I'm truly in awe to see my inbox still filling even though I've been inactive for such a long period of time. It honestly breaks my heart to have been out of touch with so many of you for what seems to be so long.
Although my decision doesn't make much sense I have decided to continue my blogging, but under a different name and a different URL. My new blog will look almost identical to my current one however, I hope that when I write on this one... the posts will be less grim. But as I'm learning, recovery is a very up and down kind of process and I'll have days where I want to dwell over triggering content and write dark poetry and listen to sad songs, but I'll also have days where such isn't the case.
I see the start of a new blog as a start of another page in my journey and what a tiresome journey this has been. I don't know where I'm headed but I intend to take those who wish to read or take a peek into my life, along with me for the ride. So much has changed, yet so little has and I sometimes question my decision to do this as I'm still attracted to reblogging the same things, writing the same things and thinking the same things, but I have chosen to start over shall we say because the way I view the world has changed I think the most dramatically, and perhaps the way I view myself.
I will always be attracted to sadness. I will always remember what it's like to stand behind a frosted window in a room with white walls. I will always be the way I am, dark on the inside, but capable of light. I will always have depression, but I am not depression. I am a teenage girl with hopes and dreams and a big heart and a love for books and people. I am a young woman who has been both in the bell jar and out. I am a writer whose thirst for words will never be quenched. I am a person with depression, anxiety, and an eating disorder. I am a person who struggles with a substance addiction, a self-injury addiction, and a tainted past. But I am also a person who refuses to let any of her struggles stand in her way.
I expect to see great things from all of you one day. They may be small, but they will be great.
As for me... I'm going to keep going and see where I end up. The only thing constant in life is change, and change, is something I look forward to. I plan to write. I plan to learn. I plan to help others. But most of all I plan to live.
It's been over a year since I first started on Tumblr. I started out with 2 followers who still follow me today. What the highest amount of followers I had I do not remember, nor does it matter. All I know is that two people, whom I've never met, cared about me without knowing me in person. Two people wanted me to know that I could do this and that it was worth it. And that has made all the difference in the world to me.
If you care for my new URL, please message me. I'm only giving it out to some, please do not share it. I'll be checking my inbox for a few weeks before this blog becomes permanently inactive.
I'd like to thank you all, so very much, every single one of you. You have crafted me into the young woman I am today and without you I would not have left to go into treatment, I probably wouldn't have even considered it. I have my life back. I don't really know what I'm doing with it or where I'm going, but the point is, you all have saved me in one way or another and I can never thank you all enough. Please know that I love you, that things do get better, and that if you want to be happy, you can be. Recovery is possible.
I wish you all the very best. Please remember that you have made such a difference in me. I hope I've made even the smallest indent for you.
Some of you I will hear from, some never again, but there won't be a day where my heart doesn't find you.
