it's brittany

Sam’s almost slip-up with her name went unnoticed, Brittany was too caught up in her thoughts about the day. She was happy to see him, but completely unsure whether she should talk about her feelings of upset. Maybe on a surface level. She tended to save the rest for Santana.

“I’m sick of sharing a bathroom with my sister, she takes forever in the morning. So I guess I’m not doing well.” She rolled her eyes. “What about you?” She gave him a proper look for the first time this morning, and tried to shove the thunderstorm feelings down and make them smaller.

Sam was never as astute of a Brittany-reader as San was, so she figured it would go unnoticed. It always did. With San, though, nothing went unnoticed.

‘i deserve someone who is willing to stay.’

‘it isn’t what we left behind that breaks me it’s what we could have built had we stayed.‘

‘do you think flowers will grow here?‘

‘something is better than nothing.’

‘i thought love looked so much like you.’

‘maybe we are all looking at it wrong.’

‘love does not look like a person. love is action. love is giving all we can.‘

‘you will suffer the way you make me suffer.’

‘tell me, is there anything i can do?‘

‘how in the world did we get there?‘

‘how do we live through it?‘

‘i can tell when you are lying.’

‘we were good together, weren’t we?‘

‘i will be your greatest loss.’

‘they leave and act like it never happened.’

‘you will make it to the end.’

‘it took something human out of me.’

‘i used to dream of being so strong nothing could shake me.‘

‘you are waiting for someone who is not coming back.‘

‘i decorate my body in gold.’

‘i wash yesterday out of my hair.’

‘i was the warmest place and you turned me cold.’

‘the irony of loneliness is we all feel it at the same time.’

‘this place makes me that kind of exhausted that has everything to do with the people around me.’

‘like the rainbow after the rain joy will reveal itself after the sorrow.’

‘i try to rot into the earth below my feet.’

‘i must have done something terrible to deserve this.’

‘i will not subject myself to their ideology.’

‘nothing in this world was promised or belonged to you.’

‘i am both the poison and the antidote.’

‘i was not given the breath in my lungs to choke it out.’

‘what is stronger than the human heart which shatters over and over and still lives?’

‘you can imitate a light like mine, but you cannot become it.’

‘and here you are living despite it all.’

‘every word you say is your own responsibility .’

‘you need to be vulnerable to live but rough enough to survive it all.’

‘i am sorry this world could not keep you save.’

‘sacrificing yourself is not how you must show love.’

‘it was the happiest i had ever seen you.’

‘it looked like the life had been drained out of you.’

‘when they buried me alive i dug my way out of the ground.’

‘the rest of the city slept while we sat awakened.’

‘i have lost the best thing to have happened.’

‘i am solar systems away from you.’

‘the earth has waited its whole life for this.’

‘i am made of water. of course i am emotional.’

‘when death takes my hand i will hold you with the other.’

‘vulnerability is always the right choice because it is easy to be cold.’

‘mint chocolate chip ice cream will fix just about everything.’

‘if we can’t learn to be kind to each other how will we ever learn to be kind to ourselves?’

‘life and death are old friends and i am the conversation between them.’

‘to hate is an easy lazy thing. to love takes strength.‘

‘trust your body. it reacts to right and wrong better than your mind does.’

‘the day you have everything i hope you remember the day when you had nothing.’

‘it is a trillion-dollar industry that would collapse if we believed we were beautiful enough already.’

‘you already have everything you need within yourself.’

‘you can keep your lies.’

‘they threw us in a pit to end each other.’

‘this is the legacy we’ll leave behind.‘

By six in the morning that day, Brittany had decided it was not a good day. Her sister spent an hour in the bathroom and her toaster oven burnt her breakfast to a crisp, so there didn’t seem to be much more that could go wrong this early. She retreated into her head, moping, and grabbed her backpack. Time for school.

Sometimes Santana picked her up to drive her to school in the morning, but today she was not one of those days; Britt’s driveway was empty. Brittany sighed and swung her leg over her bike. One more disappointment to add to the pile. She was so distracted this morning that she failed to meet with her boyfriend at his locker like she usually does, she made a beeline for her locker instead.

Why was today going so wrong? Her thoughts felt stuffy, like the humid air before a storm. Hopefully the clouds would disappear soon, she liked real thunderstorms much better than this weird feeling inside.

She thought she heard someone approaching, and turned to glance their way.

“Oh. Hey, Sam.”

Santana knew that when she awoke that morning, it wouldn’t be in her own body. She could only hope. She knew that it was unlikely though because for many years she had switched from many different bodies, none of them belonging to her. She was incredibly surprised that morning though because she had awoken in the body of her best friend’s boyfriend, Sam Evans. Santana had spent enough time with Sam to be convincing, she thought. After spending that morning messing with his long, blonde hair, and attempting to dress him a little bit better than normal, she headed to school. 

Sam’s almost slip-up with her name went unnoticed, Brittany was too caught up in her thoughts about the day. She was happy to see him, but completely unsure whether she should talk about her feelings of upset. Maybe on a surface level. She tended to save the rest for Santana.

“I’m sick of sharing a bathroom with my sister, she takes forever in the morning. So I guess I’m not doing well.” She rolled her eyes. “What about you?” She gave him a proper look for the first time this morning, and tried to shove the thunderstorm feelings down and make them smaller.