he   wouldn't   admit   it,   but   watching   the   junewing   migration   was   one   of   the   seasonal   events   that   declan   looked   forward   to   the   most   every   summer   .   it   was   one   of   the   few   things   he   could   actually   remember   doing   with   his   dad   ;   patrick   had   taken   him   out   to   an   open   field   and   they   laid   on   the   grass   and   watched   as   the   junewings   lit   up   the   sky   while   flying   overhead   .   now   ,   he   made   it   a   regular   tradition   to   watch   them   every   year   when   he   got   the   chance   .

                  they   weren't   hard   to   locate   .   catch   them   on   the   right   day   at   the   right   time   ,   and   you   could   see   them   from   almost   anywhere   in   town   .   this   evening   ,   he   was   settled   on   a   blanket   in   front   of   the   lake   .   junewings   flittered   around   the   canvas   he   had   set   up   in   front   of   him   ,   curiously   buzzing   near   his   ears   before   moving   on   with   the   rest   of   their   friends   .   he   was   intent   on   finally   getting   to   paint   them   ,   and   what   better   backdrop   than   with   the   sun   going   down   in   front   of   him   ?

                    at   least   ,   until   someone   stood   in   front   of   the   sunset   .   “   hey   ,   if   you're   going   to   stand   in   front   of   the   view   ,   could   you   at   least   turn   around   so   that   i   can   capture   your   image   as   well   ?   i   usually   charge   for   this   sort   of   thing   ,   y'know   ,   ”   he   stated   sarcastically   ,   as   dry   as   ever   .

the pooling hem of felicity’s leather trench dragged slightly through the damp lakeside grass as she leisurely adjusted her posture against the encroaching twilight. she had been staring out at the water, tracking the phosphorescent trajectories of the glowing insects as they sliced through the heavy evening air, treating the landscape like an uninvited gallery space. the sudden, dry fracture of a voice cutting through the lakeside quiet didn't cause her to startle; it merely pivoted her focus away from the bleeding horizon and drew it downward toward the blanket. she didn't move out of his line of sight immediately. instead, she took her time turning around, shoes shifting in the earth until she was peering down at the wooden framework of the canvas, then the layout of the palette, and finally at the boy himself. her features remained entirely compositionless, utterly detached, save for a faint, flicker of sharp intrigue.

"if i turn around, you'll have to figure out how to paint a shadow that absorbs all your light," she replied, managing to sound both utterly dispassionate and intensely observant. she tilted her head a fraction of an inch to the side, her eyes dropping directly to the wet paint he was applying, evaluating his progress. "and i've never been particularly good at doing what i'm told. it's a bit of a biological defect." yet, she was feeling just compliant enough to take a single, slight step to the left, finally freeing the view of the sunset. though she remained anchored at the edge of his blanket.

her hands slid deep into the pockets of her coat. "you couldn't afford my modeling fee. but since i've already ruined your horizon, let’s see what you’re doing with the palette. are you actually going to capture the migration, or just make a mess of the gradient?"

                    for   once   in   her   life   ,   sloane   being   decked   out   in   pink   was   not   necessarily   out   of   order   .   the   lesbian   flag   was   basically   just   different   shades   of   pink   ,   plus   a   little   bit   of   orange   and   white   .   it   was   perfect   for   her   !   as   the   town's   resident   lesbian   (   although   certainly   not   the   only   one   )   ,   she   felt   it   was   her   duty   to   lead   the   lesbian   float   along   the   parade   route   in   her   adorably   vintage   pink   beetle   .

                    that   didn't   mean   she   was   driving   ,   of   course   .   no   ,   she'd   gotten   a   friend   to   do   that   for   her   .   instead   ,   she   sat   on   the   back   and   waved   her   flags   around   .   she   even   occasionally   hopped   off   to   take   pictures   with   friends   in   the   crowd   .   it   was   also   definitely   spreading   the   word   about   her   matchmaking   business   ,   as   she'd   had   them   literally   spraypaint   ‘   the   heart’s   eye   ’   onto   the   side   of   the   float   .   a   bit   of   advertisement   wouldn't   hurt   anything   !

                    as   the   parade   drew   to   a   close   ,   she   jogged   over   to   the   nearest   street   vendor   for   a   cup   of   strawberry   lemonade   .   “   my   god   .   the   one   thing   i   forgot   to   do   this   morning   before   the   parade   started   was   pack   a   few   water   bottles   into   my   car   .   i've   practically   sweated   all   my   skin   off   !   how   have   you   been   standing   in   this   heat   all   day   ?   ”   she   asked   ,   her   flabbers   truly   gasted   .

"there she is!" genie exclaimed, immediately seizing her best friend by the shoulders and giving her a gentle, dramatic shake that risked sending a tidal wave of strawberry lemonade over both of them. "you are a literal vision. are we sure the lesbian flag wasn't invented by a committee of people who looked at your closet and said, yes, this is the blueprint. give the people what they want." genie took a massive, appreciative gulp of her own rapidly melting iced tea, letting the condensation drip down her wrists with total disregard for proper etiquette. the pinehaven heat was currently performing a masterclass in humidity, but genie was operating on a frequency of pure festival energy. even if her hair was presently a halo of frizz, and she had somehow accumulated a fine layer of stray pink glitter across her nose. her camera, the literal extension of her right arm, dangled from its strap, heavy with footage of the afternoon's madness.

"i've been treating this entire parade route like a high impact cardio workout, because the only thing that's ever going to get me to exercise willingly is fanfare. and i've also been absorbing the collective serotonin of everyone who saw that glorious pink beetle," genie beamed, her voice carrying that breathless enthusiasm that usually resulted in people either joining her cause or buying her a drink. besides, this was nothing compared to that summer in bangkok. she could still vividly recall sprinting through the sweltering maze of the chatuchak weekend market in one hundred degree heat, desperately chasing down a tour guide while her phone battery died and her sandals literally began to melt on the pavement. if she could survive a thai heatwave with a heavy backpack and zero hydration, pinehaven in june was a walk in the park.

"seriously," genie continued without missing a beat. "you looked like a queer barbie royalty figurehead up there! i was literally screaming from the sidewalk." she hooked her arm through sloane’s, completely unbothered by the shared sheen of summer sweat, and began nudging them toward a patch of shade beneath a massive oak tree. "but definitely chug that lemonade before you actually evaporate into a cloud of pink tulle, because i cannot be trusted to navigate this town's social scene without my captain."

                    the   sun   was   hanging   high   in   the   sky   and   silas   was   wearing   flannel   .   he   was   almost   always   wearing   flannel   ,   except   when   his   wife   forced   him   not   to   .   something   about   being   ‘   presentable   ’   at   town   hall   meetings   .   he   didn't   pay   much   attention   to   that   sort   of   thing   ;   the   ins   and   outs   of   running   the   town   had   nothing   to   do   with   being   fashionable   ,   and   that   was   a   hill   he   was   willing   to   die   on   .

                    he   waved   to   the   faces   he   was   used   to   seeing   ,   nearly   outright   ignoring   the   tourists   .   they   were   only   there   to   have   fun   ,   but   it   was   his   generous   townsfolk   keeping   the   fun   going   .   they   were   the   ones   he   truly   cared   about   .

                    “   hope   ya   don't   mind   if   i   take   a   load   off   next   to   you   ,   ”   he   said   ,   not   bothering   to   introduce   himself   as   he   plopped   down   on   the   nearest   bench   .   one   half   of   it   was   already   occupied   ,   but   he   didn't   mind   sharing   the   space   .   “   enjoying   the   carnival   this   year   ?   i   hear   they   fixed   that   cable   on   the   pendulum   ride   ,   so   you're   only   about   twenty-five   percent   likely   to   fall   to   your   death   at   top   speed   .   ”

temperance's meander through the lively carnival grounds had been entirely impulsive on her end, an unhurried means to pass a few quiet hours before meeting her wife for dinner. having spent the entirety of her life wrapped securely within the quaint, cherished borders of pinehaven, she had partook in plenty of these vibrant summer carnivals over the decades. she could remember, with a faint, phantom ache of bittersweet affection, running completely amok on these very grounds as a child alongside her siblings, tugging her parents along by their coat sleeves with ambitions much higher than their actual stamina to ride every single attraction until the moon came up. she could remember walking these exact dirt paths hand in hand with penelope for a few beautiful years in a row, their fingers intertwined during the golden warmth of a summer date. and she could remember, with that deep, maternal swelling of pride, when she and penny had brought their own child here when they were younger, watching the wonder repeat itself as the carnival firmly cemented its place as a sacred family tradition. suffice to say, amidst the melodic ripple of laughter that broke through the ambient symphony of revelers, there were endless ghosts of her past to recollect on fondly.

temperance did not startle at the sudden heft of silas plopping down beside her on the weathered wooden bench, instead she tilted her head at her old friend with a kind smile. "hello to you too silas," she hummed with a hint of honeyed amusement. she followed his gaze across the bustling midway for a brief moment, her gaze softening into an expression of reverence as she observed the familiar faces of their neighbors. they both shared that quiet, intrinsic understanding that pinehaven was never merely a simple dot on a map, but rather a living, breathing sanctuary built upon the foundation of their shared histories. "i should say i am enjoying myself, profusely."

at his remarkably grim piece of carnival trivia, her lips curved into a radiant, thoroughly entertained smile, though she did offer a mock reverent shudder. "twenty five percent? good heavens, silas, those are practically astronomical odds in the grand lottery of life," she teased gently, her tone rich with a conspiratorial, whisper soft pitch that belonged entirely to the ease of old friends.

                    he   should   have   known   that   he   would   get   nothing   past   her   .   what   he   aimed   to   hide   ,   she   would   see   right   through   as   always   .   he   wasn't   the   type   to   admit   to   things   ;   more   often   than   not   ,   he   wanted   his   privacy   in   all   matters   -   big   or   small   .   for   some   reason   ,   however   ,   she   not   only   saw   right   through   him   ,   she   saw   up   and   over   and   around   him   as   well   .   mostly   .   there   were   things   even   she   did   not   realize   (   or   maybe   she   did   ,   and   that   was   an   even   more   excruciating   thought   than   he   wanted   to   admit   )   .

                    “   it's   always   a   treat   when   you   psychoanalyze   my   entire   being   within   the   first   two   minutes   of   seeing   me   ,   ”   he   said   ,   his   voice   taking   on   that   same   teasing   tone   .   there   was   something   almost   clinical   about   the   way   that   shreya   diagnosed   his   patterns   .   was   he   that   predictable   ,   or   was   she   simply   that   good   at   reading   people   ?   he   figured   it   was   likely   a   mix   of   both   .   he   was   fine   with   that   .

                    dec   watched   as   she   attacked   the   stain   with   her   wand   .   he   wasn't   the   type   to   carry   one   of   those   around   ,   despite   repeated   ‘   mental   notes   ’   to   remind   himself   to   get   one   .   it   would   have   helped   with   ,   well   ,   small   coffee   stains   like   the   one   he'd   obtained   that   morning   .   “   i   think   we   both   know   i'm   the   last   to   inconvenience   anyone   if   i   can   help   it   .   ”   they   had   agreed   to   meet   at   the   festival   ,   not   for   her   to   pick   him   up   like   he   was   in   distress   on   the   side   of   the   road   .   of   course   ,   he   knew   she   wouldn't   see   it   that   way   ,   but   that   was   how   his   brain   worked   .

                    “   all   better   ,   mrs.   clean   ?   ”   he   asked   ,   eyes   cast   downward   to   admire   shreya's   handiwork   .   he   couldn't   tell   the   difference   ,   but   he   was   sure   the   chemicals   were   doing   their   job   .   he   bumped   his   hip   against   hers   ,   nodding   in   the   direction   of   the   strawberry   baskets   .   “   come   on   .   if   we   don't   hurry   up   and   pick   our   quarry   ,   all   the   good   berries   are   going   to   be   gone   and   then   you're   really   going   to   hear   me   start   whining   .   ”

she stifled a huff of amusement, a quiet sound that was entirely betrayed by the immediate upwards slant of her cheek. "it's a gift," she quipped, her dark eyes glancing up at him briefly through the thick fringe of her lashes to quirk a single, knowing brow before she returned to her self appointed task. "standard forensics, really. you leave a highly foreseeable trail of physical evidence," shreya murmured, she continued pressing the felt tip into the cotton fabric with precision, watching the dark coffee ring slowly yield to the surfactant with a sense of visible satisfaction.

these were precisely the type of doting, overly attentive habits that had so many people in pinehaven constantly debating the fragile, blurred parameters of their friendship. it felt entirely too palpable to anyone watching that something else, something heavy and dangerously magnetic, was resting just beneath the surface between them. it wasn't that she couldn't be thoroughly besotted with her other friends, but declan was different. he had always been the sole exception, and with that lifelong distinction came a tenderness that she afforded absolutely no one else in her orbit.

her brows furrowed at his reasoning, an inconvenience. the word sat poorly in her stomach and the scoff that followed was evidence. "don't be such a martyr, dec. you're quite literally the furthest thing i would ever categorize under an inconvenience, so you can go ahead and scratch that term out of any further conversations. i'm banning it from our vocabulary entirely, actually, it's officially vetoed." she would do absolutely anything for him, naturally; except perhaps find the necessary bravado to finally untangle the tightly coiled knot of infatuation she had been harboring for him for years.

she leaned back slightly to gauge her stain removing handiwork, nodding once before capping the pen with a decisive, sharp click. "it'll suffice, and you're welcome." as he nodded toward the sprawling rows of weathered wooden produce crates, she stepped into a synchronized stride beside him, the heavy leather soles of her boots sinking into the damp, sponge like grass as they navigated their way toward the crowded festival stalls.

"oh no, please, not the whining," she snorted softly, bumping her shoulder back against his broad arm to close the physical gap between them as they walked. "we're going to have to strategically outwit the local produce poachers from last year. they are terrifyingly efficient at completely depleting all the premium, grade-a yields within the first ninety minutes of operation, and i absolutely need pristine supplies for my strawberry soufflé." had she ever actually been successful at executing this particular, notoriously temperamental dessert without it collapsing into a sugary puddle? absolutely no. would she still stubbornly force declan to taste test the final product, failure or not? yes, without a single shred of hesitation.

「   ✦   valentina   .ᐟ   ✦   」

cardinal   🗨   |   this   is   ,   genuinely   ,   not   even   a   joke cardinal   🗨   |   but   i   don't   think   i've   ever   jaywalked   before cardinal   🗨   |   in   houston   i   always   waited   for   the   little   walking   man   light   to   come   on cardinal   🗨   |   because   what   is   the   alternative   ?   get   hit   by   a   car   ? cardinal   🗨   |   potentially   get   arrested   because   my   horse   printed   boxers   were   in   a   hurry   ? cardinal   🗨   |   i   think   not   .   it's   never   that   serious

✉︎ ➜: the alternative is using your eyes ✉︎ ➜: you look left, you look right, and if a two ton piece of metal isn't about to flatten you, you move your goddamn legs. It's not rocket science. valentina is typing ✉︎ ➜: next time we're out, I'm dragging you across the street by your shirt collar halfway through a red light ✉︎ ➜: consider it a intervention

"Romance is overrated..." Susie mused, shrugging. There hadn't been much romance in her life, and the things in the past that were supposed to be romantic, had actually been manipulation. She'd never had a healthy romantic relationship to look at, so it was entirely possible that Susie wouldn't know romance if it got right into her face. She hoped that, one day, both she and Saffy would find someone that loved them truly. Someone that would treat them right.

"That's great, Saf," Susie smiled, recognizing the pride that flashed over her sister's features. She should be proud of herself. Being a performer wasn't easy. Many people tried, and most of them didn't succeed. But having a steady stream of gigs meant that Saffy was good and she was getting the flowers she deserved. "Maybe I can tag along one day... when things are settled and I can figure out a babysitting situation." Her own relationship with music was much different than her sisters. Susie didn't like music anymore. She could stand it if it was playing in a store or in the car, but she wasn't someone who just played music for fun. No favorites really came to mind, either. Music was just a thing... not important to Susie's life anymore.

"The college is letting us stay in a dorm for the summer..." Susie said. "Until I can figure something else out... save up some money, you know?" She'd been looking on Zillow, and it looked like they'd be able to afford a small place by the end of the summer. She just had to stay mindful of the money she was spending. "I uh..." She paused, thinking about how much she should and even wanted to divulge. Susie desperately wanted to explain herself and why she'd been gone for so long but... it was just hard. "Most of my savings went to the custody hearing..." Her gaze moved from her rings, over to Gaia, then quickly up to her sister. "Things haven't been great, Saf... and I'm not trying to make excuses it's just... I never wanted to just stop talking to you... I just wasn't in a good place. My ex wasn't... he isn't a good guy."

saffy kept their eyes fixed on the salt shaker, tracing a small circle in the condensation that had dripped off the water glasses. they listened to the rhythm of susie’s voice, catching the familiar cadence of her speech patterns even through the dull murmur of the diner. not a good guy. wasn't in a good place. saffy froze, fingers stilling as if the physics of the entire room had suddenly shifted on a hidden axis. the casual, guarded approach they had been determined to maintain, the safe, cynical banter that kept the past from leaking into the present. felt entirely out of sync, collapsing under the weight of a single sentence. for years, saffy had filled the cavernous silence susie had left behind with their own bitter theories.

they had assumed, with the easy arrogance of the abandoned, that susie had simply outgrown the chaotic harlow legacy. they’d pictured her down in florida, living some glossy, uncomplicated version of a suburban life, too busy being happy to bother reaching back into the dark for the sibling she’d left behind. to hear the truth dropped so casually between the sticky syrup dispenser and the cooling coffee mugs, that her absence wasn't a callous choice, but a desperate survival tactic, made the ambient noise of the diner recede into a dull, underwater roar.

"wait," saffy said, the sharp, defensive edge completely draining from their voice, leaving it raw and unfamiliar in their own ears. they leaned forward, the hard edge of the formica table pressing uncomfortably into their ribs as they forced themselves into susie’s direct line of sight, watching the nervous flutter of her eyelids with an intense, unwavering focus. "he…what do you mean, he isn't a good guy?" but it wasn't hard to put the pieces together even from just that sparse reveal. the truth was in the tone, the hesitation. the realization that they had been harboring years of petty, self indulgent resentment while their sister was actually in the trenches, made a sick, heavy knot form in the pit of saffy's stomach.

they looked away from susie's spinning rings and cast a long, lingering glance over at gaia, reading the little girl's profound quietness and her heavy pink headphones in a completely different, heartbreaking light. "i thought you just...i thought you didn't want to talk to me anymore," saffy admitted, the confession slipping out in a rare, vulnerable whisper that they couldn't quite modulate. the defensive armor they wore like a second skin felt incredibly flimsy, almost pathetic, in the face of what susie was actually carrying.

the anger was still there, but it had instantly rerouted itself, turning away from the sister sitting across from them and toward a shadow thousands of miles away. "the custody stuff," saffy said, their eyes locking back onto susie's with a fierce, protective urgency that bypassed all their usual emotional filters. "is it over? is he still…does he know you're here? are you safe in the dorms?"

Today they were out past Gaia's usual bedtime so they could watch the sun go down on the longest day of the year. Susie was ignoring the fact that today was also father's day. None of the dad's she knew deserved any recognition. She'd been on edge earlier, thinking that maybe her ex would find a way to contact them, but as the day went on the more relaxed Susie felt. Now, they were in line for a cup of lemonade before going to find a spot to sit.

"Okay, G, here you..." Susie looked down at where her daughter should be and found... nothing. She blinked, looking around frantically in search of Gaia's curly head. She tried not to panic. This town was good. Everyone around was kind. Gaia had just run off somewhere close... there was nothing to worry about. Susie, however, had always been a worrier. So her searching quickly turned frenzied. And she hurried around the small beach as quickly as she could. "Gaia!" She explained when she finally found her. Susie crouched down, taking her daughter by the shoulders and looking her over. "You can't run away from mommy like that, okay? That's dangerous." She glanced over to the man Gaia had been speaking to, bothering probably.

"I'm sorry, she's..." Susie trailed off, waving a hand. She was a child, that's really all there was to say. When the man said that Gaia hadn't been bothering him, she nodded and took a breath. She looked down at what he was working for and her brow quirked in curiosity. "What are you doing?" She asked, recognizing a page of sheet music on his lap.

jericho didn't adjust his slouched posture on his overturned crate, the ambient drone of the lake lapping at the shore completely disrupted by the nervous energy now vibrating off the woman in front of him. it was entirely incompatible with the soft, lazy small town aesthetic of a pinehaven midsummer, which instantly made her the most interesting thing on the beach. when her gaze dropped from his face to the staff paper on his lap, his mouth slanted downward briefly before a soft, dry hmph escaped his throat, the closest the reclusive maestro ever came to an actual laugh. "i see where she gets the habit from," he murmured, most certainly unused to people feeling so inclined to converse with him, head lolling to the side as he angled the pencil at her. "the interrogation appears to be hereditary."

he eyed the young girl again with a heavy beat of silence, letting it stretch beneath the stubborn violet sky before replying evenly. "i am calculating the exact trajectory of the local mosquito's midair collision with a street lamp," he continued, delivering the sheer absurdity of the lie with the exact same flat, humorless deadpan he usually reserved for analyzing a complex eighteenth century fugue. "these symbols track the angle of impact and the subsequent velocity of the fall. it’s highly sensitive… data." he kinked a dark brow at the young girl, a silent, dramatic conspiracy signaling her not to reveal his lie. but he could already see her mother's shoulders shift into a skeptical angle. letting out an exhausted, microscopic sigh, he surrendered the bit. "okay, that was a lie."

"i am attempting to dismantle a catastrophe," he revealed, finally addressing her question with honesty as his eyes drifted back down to the messy, heavily crossed out staff lines. "the composer who wrote this apparently believed that if you throw enough brass instruments at a melody, no one will notice the collapse underneath. he was wrong. it’s incredibly loud, entirely unearned, and it has been giving me a headache since three o'clock this morning." a slight, cynical twist tugged at the corner of his mouth as his fingers loosely spun the pencil. "not nearly as exciting as the mosquitos, or significantly more strenuous."

naturally he didn't even want to be exerting the mind power to fix the damn thing; his preferred itinerary for the evening would have involved staring blankly at a ceiling while ignoring his life. but his stubborn, synesthete brain simply refused to let the error rest. "and the worst part of my current predicament," he added, face suddenly shifting on a mildly exaggerated semblance of personal offense, "i am entirely lacking the, let's call it enthusiasm, to actually finish rewriting it, yet far too spiteful to let a bad arrangement exist in my presence."

                    of   course   he   wasn't   on   time   .   the   only   person   he   would   ever   want   to   be   on   time   for   (   barring   his   mother   )   and   he   was   running   late   .   it   started   with   a   spilled   coffee   on   his   favorite   button-down   ,   ending   with   a   flat   tire   that   had   him   saying   fuck   it   and   pocketing   his   keys   .   he'd   walked   the   rest   of   the   way   across   town   ,   but   at   least   it   wasn't   swelteringly   hot   ,   yet   .    the   day   wouldn't   truly   heat   up   until   around   two   ,   and   it   was   only   a   few   minutes   past   noon   as   it   was   .

                    declan   could   have   spotted   her   anywhere   ,   and   he   was   glad   that   she   had   decided   to   wait   for   him   .   why   she   wouldn't   have   was   beyond   him   ,   but   the   mind   was   wont   to   play   the   cruel   ‘   what   if   ’   game   .   despite   himself   ,   despite   the   calculated   demeanor   he   usually   displayed   as   uncaring   ,   he   felt   the   corners   of   his   mouth   tilting   upward   at   the   mere   sight   of   her   . 

                    as   he   closed   the   distance   between   them   ,   her   playful   tease   had   him   rolling   his   eyes   .   “   maybe   i   am   ,   but   my   watch   is   broken   ,   remember   ?   ”   he   said   ,   feigning   shock   that   she   would   even   bring   up   the   time   at   all   .   “   i   struggle   from   that   new   disorder   ,   what   is   it   -   time   blindness   ?   you   should   feel   much   more   sorry   for   me   than   i   think   you   do   right   now   .   ”

"there is no such clinical diagnosis as time blindness in the dsm-5, and you know it," shreya countered instantly, though the strictness of her lecture was completely betrayed by the way her fingers loosened their defensive grip on her tote bag. she uncrossed her arms, letting her gaze drift down the length of him to conduct a swift, involuntary wellness sweep. she did it every single time they met up without fail, it was a reflex she couldn't switch off. a systemic requirement to ensure he was structurally sound before she could settle properly.

he looked slightly disheveled in a way that seemed notably distinct. his breathing was just a fraction too shallow for a casual stroll, his footwear carried a fresh dusting of roadside gravel, and there was a unmistakable, damp patch on his sleeve that smelled faintly of dark roast. his routine coffee order. her eyes squinted, that internal ledger instantly locking her observations into place. "you walked," she stated, step folding her observations into an undisputed conclusion as she reached out.

without thinking about the boundary lines she usually spent hours drawing in her head, her hand moved to his wrist, her thumb pressing lightly against the radial artery just beneath his cuff to gauge the rhythm. "your pulse is elevated, your favorite shirt is compromised, and," she tilted her head to peer past him. "your car isn't in the parking lot." she let her hand drop back to her side, though the skin where she had touched him felt suddenly hypersensitive, the cool silver of her childhood mood ring shifting to a deeper, more turbulent shade against her knuckle.

she looked up into his face, her voice dropping the analytical edge, softening into something far more familiar. "you should have texted me, dec. i have a functioning car and a perfectly calibrated spare in the trunk. you didn't need to trek across the entire district by foot just to keep an arbitrary appointment." she had only been teasing about the four minutes. truth was, she would have waited in this exact square for as long as it took him to get to her. she tsked softly, diving into her tote for the tide pen she always kept on hand. she uncapped it with a sharp click and stepped directly into his space, pressing the felt wand against the stain on his chest.

he has no idea what he's doing, or how to navigate his own feelings and intentions. he's used to chaos and acting impulsively, he fights with his consciousness almost every day. of course dante doesn't know this, and minjae doesn't want him to know either. he doesn't want to be seen as vulnerable or weak for having these thoughts or to even be feeling such a disdain for exploring love for the first time. 

his pulse steadied as he decided to put the food in his mouth finally, the taste of the pasta interrupting his thoughts momentarily. his face changed into a neutral expression instead of that of someone who's anxiety-ridden. before he knew it, he scarfed down the plate and that's when he realized his eating habits have been terrible lately as well.

he wiped his lips with a napkin, his gaze returning to dante who seemed worried about him. “i'm trying to be here.” he explained, another sigh leaving his mouth. “i'm not used to this, i'm not used to having such strong feelings for another person.” he let the words come out almost as an ambush, not realizing he said too much too soon. at this point, there was really no coming back from this. he drank the rest of his wine, letting the silence fill the air. 

dante’s smile faded, the playful theatricality entirely evaporating from his posture. he didn't miss the way minjae's jaw locked, or the desperate, mechanical way he forced that pasta down just to have an excuse not to speak. it was astute observation mixed with raw intuition; dante recognized an attempt at emotional containment when he saw one. he knew what it looked like when a person was fighting a war inside their own ribs. he didn't touch his food. instead, he reclined slightly, swirling his wine, tracking the trajectory of minjae’s sudden, unfiltered confession. i'm not used to having such strong feelings for another person. the words hung in the space between them like a sudden drop in a patient's vitals. dante set his glass down with a soft but poignant click. the silence that followed wasn't heavy to him, it was an opening.

"sunshine, believe me when i say, i've survived a hell of a lot worse than a moment of brutal honesty," dante revealed, he leaned forward, resting his forearms on the table, entirely dismantling the distance minjae was trying to maintain. "you think you're exposing a weakness. you think letting yourself actually care makes you fragile. it doesn't." he locked his gaze onto minjae’s, his eyes intense, stripped of all the usual glitter and bravado. this was the resident who made split second decisions in trauma bays, the man who had looked his own mortality in the face and refused to blink.

"i know a thing or two about fighting your own mind, minjae. i spent a long time in the dark before i decided to become the brightest thing in the room," dante murmured, his expression softening just a fraction, though his focus remained lethal. "let it scare you. but don't you dare sit across from me and act like an attraction to me is a diagnosis you can't cure." he reached across the table again, not to stop a glass this time, but offering his open palm, an invitation. "you said you're trying to be here. so be here. messy, panicked, whatever version of you is currently spiraling. i can handle the chaos, sunshine. i practically live in it. so," his head tilted. "do you want me or not?"