Summary: You and NamJoon finally realize how deep your feelings have gotten. A relationship that intended to be innocent turns out to be a little more than the both of you imagined. And although the both of you share many similarities and tastes, you realize that maybe things just aren’t meant to be.
Warnings: sexual references and actions
Genre: angst, fluff, smut
A/N: This my very first NamJoon fiction that I’ve been working on for a while now. I hope you like it!
Deep conversations were the best. You could talk about the things that mattered, like racial issues, politics, and even the deeper meanings of things. And if you were Kim NamJoon, you had conversations like these almost every day.
“I think… I think people misunderstand the meaning of fall, you know? Fall represents life in a way; it represents death but also means that you have a chance to be reborn; to start all over again and have a second chance,” NamJoon rambled. “It’s the reason why it’s my favorite. I see it as a reminder that we humans can have a second chance at anything. We all experience fall in our lives, but it’s up to us to determine when spring will come. When we fall will we spring right back up and try again? Or will we fall and go right into winter; frozen into time because we ourselves let that fall destroy our hopes and dreams? I believe the only way to stay in spring and summer is to think happy and positive thoughts. If we find happiness in even the smallest of things, we’ll find happiness in everything. Consistency and positivity will always be key.”
You stare at him with awe as he spoke. You loved his wisdom and way with words, to you they were similar to those of Shakespeare himself—deep, meaningful, well thought-out, and carefully evaluated. It was what made him… him. It made him perfect in every way possible. He was imperfectly perfect.
“That is correct but,” you say as you place the now cold tea (by which you had no idea as to why you had fixed the cup especially since you knew that conversations like these involved a lot of talking) on the coffee table and covering yourself in the blanket that the two of you were sharing, “Fall also represents death. Spring is the birth and beginning of everything new again which represents infantry, summer is the ending of infantry and the beginning of maturity but is still considered the days of youth; fall is the end of youth, by which we all begin to age into our golden years and sweet death begins to take over, and Winter is the final stage of life; we finally go into an infinite night of sleep and reminisces on ours that was shortly lived.”
You sat with impatience and waited for his response. Although you loved conversations like these, they sometimes turned into very heated debates, and heated debates would soon also turn into very heated and intense arguments. The last time the two of you talked about a very controversial topic, you ended up drenched and soaked from the heavy downpour the next day due to the damned weather forecast that NamJoon just so happened to watch a few days before. Apparently, he had stolen all of the umbrellas out of the house just so you wouldn’t have anything to cover up your hair that morning. All of the hard work and dedication you had put on your hair that morning went to waste as you watched the then drenched curls slowly uncoil that morning. The two of you never had a conversation since, and you prayed to the gods that last time wouldn’t be like the present.
“You have a good point.” He said while wrapping his arms around you and pulling you into an embrace, planting kiss on your forehead as you rested your head on his chest. “Really?”
You looked up at him to staring up at him to find his eyes. “Yes. You gave a very valid point.”
Relived, you kissed him chastely on the lips, melting into his warm embrace as you left a trail of kisses on his neck before pulling away. “For a moment there, I thought you were kidding. The last thing I want is to wake up to absolutely no umbrel—“
“Umbrellas in the house? Yeah, I know,” He chuckled, grinning from ear to ear as the two points in his cheeks became deep concaves in his skin. You chuckled along with him, happy that the two of you could finally put it behind you as a moment of the past because it was nowhere close to funny when it happened. “Don’t worry; the umbrellas aren’t disappearing anytime soon.” You scoffed and laughed at him while giving him a punch to the shoulder painful enough to make him wince slightly but laugh it off.
Placing your small but delicate hand on his cheek, you kissed his lips, setting a slow yet deliberate pace while slowly moving to straddle his lap. The two of you kissed deeply, the feeling of his warm lips colliding with yours making you feel completely safe and loved in his welcoming embrace as the kiss got deeper. Being in his arms felt right. The feeling of regret and guilt wasn’t even a factor when it came to intimacy with NamJoon. Moving too fast wasn’t even a problem because moving too fast didn’t exist. You and NamJoon had never gotten past this point and didn’t have any plans to. At least not yet. The only focus of this relationship was love itself.
Finally breaking the kiss, NamJoon kissed along the curve of your next, making you let out a quiet moan as you wrapped your arms along his neck and hugged him closer. NamJoon ran his hand underneath your shirt, the feeling of his hand sending sparks of excitement to your spine as your breathing got heavier. He then stopped the movement of his hand, resting it right on your ribs and rubbing circles into your skin which drove you completely insane. Putting your hand on his, you slowly guided it up to your left breast, him tensing up and looking you straight in the eyes with concern, giving you a “Are you sure?” look. Bringing your lips back to his, you kissed him deeper, signifying that you were in fact sure. You let out a moan as he began to caress the sensitive bud, sending a jolt of pleasure right to your core. The pleasure was enough to make a moan slip from your mouth at the new alien feeling.
But the two of you never noticed that the front door had opened. Neither had the two of you noticed that unexpected company had arrived. The sound of a silent giggle was easily heard as it filled the room quietly, making the two of you move quickly away from each other. You quickly moved from NamJoon’s lap and the two of you began to fix your now wrinkled clothes and messy hair. The lights suddenly came to life with the flick of a switch, the room so quiet you can hear the electricity racing through the wires.
“I’m sorry if I interrupted,” the female giggled. She stood by the door with a grin on her face.
A light a pink began to dust Kasia’s cheeks as she noticed what she just walked into. Kasia stood in a black trench coat that draped her shoulders, opened a little to show a little of the outfit she wore underneath. You had never seen her wear the trench coat before and just from looking at it, you could tell it was brand new and highly expensive, along with the heels she wore; Red Bottoms. At this rate, the make-up she wore was probably more expensive than both their rent and lives put together. No one but Tae.
“Kasia, you’re home early,” you say while looking down in embarrassment. NamJoon just gave her a slight wave and a smile, making Kasia blush even more, a wide smile stretching across her lips. “I decided to come home before it got too dark outside,” said quietly, tucking a strand of her perfectly fixed hair behind her ear and crossing her arms across her chest.
“Well,” NamJoon said before standing up quickly, “I need to go. I promised Tae that I would be his drinking buddy tonight.” NamJoon grabbed your hand to pull you up from the couch before placing his lips onto yours, his soft lips staying attached to yours for a small moment. You could tell that he didn’t want to pull away so soon by sensing the need and want in his kiss and not to mention the way his teeth sunk into your bottom lip before pulling away. “By the way, Kasia, you look great,” he said before taking one more glance at you and walking out the door. Silence flooded the room as soon as he left.
“Did I cockblock?” Kasia asked with a small laugh. You couldn’t help but to laugh at her words. Apparently, she kind of did, but then again, you were grateful she walked unannounced because things probably would’ve gone a little bit too far.
“Yes, but I’m kind of glad you did. NamJoon might not be, though,” you laughed. The both of you sat on the couch with much anticipation to tell each other about each other’s day. It was something that the both of you did almost every day, and you both looked forward to it.
“So, why are you all dressed up? And please don’t tell me that Tae bought you more stuff again,” you huffed while giving her a roll of the eyes. Kasia and TaeHyung had been together for quite a while, almost 3 years to be exact. Tae was the sweetest person you could ever meet and had a heart for everyone he came across, but when it came to Kasia, no one and nothing in this world existed when they were together. He loved her dearly and you could tell by the way he looked at her that he did. He always bought her expensive gifts including jewelry, make-up, shoes, and clothing. And we aren’t talking about regular stuff either. TaeHyung is an expensive man with expensive tastes. Gucci was what he wore, ate, and breathed but when it came to buying things for her, all expensive name brands mattered. That probably explained the expensive clothing that she wore tonight. It must have been something she hadn’t worn yet, something that she kept hidden. But the question that you always wanted to ask was she was able to fit all of her clothing in such a small closet.
“I had a fashion show to attend,’ she explained with a shrug.
“Oh, how’s that going? Have you made any sales recently?” Her face began to light up with enthusiasm as you asked that question. She was very passionate when it came down to fashion better yet her clothing line. “It’s going great! The sales have gone up tremendously since last month. I’m thinking of making a new clothing line.” You gave her a huge smile.
“That’s great, Kasia. I’m happy for you.” You were very happy for her. That was one thing TaeHyung never helped her with. She started from rock bottom on her clothing line and was now 5 clothing lines in. Kasia might have a boyfriend that buys her any and everything there is on earth, but she wasn’t afraid to make money herself. It had been her passion since she was six and she never let it go. You were proud of her for that.
“What about you and Mr. Brains? You guys have never gotten that intimate, I’m shocked.” Embarrassment began to rush over you at her words. You hated to admit it but she was right, the two of you haven’t. And in all honesty, you never expected to even go that far. “I don’t really know. Something just came over me I guess? I don’t even think I was thinking during that time anyway,” you said with a sigh.
“Well, if I was with someone as handsome as him, I don’t think I would be able to control myself either,” she laughed. You smiled at her but then let out a deep sigh. “This all so new to me. For some odd reason, I just can’t keep my hands off of him.”
Kasia placed a hand on your shoulder and began to rub soothing circles into your skin. She knew exactly what you meant. “All I can say is to take your time. Don’t rush into things you can’t back out of, better yet take back. It’s normal to feel this way about someone you love deeply, but if you choose to go farther with him, make sure that you want to. And he should, also.” You shook your head at her advice, happy to finally get it off your chest. You weren’t sure whether or not you should go any farther with NamJoon. You were comfortable with the non-lustful relationship you had, but at the end of the day, there was always that lusting desire that you felt about him. You want more of him, but you don’t know if you should let loose to those feelings quite yet.
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