swallowing the lump in my throat, I eased my grip on him and he untangled himself from me, hauling himself off the couch. He began to clean up the beer bottles and the mess from dinner, but I stayed on the couch, focusing on keeping my breathing even and the tears from spilling from the corners of my eyes.

            “Do you just want the leftover pizza in the fridge?” Bucky called from the kitchen.

            “Uh…yeah,” I replied, hoping he hadn’t heard the way my voice had cracked. Finally, I pulled myself to my feet and walked stiffly to the kitchen, where Bucky had just stuck our plates from dinner into the dishwasher. He looked up when I came in and grinned.

            “I don’t know if you appreciate how great of a houseguest I am,” he teased, “cleaning up for you and all.”

            The ghost of a smile pulled at my lips. “You’ll always be my favourite company,” I told him, and his grin turned into a warm smile that had me biting my lip. “When do you leave tomorrow?”

            “Tony wants Sam and I on the jet by ten a.m.,” Bucky replied. “So not too early, but we’ll have to have a briefing meeting beforehand.”

            I nodded, feeling the lump relodging itself in my throat. “And when will you be back?” I asked quietly. This time, Bucky frowned.

            “Four weeks from tomorrow, if everything goes as planned.” He cocked his head to the side. “Why, (Y/L/N)? Gonna miss me?”

            “As if,” I snorted, but it was unconvincing. Bucky grinned as he crossed the room to put on his shoes.

            “Don’t worry, doll; I’ll miss you, too.”

            I followed him out to the hallway as he shrugged on his leather jacket, biting back tears. He opened the door and stepped out onto the front step, into the cool night air. Leaves flitted across the street, carried by the early fall breeze and illuminated by the streetlamp at the end of my walkway. A car drove down the street, and next door I could hear the faint laughter of the neighbours. Everything felt so normal, except it wasn’t. I was about to say goodbye to my favourite person, who was going away for a month – The longest I’d ever gone not seeing him. Everyone around us was living such ordinary, stress-free lives that I almost resented them for it. None of them had to watch a loved one leave for yet another dangerous mission in another foreign country.

            “I’ll get Steve to find you and let you know when we’ve made it,” Bucky told me, and I nodded.

            “Ask him to keep me updated, too?” I added. “Just…just so I know you’re okay.”

            Bucky’s smile was teasing but warm. “I don’t want you to worry about me, doll,” he said softly. “I always come back in one piece.”

            “I can’t help but worry – It’s not exactly like you’re in the safest line of work.”

            Bucky frowned, brows knitted together. We had never discussed this before, how dangerous his job really was. Of course, the topic came up – it was impossible not to – but I had never let him know just how worried I’d get every time he left before now. I was his friend, not his girlfriend; it wasn’t my place to make him feel guilty or upset about leaving me behind to worry about whether or not he’d come home.

            “(Y/N)…”

            “Just…be careful, okay? Promise me.”

            The next thing I knew, Bucky was folding me into his arms and pulling me to his chest. I clung to him, exhaling a shuddering breath as I pressed my face to his warm chest and fought to stifle my tears. His vibranium hand sat firmly at the small of my back while his flesh hand cradled my head to him.

            “I promise,” he murmured. “(Y/N)…(Y/N), hey, you’re shaking.” He pulled away enough to meet my gaze with concern on his face. “What’s wrong, doll? You’ve been acting strange all night.”

            With glassy eyes and a quivering lip, I shook my head. I was scared to speak, knowing if I did, I’d start crying.

            “Please say something,” Bucky begged, eyes searching mine. “I hate seeing you like this; what’s wrong?”

            Instead of answering, I buried myself back into his embrace. He let his arms tighten around me, but I could feel the tension in his body as he was undoubtedly trying to figure out what was wrong with me. Standing in the doorway, him holding me while I struggled not to fall apart in his arms, I realized I couldn’t do this any longer; I couldn’t let him go away again, not knowing what it did to me.

            “Don’t go,” I whispered, and the tension in his body doubled.

            “What?”

            “Don’t go,” I repeated, voice shaking. “Don’t go away again, Bucky, please. Just stay. Tell them to find someone else to go to Estonia with Sam…”

            “(Y/N), I…” Bucky pulled away from me, shaking his head, brows knitted together and his mouth turned down in a frown. “I can’t just…You know I have to go. Where is this coming from?”

            I sucked in another shaky breath, and then the words were spilling from my lips before I could stop them. “Every time you leave,” I whispered, “I lose a little piece of me. At first, I could handle it, but as the time went on and you were sent on more and more missions…” I paused, biting my lip to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall. “It gets harder every time you have to go. All I ever wanted, since losing my family when I was a teenager, was to find someone that fit into that void in my life. And then I met you, Buck, and you filled that void – Hell, you did more than that. You filled every last little crack, and when I’m with you, I feel…whole. But then you leave, and you take a little piece of me every time you go. I just keep wishing you could stay, that you didn’t have to go and I didn’t have to feel like I do every time you walk out this door…”

            By now I was openly sobbing, tears streaming down my face and streaking my cheeks with mascara. My body trembled with each sob, and Bucky’s face twisted in a mixture of alarm, pain, sadness and guilt. He gathered me back into his arms and cradled me against him, hand smoothing out my hair as my body shook against his.

            “You have no idea,” he murmured huskily, “how badly I wish I could stay, doll; how hard it is on me every time I leave.”

            I sniffed, lifting my head to look up at him. “What?”

            “Meeting you was the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” he told me, brushing the tears from my cheeks with his knuckles gently. “I had resolved that my life wasn’t ever going to be anything more than missions and team meetings and training. I never thought I’d ever find someone that fit into that, but then I met you and you were always so patient and understanding about my lifestyle. I guess I should have realized the toll it was taking on you.”

            I shook my head. “I just can’t believe you have to go for so long,” I whispered. “A month? Buck, I can’t go a month without you…”

            “You’re killin’ me, sweetheart,” he breathed, thumb tracing over my cheekbone and catching a stray tear. “The hardest part is holding it together every time I have to say goodbye to you. It wasn’t supposed to be like this; it wasn’t supposed to get to this point. But how could it not, when you’re so goddamn incredible…”

            My breath hitched. “So don’t,” I told him. His brow furrowed.

            “Don’t what?”

            “Say goodbye. Just stay, Bucky. Please.”

            His expression was pained. “(Y/N), there isn’t a single thing on earth I want more than to not have to leave you,” he swore, “but I have an obligation. I can’t just abandon my team, and Sam –”

            “I know, I understand,” I told him. “I know that tomorrow morning, you have to be on that quinjet. But that’s tomorrow morning. I’m asking you, right now, in this moment, to stay.”

            Bucky’s eyes rounded as he realized what I was saying. “(Y/N)…” he breathed, and I bit my lip.

            “Look,” I said, “there are so many things I could say right now. I could tell you that when I see you, I get butterflies like a teenager, even now, after all these months. I could tell you that every time we speak, I forget everything except how happy you make me. I could say that you’re the piece of the puzzle that makes me whole. But it doesn’t matter, Buck, because how I feel about you – Words don’t do it justice.”

            There was a moment where I thought maybe I’d gone too far, said too much. Tension hung thick in the air, like a cloud of smoke, making it hard to breathe. But then Bucky was hooking a thumb under my chin and tilting my face up to his. His blue eyes were burning as they held mine, and I felt my heart hammering against my ribcage.

            “Please…” I whispered, and then his lips were on mine, gentle but firm. He tasted of beer, but his lips were surprisingly soft and his tongue was warm as it swept over my lips. My mouth yielded to his, and as his tongue slowly explored my mouth his hands drew me closer to him. When he broke away, his breathing was uneven as he nuzzled his nose against mine, and I felt dizzy.

            “If I thought leaving was hard before, it just got a hell of a lot harder,” he chuckled humourlessly, and I slipped my hands into his, tugging him gently towards the door.

            “Come back inside,” I begged softly. “Don’t say goodbye, not yet. Please, Bucky.”

            I could feel fresh tears sting my eyes, and with a soft groan Bucky’s lips had captured mine and he nudged me back through the door, closing it behind us. Honestly, I hadn’t expected him to stay, so once we were inside, I wasn’t exactly sure where to go from there. It didn’t even matter, now; as long as he kept his hands on me, I didn’t care what happened. He was here, with me. He wasn’t going anywhere, at least not right away. The realization had me choking on a sob of relief, but Bucky must have taken it for something else because he detached his lips from my jaw and pulled away from me, concern creasing his forehead.

            “Doll, what’s wrong?” he breathed, and I shook my head, eyes wet.

            “I guess I just didn’t expect you to actually stay,” I admitted softly, and Bucky frowned, taking my face in his hands and pressing his forehead to mine.

            “You’re completely oblivious of the effect you have on me, aren’t you,” he mused, his breath warm on my face. “(Y/N), there is almost nothing I wouldn’t do for you. I need you to know that. You have to know that.”

            “I do now,” I whispered, heart in my throat. “Buck…”

            “Tell me what you want from me, baby girl,” he murmured, thumbs brushing across my cheekbones. “Tell me what you need, and I’ll do it for you. Anything at all. I’ve got you.”

            The sincerity of his words hit me like a brick; there was no ulterior motive behind them, no expectations, no prompting. Just a pure desire to see me happy. It didn’t matter whether my answer was innocent or if it was unchaste; I knew from the way he was looking at me that it didn’t matter what I asked of him; he’d give it to me. My answer was simple, though – Honest and all-encompassing.

            “I just need you, Buck. Just you. Just one night where it’s you and me; no interruptions, no walls between us, no holding back. If you have to go away for four weeks, all I ask is that you give me this one night, so that when I’m missing you when you’re gone, I can think back to tonight and know that the piece of me I lose when you leave isn’t in vain.”

            “You have me, doll,” he said, voice husky. “And not just tonight – If you ever need something from me, I don’t want you to feel like you can’t ask me. I’d give you the goddamn stars out of the sky if I could.”

            My bottom lip trembled as I looked up at him with shiny eyes. His thumb trailed over my lip, holding it still as he gave me a soft smile.

            “It’s just us, (Y/N); just you and I. You asked me to stay, and not even an entire army of Chitauri could drag me away now.” I couldn’t help but giggle, and Bucky’s smile widened. “There’s that beautiful smile,” he murmured. “You have no idea how many times the image of that smile in my head has gotten me through long missions away from you.”

            I bit my lip. “Do you really miss me as much as I miss you when you’re gone?” I asked quietly, and Bucky made a noise of disbelief in the back of his throat.

            “Christ, (Y/N), I miss you so much it hurts,” he breathed. His cheeks were pink. “I’m just grateful Steve and Sam can’t read my mind, because if they knew how much you were on it, they’d never let me live it down.” Bucky shook his head, ghost of a smile on his face, and he took my hands into his. “The whole time I’m away, mu heart is back here in this apartment, counting down the days until the rest of me can come home and curl up with you on the couch. I miss you more than I have a right to.”

            My heart fluttered in my chest, and then my hands were pulling Bucky’s face down to mine in a desperate kiss. When we broke apart both of us inhaled sharply, and then I met his eyes.

            “Take me to bed,” I whispered, and I watched the apple in his throat dip as he swallowed hard before lifting me off my feet. He wrapped my legs around his waist and carried me to the bedroom, lips pressing soft kisses to my jaw.

            He laid me down on the bed gently, toeing off his boots before climbing on after me. My hand closed around the front of his t-shirt, pulling him down to me as he shrugged off his jacket and tossed it to the floor. When our lips met it was soft and gentle, and his hands swept over my body over my clothes, leaving me trembling beneath him. He deepened the kiss, tongue dipping into my mouth, and my fingers carded through his hair. He liked this; a soft sigh passed through his mouth into mine, flesh hand tightening ever-so-slightly on my hip.

            We were like two teenagers who’d been left alone together for the first time, unable to keep our hands or our mouths to ourselves. We kissed until we physically had to stop for oxygen, and then we’d pause only long enough to catch our breaths before our lips found each other again. Bucky’s hands roamed my curves and groped me while mine clutched and grasped at his large frame, but neither of us had dared to dip underneath clothing, content with letting things run a natural course rather than letting our desperation fuel our actions.

            Bucky’s lips broke from mine to trail down my jaw, along the column of my throat until they reached my pulse point and he sucked gently, teeth grazing the delicate skin. I gasped quietly, back arching off the mattress, and Bucky took this opportunity to slide his arms under me and pull my body flush to his, mouth still attached to my throat, leaving his mark on me. My hands fisted around the back of his shirt, twisting the fabric as my body started growing warmer.

            “Bucky…” I whined, and he pulled away from me until we were face-to-face, his hovering only inches above mine. Something in his expression had changed – His eyes had darkened, jaw tight, and it wasn’t until he was looking at me, the way a starving man would look at a three-course meal but at the same time like a blind man seeing the sun for the first time, that I realized the significance of what was happening right now. Despite everything, Bucky was my best friend, and we were about to cross a line that we’d never be able to come back from.

            “You’re so fucking beautiful,” he murmured hoarsely. “I can’t believe I’ve never told you that before.”

            My heart leapt as my stomach filled with butterflies, and I had to swallow hard before speaking. “Before you say or do anything else,” I said softly, “I need you to understand that you’re my best friend, Bucky, and if we take this any further…Well, we’ll be crossing a line that we won’t be able to come back from. I want this, I do; but if we do this and something happens…Shit, I can’t lose you, Buck. It destroys me when you leave for work, imagine if I had to really lose you…”

            A lump had formed in my throat, and I ducked my head. Bucky’s flesh hand turned my face back to his, though, and his eyes had softened.

            “I need you to understand,” he told me softly, “that if we do this, it is with every intention of crossing the line and not looking back.” When my brow furrowed, Bucky inclined his head to press his lips to mine tenderly. I melted into the kiss, some of the tension leaving my body, and his eyes sparkled. “You’re my best friend, (Y/N), and no matter what happens that will never change. I know we’re an unlikely pair; we’re not the same, and the odds are likely against us. But I know what’s in my heart, and I think I know what’s in yours.”

            Bucky paused, and his expression changed again. He took a deep breath, eyes warm like a fire in the hearth on a winter day, and his flesh hand traced lightly down the column of my neck before he spoke.

            “I love you, (Y/N). And not in the ‘you’re my best friend’ kind of way. I’m in love with you – So damn in love with you that I go out of my mind with misery when I have to be away from you for more than a day. So yeah, I understand that if we do this, we’re crossing a line. But I’m prepared to cross it, because it’s for you. And I already told you I would do anything for you.”

            My head was spinning. “Bucky…” I breathed. “I…”

            I couldn’t form a coherent sentence, even if my life depended on it. I wanted to tell him that I felt the same way, that I’d been in love with him for months and there was nothing more I wanted than to cross that line with him. But to my frustration and embarrassment, all I could do was burst into tears.

            “Shit, sweetheart, don’t cry,” Bucky murmured quickly, using his flesh hand to wipe away my tears gently. “Hey…hey, listen to me. I don’t expect you to feel the same. I know it’s a lot. But you said you were worried about losing me if something happened, and I just needed you to know if we do this, I’m all in.” He tucked a loose curl behind my ear. “If you ever start to hesitate and feel like you’re losing me, or if the weight on your shoulders gets too much, all you have to do is tell me. Tell me, and I’ll fix it. Because this…” He inclined his head to our bodies pressed together. “I need you to know that this means everything to me, (Y/N).”

            Eyes glassy with emotion, I crashed my lips to Bucky’s. Between kisses, I panted out a breathless, “Say it.”

            Bucky looked down at me with his brows knitted together. “Say what?” he asked, and I glared at him.

            “You know what, James. Say it. I need to hear you say it. Damn it, please.”

            He placed a soft kiss to the hollow of my throat before lifting his eyes back to mine. His blue eyes already said everything, but I wanted to hear the words coming off his tongue.

            “I love you,” he murmured earnestly. “Is that what you wanted to hear, doll? Because I do. I love you more than anything else in this universe.”

            His words overwhelmed me, and fresh tears welled in my eyes. “I love you, too,” I whispered. “Now I need you to do one more thing for me.”

            Bucky chuckled. “Anything.”

            “Show me how much you love me. Show me how much you miss me when you’re gone. Give me something to remember, to hold onto when you’re not here and I’m missing you so much it hurts. I want to feel you days after you’ve left; I want you to leave me reminders of tonight – reminders that I’m yours and you’re mine. Show me what I have to look forward to when you come home, Buck…”

            I had never been so forward before, nor had I ever imagined my tone could sound so sultry. Especially not when speaking to Bucky. But here I was, oozing confidence and emotion and lust as I looked up at him with hooded eyes and a heaving chest.

            With a noise between a groan and a growl, Bucky’s mouth slotted against mine and his hands on me became practically possessive. They all but tore the clothes from my body in their desperate search for my flesh, and when I was lying underneath him in nothing but my plain black cotton underwear, Bucky let out a soft groan.

            “Christ, doll, you’ve got me thinking all sorts of unholy thoughts right now,” he rasped, and I felt my body heating under his darkened gaze.

            “Less talking, more doing,” I managed to breathe out, and with a glint in his eyes, Bucky ripped the last bit of clothing from me, tossing the shredded fabric to the floor. I should have reprimanded him for ruining my clothes, but his desperation only fuelled my own desire. I reached for him, bringing his lips to mine, and as he kissed me, his flesh hand wandered over my bare flesh, kneading my breasts and rolling my nipples between his thumb and forefinger until I was keening into his mouth. His hand travelled lower, brushing feather-light over my stomach. He slotted a thick thigh between my knees, nudging them apart, and then his fingertips ghosted over my inner thigh while his lips still assaulted mine. I shifted, trying to force him to provide some relief from the fire burning in my lower belly, but that only caused his hand to still as his teeth nipped at my bottom lip playfully.

            “Are you trying to rush me, sweetheart?” he murmured, and I frowned.

            “You’re teasing me,” I accused, and Bucky shook his head.

            “I’m taking my time,” he contradicted. “I’ve been waiting months for this, and I’ll have to wait weeks to do it again. So forgive me for wanting to commit as much as I can to memory.”

            I flushed, feeling suddenly guilty. “I’m sorry,” I mumbled, and Bucky chuckled before kissing me softly.

            “You have nothing to apologize for, baby girl. I promise I’ll take good care of you. Promise I’ll leave you something to think about when you’re lonely and missing me and just can’t help but take care of that ache that only I’ll ever be able to fully satisfy from now on.”

            I shivered, and Bucky smirked as his lips attached to my throat. His fingertips danced along my skin, inching closer to where I needed him, until finally they dipped into my wet folds. He groaned against my throat, swiping his fingers through my arousal.

            “Doll,” he breathed, fixing his eyes on mine as he continued to spread my arousal. “I did this to you?”

            I nodded, not trusting my voice to speak. I arched into his touch, whimpering, and when he slipped two thick fingers into my heat I cried out, hands closing around his arm to hold him in place. He grinned, eyes nearly black.

            “You’re already squeezing the shit outta my fingers; imagine how fuckin’ good you’re gonna feel around my cock,” he panted, pumping his fingers in and out of me slowly. I whined shamelessly, already feeling an orgasm fast-approaching – faster than I’d ever been able to bring on myself. When Bucky’s thumb pressed to my clit, that was it – With a cry my orgasm washed over me, and Bucky kissed me through it as his fingers gently slipped out of me.

            “That didn’t take long,” he murmured, eyes sparkling, and I blushed.

            “Shut up.”

            “I’m not making fun, doll; that was the most beautiful fucking thing I’ve ever experienced, in every way.” Bucky cocked an eyebrow. “Think I can coax a few more out of you?”

            “Bucky –” I started, but he was already laying between my thighs, arms wrapped around my hips as his hot breath fanned over my sensitive core. My eyes fluttered shut at the sensation, but when his tongue licked a stripe up the length of my folds I gasped, hips bucking up into him as electricity shot through my body. His arms around me tightened, holding me still as his tongue gathered my arousal. He hummed appreciatively, sending vibrations through my core, and my breath caught in my throat.

            When Bucky’s lips sought out my clit and sucked it into his mouth I moaned, low and obscene. To say he knew what he was doing was an understatement – Bucky was skilled at a very long list of things, and using his mouth was clearly very high on that list. It was sinful, the way his mouth was assaulting my core, alternating between sucking and licking and kissing and even grazing his teeth over my most sensitive parts. And he was enjoying it as much as I was. His enthusiasm only made me more aroused, and that sinful mouth of his drew three more orgasms out of me before finally my fingers tangled in his hair and tugged his face away from my over-sensitive heat.

            “Bucky…” I whimpered, and his eyes met mine. My breath hitched; he looked feral, his eyes blown with lust and his scruff glistening with my arousal. In a second, he had slid up my body and captured my lips in a searing kiss. I could taste myself on his tongue, something I never thought I’d find a turn-on before now. I clawed at his clothes in frustration.

            “You’re very overdressed,” I huffed, and in an instant Bucky had shed his clothes so he was as naked as me. I couldn’t help but take a moment to marvel; he was breathtaking, from the perfectly-sculpted abs right down to the trail of dark hair that led to the most glorious erection I’d ever seen. My mouth salivated at the sight of it, long and thick and impossibly hard as it stood, throbbing and leaking precum. It was an angry red, ridged with thick veins, and I wanted nothing more than to wrap my lips around it.

            I sat up, fingers closing around him before he even had a chance to speak, and Bucky hissed through clenched teeth. He was hot and heavy in my grip, and when I gave a couple experimental pumps his head fell back and he let out a sharp curse. He was on his knees on the mattress, and I kissed down his chest as my hand continued to pump him slowly. When my mouth reached his hips, I nipped at the skin teasingly before my lips wrapped around the tip and my tongue gathered his precum. Bucky groaned, hands carding through my hair as I slowly took more and more of him into my mouth.

            “Fucking hell, (Y/N),” he panted. It wasn’t easy, but I managed to sheath his entire length in my mouth. The tip of his cock hit the back of my throat and I gagged, tears stinging my eyes, but the way he filled my mouth so well had my walls clenching in anticipation. I began to bob my head, suctioning my lips and hollowing out my cheeks as my mouth slid up and down his length, nails scratching lightly down his thighs. His breaths were coming out shallow, and I could see in the way his jaw was tight and his brows were drawn together that he was trying very hard to restrain himself from forcibly face-fucking me.

            I squeezed my thighs together; apparently the four orgasms he’d already given me weren’t enough to stop the ache that I knew only him inside of me could fix. His pants were turning into grunts and growls, and I picked up my pace.

            “(Y/N)…” he rasped. “(Y/N), you gotta stop, I’m gonna come.”

            I pulled away to look at him with a smirk. “I think that’s the point,” I said wryly, and he shook his head.

            “I wanna be inside you when I come.”

            Oh, fuck. I bit my lip, looking up at him with wide eyes, and then he was laying me back down in the pillows and kissing me thoroughly until it felt like my whole body was engulfed in flames. His length was hot and solid against my thigh, and I wiggled my hips against his.

            “Bucky…” I huffed, and then he was lining himself up with my entrance.

            “I got you, baby girl,” he murmured huskily, and then his lips were back on mine as he pushed into me, slowly, until he bottomed out. We swallowed each other’s moans in our kiss, and he held still as we both adjusted to each other. He was big; bigger than anyone I’d ever been with before, filling me so full I could feel every ridge of his length against my walls as his tip bumped against my cervix. I struggled to steady my breathing, overwhelmed by the sensations.

            “Shit, you’re so fucking tight,” Bucky grunted, as my walls clenched around him. “You gotta relax, baby girl, I don’t want to hurt you.”

            “You’re so big,” I whimpered, and he had the decency to look sheepish rather than cocky.

            “Just relax,” he murmured. “I’ve got you; I promise I won’t move ‘til I know you’re ready.”

            Bucky’s lips found mine again, moving slow and soft as his flesh hand snaked between our bodies to rub gentle circles on my clit. My body melted under his touch, and quickly the ache in the way he stretched and filled me turned into delicious pleasure. I moaned, and he experimentally pulled out a bit and slid back in. When he was met with no friction, he pulled out all the way before rolling his hips back into mine and I moaned again, louder this time.

            We quickly fell into a rhythm, my hips rolling up into Bucky’s thrusts. Hands and lips groped and kissed warm flesh, the air filled with pants and the sound of skin on skin. The knowledge that even though this was our first time together it would also be our last for awhile wasn’t lost on us – Our bodies came together in a desperation that could only be fuelled by a deep-seated need to make up for all the time we’d have to spend apart. Despite that desperation, though, Bucky’s movements were surprisingly tender. He managed to capture the intimacy and tenderness of making love even as his hips fucked into me hard and deep so that I’d be sure to feel the ache between my thighs for days after, just like I’d asked of him.

            I was spiralling quickly – too quickly. I wanted to hold off as long as I could, to prolong this moment and stave off his inevitable departure. Tears pricked the corners of my eyes and I squeezed them shut, trying to stifle them.

            “Bucky…” I whimpered, feeling the coil in my belly tighten with every well-placed thrust.

            “It’s okay, doll,” he murmured hoarsely, as if he could read my mind. “I’m close, too. It’s okay, just let go. Come for me, sweetheart.”

            Suddenly the coil snapped, and I cried out Bucky’s name as my nails raked down his back. Seconds later, I felt his cock twitch inside me, and then his hot release painted my fluttering walls as he let out a deep groan. Overwhelmed with emotion and satiation and exhaustion, the dam broke and my tears spilled down my cheeks. Bucky’s arms wrapped around me, and with his softening length still inside me he rolled us over so I was cradled to his chest, and he held me as I sobbed until I fell asleep.

             I had never hated a sound more than I hated the sound of Bucky’s alarm going off the next morning. With a quiet groan he blindly lifted the arm secured around my waist to shut it off before wrapping it back around me, hand flat and firm on my stomach as he pulled me back to his body tightly. His lips kissed along my shoulder, fingertips grazing over the bare flesh of my belly.

            Under different circumstances, I’d be giddy with happiness. I’d let myself bask in his sleepy affection for a few minutes before I’d roll over and straddle him and make sweet morning love to him before offering to make him his favourite breakfast – scrambled eggs and blueberry pancakes. Instead, the pit in my stomach felt heavy and the lump in my throat made it difficult to bite back my tears. I grabbed onto Bucky’s hand and squeezed his fingers.

            “How are you feeling?” he murmured, voice thick with sleep and muffled because his mouth was still pressed to my skin. I sucked in a shaky breath.

            “Like maybe if we don’t leave this bed, time will stop and you won’t have to leave.”

            Bucky chuckled softly, his chest rumbling against my back. “If only Strange would loan us the time stone,” he said, and I frowned as I rolled over to face him. I’d woken up next to him before, but never naked and never with him looking at me like he’d never seen anything more beautiful.

            “I can’t believe you have to go,” I whispered, and his eyes grew sad.

            “I know, doll,” he murmured. “I hate it, too.”

            He brushed his thumb over my bottom lip before leaning in to kiss me softly. My eyes drifted shut as I melted into it, but too soon he was pulling away and rolling out of bed with a sigh. I watched as he pulled his clothes back on, but before he could yank his t-shirt over his head I was out of bed and grabbing a hold of it. Bucky cocked an eyebrow at me, but when he saw my glassy eyes his expression softened.

            “Lift your arms,” he ordered gently, and when I did, he slid the shirt carefully over my head. It was too big, falling to my mid-thigh, but it was soft and it smelled like him. “Looks good on you,” he murmured, and the ghost of a smile touched my lips.

            Once he’d pulled on his boots and leather jacket, I followed Bucky down the hall to the front door. The tears were spilling freely down my cheeks now, and all of a sudden Bucky looked uncertain.

            “Tell me to stay,” he said suddenly, catching me off-guard. “Tell me you need me to stay, and I will. I’ll call Steve, tell him to find someone else to go to Estonia with Sam. I’ll stay here with you, and we can stay in bed for as long as you’d like, and watch all the sappy chick flicks you want, and I’ll cook for you and you won’t have to feel like you’re losing anything because I’ll be right here. Tell me to stay, (Y/N)…”

            Bucky’s eyes were wide and earnest, silently pleading with me – It was killing him as much to leave as it was me watching him go. My heart ached, but I swallowed the lump in my throat and shook my head.

            “You know I can’t do that,” I breathed. “I want more than anything for you to stay, Buck, but we both know you can’t. The team needs you in Estonia.”

            “You need me here.”

            I took his face in my hands. “I’ll always need you here, but it’d be selfish of me to keep you here. You’re an Avenger – You can’t just not do your job.” I kissed him, slow and soft. “Go be a hero, baby. I’ll be right here waiting when you get back.”

            “I love you so much,” Bucky whispered, his own eyes glassy now. I fixed a smile onto my face.

            “I love you, too. Now go, before I change my mind and do something really selfish.”

            Bucky returned the smile, and then opened the door. He made it halfway down the walkway to the street when he turned around and ran back up the steps, tugging me to him and crashing his lips to mine. The kiss was hot and heavy, and when we broke apart, I was dizzy and breathless. Bucky grinned ruefully.

            “Sorry, I couldn’t leave without doing that,” he told me, and I giggled.

            “Go, before the neighbours start talking,” I laughed, and Bucky’s eyes sparkled.

            “Oh, they’ll be talking – Especially when I get home after four weeks without you and fuck you so hard the whole street will hear you.”

            My eyes widened as heat flooded my body. “Bucky!”

            “That’s exactly what they’ll be hearing,” he teased. He straddled his motorbike, and it rumbled to life as he started it. It bit my lip, and he looked over and winked. “Catch!” he called out, and I just barely caught his cell phone as he tossed it to me.

            “What…?” I shook my head. “Why are you giving me your phone?”

            “So we can keep in touch. You really think I can last four weeks without talking to you?”

            “But it’s against the rules for any outside communication on a mission –”

            “If Tony has a problem with it, he can deal with me when I get home,” Bucky replied, and then he grinned. “I’ll call you tonight once we’re settled in.”

            “Okay,” I breathed.

            “And (Y/N)?”

            “Yeah?”

           For a moment, neither of us moved. The air hung thick with tension, and I swear neither of us even breathed. But then Bucky was kicking the door shut, locking it behind him and crossing the small space in two strides to close the distance between us. I all but fell into him when his hands found my waist, and when his lips crashed to mine it was as if someone had lit a fire in me. Heat burned through my veins, and my fingers curled around the soft material of Bucky’s black t-shirt, tugging him closer to me. Hands firm on my waist, he backed me up against the wall, caging me in between his arms with his large body. His tongue swiped along my bottom lip in an attempt to deepen the kiss, and when our hot breaths mingled it was dizzying.

           Bucky’s hands had tugged the hem of my blouse out of the waistband of my pants, and now they were roaming over bare flesh, leaving goosebumps in their wake. My hands slid up his torso, across his shoulders to cord through his hair. His lips broke from mine to trail down my jaw, and when they ghosted across my throat my fingers tugged at his hair, drawing out a groan from deep in his chest.

           “Jump,” he rasped, and it only took me a second to understand what he meant. Arms locked tight around his neck, I jumped, and his hands caught me under my thighs. My legs wrapped around his waist, he spun me around and sat me on the edge of the sink so that we were face-to-face. I took his face in my hands, his stubble rough against my palms, and pulled his lips back to mine in a fiery kiss.

           Bucky’s fingertips teased the neckline of my blouse, and then they were slipping into my shirt, contrasting hot and cold against my bare flesh. When his hands cupped my breasts and he brushed his thumbs over my nipples I moaned into our kiss, and I could feel him grinning against my lips.

           It had been so long since anyone had touched me the way he was that the sensations were almost overwhelming. He’d barely done anything and already I was on the edge, wanting more so badly that it was nearly painful.

           Unable to wait any longer, my hands reached for Bucky’s belt buckle and undid it, struggling a bit due likely to both the alcohol and my excitement. I struggled even more with the button of his jeans, and when I let out a growl of frustration Bucky set a hand over mine to stop me.

           “Easy, doll, I’ve got it,” he breathed, and as he undid his pants, I focused my attention on planting sloppy kisses all along his throat. My teeth nipped playfully at the delicate skin at his pulse point and he groaned, hands sliding over my thighs and gripping tightly.

           “You alright, soldier?” I teased, and he met my gaze with eyes dark with lust. He looked absolutely feral, and in that moment, I knew I would let him do whatever he wanted to me. His lips crashed to mine, teeth clashing and tongues dancing, as our hands tugged at fabric and explored bare skin. I raked my nails lightly down the planes of Bucky’s abdomen and I could feel the muscles tense and contract under my touch. With a growl, his hands were at the waistband of my pants, and all it took was a slight tug for me to lift my hips so he could tear them from me. My hands fumbled to push his own pants down his hips, and the moment his length sprung free from its confines, hot and hard and mouthwateringly large, my core flooded.

           “Do you…” Bucky hesitated, voice strained. I could tell he was already as wrecked as I felt. “Do you need me to get you ready first?”

           I bit my lip to keep the giggle from escaping. It was a valid question, considering his size, but the concern in his voice was such a contrast to the way he had just been pawing hungrily at me. I shook my head in answer to his question.

           “No, I’m good.”

           His brow furrowed. “Are you sure…?”

           “You tell me,” I murmured, and then I took his flesh hand in mine and guided it between my thighs. When his fingertips glided through my soaked folds I let out a quiet whine, so grateful to finally get even the tiniest bit of relief, and Bucky groaned. He swallowed hard, Adam’s apple bobbing up and down in his throat, and when I lifted his fingers to my mouth and sucked them clean of my arousal his jaw went slack and his cock twitched.

           “Jesus, doll,” he rasped, and I pulled his face to mine, kissing him hard and giving him a taste, and when we broke apart, I met his gaze with hooded eyes.

           “Fuck me,” I whispered, and with a growl Bucky lined himself up with my entrance and slid home with a single, powerful thrust.

           “Fuck…” he groaned, and my head fell back with a gasp as the sensation overtook me. He gave me a few seconds to get used to his size, but I didn’t really need it – I had never felt so deliciously stretched and full in my life, and especially after going so long without it, all I wanted was for him to fuck me until I couldn’t stand.

           When he did pull out of me and then slide back in, it wasn’t gentle, and in no time, he was driving into me relentlessly and my hands were gripping and clawing at him to keep myself from falling off the counter. His hands, which up until now had been maintaining a bruising grip on my hips, now slid around my back underneath my blouse, palms flat against my skin as he held me tight to him and buried his face against my throat to muffle his grunts. My own face was pressed to his shoulder, teeth grazing skin as my hand pulled at the neckline of his t-shirt, trying so hard not to cry out.

           Despite our efforts to be discreet, I was sure anyone walking by the washroom would hear the sharp breaths and the sound of skin on skin. In this moment, though, I didn’t even care. The only thing that mattered was the feel of Bucky consuming every part of me. The coil in my stomach tightened and it wouldn’t be long before it snapped. I could tell Bucky was close, too; his thrusts were transitioning from calculated to erratic.

           He pulled away from my neck and nudged his nose against mine, and I turned my face towards his so he could capture my lips in a messy kiss. It only took a few more thrusts and then we were coming undone simultaneously, our moans swallowed in our kiss.

           When we came down from our high, Bucky rested his forehead against mine as we caught our breaths. My arms hung limply around his neck, my fingers idly playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. His hands were rubbing gentle circles on the flesh of my hips, where, just moments ago, he had been gripping me like he’d never let go. Neither of us spoke for a moment, trying to hold onto the little bubble of bliss we’d created for as long as we could.

           I spoke first. “We should get back before anyone realizes we’re missing,” I sighed, and Bucky frowned.

           “Do we have to?” he said mournfully.

           This put a smile on my face. “Do you want them to send a search party?”

           He knew I was right, and he reluctantly pulled away from me. We put our clothes on and straightened ourselves up in the mirror, hiding any evidence that anything had happened.

           “You go first,” I told him as he smoothed out his hair. “I’ll come out a minute after.”

           Bucky nodded. He had just unlocked the door and was about to open it when he turned around, hand slipping to the back of my neck to pull me into a kiss. I froze for a fraction of a second, caught off-guard, but then I yielded to his lips, my eyes drifting shut. Our other kisses had been hungry, fuelled by desire, but this…This was soft, and warm, and slow, like he was trying to imprint the shape of my mouth to memory. When he broke away, I was lightheaded.

           “See you back out there, doll,” he said with a grin, and then I was alone in the washroom, flushed and smiling like a kid at Christmas.

✦✧✦✧

           I looked at my reflection, scrutinizing myself in the mirror. Despite how thoroughly Bucky had wrecked me, there was no physical evidence of what we had done, save for the slight bruising on my hips where he’d gripped me, and those were hidden under my blouse. It felt like my skin should have been tattooed with the traces of his fingertips, and my lips bruised and swollen from the force of his kisses. On the inside, he was everywhere – From the way my heart still fluttered in my ribcage, to the delicious soreness between my legs, to the way he consumed every last millimetre of my mind. How could something that left such an impact not leave any physical traces behind?

           After we’d left the washroom at the bar, the rest of the night had continued much as it had before. We danced, we played pool with the team, I took more shots with Wanda and Natasha. No one showed any sign that they knew what had happened, and other than a few playful and heated looks, Bucky and I never brought it up either.

           I still couldn’t figure out why it had happened. There had never been any sexual tension between Bucky and I before; at least, not that I’d picked up on. Maybe he had overheard my conversation with Nat and Wanda earlier and thought he’d help me out. But if that was the case, it should have felt like a one-time thing. And that kiss after all had been said and done made it feel anything but a one-time thing.

           Eventually, when I was more sober and less tired, I would find out. But for now, I would just enjoy the rest of the night with the team until we headed back to the compound.

           When I got back to our booth, everyone had switched seats. Steve and Wanda now sat on one side, while Bucky was alone across the table and Sam was sitting in the next booth with Scott, Thor and Bruce. Bucky’s arm was slung across the back of the bench seat, and he grinned up at me when I returned.

           “The waitress came back and asked if we wanted coffee,” he said. “I got you one; figured it’d help keep your hangover at bay when you wake up in the morning.”

           My heart fluttered in spite of myself, and with a grin I slid into the booth next to him, grabbing the steaming mug gratefully and then, in a split-second decision, I was scooting across the bench seat until I was snuggled against Bucky’s side.

           I expected him to tense, but instead the arm slung across the back of the booth curled around my shoulders to hold me to him. The uncertainty in my gut ceased its restlessness, because suddenly I felt like things were exactly how they were supposed to be. I took a sip of my coffee, and then leaned my head back against Bucky’s shoulder.

           Across from us, Steve quirked a blonde eyebrow and Wanda smirked. I pretended I didn’t see them, and instead took another sip of coffee in the hopes that the caffeine would counter the exhaustion that was spreading through me.

           “You look like you’re gonna fall asleep, (Y/N),” Steve pointed out.

           “I’m sure Buck wouldn’t mind,” Wanda added, eyes sparkling teasingly. Bucky’s arm squeezed me closer to him, and then he was looking down at me with a small smile dancing on his lips.

           “You can sleep if you want, doll,” he murmured. “I can wake you when it’s time to head home.”

           I shook my head, lifting my mug to my lips to take another gulp of coffee. “I’m good,” I insisted. “Just enjoying the company.”

           Bucky’s eyes glittered, his smile widening. His mouth was close enough that if I tilted my head up, I could kiss him, and if we weren’t surrounded by our teammates I definitely would. I wished we were alone.

           As time passed, it was becoming very evident that the team was getting tired. The noise level had gone from boisterous laughter to the buzz of small conversations, and half of them were trying to conceal yawns. Eventually, Tony suggested we head back to the compound, and everyone agreed.

           Reluctantly, I pulled away from Bucky to slide out of the booth. No longer curled against his superhuman body heat, I realized just how cool it was in the diner, and how little my blouse covered. I shivered, and Bucky frowned as he stood up.

           “Are you cold?” he asked.

           “A little,” I admitted, and the next thing I knew he was shrugging out of his leather jacket and holding it up for me to slide my arms into. I blushed, but couldn’t keep the silly grin from spreading across my face as I allowed him to slide the jacket over my arms.

           “Better?” he asked as I pulled it tight around me. It held his warmth and smelled like him; it was perfect.

           “Yes, thank you,” I breathed, and he grinned. Wanda and Steve shared a look, but said nothing as we filed out to the limos Tony had arranged to drive us back to the compound, after paying the bill and tipping the diner handsomely.

           As we climbed into the limo, Bucky caught my hand in his and tugged me gently into the seat next to him. Once again I settled myself against his side, letting my head rest against his shoulder as exhaustion gripped me. He brushed the hair from my face then leaned in so his mouth was at my ear.

           “Sleep, doll,” he murmured. “I’ll wake you when we get home.”

           I wanted to protest, but I was warm and comfortable and so tired, and before I knew it my eyes were drifting shut. When I woke up, the limo was stopped and I could see the lights of the compound out the window. I blinked, sitting up slowly.

           “Hey, sleepyhead,” Steve chuckled. I yawned.

           “Did I sleep the whole drive?” I asked, surprised. Wanda grinned.

           “Yep. You snored, too.”

           My face blanched, and my eyes widened in horror. Before I could say anything, Bucky’s arm around me tightened.

           “No, you didn’t,” he assured me, shooting Wanda and Steve a stern look as they snickered. “You looked so peaceful, though. I didn’t want to wake you – I thought about carrying you inside so I wouldn’t have to.”

           “You would’ve carried me?” I asked, incredulous. Bucky grinned.

           “’Course I woulda. I am a gentleman, after all.”

           I grinned mischievously. “Well I mean, I’m still pretty tired…”

           “Do you want me to carry you?”

           “Can I have a piggyback?”

           Bucky cocked an eyebrow, but his lips quirked up and his eyes sparkled. “I think I can manage that,” he chuckled, and once we were out of the limo he crouched down and I climbed onto his back. Once he was sure my arms were secure around him, his hands grabbed onto my thighs and he stood. I giggled – I hadn’t been given a piggyback ride since I was a little kid.

           Wanda looked at Steve teasingly. “Are you offering piggyback rides, too?”

           “I mean, if you really want one,” he chuckled, and she shook her head with a laugh.

           “Nah, we’ll leave that to those two,” she taunted, and I stuck my tongue out at her.

           “You’re just jealous because not only am I having more fun than you, but I also don’t have to walk all the way to my room,” I said, and Wanda smirked.

           “Mhmm. That’s it.”

           “Alright, let’s get you to bed,” Bucky chuckled, and then we were following everyone towards the building. As we walked, his thumbs rubbed over my thighs, and I nuzzled my face in the junction between his neck and shoulder. When I was sure no one was watching, I would pepper soft kisses against his throat, causing his breath to hitch and his hands to tighten around my thighs.

           “Am I taking you right up to your room?” he asked when we were inside.

           “Yes, please.”

           He chuckled. We said goodnight to the rest of the team, got a shake of the head and a laugh from Steve and a wink from Wanda, and then Bucky was carrying me towards the elevator. The ride up to the living quarters was silent; I was enjoying just resting my head on Bucky’s shoulder. When we reached the third floor, he carried me down the hall to my room and opened the door.

           Once we were inside, I reluctantly slid to my feet, straightening my shirt. I bit my lip, unsure of where to go from here.

           “Well, you should definitely sleep well,” Bucky said, and I nodded.

           “Yeah…” I paused, contemplating my next words. “Bucky…?”

           “Yeah, doll?”

           I opened my mouth to speak, only to shut it again. After a few seconds’ hesitation, I stood on the tips of my toes and wrapped my arms around Bucky’s neck, pressing my lips to his. His hands immediately found my waist and held me close, his lips moving against mine tenderly. When we broke apart, he was grinning, and he bumped his nose against mine affectionately.

           “What was that for?” he teased gently, and I bit my lip.

           “I may still be a little drunk,” I said, “and I’m tired and there’s a possibility that I’m reading too much into things, but I...I would very much like it if instead of you going to your bed alone and me staying here alone, you spent the night here, with me.”

           I held my breath, afraid that maybe I had made too big an assumption, but a slow smile spread across Bucky’s face as he took a step forward and took my face between his hands, eyes soft and warm as he tilted my gaze up to his.

           “I would very much like that as well,” he murmured, and then he was kissing me, slow and deep. His hands were tender as they swept down my body to take a hold of the hem of my blouse. I lifted my arms so he could tug it over my head, and when I was exposed to him his eyes darkened the slightest bit.

           “Fuck, doll, you really are a stunner,” he breathed, and I felt my whole body warm at his words. He pulled back the covers and motioned for me to sit on the edge of the bed, and then he was kneeling in front of me and tugging my pants from my hips. When I was left in nothing but my underwear, he ghosted his lips along the inside of my leg before standing and tugging his shirt over his head. I grabbed his belt buckle and pulled him back towards me, kissing along the muscles of his abdomen as I undid the buckle and then his jeans. He shoved them from his hips, and when he was in just his boxer briefs, he gestured for me to move over.

           I scooted to the other side of the mattress and Bucky climbed into bed beside me. We settled into the pillows, face to face, and he grinned.

           “If someone had told me that Clint’s birthday was going to be one of the best nights I’ve had in a long time, I would have asked them what drugs they were on,” he chuckled, and I giggled.

           “It was a pretty good night, wasn’t it?”

           “You have no idea, doll.”

           Bucky leaned in to kiss me softly. When he broke away, he reached up to brush a loose curl from my face and tuck it behind my ear, and I hummed contentedly.

           “If I was more awake right now,” I mumbled, “I would be all over you. But I can barely keep my eyes open right now.”

           A soft laugh rumbled from Bucky’s chest. “You need sleep,” he murmured. “Roll over, I’m a cuddler.”

           Grinning, I rolled over onto my other side and then a strong arm was pulling my back to his chest. His arm stayed secured around my waist, and I felt his lips press against the back of my neck.

           “Mmm…” I hummed. “This is nice.”

           His arm tightened a fraction. “Get some sleep, doll. I’ve got you.”

           “Night, Buck.” My eyes were already drifting shut.

           “Goodnight, baby girl. Sweet dreams.”

✦✧✦✧

           “I know you and Barnes slept together.”

           Wanda and I were in the kitchen the next morning. I had been making a coffee, and I looked up to see her smirking as she sliced an apple.

           “What?”

           “I know you and Barnes slept together,” she repeated. “Last night.”

           I chose my next words carefully, my neck already flushed. “He crashed in my room,” I allowed. “We were both tired, and –”

           “No, not that,” Wanda said, shaking her head. “At the bar. In the bathroom. I know what happened in there.”

           My eyes widened, and the blush crept up my neck to my cheeks. “Wha…How?” I demanded. “We thought we were sneaky enough…”

           Wanda laughed, gleeful. “You tend to forget I can read minds,” she reminded me, and my eyes went from saucers to slits within seconds.

           “Wanda, what did I tell you about that!” I cried. “You can’t just invade my privacy like that, what the hell!”

           “You know it’s hard to control when I’m drinking,” she defended with a pout, “and when both you and Barnes have nothing on your minds other than climbing each other like trees, it’s hard to block it out.” She shrugged. “Besides, I’m not the only one that knows. Steve knows, too.”

           I blinked. “What?”

           “He heard the two of you.”

           My face blanched, and just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, Steve walked into the kitchen. When he saw me, he froze, and then a slow grin spread over his face.

           “So, she knows we know?” he asked Wanda, and she nodded.

           “Yep. She’s not taking it so well, either.”

           “Aw, c’mon, (Y/N),” Steve said. “We aren’t judging. Buck’s a great guy, and from the sounds of it, it had been awhile since you were with anyone.”

           I threw my hands up in the air in exasperation. “Is nothing sacred here?” I cried. “God, you may as well tell the whole world at this point.”

           “(Y/N), you’re being dramatic,” Wanda told me.

           “Who’s being dramatic?”

           Bucky walked into the kitchen, whistling and smiling. He grabbed an apple from the basket on the counter and took a bite, looking around at the three of us – Wanda with her smirk, Steve with sparkling eyes, and me with a frown on my face.

           “You’re in an awfully good mood this morning, Buck,” Steve pointed out. Bucky shrugged, taking another bite of apple.

           “Why not? The sun is shining, I’m still breathing, and I’m not off in some remote country on some ridiculous mission. Why wouldn’t I be in a good mood?”

           “They know,” I told him, and Bucky wrinkled his nose.

           “What?”

           “They know,” I repeated. “About us. They know about us.”

           I was expecting Bucky to be as upset as I was, or at least to let out a curse. Instead, a mischievous grin spread across his face and he came over to plant a big kiss on my lips. I froze, caught off-guard and highly aware of Steve's and Wanda’s eyes on us, but it didn’t take long for the feel of his lips to melt me and then I was kissing him back. He tasted like apples, tart and sweet, and when he pulled away from me, he was still grinning. My face was flushed, but I couldn’t keep my lips from quirking up at the corners.

           “I’m glad they know,” he said. “Means I don’t have to hide when I wanna love on my girl.”

           My heart leapt to my throat, blush deepening as I looked at Bucky with an eyebrow arched. “Your girl?” I said, and it was his turn to blush, though his smile didn’t falter.

           “I mean, yeah, sure,” he said. “If you’re okay with it, that is.”

           I bit my lip, nodding enthusiastically. “I am one hundred percent okay with that,” I told him, and he beamed. Steve and Wanda were also smiling.

           “We’re happy for you guys,” Steve said sincerely. “You know what’s going to happen when the rest of the team finds out, though.”

           “Oh, they’re about to,” said a voice from the doorway, and we all looked over to see Sam there, grinning from ear to ear. The next thing we knew he was turning on his heels. “Yo, everyone, (Y/N) and Barnes are doing the nasty!” he cried, loud enough for the entire compound to hear. I pursed my lips – If anything were to set Bucky off, it would be Sam and his big mouth. But Bucky only shook his head with a chuckle.

           “Guess they all know now,” he murmured, and I giggled.

           “That’s alright. Just means we can make out all over the compound without being worried about getting caught.”

           “Come on, I’m starving,” she drawled, her words slightly slurred as she flopped down onto the red leather bench seat and pulled me down with her. Across from us, Steve and Bucky slid into the booth while Sam pulled up a stool to join us.

           As I glanced down at the laminated menu in front of me, I had to admit that I was pretty hungry myself. I lost track after the sixth shot of tequila Nat had made me do, and Wanda had been supplying me with whiskey sours even as she’d tug me onto the dancefloor. The alcohol buzzing through my veins had me giddy and carefree, but my stomach was empty and I was feeling a little lightheaded.

           “It all looks so good…” I groaned. “How am I supposed to choose?”

           “I could eat the whole damn menu,” Sam stated. “There’s not a thing on here that doesn’t sound delicious right now.”

           “You’re drunk; right now, you’d think day-old boxed mac and cheese sounded good,” Bucky retorted. Sam frowned, but then shrugged.

           “I’d eat it.”

           Just then the waitress came over. She was pretty – College-aged, blonde hair, kind face and an athlete’s body dressed in a red-and-white-checkered dress. Despite the kind smile on her face, though, I could tell she was nervous and I couldn’t blame her – The entire team of Earth’s mightiest heroes just walked into her diner at two-thirty in the morning, in varying levels of drunkenness.

           A quick glance at her nametag told me her name was Maria. I fixed the friendliest smile I could on my face as I looked up at her. “I apologize for all this,” I said to her. “We’re celebrating a team member’s birthday and we all got hungry and this place was close by. I hope our loudness and boisterousness won’t scare your other customers away.”

           Maria’s face relaxed, her smile becoming more genuine. “Are you kidding me? You guys are the Avengers,” she breathed. “How many people can say they met the entire team at once? Besides, it was pretty slow in here before you showed up – It’ll be nice to have something to do other than polish the silverware.”

           I grinned. “I get it. Ten years ago, I was a waitress like you. Slow nights are the worst.”

           Maria nodded. “Absolutely. So, can I get you guys something to drink while you’re waiting?”

           “Do you have milkshakes?” Wanda asked eagerly, and my eyes widened as I looked up at Maria. She grinned and nodded.

           “Yep. What flavour were you thinking?”

           “Vanilla,” Wanda replied.

           “Strawberry for me,” I said eagerly.

           “Oh, a chocolate milkshake would definitely hit the spot right now,” Sam breathed.

           Maria turned to Steve and Bucky. I did as well, one eyebrow arched. “Oh, c’mon, you guys ­have to get milkshakes,” I urged. “There is nothing better than a diner milkshake – It completes the diner experience.”

           They caved quicker than I expected. “Alright, vanilla for me,” Steve said. “What about you, Buck?”

           “Chocolate,” he said after a moment’s hesitation. I grinned.

           “Maria, I think we’re all ready to order, too.”

           “Of course.” She went around the table – Buffalo wings for Sam, cheeseburger for Bucky, club sandwich for Steve, nachos for Wanda. When she got to me, I bit my lip.

           “Uh…The chicken fingers,” I finally decided on. Sam snorted.

           “All this good food here and you choose chicken fingers?” he asked incredulously. “Seriously, (Y/N), you’re killing me.”

           “Everyone knows McNuggets are (Y/N)’s favourite drunk food,” Bucky pointed out. “Chicken fingers are a close second.”

           When I looked up at him, he was already grinning at me. I shot him a playful smile.

           “Perfect,” Maria said. “I’ll be right back with your milkshakes, and hopefully your food won’t be long after that.”

           We thanked her, and as soon as she was gone Steve chuckled.

           “I swear, (Y/N), we can’t take you anywhere without you making friends with everyone,” he teased. Across from me, Bucky grinned.

           “She could make friends with an angry grizzly bear,” he teased, and Sam snorted.

           “She’s already done that; she’s friends with you, isn’t she?”

           The table erupted in laughter, and Bucky scowled at Sam. Under the table I bumped my knee softly against his, and when he looked over at me, I gave him a private smile. He returned the smile, blue eyes sparkling, which only made my own smile widen.

           “Guys, c’mon,” I teased. “Buck isn’t that bad.”

           “He tried to kill me the first time I met him,” Sam deadpanned.

           “Sometimes I wish I had succeeded,” Bucky shot back, although the grin on his face said otherwise. Sam laughed, but it was drowned out by Thor’s thunderous laugh at the table next to us, as he was telling Bruce and Scott a story about him and Loki.

           “He has the loudest laugh out of anyone I know,” Wanda said with a shake of her head. Steve nodded.

           “He snores the loudest, too.”

           I laughed. “Can confirm. I had to share a hotel room on a mission with him once. I barely slept in two days. It was awful.”

           Something flashed across Bucky’s face – something that looked suspiciously like jealously – but it was gone as quick as it had come. His eyes were less mirthful than before, though, and he straightened his spine to cross his arms over his chest. I bit my lip, suddenly desperately wishing we were alone.

           The waitress came back with our milkshakes, and as soon as she set mine in front of me, I plucked the cherry from the whipped cream and popped it into my mouth, tugging it from the stem with my teeth. I caught Bucky’s eyes just in time to see them darken, his tongue darting out to wet his lips, and I smirked before taking a sip of the milkshake.

           Everyone quieted down a bit once the food arrived – Drunk Avengers meant massive appetites. Our table immediately dug into our food, groans of satisfaction escaping when the hot food satiated our hunger.

           I reached over the booth to pluck an onion ring from Bucky’s plate. He cocked a dark eyebrow at me.

           “What do you think you’re doing, (Y/N)?”

           “I wanted to see how good they were,” I replied with a shrug.

           “So order onion rings, then,” Bucky replied. “You don’t just take from someone else’s plate. Were you raised in a barn?”

           His tone was serious, but his eyes were mischievous. Fighting to hold a straight face, I calmly reached across the booth and slowly took another onion ring, eyes not letting go of his as I popped it into my mouth. Still chewing, I said, “Raised by wolves, actually.”

           “Oh, c’mon, I can see all that chewed-up food in your mouth,” Sam grumbled.

           “You mean this food?” I said, and leaned right in and opened my mouth. Sam groaned and turned his head, but the rest of the table laughed. I leaned back in my seat, grinning as I swallowed. “Sorry, Sam, you knew it was coming,” I teased.

           “No one would ever believe you can take down a two-hundred-pound man,” he said. “Between how small you are and your personality, they’d just think you’re someone’s little sister.”

           I pouted. “I can be dangerous,” I protested. Across from me, Bucky nodded.

           “Deadly,” he agreed. “You can bring a man to his knees with just one look.”

           The double meaning of his words had me smiling into my milkshake. Underneath the table he nudged my leg with his and my eyes flashed a warning at him; although our friends were still entirely oblivious, we still had to be careful. If they found out what had happened back at the bar…

           “I have to use the washroom, I’ll be right back,” I said suddenly. Wanda grinned.

           “It’s all the whiskey sours,” she teased, and I tossed a French fry at her playfully before making my way through the diner. I walked by one booth to see Clint sitting there with his arms folded across his chest and a sour look on his face, a gob of butter smeared on his nose. Nat, Rhodey and Sharon were all laughing.

           “You know it’s tradition, Clint,” Nat teased. “Imagine how disappointed the kids would be if I didn’t do it.” She pulled out her phone and snapped a photo, causing Clint to glare at her.

           “I think the kids would survive,” he grumbled as he wiped the butter off with a napkin and then crumpled it, tossing it at Natasha’s head. She laughed, and I shook my head with a chuckle before slipping into the ladies’ room.

           I walked over to the sink and splashed a bit of cold water over my face. My neck and cheeks were still flushed, but I could feel myself sobering up now that we’d left the bar and gotten some food. Without the excess alcohol in my system, the weight of what had happened tonight was finally starting to register, and I pursed my lips. I still wasn’t even quite sure how it happened.

✦✧✦✧          

           “Another shot!” Wanda exclaimed, and Natasha whooped. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand, shaking my head.

           “No more tequila,” I protested. “We’ve already done three tonight, I can’t.”

           “Pussy,” Natasha said, and I frowned.

           “Am not.”

           “Prove it, then. Take another shot with us.”

           I rolled my eyes, but I wasn’t one to turn down a challenge, so when the bartender slid a shot glass across the bar, I picked it up. With a grimace I tipped my head back and let the tequila slide down my throat. I slammed the glass down on the counter and wrinkled my nose. Wanda and Natasha were both grinning.

           “It’s too bad we reserved the bar,” Nat said as she tapped her nails against the side of her beer bottle. “We all look hot tonight; we could have all gone home with someone tonight.”

           Wanda smirked. “Who are you kidding, we look this good every day.”

           “It’s your best friend’s birthday,” I snorted at Nat. “You’d really take off to have sex with some rando instead of staying here for Clint?”

           “He’d understand,” Natasha replied with a shrug. “Besides, you of all people should understand. When’s the last time you got laid, (Y/N)?”

           I could feel the blood rushing to my cheeks, and I glared at her. “It wasn’t that long ago,” I said defensively.

           “(Y/N); it’s been eight months,” Wanda said, her voice much louder than she’d likely intended it to be, courtesy of the alcohol. With a scowl, I slapped a hand over her mouth. I glanced around to make sure no one had heard her – Steve, Bucky and Sam were talking at the other end of the bar, but from the looks of how engaged they were in their conversation they hadn’t heard her.

           “Keep your mouth shut!” I hissed, “and stay out of my head. We talked about this, Wanda – Just because you’re drunk doesn’t mean you can get away with reading my thoughts. It’s an invasion of privacy.”

           “I’m sorry,” she breathed, dragging out sorry. “It’s just so hard, especially when your thoughts are so loud.”

           I frowned, but Nat was grinning. “Seriously, (Y/N), you need to get laid. You’re always so uptight,” she said.

           “I’m not uptight –”

           “The other day you yelled at Peter for finishing the rainbow chip cookies,” Wanda pointed out. “I thought the poor kid was going to cry, you made him feel so bad.”

           I pursed my lips, cheeks burning. “Okay, maybe I’ve been a little…frustrated,” I admitted stiffly. “But it’s not like I’ve got guys lining up to sleep with me. I’m not good at casual.”

           “(Y/N), you are gorgeous,” Nat said. “Bat your eyelashes at the guy you want and they’ll trip over their own feet for a chance with you. Your problem is you don’t put yourself out there. You’re so closed-off, guys are intimidated to even approach you.”

           “Good. I don’t want people to think I’m easy.”

           “Not easy. Just available. You shoot down every guy that shows any interest in you and I don’t think you even realize it.”

           “Name one time –”

           “The S.H.I.E.L.D. agent in London,” Natasha said.

           “And that cop in Boston,” Wanda added.

           “Let’s not forget that guy at the gym.”

           “Oh, and the doctor at the hospital in Berlin…”

           “Okay, enough!” I cried, exasperated. “I get it, fine. I’ll try to be more open from now on. But right now we’re celebrating Clint’s birthday with the rest of the team and there are no guys for me to think about. So, can we just finish our drinks and then go play pool or dance and have fun?”

           Downing our drinks, we headed over to the pool tables. After a couple of games won against Clint and Scott, and another couple of rounds of whiskey sours, Wanda pulled Nat and I out onto the dancefloor.

           I wasn’t intoxicated, by all means, but the effects of the alcohol in my system were certainly present. My inhibitions were quickly dissipating, and I could feel myself becoming more carefree with every drink I took. Normally, I was someone who would overthink everything I did, but tonight all I wanted to do was have fun and not worry about consequences. It wasn’t that I wasn’t capable of thinking of my actions; despite the amount of alcohol I’d consumed, I was still able to make my own decisions. I just chose not to think too hard about the decisions I was making.

           “I need a drink,” I told the girls, pulling away from them. Wanda pouted.

           “Nooo, don’t go,” she whined, holding tight to my wrist. I laughed.

           “I’ll be right back, I promise. I’m just thirsty.”

           Reluctantly, she let go of my wrist and I stepped off the dancefloor and over to the bar.

           “Whiskey sour,” I told the bartender, and a minute later he was sliding the glass across the bar to me. I took a few sips, grateful for the cool liquid, and then pulled my phone from my pocket. I scrolled through my contacts, stopping when I got to the name “Ben.” My thumb hovered over the message button – We hadn’t spoken since the breakup eight months ago, but my earlier conversation with Natasha and Wanda had me curious to see if he would answer me.

           “You look like you’re about to make a very important decision,” a voice from beside me said, and I jumped. I looked over to see Bucky smirking at me, and I quickly shut off my phone and slid it back into my pocket.

           “What do you mean?” I asked him.

           “Well, you’ve got that crease in your forehead you get, where you knit your brows together when you’re thinking hard. So it must be a tough decision if it’s weighing on your mind enough to have you focusing that intensely.”

           I blushed, taking another sip of my whiskey sour and shaking my head. “It’s nothing,” I mumbled.

           “Two Budweisers,” Bucky told the bartender when he came over, and then he turned back to me. “So, did I just stop you from doing something dumb?” he asked, and I glared at him.

           “I’m still sober enough to stop myself from doing dumb things, thank you very much,” I snapped, and Bucky held up his hands.

           “Okay, I don’t doubt it,” he told me. “You just looked a little upset is all. Everything alright?”

           Bucky’s head was cocked to the side as he regarded me, blue eyes sincere, and I sighed before nodding.

           “Yeah, it’s all good,” I assured him. I gestured to the two beers. “What’s the point of you and Steve drinking those if they can’t get you drunk?”

           Bucky chuckled. “To feel less out of place, I guess,” he replied. “Looks better than carrying around a bottle of water.”

           “I didn’t realize the mysterious Bucky Barnes cared so much about fitting in,” I taunted, and he cocked a dark eyebrow at me.

           “And I didn’t realize that the fierce (Y/N) (Y/L/N) would every consider going back to an idiot who didn’t treat her with the respect and reverence she deserved.”

           I wanted to be angry with him for what he said, but his words held no malice, only sincerity. I fixed my gaze on the rows of bottles behind the bar and took a particularly large gulp of my drink.

           “I wasn’t going to go back to him,” I mumbled. “I just…”

           I trailed off. When I glanced over at Bucky, the look on his face said he knew exactly what I was trying to say. With a sigh, I finished my drink. Bucky waved over the bartender and got him to get me another one.

           “Natasha tells me I’m too closed-off,” I said, swirling my straw between my fingertips. “Is that true? She said I intimidate people.”

           “Are you asking me if guys find you intimidating?” Bucky asked, hint of teasing in his voice.

           “I regret this already.”

           “I’m just messin’ with you, doll, calm down,” Bucky chuckled. “Do you want to know what I think?”

           I hesitated. “What?” I finally ceded.

           “I think that a woman as fierce and self-assured and beautiful as you shouldn’t waste her time worrying if others are intimidated by her. The right guy will find that tenacity sexy as hell. If a guy finds your confidence and strength intimidating then you don’t want him, anyway; you want someone that can not only keep up with you, but who appreciates you for who you are.”

           For a moment, I was left speechless. I blinked, wondering if maybe I had gotten too drunk and passed out or something, but Bucky was still next to me with an amused smile dancing on his lips. I cocked my head to the side.

           “You know what, Barnes? Just when I think I’ve got your M.O. figured out, you go and say something like that and I’m thrown for a loop.”

           Bucky smirked as he lifted his bottle to his lips and took a sip. “What can I say, doll; I’m an enigma.”

           Before I could say anything else, Steve came up to lean against the bar. “There you are,” he exclaimed. “I’ve been waiting ages for my beer, I thought maybe you’d gotten lost.”

           “Sorry, Stevie; I got sidetracked.”

           “My fault,” I added, and Steve grinned.

           “I’ll forgive it just once,” he chuckled as he grabbed his beer. Thor just happened to walk by at that moment, and he stopped with a big grin on his face.

           “What are you two doing drinking beer when I have something much stronger under the bar?” he exclaimed. “Barkeep! Get these two some of my mead!”

           The bartender reached under the counter to pull out a bottle of Asgardian mead. Steve shook his head.

           “Oh, no, we shouldn’t –”

           “Nonsense!” Thor handed both Steve and Bucky a glass. “You two are still sober while the rest of us are letting loose for the night. Drink up! I promise it will make the night so much better.”

           Steve still looked hesitant, but Bucky looked intrigued. I grinned.

           “C’mon, guys, he’s right,” I said. “Just because you’re old men doesn’t mean you can’t have fun with the rest of us. If I can down how many shots of tequila then a couple of supersoldiers can handle some Asgardian mead.”

           Bucky shrugged, and then with sparkling eyes he downed a big gulp of the amber liquid. His face scrunched up as he swallowed but then he grinned. “It’s pretty good,” he admitted to Steve, who hesitated another second before trying it. He wrinkled his nose, but then he was regarding his glass with curious eyes.

           “It actually is,” he agreed, and Thor was beaming.

           “Excellent! Drink all you want, there are two more bottles under there.”

           “Can I try it?” I asked. “I wanna see what it tastes like.”

           Steve’s eyes widened. “No way, (Y/N), this stuff is too strong for you. It’ll put you flat on your ass.”

           “One sip won’t kill her,” Thor said, “as long as it’s small. Very small – Steve was right about it putting you on your ass.”

           “Here, just take a sip of mine,” Bucky said, offering me his glass. I took if from him and swirled the amber liquid around. Three pairs of eyes watched me – One concerned, one excited and one amused.

           I lifted the glass cautiously to my lips and took the tiniest of sips. Immediately my throat burned, and I was coughing as Bucky was taking the glass away from me. He rubbed my back until the coughing had ceased, and Steve handed me my whiskey sour while Thor chuckled.

           “Jesus,” I breathed. “And I thought the tequila was strong. Fuck.” I finished off my drink to try and wash the taste of the mead from my mouth, but it still lingered. I reached for Bucky’s beer and polished that off as well.

           “How do you feel?” Thor asked.

           “A little lightheaded. Definitely drunker than I was before.”

           Thor grinned. “Most mortals wouldn’t even smell it, let alone take a drink. I’m impressed, (Y/N).”

           “How much will it take to get the guys drunk?” I asked, gesturing to Steve and Bucky. Thor shrugged.

           “A few shots, maybe.”

           I grinned. “Drink up, boys. You’ve got some catching up to do.”

           Seeing Steve and Bucky with a buzz on was both something I never thought I would see in my lifetime and yet something I wished I could experience much more often. Steve, normally so composed, turned into a rowdy frat boy that was constantly challenging everyone to competitions, be it pool or bets or drinking games. Bucky, who was normally fairly quiet other than his rare sarcastic wit, socialized and told stories that had the whole team cracking up. I adored this side of both of them and regretted that we had never fed them Thor’s mead before.

           Awhile later, I was back out on the dancefloor with Wanda and Natasha. Sam and Scott had joined us, and we were laughing as Sam tried to teach Scott how to do the Dougie.

           “Y’know, I’m definitely more of a macarena guy,” Scott said. “Or maybe the Cha Cha Slide…”

           “Naw, tic tac, it’s easy,” Sam told him. “Just watch me.”

           “What’s this?” Bucky asked as him and Steve came over to join us.

           “Sam is teaching Scott how to do the Dougie,” Nat replied with a smirk.

           Steve snorted. “The only real dance that matters is the swing.”

           “Okay, grandpa,” Sam said with a dramatic roll of his eyes. Steve looked to Bucky.

           “You wanna show them?” he asked, and Bucky grinned. The next thing I knew, he was grabbing me and pulling me to him. Beside us Steve was reaching for Natasha. I squealed with laughter.

           “Bucky, what are you doing?” I laughed. He shot me a devilishly charming grin.

           “Just follow my lead, doll; we’re gonna show them how to swing.”

           “But I don’t –”          

           I was cut off when he pulled me closer and spun me around. It didn’t take long for me to catch on enough that I wasn’t tripping over my own feet, and then him and I, along with Steve and Nat, had drawn a crowd and the whole team was cheering us on. I giggled like a child as Bucky twirled me around, but as the song that was playing neared its end, all of a sudden he was dipping me until my body was horizontal and his face was only centimetres from mine. I gasped, and he only smirked before pulling me back up.

           “I’ll have to admit, that was pretty impressive,” Sam chuckled as everyone applauded.

           “Especially for a couple of old guys,” Tony added.

           Steve and Natasha were soaking up the praise, but my eyes were still focused on Bucky. He still held onto me, our chests pressed together. I was breathless, chest heaving with both exertion and excitement, and my heart hammered against my ribcage. Bucky, by comparison, was no more out of breath than he had been before dancing, but as I lifted my hand to press it to his chest, I could feel that his heart was beating as erratically as mine. His gaze was magnetic in the way it held mine, leaving my head dizzy as I tried to comprehend what was happening right now.

           When whatever it was broke, it felt like cold water being dumped over us. Natasha was tugging at my arm, and Bucky reluctantly released me.

           “Sorry, it’s our turn with her!” Wanda called to Bucky over her shoulder. I gave him an apologetic look, which he returned with a tight smile.

           “No worries,” he told Wanda, and then he looked back to me. “Do you want a drink, (Y/N)?”

           “Um, yeah, if you’re offering,” I replied, part of me secretly wishing it was him pulling me off towards the dancefloor and not the girls. He flashed me a grin.

           “Be right back.”

           “So, you and Barnes,” Natasha said, leaning in with a wicked grin on her face. My brow furrowed.

           “What do you mean?”

           “Oh, come on, (Y/N) – The chemistry you two had!” Wanda exclaimed. “I’ve never seen either of you look so comfortable around anyone else as you did dancing together.”

           My cheeks warmed. “It was just a dance,” I said defensively. “I’ve been dancing with everyone all night; that was no different.”

           Wanda and Natasha exchanged a look. “Mhmm,” Nat said, but they dropped it as a new song started to play.

           Bucky returned with drinks a couple of minutes later. He handed me a whiskey sour and I took it gratefully.

           “Thank you,” I breathed, and he grinned.

           “Figured you could use something after dancing.”

           “Y’know, you’re pretty good on your feet, Barnes. I was impressed.”

           “You like that?” he said, eyes sparkling playfully. “I figured you would; all the girls back in the day did.”

           I arched an eyebrow. “All the girls?” I repeated. “Sergeant Barnes, what are you trying to say?”

           He shrugged, a roguish smile dancing on his lips. “You’ve heard Steve’s stories,” he told me. “He wasn’t making things up.”

           I had indeed heard the stories, of how Bucky had been a charming flirt when him and Steve were younger. As long as I’d known him, I could see that he could be charming, but tonight especially I was realizing how much of a flirt he could be.

           “(Y/N)…” Wanda called. “Come back, you’re supposed to be dancing with us!”

           I pursed my lips, and Bucky chuckled.

           “You’d better listen to her, or I’m sure they’ll drag you over themselves,” he pointed out, and I nodded.

           “You’re not wrong.” I hesitated a second, and then my hand slipped around Bucky’s flesh wrist. “C’mon,” I said. “I danced your dance; it’s your turn to follow my lead. Time to give you a proper welcome to the twenty-first century.”

           Before he could protest, I was tugging him out onto the dancefloor. Wanda and Natasha winked and smirked, but I only shot them a grin before turning my attention back to Bucky.

           “The key,” I told him, “is to freestyle it. Do whatever you feel comfortable with, and just let the rhythm of the music guide your body. Like this.”

           I swayed my hips to the music, and the rest of my body followed the rhythm. Bucky really was a natural, because within moments he was opposite me, keeping up and grinning as big as I was. He took my hand and twirled me, and when he pulled me back his hands were on the small of my back and mine were pressed firmly against his chest. Our faces were close enough that I could feel his hot breath fan over me, and I bit my lip.

           “Hi,” I said quietly, and he grinned.

           “Hi, yourself,” he murmured. Our bodies still moved to the music as he spoke. “How am I doing?”

           “Well you haven’t stepped on my toes yet,” I teased, and he laughed, a deep sound that rumbled in his chest and through mine.

           “So basically, the rule is that there are no rules, huh?”

           I nodded. “Pretty much.”

           “In that case…” Suddenly Bucky was spinning me around so that my back was pressed to his chest and his hands held tight to my hips. His breath tickled my ear as he leaned in. “How’s this?” he murmured, and I felt a slow smile curve my lips upward.

           “You catch on fast,” I replied, and then I wiggled my hips and his fingers tightened on me in a near-bruising grip. My heart rate spiked, and then I was moving my hips and Bucky was following them with his own hips. As he grew more comfortable, his hands migrated from my hips to splay out flat over my stomach, holding me tight to him, and I could feel the contrast between hot flesh and cool vibranium even through the billowy white material of my blouse. Bucky was at just the right height that if he looked down he had the perfect view of my cleavage, which was made even more prominent by the fact that my blouse was a plunge top. I could feel his flesh hand inching up my stomach, and when it reached the exposed skin of my navel my whole body trembled involuntarily as his thumb brushed over my flesh.

           Bucky’s vibranium hand reached up to brush the hair off my neck, and then he leaned in so his mouth was at my ear. “Everything alright, doll?” he whispered, voice low. I slid my hands over his, lacing our fingers together and locking them on my body.

           “You tell me,” I murmured, wiggling my hips back against his. He let out a quiet grunt, fingers tightening around mine, and I smirked. It was short-lived, though, because he grinded up against me and I could feel just how much I was actually affecting him.

           I wanted to attribute my light-headedness to the alcohol, and it certainly played a part, but it went deeper than that. This intoxication was different; it was like my body was on a new drug, and that new drug was Bucky. I had known him for two years now, but all of a sudden, I was seeing him in an entirely different light and now that I’d gotten a taste, I wanted more.

           My hands released his, and I reached up behind me to wind them around Bucky’s neck. He inclined his head until it was level with mine and nuzzled his face teasingly against my throat, causing my breath to hitch as I leaned my head back against his shoulder. My fingers threaded through the hair at the nape of his neck, tugging lightly, and he growled, sending a shiver down my spine.

           “(Y/N)…” he said, voice low, almost a warning. Suddenly it felt like the rest of the world had slipped away, and it was just Bucky and I in this bar. I could feel the growing evidence of his losing battle with his self-control, every time he pulled my body tighter to his, and it had me feeling more intoxicated than even Thor’s Asgardian mead.

           When Bucky’s hand snuck underneath the plunging neckline of my blouse and his fingertips brushed the flesh underneath my breast, I had to bite my lip to keep the moan from escaping my lips. I spun around in his arms, and was met with a wicked grin and two blue irises almost swallowed whole by blown pupils.

           “I have to go to the washroom,” I told him, and his brow furrowed.

           “What? Right now?” His hands slid from my hips to the small of my back, holding me to him almost possessively. “You can’t be serious, doll…”

           “I have to go to the washroom,” I repeated, pointedly this time, “and in two minutes, so will you.”

           It took him a few seconds, but when he clued in to what I was saying, realization dawned on his face. His eyes widened, and then his lips curved into a devilish grin.

           “Yes,” he agreed, nodding eagerly. “Yes. Absolutely, yes.”

           “Well for someone who gets paid to throw these galas, it certainly wasn’t the best night I’ve had lately,” Bucky muttered, and with the heat rising in my cheeks I whirled on him.

           “Are you kidding me?” I cried. “Dammit, Bucky, it isn’t like the past couple of months have been all sunshine and roses either. Did you expect me to just put everything aside for the night so that you could enjoy a gala that I spent weeks planning right down to the very last detail?”

           Bucky frowned. “No, I thought we could put everything aside for the night and enjoy an evening together with our friends. But instead I had to spend the evening making up excuses for all of Steve’s concerned questions about us.”

           My eyes narrowed in a glare. “Was that before or after you spent an hour flirting with that field agent? What’s her name? Amber? Amy…?” My voice was venomous, and I watched the muscle in Bucky’s jaw twitch as his own eyes narrowed.

           “It’s Allison,” he quipped, “and I wasn’t flirting with her, we were just talking.”

           “Oh, just talking,” I mocked icily. “You mean that thing that you haven’t done with me – your girlfriend – in weeks? That’s real fucking rich.” I shook my head in disgust and pushed past him out of the bathroom. He followed me out to the kitchen, and I clenched my hands into fists at my sides. I was legitimately contemplating sleeping on the couch tonight just to get some space from him.

           “Are you accusing me of cheating on you?” Bucky asked, and although his voice was tight with anger there was an underlying pain in his tone, too. I sucked in a sharp breath, and then slowly turned around to face him. His white button-down, still soaked from the rain, was plastered to his torso like a second skin, highlighting his muscles. His damp hair was sticking up where he likely pushed it off his forehead, and his lips were pursed. His blue eyes held a mix of emotions – anger, sadness, exhaustion. But not guilt. I knew in my heart that despite how unsteady thing had been between us the past couple of months, Bucky would never cheat on me.

           I swallowed hard and shook my head. “Of course not,” I finally answered. “I’ve known you for two years now, Bucky; I know that’s not the type of person you are.”

           “Then why are you making such a big deal of me talking to Allison?”

           I shook my head, frustrated that he still either didn’t get it or was choosing to play dumb. I looked at this man – this beautiful, incredible man, that I’d known for two years, that I’d shared my life with for one of those years – and wondered where things had gone so terribly wrong.

           Bucky held my eyes, fingers of his flesh hand twitching – a telltale sign he was on edge. We stood there for a couple of minutes that felt more like a couple of hours, staring each other down, challenging each other to explode. The tension in the room hung in the air, thick like smoke, but it buzzed through my body like I was a live wire. Weeks’ worth of anger and frustration bubbled to the surface, ready to be unleashed if the right nerve was touched. I was practically vibrating as I defiantly met Bucky’s dark eyes with my own cold glower.

           “You really don’t get it, do you?” I finally said with an incredulous shake of my head, and Bucky lifted his arms in exasperation.

           “What am I supposed to get? For the love of god, (Y/N), just tell me! I can’t read your damn mind.”

           Before I could answer with a snarky comment about how clueless he was, a crack of thunder rumbled through the apartment and then the rain came, harder than before, pounding against the windows and the roof like it was trying to get inside to escape the storm. Within seconds, a flash of lightning lit up the sky outside the kitchen window, another crack of thunder – louder than before – filled the air, and then the apartment was plunged into darkness.

           “For fuck’s sake,” Bucky grumbled as I blinked to try and adjust my eyes to the darkness. I could hear him moving around with ease, the lack of light nothing but a minor inconvenience to his supersoldier vision, and even though I knew it was ridiculous it only made me even angrier with him. I heard one of the drawers sliding open and then he was clicking on a flashlight and the kitchen was bathed in a bluish glow.

           “I don’t suppose you remembered to get batteries,” I quipped, knowing full well that he hadn’t. He only pursed his lips before holding up a book of matches.

           “We’ll light some candles, it’ll be fine.”

           I fought the urge to roll my eyes and instead grabbed the flashlight and a few matches and stalked to the bedroom, leaving Bucky and his superhuman vision to find the candles in the kitchen and light them.

           As I came back from the bedroom, I found that Bucky had moved from the kitchen to the living room. He had just set a lit candle on the mantle above the fireplace and was shaking the match to cool it off when I walked in.

           “It wasn’t even supposed to rain tonight,” I grumbled, “and now we’ve got a full-fledged thunderstorm that’s knocked out the power. This night just keeps getting better.”

           “It’s not the end of the world, (Y/N). I’m sure the power will be back on soon enough.”

           And there it was; the right nerve had been struck, and I could feel the heat rising to my face as my blood boiled. My eyes flashed as I released the full power of my glare on Bucky. “Could you just once admit that my emotions are valid?” I cried, and Bucky’s eyes widened.

           “(Y/N), it’s just a power outage,” he said with a shake of his head. “Why are you so upset –”

           “This isn’t about the power outage!” I shouted, my voice rising. “This isn’t about the storm, or the party or even Allison. This is something I’ve been holding in for weeks, James, and you can pretend that you have no idea what’s bothering me but you know exactly what this is about.” I paused, my chest heaving as I took in a deep breath. A flash of lightning lit up the room, followed by another boom, and as the storm raged outside, I felt my resolution harden. I had started this fight and I wasn’t backing down now.

           Bucky was looking at me with uncertainty, his body tense and his eyes hard like he was facing a new opponent, and in a way he was – We had fought before, but there was a difference between an argument and the explosive anger I felt now. He likely wasn’t sure how to handle me like this.

           “Do you want to know why I was so upset that you spent so long talking to Allison tonight?” I spat out her name venomously and Bucky frowned, his eyes narrowed.

           “I thought you just said this wasn’t about Allison.”

           “I was upset,” I continued, as if he hadn’t spoken, “because I spent weeks planning this gala and then you can’t even stand by my side and support me for a few hours in front of our friends and half of New York City. You spent the entire night making conversations with everyone else, when you and I barely shared fifty words between the two of us.”

           Bucky shook his head. “That’s not fair; I’m an Avenger, I have to mingle to make a good impression –”

           “No, you don’t get to talk right now; I’m talking,” I said coldly, and Bucky shut his mouth indignantly. I frowned before continuing. “If this was the only instance of this happening, I would let it go. But this isn’t the only time this has happened, Bucky. Every time we’re around people, you act like I’m not even there. You talk and laugh and joke around with everyone else, and then I get pity glances – pity glances! – from our friends. You know more than most how shitty it is to feel pitied, and yet you’re constantly putting me in a position where everyone pities me because my boyfriend can’t even acknowledge me in a group setting.”

           Now that the anger and frustration had been unleashed, there was no stopping it. The words were rolling off my tongue like an avalanche down the side of a mountain. “The worst thing, though – The worst thing is the way you act in public has extended to the way you act in private. When we’re home, we sit in silence on our phones or watching TV until we go to sleep. Then when we’re working it’s like we don’t even exist to each other. I can’t even remember the last time we had a conversation that lasted longer than five minutes and went deeper than what to have for dinner or who forgot to take out the garbage.”

           “First of all,” Bucky said, his eyes narrowed, “I do not ignore you in public.”

           I rolled my eyes to the ceiling, feeling the anger in my chest tighten. “How can you say that after I just pointed out how much of the night you spent talking to a field agent you barely even know?”

           “Would you stop bringing her up!” Bucky shouted. “You say this isn’t about her but you sure keep throwing her in my face.”

           “This is about me feeling like I’m not important to you anymore!” I screeched as another round of thunder rumbled outside. My chest was heaving, my eyes stinging with tears that threatened to fall, and I blinked them away angrily. Bucky’s eyes were wide, and he rubbed a hand over his jaw before shaking his head.

           “(Y/N), how can you even say that?” he accused. “You are the most important thing in my life –”

           “You have a funny way of showing it,” I snapped. “Other than a quick peck on the lips, you haven’t touched or kissed me in weeks, and there hasn’t been any emotion behind your I love you’s in just as long. You don’t talk to me anymore. If we didn’t live together, I don’t know if I’d even believe you remembered me sometimes.”

           Bucky opened his mouth just to close it again. His frustration was clear in the way the muscle in his jaw twitched as he thought out his next move. Finally, he shook his head. “I go away on missions, sometimes weeks at a time. When I come home, I’m usually both mentally and physically drained. And you put in long hours at work, too. We’re both tired, (Y/N); there’s gonna be times where things between us are less than perfect.”

           “No.” I wasn’t letting him make excuses this time. “You don’t get to be the reasonable one and say that this is just because we’re tired. I am tired – I’m tired of us not communicating! No more excuses, Bucky. I can’t do this anymore.”

           The whole time, Bucky had been trying so hard to contain himself – He hated letting his anger get the better of him, especially in front of me. But I could see the rage burning in his eyes, lit by the candlelight, as his fists clenched at his sides. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” he shouted. “You can’t do what anymore?”

           “This!” I cried, throwing my arms in the air. “I can’t live like this, Bucky, like we’re two strangers under the same roof, holding everything in until the bomb goes off and we explode. It’s bad enough that I never get to see you –”

           “You knew that going into this, (Y/N). You knew that I would be away on mission a lot and that it wouldn’t be easy, but you said you could handle it. Are you changing your mind now?”

           “I’m not mad that your job takes you around the world – You save lives, Bucky. I can’t be mad at that.” I shook my head, casting my eyes to the floor. I could feel the sting at the backs of my eyes getting stronger, but I willed myself not to cry – I was angry, and crying would show a weakness that I wasn’t about to let Bucky see. “What bothers me is that when we first started dating you would come back from missions and immediately come find me because you missed me so much, and then we would spend hours together – I would leave work early if you got back in the middle of the day, or if you got back in the middle of the night we’d stay up till sunrise. But now…” I pursed my lips. “Now you come home, shower, and I get a ‘hello’ before you head to the compound for debriefing or you head to bed.”

           As I said this, my mind flashed back to the early days, when he used to make a point of surprising me when he got home. I frowned, trying to force those memories back into their compartment before the tears fought their way through the dam holding them back.

           With a shake of my head, I turned and went back to the bedroom. Bucky followed me, and when I grabbed a backpack his eyes widened.

           “What are you doing?” he demanded.

           “I’m going to my sister’s,” I mumbled as I grabbed some clothes from the dresser and stuffed them into the bag. “I’m going to stay there for a few days until I can get my head straight.”

           “You aren’t going anywhere.”

           I looked up from the bag and frowned. Bucky’s eyes were hard and his large body blocked the doorway, arms crossed over his broad chest. His lips were set in a thin line, and I groaned inwardly. I could handle him shouting at me, but this – the authoritative, unwavering and frustratingly patronizing soldier he turned into when he thought he was right or knew what was best – drove me insane. I glared at him as I zipped up my backpack and then pulled my damp curls back with a hair elastic.

           “You can’t stop me,” I told him as I made my way to the door. “Now move.”

           Bucky didn’t budge. “No.”

           “I’m leaving, Bucky,” I said, teeth gritted in annoyance. “Get out of my way.”

           “No,” he repeated flatly. I contemplated shoving him, but I would have had better luck moving a brick wall than pushing a stubborn supersoldier out of the way. Instead of physical force, I opted for using what strength I did have over him, even if it was a low blow.

           “You of all people know it’s wrong to keep someone held against their will,” I pointed out cruelly, and I – almost – regretted saying it as Bucky’s face momentarily crumpled like a wounded puppy. As quickly as it had come, though, it was gone, and his face resumed its hardened mask as his eyes became two rings of ice.

           “It wasn’t a threat,” he said coldly. “It’s for your own safety. I’m not letting you go out in that storm.”

           As if to punctuate his point, a bolt of lightning flashed across the sky and illuminated the bedroom for a split second and then the booming sound of thunder followed, closer and loud enough that the windows rattled. Bucky cocked a dark eyebrow pointedly, and I pursed my lips. He was right, it would be stupid of me to go out in this. But I would be damned if I admitted he was right.

           “I don’t care if an army of Chitauri are falling from the sky,” I said firmly. “I’m not staying here.” I tried to duck under his arm, but Bucky’s reflexes were quicker than a cat’s and he had grabbed my arm, stopping me in my tracks.

           “(Y/N) –”

           “Get your hand off me.”

           The edge in my voice could have cut steel. Bucky hesitated a second before his hand released its grip on my arm, dropping limply to his side. Shouldering my backpack, I pushed past him and he actually stepped aside, to my surprise.

           “(Y/N), this storm isn’t something to take lightly,” Bucky said as he followed me out to the kitchen. He had pulled his phone out of his pocket and was scrolling through it. “Look, they’ve issued a warning for everyone to stay inside unless it’s an emergency.” He held his phone out for me to look at but I ignored it, instead going to the closet in the hall and sliding on my Vans. I was still wearing my dress from the gala but I didn’t want to waste time changing here. I could change when I got to my sister’s place.

           “(Y/N), half of Brooklyn and all of Manhattan have no power right now,” Bucky continued as I pulled my raincoat from the closet. “Do you know how reckless it is to go out in a blackout in this city? Not to mention the rain and the lightning.”

           I continued to ignore him as I shrugged my coat over my shoulders and grabbed my keys from the glass dish on the table by the door.

           “(Y/N)…”

           I picked up my backpack and slung it over my shoulder.

           “(Y/N).”

           The handbag I’d brought to the gala was still hanging on the hook I’d left it on and I grabbed it, making sure all my cards were in it.

           “(Y/N)!”

           “What?” I spun to face Bucky, annoyed. Exasperation rolled off him as he regarded me.

           “You can’t leave,” he said, and I frowned.

           “You can’t stop me, James.”

           “Maybe not,” he agreed, “but maybe I can reason with you.”

           “Why do you want me to stay?” I snapped. “So we can keep shouting at each other? Or so we can sit in the dark not speaking for an hour just to go to bed and sleep as far apart from each other as we can?”

           It stung how accurate that really was. Bucky was vehemently shaking his head, though, his jaw tight. “I want you to stay because it’s dangerous as hell to go out into the city right now and I…” He paused, and I watched his Adam’s apple bob up and down as he swallowed hard. “I don’t want anything to happen, knowing I let you go out there.”

           The sudden softness in his voice caught me off-guard, and I felt my heart flutter despite my frustration. I bit my lip and took a breath to steady myself before speaking.

           “I appreciate your concern, sincerely,” I told him. “But I’ll be fine. I’ll text you when I get to my sister’s if it’ll put your mind at ease.”

           I had my hand on the doorknob, ready to leave, when he spoke.

           “(Y/N), wait.”

           I rolled my eyes to the ceiling, squeezing them shut briefly before slowly turning to face him. “What is it, Bucky?” I sighed. I was exhausted; this had stretched out for too long.

           His tongue darted out to wet his lips before he continued. “Do you remember,” he said, “when we first moved into this apartment?”

           Vividly. I remembered how excited we’d been, and how Bucky had convinced Steve that moving out of the compound was something he had to do. We had been so excited to start our life together, and for what? It all seemed a million years ago now.

           I nodded stiffly. “What about it?”

           “It was January,” Bucky explained, “and there was that huge blizzard a couple of days after we moved in. You were at some charity fundraiser on the Upper West Side.”

           “The auction for the Starlight Children’s Foundation,” I mumbled, and Bucky nodded.

           “I tried to get you to come home early before the snow got bad, but you said you couldn’t,” he continued. “By the time you finally texted me saying you were on your way home, the snow had really picked up, and I contemplated going to get you myself so I knew you were safe.” Bucky paused. “I was a nervous wreck until the second you walked through that door and I knew you were okay,” he admitted. “I must have paced this apartment a thousand times; it’s a wonder I didn’t wear down a path in the hardwood.”

           “Bucky…” I shook my head, at a loss for words. He had never told me that before.

           “Please don’t go,” he whispered, his blue eyes begging me. I didn’t want to cave, but I knew it would be reckless if I went out in the storm. With a sigh, I let my backpack slide to the floor.

           “I’ll stay,” I said, “but that doesn’t mean we’re okay.” I swallowed the lump in my throat. “We aren’t the same people we were when we moved into this apartment, Bucky, and I can’t ignore that. I don’t want to fight anymore, I’m tired and I just want to be left alone.”

           Before he could say anything else that would start sucking me back in, I pushed past him to the bedroom and closed the door behind me. I leaned against the wood heavily, taking deep breaths to steady myself, but in the privacy of the bedroom the dam holding back my tears broke and they spilled down my cheeks as harsh sobs ripped from my throat.

           “Stop it,” I muttered to myself, and then I shrugged off the raincoat I still had on and I sat on the edge of the bed. I wiped the tears from my face, grateful I’d worn the waterproof mascara that night, and then glanced out the window. The storm didn’t seem to be letting up any, the rain still beating against the windows. The view of the Brooklyn Bridge and the Manhattan skyline we had from our bedroom, usually lit up like a Christmas tree, was now only illuminated periodically by the flashes of lightning that brightened the sky.

           A soft knock on the door drew my eyes away from the window, and I sighed. “What do you want, James?” I said. “I thought I said I wanted to be left alone.”

           The door opened enough for Bucky to stick one arm through, hand gripping what looked like a napkin. My brow furrowed as he started shaking it back and forth gently.

           “What the hell are you doing?”

           “I’m waving the white flag.” He pushed the door open a bit more so I could see his face, and despite myself I couldn’t help the little giggle that passed through my lips. Bucky grinned. “Ah, there’s that smile. Haven’t seen that in awhile; at least, not directed at me,” he murmured.

           “I’m still mad at you,” I mumbled, and he nodded.

           “I know,” he said, “but I’m unarmed and asking – no, begging – for a ceasefire. Call off your army, doll. This has been going on for too long, we can’t keep fighting and resenting each other.”

           Bucky’s eyes were open and sincere, and I wanted nothing more than to put this behind us, but I couldn’t just drop it and leave things unresolved.

           “We can’t keep going on without things changing, either,” I told him sadly, and he shook his head.

           “Not a change. A rewind.” He took a step into the room, setting the napkin on the dresser. “You were right, doll; we aren’t the same people as when we moved into this apartment. But we can be. We’ve just lost sight of what’s important.”

           I shook my head. “It’s not that easy, Bucky –”

           He moved across the room to turn on the wireless Bluetooth speaker, and then a 1940s jazz playlist started playing softly. He fixed his gaze on me but made no move to come any closer.

           “Let’s get back to us, baby girl,” he murmured. “We’ll start from the top; we can save this, I know we can.”

           My mind flashed back to another time – a better time – when we were dancing in the kitchen to this very playlist on New Year’s Eve. My heart twinged and I bit my lip.

           “I want to, Buck, I really do,” I finally said. “But we can’t just pretend none of this happened.”

           “I’m not asking you to.” Bucky had made his way across the room until we were barely a foot apart. “Do you still love me, (Y/N)?”

           “Of course I do,” I said without hesitation.  

           “Are you still in love with me?”

           This time, I did hesitate. “I want to be,” I said in a small voice. “I don’t want any doubts when it comes to us, Bucky. But lately I don’t know if we can ever be who we were at the beginning…”

           Bucky held out his flesh hand to me, and I pursed my lips before taking it. He spun me around before pulling me to him and leading our bodies in a slow sway to the rhythm of the smooth jazz playing in the background. It had been so long since we’d done this, but our bodies moved together like they’d done it a million times. I chanced a glance up at his face to find he was already watching me with soft eyes.

           “You’re so beautiful,” he whispered, and my heart fluttered. “If I haven’t told you that lately, I’m sorry.”

           “There are a lot of things you haven’t told me lately,” I accused softly, and Bucky frowned.

           “I know,” he said solemnly. “Doll, I could spend my life apologizing for giving you any reason to doubt what we have. Or I can spend my life reminding you why we fell in love in the first place.”

           The air between us was still heavy, but it was no longer anger that fuelled the tension. My heart hammered against my ribcage, and I ached to fall into him in the way I used to. Suddenly my mouth was dry, and my tongue darted out to wet my lips before I spoke.

           “I don’t want to fight anymore,” I said quietly.

           “Neither do I.”

           “But I don’t want us to just drop this without resolving it, either.”

           Bucky reached up to tuck a curl that had escaped my hair tie behind my ear. “So let’s resolve it,” he murmured. His voice had dropped, and his blue eyes held mine with a burning intensity. “You’re upset, and I want to atone for how I’ve treated you. So take it out on me, doll. If you want to yell, then yell. If you want to talk it out, then we’ll talk it out. Hell, if you want to hit me then go for it. I’ll take whatever you throw at me.”

           I thought about what I wanted. Not even half an hour ago, I had wanted to get as far away from him as possible. But now…Now he was standing here, in the candlelight with soft jazz barely drowning out the summer storm raging outside, hair still damp and his wet dress shirt clinging to his muscles, and all I wanted was to fall back in love with him.

           I set both hands on his chest and looked up at him. “Bucky…” I whispered.

           “What do you want, doll?” he murmured, leaning in to skim his nose against my jaw. My breath hitched, but then I was pushing him back with a shake of my head.

           “I was mad at you,” I mumbled. “I’m supposed to be mad at you.”

           “So be mad at me. Show me just how mad you are, doll.”

           We stared at each other for a minute, and then I muttered “Fuck it” before our lips crashed together.

           Bucky’s hands on my waist tightened as the kiss deepened, and it didn’t take long before my head was dizzy and I had to pull away, gasping for air. Even as our mouths disconnected Bucky’s lips continued to assault my jaw and throat, sucking lightly at my pulse point until my body was melting against him. I let out a soft moan and I could feel him grin into my skin.

           “Good girl,” he murmured, and I pulled away with a glare.

           “Oh, no, you don’t get to be in charge,” I said. “I started this.”

           Bucky cocked a dark eyebrow. “Did you?”

           In response, I laid my hands flat on his chest and shoved him, hard, against the wall. His eyes widened but then my lips were back on his and my fingers fumbled with the buttons of his dress shirt. Once it hung loose on his shoulders my hands roamed the hard wall of muscles, revelling in the way they tightened and contracted under my touch. His own hands once again found my waist and held me close, and when his tongue probed against my lips they yielded and granted him entrance to the full access he desired.

           My hands found the belt buckle on Bucky’s pants and undid it quickly, before popping the button and sliding down the zipper. I reached down the front of his pants to palm him through his boxer briefs, and Bucky let out a grunt as his hands tightened their grip on my waist.

           “(Y/N),” he breathed, but I was already on my knees and tugging his pants and underwear from his hips. He was already hard, and I admired his size for a couple of seconds before taking a hold of him and giving a couple of experimental pumps. He tilted his head back, eyes squeezed shut and hands clenched into fists at his sides.

           When I took him into my mouth, he groaned and his flesh hand came up to free my hair of its ponytail so he could gather it up himself, nails scratching lightly against my scalp. “Fuck, (Y/N),” he panted as I bobbed my head up and down his length, dragging my tongue along the vein that ran along the underside of his shaft. His grip on my hair tightened and I couldn’t help the moan that vibrated through me.

           Not wanting him to get off so easily, I reached up to cup his balls in my hand. As I squeezed them – slightly harder than I normally would have – my teeth grazed his tip and a hiss passed through Bucky’s teeth. When I looked up at him, though, he looked completely wrecked, eyes blown with lust and cheeks flushed, his broad chest heaving as he panted. In this moment I realized I had him completely at my mercy – I could get him to say or do anything I wanted him to.

           The part of me that was still angry with him wanted to bring him to the edge just to leave him hanging, begging me for more. But another part of me – the part that had missed our intimacy and ached to feel all of him everywhere, the part that had my panties soaked just from seeing him so wrecked knowing I had done it to him – wanted nothing more than to have him coming undone as many times as I possibly could.

           I had made up my mind and hollowed out my cheeks, sucking with fresh vigor, and Bucky groaned above me. But then all of a sudden, I was on my feet with my back against the wall and Bucky was the one on his knees in front of me.

           “My turn,” he murmured slyly, and I could already feel the fresh arousal pooling between my thighs. Bucky had always had the most sinful mouth, but it had been so long since I’d been on its receiving end. I bit my lip in anticipation, and when Bucky’s flesh hand slipped under the skirt of my black lace gown and slid up my leg tantalizingly slow, I trembled. He grinned up at me before sliding my black lace panties from my hips and discarding them across the room.

           “Hold your dress up for me, doll,” Bucky ordered, and as I gathered up my skirt he took one of my legs and hitched it over his shoulder, opening me up to him. He licked his lips as his eyes drank me in and I shivered in anticipation.

           Without warning, Bucky dove in and licked a stripe up my core. I gasped, hands flying to his hair, and his grinned up at me as his flesh hand kneaded my bare thigh.

           “Don’t worry, doll, I’m gonna take such good care of you,” he murmured. “Gonna make you feel so good that your legs feel like jelly and I gotta hold you up.”

           “Bucky…” I moaned, and he smirked before diving back in. His tongue was unforgiving, lapping up everything I had to offer him. I threaded my fingers through his hair and tugged, drawing a groan from him that sent vibrations through me, making me weak in the knees. When Bucky’s lips wrapped around my clit and sucked, I was practically seeing stars, crying out his name and squirming in pleasure. I held his head to me, shamelessly bucking up my hips and grinding against his face, my head thrown back in pleasure as I chased my release. The leg that wasn’t hitched over Bucky’s shoulder started to give out and Bucky’s hand wrapped around my thigh to support me as his lips and tongue brought me over the edge and I cried out my release.

           The second he was sure I could support my own weight again Bucky was standing, and then I was reaching out to grab onto his member as our lips crashed together. He was still solid, throbbing in my hand and leaking precum, and as he kissed me with lips tasting of my own release, I hooked a leg around his waist and guided him to my entrance.

           “Fuck me hard,” I breathed, and with a growl Bucky sheathed himself inside of me in one rough thrust that punched the air right out of my lungs. He slid out almost all the way before slamming back into me, and I reached up to grip his shoulders for something to hold onto.

           It was hard and fast, sloppy and messy – nothing like the way we usually did it. Bucky had always been calculated and controlled in his movements, focused on maximized pleasure as well as making sure he didn’t let his strength get the better of him for fear of hurting me. But now, in this moment, after months of not touching each other, he was driving into me relentlessly until pain and pleasure were indistinguishable, and I only urged him to go harder as he left sloppy kisses along my jaw and throat.

           I could tell he was close when his thrusts became erratic, but he didn’t slow down. He was driving me into the wall with his rough strokes and the zipper of my dress was digging into my back, sure to leave a mark, but none of it mattered but the tightening in my belly that signalled my own release was near. My hands left his shoulders to slide into his shirt, my nails raking down his back and leaving red welts as my mouth sucked and nipped at the pulse point in his throat. I knew his supersoldier healing meant the marks were very temporary, but I didn’t care; they were proof that he was mine and only mine, whether they lasted an hour or a week.

           Bucky came first with a guttural groan, shooting himself into me in large spurts, but his thrusts didn’t slow until my walls were clenching around him and I bit down on his shoulder to stifle my scream.

           We were a sweaty, panting mess as we came down from our high, and even as we untangled ourselves from each other Bucky still held tight to me as I slumped against him.

           “Fuck,” he breathed, mouth hot against my ear, and I tilted my head up to press my lips weakly to his jaw. His eyes were on me, and although he looked as blissed out as I felt, there was a lingering uncertainty in the depths of his irises. “I didn’t…Are you alright?” he asked me quietly.

           It took a moment to realize what he was asking me. At first, I thought maybe he thought I was about to pick up our fight where we’d left off, but it was the worry in his eyes that led me to understanding. He was asking if I was okay physically. He’d never allowed himself to be rough with me during sex before, and he was scared he’d hurt me.

           It was this concern for me, even after I’d screamed at him, even after I demanded he fuck me like that, that had any remaining anger I felt towards him melt away. For the first time in months, the Bucky that I fell in love with was standing in front of me, all compassion and protectiveness and kindness, and it was such a contrast to the man who had just fucked me into the wall that I couldn’t stop the giggle that bubbled from my lips. Bucky’s brow furrowed, and I reached up to take his face between my hands.

           “I’m more than alright,” I assured him. “No more fighting, Buck. No apologies. Just a promise to each other, that when things ever get bad, we remember tonight. We remember why we fell in love, and we let gravity do what it does best.”

           Bucky’s breaths were shallow as he watched me, tongue darting out to wet his kiss-swollen lips. “And what’s that?” he asked, his voice low and hoarse.

           “This,” I whispered, and then I was pulling his lips down to mine. His arms circled around me and held me close, and when we pulled apart his nose bumped mine softly.

           “What do you say we ride this thunderstorm out, soldier?” I murmured, and Bucky’s eyes glittered as his hands roamed my curves. With a grin I turned in his arms, so I had my back to him, hands pressed against the wall as I shot him a demure look over my shoulder. “Could you be a gentleman and get my zipper for me?” I asked him, the picture of innocence.

           Bucky’s jaw twitched, and I watched his Adam’s apple bob up and down as he swallowed hard, his eyes dark. “Yes, ma’am,” he said softly, and then his vibranium hand was steady on my waist as his flesh hand dragged the zipper of my dress down agonizingly slow, eyes not letting go of mine. His knuckles brushed against bare skin and I trembled, but before he could reach up to slide the dress from my shoulders I was dancing away from his grasp with a playful smirk.

           “Not so fast, Sergeant,” I said to him with a slight shake of my head. His brow furrowed in confusion.

           “Doll…” he whined, and my smirk widened. Winking, I let the dress slowly fall from my shoulders, leaving a trail of black lace as it slid down my body and dropped to the floor, leaving me standing in nothing in front of him. Bucky’s tongue darted out to wet his lips, lust-blown eyes taking me in like a hungry wolf. He shook his head softly. “Fuck, doll, you’re a goddamn vision,” he murmured. “I really am the luckiest man alive.”

           My insides melted, and I lifted a hand to beckon him over with a finger. He crossed the room in three strides, hesitating before brushing his fingertips along my jaw. I leaned into his touch, eyes drifting shut.

           “Buck…” I said breathlessly as he backed me up and laid me down on the bed. He crawled on top of me, lips leaving a trail of kisses along my collarbone that had me arching up into him.

           “Hope you don’t have any plans for tomorrow, doll,” he murmured into my skin. I scrunched my nose in confusion, but when his fingertips ghosted along the inside of my thigh my breath caught in my throat and it took a moment before I could speak.

           “I do,” I told him. “I’m supposed to –”

           I was cut off as his fingers swiped through my folds before two of them plunged into my still-sensitive heat. I cried out, one hand coming up to grip at Bucky’s arm while the other curled around the bedsheets, and Bucky grinned into my throat. His teeth grazed my skin before he pulled away to look at me, and as he did another flash of lightning lit up the sky outside, illuminating his face and taking my breath away. He looked like an angel – one who had been cast out of heaven for sinning – with his glittering blue eyes, sharp jawline covered in a layer of dark stubble, full lips and bare chest shining with a sheen of sweat. A lascivious expression took over his features when he saw how wrecked I was for him.          

           “Not anymore, doll,” he said with a shake of his head. “Drop ‘em, ‘cause this is gonna take all night.”

           His words flooded my core, and then I was tugging his lips down to mine. The rest of his clothes were discarded and then he was sinking into me until it was impossible to tell where one of us began and the other ended. We fell into a rhythm, tangled in a dance, our bodies expressing all the things we never said to each other in the past couple of months. All of the anger and roughness from before had dissipated, and now it was all warm kisses, tight embraces, and whispered words of praise and affirmation. Even as we sank deeper into the bed we climbed higher than we’d dared in what felt like an eternity, chasing a release we shared together.

           Sleep finally embraced our bodies, sore with a night of making up for the months of love lost, sometime before sunrise. When we woke again it was mid-morning and the storm had ended, leaving behind a beautiful sunny summer morning that warmed my bare skin as it streamed through the windows. I stretched my stiff muscles, letting out a soft noise of content, and then two strong arms were wrapping themselves around me and pulling me against a warm, solid body as a hot mouth pressed soft kisses to my neck.

           “Mornin’, doll,” Bucky murmured, voice husky with sleep. He hesitated a moment. “How you feeling this morning?”

           “Sore in the best way possible,” I teased, and when he pinched my side gently, I giggled and rolled over to face him. “I feel like right now, life is perfect,” I murmured sincerely, answering his question. The smile that lit up his face was adorable, like a child that had just been praised.

           “Me, too,” he agreed, and then his hand traced along my curves underneath the covers, drawing goosebumps on my skin despite how warm the room was. I tugged my bottom lip between my teeth and Bucky grinned. When his hand dipped between my legs and discovered how slick I already was, he let out a low chuckle. “I’m impressed, doll,” he murmured. “I figured you would have been completely spent after the number of times I had you coming undone last night.”

           I rolled over so I was straddling his hips, a wicked grin on my lips as Bucky’s eyes widened. “Until I physically can’t get out of bed, I’m not done with you,” I taunted. Bucky growled as his hands on my hips tightened.

           “Just remember,” he said in a low voice, “you asked for it.”

           Bucky lifted my hips before guiding me back down onto him, and we both groaned. I closed my eyes and let out a quiet whimper as he rocked me against him gently, and when I reopened them, I found him looking up at me with utter reverence in his own eyes.

           “If I ever do anything that could make me lose you ever again,” he breathed, “promise me you’ll shoot me.” He reached up to trace his thumb along my bottom lip. “You’re so fucking beautiful. And I’m so fucking stupid.”

           I wiggled my hips teasingly, and he grunted. “You are stupid,” I agreed with a shrug, “but I love you.”

           Bucky’s face softened. “I love you, too, doll,” he murmured, and then he winked. “And don’t worry about not being able to get out of this bed, because I don’t plan on letting you get up anytime soon, anyway.”