Cactus Catacomb

Thai food is always gonna bring me back to the Thai window

And your stupid hand tattoo

And the fight you told me about

The smell of the LA street

Like I’ve never touched this ground before

Almost like I’m walking on mars

The red clay of Arizona and the orange firey surface of mars aren’t all that different

I keep taking steps forward

One cowboy boot in front of the other

But I feel like a pirate walking the plank

This move could lead to my demise

But if I hold steady and I keep moving forward this leap could lead me to my future

I’m not afraid of death anymore

And as I wrote that my body untensed

You killed me

And I remember that cold night in September I was entangled with you in the camping chair under the stars in Wisconsin

I was on top kissing you, dominating you, and telling myself that this time I wouldn’t let you win

But I still let you eat me alive

There’s something about you that made dying feel sort of fun

It’s almost like a tattoo, it hurts but you swear it’ll be worth it in the end

To be honest, I don’t know if it was

But I can tell you one thing

Words meant for a king

The lies you weaved

So I’d accept a ring

I kissed your wounded knees

Held you close and begged for a love just as safe

You cried to me

Naked on the cold earth

The day you asked me to be yours

I took you in my arms

As broken as you were

And vowed to pick up the pieces

When your broken pieces chipped away at every whole part of me

Until I was nothing but shattered debris

You didn’t have the same energy

And in those lonely moments

Starting with how you begged like a dog

For every girl that wasn’t me

And the words from my throat

Nothing you gave or took

Was ever gentle

You can’t love something without breaking it

And no one ever taught you how to hold a flower