blorg

You just hate me because the patterns on my clothes move around like they do on chowder and yours don’t

the little gar and sturgeon :3

at planned parenthood and they're playing regular show

"dude if you don't get this abortion benson is gonna fire us"

basketball players fight over the basketball because they are hypnotized before each game to believe it is their egg

can you put that thing on a leash?

my cat is completely obsessed with watching the bathroom sink drain and I have started calling this "her shows." as in when I'm in the bathroom and she meows and runs up I'll be like "oh you want to watch your shows?" and run the faucet for an extra few seconds so it fills a little. she will then sit there at the edge of the sink for ages totally entraptured by the drain. blorbo from her sink

if you vote me for president i vow to make everything the ocean again. no more land only ocean. this will solve all of our problems and replace them with new, far more interesting problems

FUCK. honestly just FUCK. We missed a very important day yesterday.

what was yesterday, cat?

I’m not missing it this year.

“I’ve managed to resist my cannibalistic instincts and refrain from devouring my wife, but I don’t know how much more I can take. Perhaps looking at my neighbor’s beautiful, blossoming tree will ground me…”

this is why everyone on this website is a virgin

I’m not gonna fuck the telemarketer man

god dammit no now they can do too many things like jack off and hit you

BUZZFEED: Top 2 Things Vegetables Would Do If They Had Arms

Dirt broken :(

She dirt broken :(