bruisedmisery

i hate dating culture and the idea of dating someone at this point in my life. it feels so exhausting having to constantly explain why i am the way i am. i don’t feel comfortable opening up enough to let people truly understand me because i’m scared that once they do, they’ll start looking at me differently than everyone else.

i know that, by social standards, i’m not considered ugly. especially for the area i live in, i wouldn’t be considered someone who is unattractive. because of that, it makes things even more frustrating when the majority of compliments i receive are specifically about my appearance. it leaves me feeling like people only notice the surface level of who i am and that no one actually cares enough to understand me as a person. i don’t want to feel like i’m only being seen for how i look when there is so much more to me that i wish people would take the time to know.

besides this, i have a strong discomfort with more sexual forms of physical intimacy. anything beyond the possibility of cuddling makes me feel uncomfortable and almost sick. i struggle with the expectations that come with dating, especially the pressure surrounding physical affection and emotional vulnerability.

i’m also generally poor at communication. i hate the expectation of small talk and casual conversation because it often feels forced and draining. i genuinely enjoy being alone most of the time, and if i’m with other people, i often prefer simply existing together in silence rather than feeling pressured to constantly talk.