Chidori to the face

target locked. firing lesbian ray

me when i open a hot oven

me looking directly at the eclipse

This is what happens when you have no self control

MOTHERFUCKERS COULDN’T GET ON WONDER WOMEN’S LEVEL 

A warning

tomorrow

in skyrim i married a homeless man and even though we are married and he lives in my huge fuckin house he still wears rags and asks me to give him 1 gold whenever i see him

that’s just what men are like

You swerve to avoid a squirrel. Unknown to you, the squirrel pledges a life debt to you. In your darkest hour, the squirrel arrives.

It’s like watching a raccoon try to eat a hermit crab.

full offense but grown adult men acting like teenagers/kids and being buddy buddy w minors and basing their entire platform on selling the idea that they’re a relatable teen™ and not like. 30 years old are fucking creeps and need to go

ACTUAL MESSAGE OF (500) DAYS OF SUMMER THAT NO ONE ACTUALLY REALIZES

i’m a grower not a show-er what do this mean u might ask? means my peepee dumb small when it’s soft but when i get hard my shit bigger than your feet anyway the upside to this? no one ever expects how big i get when i’m hard it’s like “dam i ain’t even notice u got a big ass dick boy” the downside? if i get pantsed in public i immediately have to start jacking off before i pull my pants back up in order to get hard if not everyone will think i’m packing chicken nugget when in reality im not vegan but i brought the cucumber with me

why is this formatted like a poem

Because it is one