he would never let anyone notice. and he would never let anybody know. but of course billie dunne had a heart. and it wasn’t all bad, not full of spite and rage. at least not most of the time. he’d wake up every now and then on a sunday, head feeling heavy from the smoke and drinks he’d nursed at the bar all night. the house would be silent. too silent. lonely even. was this really all he wanted for life? he knew the answer well enough. knew that there was only one right reply to all of this. every now and then william would wake up on a sunday and miss the way her strawberry blond locks were sprawled across the pillow, the way she’d breath so quietly right next to him, the backs of their hands touching because it was too hot under the blanket to actually press against each other. and now, when she finally met his gaze, the feeling was there. it was loud in his chest, consumed his thoughts totally and for a second he just stood there and mustered her. the jealousy was quiet now. all the irishman saw was she. raw and pure and with all that she actually felt for him: nothing but hate. which, to be fair, he deserved. and yet it would be the reason he’d sleep uneasy.
“you know i always do.” he wanted to snap back but his voice was a lot softer, not as playful, not as provocative now. he was getting caught up in that feeling which he wasn’t supposed to feel until the next morning. but that’s what happened when you play too close to the flames. you get burned.
just for a second he allowed himself the thought of holding her again. just a moment. briefly. a quick hug. shaking hands? maybe just their hands brushing against each other when they walked past. just a little touch. and he was sure he’d feel better. but it was that relief which he knew he couldn’t get. “are you sure nothing i could say would make you stick to the conversation? i could make a tasteless joke if that helps.” and he knew he sounded desperate. but lal had seen him when he’d felt lower. so there was nothing really that he had to lose. not when she already saw all of him.
perhaps all the myths about the fine line between friendship and lovers were true. the myths about how once you cross it, it's never easy to go back to the start. lal and billie could be the paragons of this case. had they not crossed that line, would they have been able to maintain their friendship ? every time she was caught by the sight of the man with skies in his eyes, she would contemplate that question. logic would stop her there : too late. it was too late. what's done has been done. love had once reigned until it lost, but the line had been crossed.
she is ready to walk away, mindlessly until she is not within his reach anymore. one more frivolous remark, and she is gone. but his change in tone, she takes that as an effort. not just an effort. a major effort even. considering it's william dunne standing before her. " one thing would help, billie. not just to me, but to you as well. "
an ache begins to form in her chest, slowly spreading to every inch of hers. " why are you insisting on putting me in this position ? the position that i need you to tell you to go have fun somewhere else, with someone else. because billie, that's what you want, isn't it ? you just want your fun. " the redhead is not exactly aware how her head is bobbing in an angry fashion. " you know it. i know it. it's what you want. won't you give up on it ? "
an uneasy breath is let out of her lungs. moments like this make her feel as if her ribs cage her lungs a little bit too tightly. " if i were you, i'd choose my words carefully. " that's her first and last warning. that clarity in her voice and such a fire in her eyes, she is to be taken seriously. " the moment you give me one of your light-minded remarks, i will be walking away, billie. and no second thought will occur to me as i do that. "