'99

These are some of thoughts I had about him while being emotional.

Amazing how love can grow with time when it's healthy. At the beginning I was amazed by the actions, everytime he wanted to meet me, even if we worked that day. I haven't done that with anyone, my rule was "weekends only" and that's because i needed to recharge my social battery.

But not with him.

I feel relaxed, with peace, at ease. Our dates do not interrupt my week, it makes it happier, cheerful.

Only him.

Only him has said the words I love to hear and words that I hardly ever hear from anyone.

"You were right"

I know I cannot be right all the time but he is the second person to say that words and to blurt out that words is tough. I wanted to ask him to marry me in that car, that day, right there and put it on a legal paper that he is mine. My ex said when we were broken up, to tell me that I was right about going to the dentist, that he lost a tooth. Awful. But it makes me get that sometimes I talked like a mother to my partners and friends. I just can't help it but with HIM i don't insist.

I love him.

I will write this, not in order, nothing is in order in my mind.

The good about the trains rides is i can think like I'm in a musical video, and then I start thinking about my life, the prayers I give to hecate looking at the moon, asking her to please give him the strength and the resources so he can be my husband or my future partner or the father of my children (fraternal twins) If I can wish. I know he will be a great heartbreak if we ever breakup. With him my bar is pretty low, everything he does, even the much basic things, I see him shining like a person with a lot of glitter on it and I'm not a glitter person until now, weird thing, right? And I say my bar is low with him because he is not the first one to cook for me, picking me up in the car or inviting me to his house but with him is so fucking special and he may not be romantic given the way he asked me to be his girlfriend, he didn't ask just said it because that's the way it should be, mature and informal.

Between thoughts of him being the star of my orgs and my fantasies, my minds wonders on how to lose weight to be in the gw i always wanted, to go shopping and find my size instead of looking on shein curve. I want it fast, even if it's dangerous I can recover I can face it. Bfff

Almost two months into talking stage and this is the first week he hasn't ask me to meet. How can I ask for attention without him thinking I'm a baby? I want him obsessed with wanting to see me and talk with me.

Maybe I am asking too much... too much time single and my skirts were jumping from one to another and now I cannot even think another pants I just want him. Just him.

I know exactly what I want from him. I've even set a date to seriously discuss the future of our relationship. I'm thinking about what the future holds for us, and I'm glad to make the effort to see him because I know he'll do the same. Why on earth did it take the universe so long to give me a good man? No, a real MAN! What did I have to learn to get to this point? To treat men like trash, that's all.

I'm struggling to be financially ready for a future with someone, and mean someone not him, because I don't even know if he's thinking about it. But I'm not alone; I have a child, a meowing, four-legged child.