Stream of Consciousness

Dear Fans,

It’s been a while since I’ve written. Britney is on the Gulf Coast with Kevin enjoying the scenery and southern hospitality so she asked me to write this week’s letter for her.

Britney, Kevin and all the pups have been with Jamie Lynn and me for the past few weeks. They have been redecorating a few rooms in their new Los Angeles home. She will not let me come see what she has been doing until it is completely finished. I can only imagine!

Jessica, my niece, is staying with us too. All of a sudden our home is quite a lively place! So much so, that we are tearing out walls to make rooms bigger. We are also going to replace some draperies. I believe the small fires we’ve endured have permanently turned some of the drapes grey, so it’s time for some new ones.

Jamie Lynn is so preoccupied with school and after school activities. Softball has started once again and she’s still competing on the cheerleading team. Most night’s she makes it home by 9pm, but it’s a fight to keep her grades up this time of year. However, she always manages to work miracles.

Bryan came home last weekend to attend one of Jamie Lynn and her cheerleading team’s competitions in New Orleans. We had so much fun. Even we Moms enjoyed ourselves. I know Bryan misses our Cajun cooking because his stomach is always a bottomless pit when he comes home. I do believe Kevin and Britney may decide to have a second home here in Louisiana, hopefully next to me. They are still making all kinds of plans so nothing is definite yet. Kevin loves it here as much as Britney does. He says he loves my cooking, yet he goes to Nyla’s to eat at least once a day when he is here. I wonder who will be bigger, Bryan or Kevin, when their metabolic rates slow down!

Britney and Kevin were unable to make it to Los Angeles for Dan Dymtrow’s 30th birthday weekend, but we have heard some of the stories and it sounds like a great time was had by all! Happy Birthday, Dan!

Britney is so excited about the International launch of ‘Curious’ next month. Elizabeth Arden has something really special in the works and we are all so excited about the fragrance being available overseas very soon!

I am so happy to be able to write a letter once again, I have really missed keeping in touch with all of you.

I know the weather has been wreaking havoc all over the world, so I hope everyone is safe. Please remember to keep all of the tsunami victims in your prayers.

Hi. I’m Britney and this is my fantasy:

 I wake up and I’m in an enchanted forest. It’s nighttime. The moon is full and everything around me is somehow magical. I feel supernatural, immortal. I hear owls above me in the trees. And beautiful green fireflies light my way as I walk into a clearing. I’m just getting my bearings when I hear someone — a man — approach. It’s a hunter. He’s got bows and arrows. He looks tired, and I watch as he sits down to rest. I’m drawn to him. And I want him to see me, so I make a noise, hoping he’ll hear it and follow the sound through the trees. But as he starts to run towards me, he gets his bow ready. 

As I run through the forest it all starts to seem very familiar. The hunter is right behind me now. I look back at him, encouraging him to catch up even though I know I’m faster. Then I duck into some underbrush and he passes me. I want to watch him. The way he follows me makes it clear he wants me. I feel the thrill of the chase. This feeling of power I have is intoxicating. But I can tell he’s getting exhausted. He’s frantic because I’ve disappeared. So I make another noise. I lead him into a clearing. I let him believe he’s got me trapped. 

He draws out an arrow – not a normal arrow. I can tell it’s enchanted. I know he would never hurt me. He releases the arrow, and when it touches me I feel a surge of love. And when he kisses me, it feels like deja vu. I know we’ve done this before. And just as he’s about to carry me off into the woods, I hear fireworks above our heads. 

And that’s when I wake up. 

I guess if I were going to analyze it, I’d say that the hunter is Kevin. It’s about the way we met and about our relationship. It began because I was attracted to him, even though I didn’t know him very well. But I wanted to be with him and I wanted him to notice me. It’s like my fantasy: I wanted him to follow me and to be enchanted in the same way I was. And that’s how it worked out. Our love is enchanted. When we kiss, it’s magic. It’s not just about this very moment. It’s about forever. And I knew that the very first time we touched. Our relationship is “once upon a time” and ”happily ever after” all wrapped in one.

Honeymoon Poem

A honeymoon at last, to get away from it all My assistant Fe gave me the call.

I remember it well, as she was smilin’ She said it was called Turtle Island.

I packed my bags light and quick, Then grabbed my pink dress & favorite lipstick.

We hopped on a plane and took our flight I slept really well, all through the night.

As we arrive, I turn and look out the door, People are greeting us right at the shore.

A meal, a shower and some ice cream Then I threw my man down, you know what I mean!

Magical nights filled with stars Silence is golden, no running cars.

Private dinners, romantic fires Little piece of heaven, whatever your heart desires.

Friendly “hellos” and never goodbyes When you’re having fun, oh, how time flies!

As we sit and prepare to make our part I thank you, Turtle Island, with all my heart!

Mother to grandmother, and my my, you’re grand.

Dear Fans,

I just wanted to reach out to all of you and explain some of the things I have been faced with recently.

It's so funny how many stories are put out there about people. It's like we all want our side of the story out there, but at the end of the day only a few people care to hear what is really going on since the bad is always so much more interesting than the truth. I don't know why, but this is so weird to me. I used to be angry at the tabloids for printing horrible things about me, but now I try to just be numb to what I see. I saw Tyra Banks once get really upset and cry on her show because they made her look fat. We all want a certain image of ourselves out there, and at some point we all do really care what other people think or we wouldn't be here.

Recently, I was sent to a very humbling place called rehab. I truly hit rock bottom. Till this day I don't think it was alcohol or depression. I was like a bad kid running around with ADD. I had a manager from a long time ago come in and try to direct me and my life after I got my divorce. I was so overwhelmed I think that I was in a little shock too. I didn't know who to go to. I realized how much energy and love I had put into my past relationship when it was gone because I genuinely did not know what to do with myself, and it made me so sad. I confess, I was so lost.

This letter is to not place blame on anyone, although I do see the world with a completely different set of eyes now. Being in that vulnerable state and taken to dinners and parties with friends and finding out later you paid for everything was a huge learning lesson for me. I think the whole problem was letting too many people into my life. You never know another persons intentions or what another person wants. I feel I was too open and looking for answers when I had it all to begin with. I have had to cut so many people out of my life. It is so sad, because if anyone is a family person...it is me. When I was little I remember every night watching movies with my family and feeling so at peace.

Dancing and singing all the time just like a  little girl should. Now recently I find with my children that I want them to have that feeling all of the time. I am having to face a lot of things right now since I have children of my own. A lot of insecurities from when I was little are coming up again. It is like we are never good enough.

I know everyone thinks that I am playing the victim, but I am not and I hate what is going on right now so much. Maybe this is the reason for this letter...to maybe allow people to look at me differently. It is like when you are a real woman and say what you feel and how you think things are supposed to be, that people just say you are a "bitch."

I feel like some of the people in my life made more of some issues than was necessary. I also feel like they knew I was beginning to use my brain for a change and cut some ties, so they wanted to be in more control of my life than me. I think it is actually normal for a young girl to go out after a huge divorce. I think it was a bigger issue because I had not gone out in such a long time. I am 25 and I do still have a lot to learn, and I am going to make mistakes everyday, and I am sure every mistake I make will probably be on CNN or Good Morning America. I am only human people and I love you for still loving me.

I am sitting here at home and it is 6:25 and both of my sons are asleep. I am truly blessed to have them in my life. Every day is so surreal. Life in general is so surreal and crazy.

I just hope this letter made some of you think a little bit more of me and where I am coming from. I just want the same things in life that you want...and that is to be happy. It is just so weird because everyone has their own perception of me and how they think I really am. It is so weird how stories are told. There is your side, my side, and the truth. Somebody has to figure it out. I guess we will never really understand or figure out life completely. That's God's job. I can't wait to meet him...or her.

Love, Britney

Quote of the month...

The reason for this letter is to let everyone know that their prayers have truly helped me. I am so blessed that you care enough about me to be concerned and will continue to live in this brighter state with all of you by my side during this trying time. We are all lights of the world and we all need to continually inspire others and look to the higher power.

You are all in my prayers. Godspeed.

Love,

Britney

Dear Fans,

It has been a while since I've addressed you personally here on my official website. The last couple of years have been quite a ride for me, the media has criticized my every move and printed a skewed perception of who I really am as a human being. Behind every decision I have made in my public life there always seems to be an apparent contradiction. I have come to terms with that which is why I usually don't pay much attention to it.

The last couple of years have been very enlightening for me and now that I've had the time to be "me," I've been able to sit down and think about where I want to go with myself as an entertainer with absolutely no strings attached. I am now more mature and feel like I am finally "free." I've been working so hard on this new album and I can't wait for you all to hear it and to go on tour again! I would like to exclusively tell you that I am working hard to release the new album sometime later this year, but the date is of course not certain yet. I look forward to coming back this year bigger and better than ever, and to also reaching out to my fans on a more personal level.

I noticed today that one of my biggest fan sites is shutting down soon and I want you all to know that I do understand all the reasons that went behind making that decision, and I am sad to see it closing. If I were you I'd be unhappy too if I had to read what I've been reading every day. But trust me, I get it.

I know I've been far from perfect and the media has had a lot of fun exaggerating my every move, but I want you all to know that I love my fans so much, and I appreciate everything you have done for me, so Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!

Love,

It's been so long since I've been out on the town with friends. It's also been 2 years since I've celebrated my birthday. Every move I make at this point has been magnified more than I expected, and I probably did take my new found freedom a little too far. Anyway, thank God for Victoria's Secrets' new underwear line! I look forward to a new year, new music, and a new me.

I'm just getting started..... Happy Holidays everyone!

Remembrance of Who I Am

No more chains That you gave me.

Enough of pain Now I'm craving Something sweet, so delight How do you stand sleeping at night?

Silly patterns that we follow You pull me in I'm being swallowed. By the ones you think you love They pull you down You can't see up above.

Manipulation is the key They screw it in Because you're naive.

You come to me now Why do you bother? Remember the Bible The sins of the Father. What you do You pass down No wonder why I lost my crown.

You don't see me now You ask yourself why My crown is back And it's way too high For you to be in my presence Especially my son You should bow down I've only just begun.

The guilt you fed me Made me weak. The voodoo you did I couldn't speak.

You're awakening The phone is ringing. Resurrection of my soul The fear I'm bringing.

What will you say And what will you do? She's not the same person that you're used to.

You trick me one, twice, now it's three. Look who's smiling now Damn, it's good to be me!

*This is for everyone who thinks they know me...

TIGERS

Tiger! Tiger! burning bright In the forests of the night What immortal hand or eye Could frame thy fearful symmetry

-- William Blake

I no longer study Kabbalah. My baby is my religion.

Dear Fans,

The holidays are here once again. I just wanted to write you a short note thanking you all for your continued love and support. I have been blessed with so much this year, I hope each of you gets everything you wish for, and more importantly are able to spend time with your family and loved ones.

We are spending Christmas at my house and I am so excited for my mom and Jamie Lynn to get here! Please remember to keep all of our brave troops who are away from home (and those who are able to be home with their families) in your heart and prayers too!

Happy Holidays and Happy New Year!

Love,

Dear False Tabloids,

As you read this letter, I bet you are asking yourself: Who? Who, me? Am I a false tabloid? Well, I don’t know. But after this posting, I hope you are asking yourself a lot of questions. Your employees are a reflection of your magazine. Do you, Us Weekly, In Touch, Star and other desperate magazines want employees who are honest, or those who are liars? It seems to me that you’d prefer the latter. I’m really concerned about the people you hire to work at your companies. I’d like them to ask themselves the question, “What am I lying to myself about?” Is it that you are 50 pounds overweight? Is it that your children aren’t making wise decisions? Or is it maybe that your husband or boyfriend is cheating on you? Until you face what is going on in your life, I guess you’ll remain a false tabloid.

Britney

Madonna first introduced Kabbalah to me at a time in my life when it was much needed. It has helped me get rid of a lot of negative influences that were guiding me down the wrong path. There came a point where not even my family or my advisors had the answers I needed. The answers I was looking for were all in my heart. Through Kabbalah, I was able to look within myself, clear all the negative energy and turn my life around.

Now that the chaos has subsided, I finally feel as though I have the control I’ve wanted over my own destiny. I’m in a place where I can take Kabbalah seriously and truly learn from it.