Plague System

If you’ve known me for a while, you would know that the last year has been full of struggle. It hasn’t ended for me just yet. I need to move out by August or September at the latest, and I am disabled without employment or savings.

I need to save up as much money as I can, whether it be to pay for a deposit and rent in an apartment or to buy supplies for in the event that I will be homeless (such as a tent, pepper spray for self defense, etc)

Phi said it’s my turn on the art program. Anyways I did some art of one of my headspace forms. Ok 2 rb.

I don’t know how many tumblr witches know, this could be old news, but I found that this is the best place to get jars/bottles to feed my obsession! They have a bunch of different colors, but most of them are clear. They have different shapes and such, and they’re very very cheap, even the jugs !! In their FAQ they said it’s fine to even order just 1 bottle at a time, even though most people order a bunch at once. It’s honestly the best deal on high quality bottles and jars that I’ve found so far! I would honestly skip Amazon and go straight here. 10/10!

I don’t usually post personal shit but my friend and I were talking and there were some things she didn’t know were PTSD related, and sometimes it’s just so weird and out there so. Some stuff I learned too late were caused by trauma:

- Nightmares that have *nothing* to do with your trauma

- Getting angry at anything that startles you/is loud/is irriatating

- Becoming alarmingly calm in situations of crisis/chaos

- Shaking, just, all the time

- Needing very little sleep to function effectively

- Massive mood swings that often get mistaken for personality or mood disorders

- Feeling like there is a layer of dirt on you/that your skin is dirty and needing to get it off

- Believing you will die young and alone !! Big one!!

- Looking for reasons to cut people out of your life

- Needing things to be exactly as you like them to be – not necessarily clean/organized but just to be a specific way and be within your control, and getting angry when it is not *this one gets mistaken for OCD v often

- Preferring high stress/very busy lifestyles to keep occupied

- Needing compression/pressure (ie tight shoelaces, heavy coats and blankets, snug fitting hats, etc) to feel comfortable/safe

- Discomfort with silence

- Very sensitive to heat, smell, and lighting

- Ringing in ears!! I had no idea about this one tinnitus is not that uncommon for ptsd, even if there was no direct head trauma involved

- Physical numbness, often in arms & hands when a flashback or panic attack is about to start

- Derailing conversations when they are causing stress

- Sudden and unexplained onsets of just the most deep sense of melancholy (often accompanied by a lot of tears)