Broken Infinity

It is so funny now, looking back at how I had so much hope for the future. Little did I know it would only get darker and I would end up utterly alone. To face everything alone, when I had already created so much only to have it stolen from me in the worst ways. I have faced imprisonment, death multiple times, people have tried to kill me multiple times, and for some reason I am still here. And all I can still think about is how I no longer wish to be here, after fighting so hard, surviving some of the worst odds, and having my heart broken multiple times, I really wish to feel no more pain.

The worst part about this life is that there is no easy way out, there is no off switch, you just can't end this ride without a lot of pain. Fortunately for me, all I know is pain, I know what it's like after you die, I know what it's like before, just before all the lights go out and there is nothing but darkness. Waking up from it is the most peaceful you ever feel, but quickly you realize where you were and it's horrible to be back here. There is no easy way at this point to say I wish I were dead. Why stay alive when I am not loved, when no one wants me here and everyone is just falling apart and being even more greedy in the wake of the most suffering the planet has seen in decades. Meanwhile everyone in America that has a car and a house complains about how hard they have it. It's bullshit to me. I have nothing, tomorrow, I could be on the street dead from some crazy unpredictable reason and it wouldn't matter to one person.